My planned speach to her.

Fellas, there is this girl I met at the gym couple of weeks ago. Took her dancing, she cooked dinner for me, she came to my place, I went to her place-trice, and yet never had sex with her. Although I kissed close her, whenever I tried escallating the kiss to something more substantial, she pulls away and says I "don't know you very well". WTF. I'm tired of her game. I feel she has turned me in a complete AFC ( I hope not) driving to her place only to get a kiss. She is very well aware that I have no trouble getting women. She made me broke many of my rules regarding woman, including buying food for a lady first time out. (Well, that was not our first time out since we have been going out for a while except without the sex). Last night I told her a man cannot live without sex and she agree with me. We then kissed roughly again after that but when I tried to escallate, she again retreats. I left her place, came home and gave the whole episode a full thought and called her this morning and told her:
Amoka: "Hey, listen I'm taking you dancing on friday".
Her: "Emm, me and April ( her friend) might be going out. I don't know yet, I'll let you know some other time."
Amoka: " Well, try to let me know by wednesday so I can arrange my plans accordingly"
Her: " So you're going to take another girl there if I don't let you know"
Amoka: " It is you that is saying that. I'm not the one saying it" Actually, I have arranged for a date with another girl that weekend. I just haven't specified that day and time with her. She is fully ready to go out with me that weekend.

Now this is what I'm thinking. I'll give her up till saturday and if I don't get fvck-closed from her, I'll tell her this:
" Hey Pauline, we have been seeing each other for almost a month now, yet without sex. Because of you, I have broken several priciples of mine including:
1. Bying food for a girl that I have not slept with
2. Not kissing a girl on a second date. ( It took three dates for me to kiss close her). And more importantly
3. Not sleeping with a girl after 3-4 dates. Particularly having invited her to my place.
If you want to stay without having sex, I'll let you do just that but I'm not going to alow myself to be a victim of hope. I don't want to 'hope' that oh well, let me keep on trying and one day you might sleep with me. I cannot give you a month to decide to whether sleep with me or not. I have given you enough time... I'm moving on."

I would like to know if it is a good idea to tell her this. Also, if you think I should add, substract some things from the speech. Thanks.

-Amoka

double post. Mods please delete this post. thanks.

Dear God No!

NO MAN DO NOT DO THIS!!!!!!!

I have made this mistake before, and then she will just say "ok, so all you wanted was to get into my pants"

Then what will you say?

If you like her A LOT, and think this will eventually lead to sex then keep doing what you are doing--- it should happen.

REMEMBER:

Whomever issues ultimatums does not have power.

i wouldnt say anything to her to be honest. take that other girl out, have fun with her. you havent gotten any thing but a few kisses. now she rather hang out with her friends? seems like low interest. seems like you are more fun for her than staying in alone. let her call you. when she does take her out and try again. if she balks, dont call her let her call you but go see other girls in the meantime. say with out saying.

this is so juvenile.

sorry to be insulting man, but it really is.

if youve been seeing her for a month then just spend an evening at your place and get her hot and sweaty and then f*ck her.

and if she refuses to go that route then be very kind and polite in the moment, but after that night just lose your number.

for all you know this girl was molested by her dad and has intimacy issues. or shes just conservative. or shes not that in to you. or shes playing games.

but whatever it is doesnt f*cking matter. if you dont want to be in a relationship with a woman who isnt putting out then dont - LEAVE.

i dont know why you'd bother saying all that crap to her. well i know why you are - because you think if you make a good argument she'll then let you bang her - which is soooo AFC.

amoka said:

I'm tired of her game. I feel she has turned me in a complete AFC ( I hope not)

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If you aren't an AFC and the situation isn't of your liking, why not just walk away instead of writing speeches? Out of curiosity, did you create a PowerPoint presentation to go along with it? Graphs would give more validity to your case.

amoka said:

I'll give her up till saturday and if I don't get fvck-closed from her, I'll tell her this:
" Hey Pauline, we have been seeing each other for almost a month now, yet without sex. Because of you, I have broken several priciples of mine including:
1. Bying food for a girl that I have not slept with
2. Not kissing a girl on a second date. ( It took three dates for me to kiss close her). And more importantly
3. Not sleeping with a girl after 3-4 dates. Particularly having invited her to my place.
If you want to stay without having sex, I'll let you do just that but I'm not going to alow myself to be a victim of hope. I don't want to 'hope' that oh well, let me keep on trying and one day you might sleep with me. I cannot give you a month to decide to whether sleep with me or not. I have given you enough time... I'm moving on."

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You're going to LIST your rules????? If a guy did that with me I'd laugh my ass off! NEVER LIST YOUR RULES! It sounds all pre-planned and scripted.

Tell her this:
"You don't seem to be very interested in me, if you ARE interested, then you need to show me. Otherwise I'm going to find a another girl and stop wasting time."

WaterTiger said:

You're going to LIST your rules????? If a guy did that with me I'd laugh my ass off! NEVER LIST YOUR RULES! It sounds all pre-planned and scripted.

Tell her this:
"You don't seem to be very interested in me, if you ARE interested, then you need to show me. Otherwise I'm going to find a another girl and stop wasting time."

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Y'know, I've always had mixed feelings about ultimatums. I'm a proponent of letting your expectations be known however I question the effectiveness of "or else" statements (especially in relationships). Do you really want to be attached to someone who is with you only because you backed them into a corner?

You guys.

Don't tell her anything. Don't call her. Don't dole out pre-packaged sermons. Push/Pull, Punishment/Reward...

She knows very well what the deal is, you don't need to bust her chops about it. She is the one calling the shots, remember? And look, amoka is getting frustrated chasing her and scratching at the pedestal her puzzy's on.

Why do you have to tell her anything at all? Less is more. If you stop calling her, stop seeing her, and stop talking to her, she'll realize that you had enough of her BS and change how she acts.

Chicks aren't worth getting all riled-up about, seriously. And you want to look like a pathetic douche in attempts to make her "ack rite"?

Hows about you give other women that are more worthy of your time your attention and cut contact with her instead?

*Vulpine peers into DJ crystal ball*
-Amoka cuts contact-
She'd call a week later wondering what's going on... but oops, she got your voicemail.

Then she'd call in another week...
Amoka: "Yo."
Tight-legged chick: "Hey! What's going on!?! I haven't talked to you in two weeks!!!"
Amoka: "Yeah. I've been busy with other things."
Tight-legged chick: "Oh. I see. Well, do you want to get together on XXX to XXX?"
Amoka: "XXX huh? Hmm. Jeez, I'm actually going to be out of town that weekend. How 'bout I call you when I get back and we'll set something up."
Tight-legged chick: "Uh, ok, I guess."
Amoka: "Great, ttyl."

*forget to call her back*

Three weeks later, she calls again.
Amoka: "Hello?"
Tight-legged chick: "I'm sooo horny (or 'I really want to see you'). What are you doing tonight?"
Amoka: "I have to wash my hair tonight."
Tight-legged chick: "OMG! You're such an azzhole!"
Amoka: "Hey, hey, HEY! Settle down! Why don't you be here around 7 and wash it for me?"


Whatever. This chick sounds like an AW with a jerk 'boyfriend' (that fux the stuffing out of her twice a week) who isn't putting out because "that's cheating". And she's just hanging with the nice guy for emotional satisfaction.

Amoka, you don't have to tell her sh!t. Just withdraw your attention. Is she making you happy? No. That's the bottom line, and you should direct your efforts towards someone/something that WILL make you happy. Simple. Will telling her off make you happy? No. It will be time/effort wasted on someone who isn't making you happy - ultimately irritating you even MORE! Use that "tell off time" to do something more productive, like ignoring her.

Something tells me that she needs all the build-up to cover for something, like, she sucks in bed or has one of those "penis" fleshy growth things. Maybe she has warts or herpes and wants something long-term. Who knows. Who cares?

There isn't enough invested in the "relationship" to offer her any reason for cutting contact.

Oxide said:

You are getting some horrible advice. That is a shame.

Telling her your rules is generally OK as long as you have established a position of power - i.e. you are the most important person in the relationship. In your case, it is obviously not so, since she has the upper hand. So doing this might actually backfire by her testing you and seeing how strongwilled you are.

Be honest with her and tell her how it is:

You are giving me a hard time. Why?

You don't know me well enough? We have been having fun a lot together.

You know, I like you so much, the first night I wouldn't even **** you. I would just hold you in my arms.

Let me know how that works.

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The only bad advice so far is this load of tosh.

Vulpines is spot on mine is a little touge in cheek but i think hes on a loosing streak with this one, so regardless he needs to find his nuts and once found to keep them in his pants.

Also pandering to a women and stating the bullsh*it he posted will have her running a mile, actually go on say it and report back i will state 100% she will lose interest faster then prostitute with your wallet.

If she does not run a mile i will state for a fact she is an attention ***** and keeping him around for the attention fix.

What he has posted is akin to a child begging for his toy, wtf is that about, thats not being honest thats stating in no simple terms, she has you by the balls and to make it better you hand more over to her and show her she as you right where she wants you and whats the cra* about i dont expect anything from sex but we can still be together, jesus H christ, sorry but take more then this forum to bail this out currently, if she does fuc* i expect it to be a sympathy shag.

IF he had any sense he would do as vulpine said but to be fair why bother?

Francisco d'Anconia said:

Y'know, I've always had mixed feelings about ultimatums. I'm a proponent of letting your expectations be known however I question the effectiveness of "or else" statements (especially in relationships). Do you really want to be attached to someone who is with you only because you backed them into a corner?

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I totally agree with you. You never give an ultimatum unless you are ready to lose. But this guy sounds like he's ready to walk anyway, so an ultimatum wouldn't hurt. I mean what's the worst that could happen? The girl get mad and refuse to sleep with him???????:

To answer your question, no one wants to be with someone you have to back into a corner. Either an ultimatum or a break up, there doesn't seem to be much of an option in this case.

Oxide said:

You know why Vulpine's advice will not work? Because she cares less.

V is betting on her calling him, asking him out (yeah right) and all that jazz- in reality that is a long shot. Especially the part of her calling week after week - she is clearly NOT that interested.

And who said she isn't making him happy? May be she does and he wants to be with her.. see you are ASSUMING for him where you should not be.


I never said anything about painting her into a corner - that is stupid. But what does work is getting to the bottom of the problem

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Oxide i know you mean well but this to me is classic:
He as 100% intrest in her or a very high interest in her
She as moderate interest in him.

So his idea to create more interest is to lay it on the line, give her an ultimatum tell her how it is, but do it in a way that shows he is really a PLAYA init, the player undertones of the post where the red flags for me, why feel the need to tell her all that cra* there is no need, its like stating look if you dont know i am good with girls, if you have not been watching here is a list, it wont work as others have pointed out.

Now the reason why V will work is to see how much interest she actually as or give her the gift of missing you, it also shows as he said push pull, i.e there is a problem, let her worry about the problem and let her think why is he not contacting me? Either way if she does not get in touch its not big deal it just shows she was not that intrested, see double whammy kills two birds with one stone so to say.

In that he can get frustrated with another girl and worry about taking her out for a meal of not.

jonwon said:

Now the reason why V will work is to see how much interest she actually as or give her the gift of missing you, it also shows as he said push pull, i.e there is a problem, let her worry about the problem and let her think why is he not contacting me? Either way if she does not get in touch its not big deal it just shows she was not that intrested, see double whammy kills two birds with one stone so to say.

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3 birds, actually, if not 4 or more.

He'll be doing "other things" (hobbies, other chicks, whatever). And, he will not be thinking about this chick.

It doesn't matter if she calls or not. If she does, cool. If not, *shrug*. By avoiding this chick, dude will see how little she actually matters and his attitude will change for the 'better' towards her. I would almost count that as a "fifth bird".

You could claim that the method is counterproductive, but the chick clearly has lower IL. If you want to level or equalize IL's... his has to drop, hers has to increase. Mush and sap in the form of words isn't going to accomplish this - time off may.

amoka,

You sound very desperate to get laid. If she is not being more sexual with you, then you need to focus on building more comfort with her. The more comfortable she is with you, the easier it will be to escalate to sex.

Francisco d'Anconia said:

If you aren't an AFC and the situation isn't of your liking, why not just walk away instead of writing speeches? Out of curiosity, did you create a PowerPoint presentation to go along with it? Graphs would give more validity to your case.

Click to expand...

I concur. If your situation isn't going the way you'd like it then walk away. No harm no fowl. After all, it was you who allowed yourself to violate your principles, so why are you now thinking of preaching them to her? Ask yourself if she's really going care that much and if the reaction you get form her will be positive? It's likely that the anwsers to both questions will be no. If you're really into her then you have to try something else like cutting contact or planning a romantic date at your house ending infront of a fire place.

I have a girl who I've had a few lunches/dinners with and it goes against my principles as well, however I've been getting sex from somewhere else so I'm far more patient with the other one because my animal based sexual need are taken care of. Again, this is why we preach to you the need to be seeing more then one woman at a time whil you're young.

Anything you could TELL her is not going to help you get laid.

amoka said:

Now this is what I'm thinking. I'll give her up till saturday and if I don't get fvck-closed from her, I'll tell her this:
" Hey Pauline, we have been seeing each other for almost a month now, yet without sex. Because of you, I have broken several priciples of mine including:
1. Bying food for a girl that I have not slept with
2. Not kissing a girl on a second date. ( It took three dates for me to kiss close her). And more importantly
3. Not sleeping with a girl after 3-4 dates. Particularly having invited her to my place.
If you want to stay without having sex, I'll let you do just that but I'm not going to alow myself to be a victim of hope. I don't want to 'hope' that oh well, let me keep on trying and one day you might sleep with me. I cannot give you a month to decide to whether sleep with me or not. I have given you enough time... I'm moving on."

Click to expand...

Yes, do this.

I could use a good knee-slapper Monday morning when I hear your follow-up post to this...lmao! :crackup: Maybe she will even fisk it back line item-by-line item for you? Or maybe you could perform this to music and youtube it to her?

If you want to stay without having sex, I'll let you do just that but I'm not going to alow myself to be a victim of hope.

Crist, what are you doing not writing for Hallmark, mang?! :crackup:

wayword said:

Yes, do this.

I could use a good knee-slapper Monday morning when I hear your follow-up post to this...lmao! :crackup: ...

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Oh don't encourage him...

To be honest I think you are weak.

Sorry this may sound harse,but this is a challenge bro. I mean how boring would it be if every women followed your "system" ? Life would be so predictable and boring. Listen you have other women on the side as you said so why would you be willing to throw her aside so easy? I think you should advance you skills. I mean invite her over your place cook her something nice and just say listen I need to talk to you about something that's very important to me. I really "like" you I want to take this relationship to the next level, I want a sexual relationship with you. Blammmm that's it. Just be quite and see her response if she says no etc etc just act a bit distant. Then after delay your calls to her and you call the shots when you meet up. After a while when you do finally have sex you would feel like you got game 'cause YOUR game was strong. And you wasn't just another chump who gave up after 4 dates lol

lay off the guy. he didnt know thats why he asked. grace and mercy fellas. the guy to laugh at is the guy refusing to change his ways after he knows better. again amoka, go date the other girl. see where that goes.