The Ex is on her mind ...

Hi guys.

About 2 months ago I met and hooked up with an HB8. Since then we've hooked up another 3 times at seperate things (both drunk and sober). Problem is, I've fallen for her. Out off all the girls I've met and been with, she's a standout and the sort of girl I want to spend time with, without having anyone else on the go.

Just this week I asked her to meet up with me at the beach, but she replied with "You're gonna hate me for this, but I'm thinking of getting back with my Ex. It was our plan all along, but I didn't think you were interested in me even though I was interested in you" (this, I feel, was a result of one or two negs too many). But the day after this, we still went to the beach and back to her place, and we were always holding hands, kissing, being genuinely intimate, like we wanted eachother - but we have never had sex, on any occasion.

Anyway, I decided I may as well tell her what I felt, but that wasn't enough to sway her mind completely. She said she prmoised her Ex they'd get back together after exams, but she wasn't happy about it and didn't know exactly what she wanted, there were positives and negatives for both, blah blah blah.

I've told her that it's her loss if she choses her ex, and she says she knows, but she still hasn't made up her mind. I'm making it known to her that I get to choose my women, and I choose her and she will miss out (So I'm sounding really confident about it all).

My question(s) to you, gentlemen, is how do I get her to cast that doubt out of her mind so she will become completely mine? Do you think I should just shag her brains out so she knows exactly what she's missing? What could I do without the shagging? Or, do you think she wants nothing to do with me and is just being nice about trying to get rid of me?

I fear that time is something that could be working against me here.

Thanks all for your help.

Welcome to the forum.

A great American baseball player and philosopher named Yogi Berra said it best: "If the people don't want to come out to the ballpark, nobody's gonna stop them."

One of the most common and foolish things people do in relationships is trying to presuade somebody to choose them over someone else. Attraction doesn't work that way.

The best thing you can do is accept the situation, and start seeing others. If you still want to shag her, fine, but don't make the mistake of committing to her if she's not committed to you.

Or you can just be friends with her, and look elsewhere for sex. If she notices all the fun other gals are having with you, she'll want a piece of that action. If she goes back to the ex, and finds her experiences not up to the level she's gotten used to with you, she just might start to feel the same way about geting back with you she now feels about getting back with her ex.

Main point is that someone's feelings are what they are, and they need to work their way through them, or they'll keep coming up agian and again. You have too much self-respect to stay on that roller-coaster, right?

Before you read what I have to say, remember that the advice you get isn't always the advice you want.

Sharpe said:

I didn't think you were interested in me even though I was interested in you" (this, I feel, was a result of one or two negs too many).

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Don't kid yourself, man. It was the other way around. Look at her actions, not words.

Sharpe said:

Do you think I should just shag her brains out so she knows exactly what she's missing?

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I have a hard time believing you'd be able to shag this girl at this point, so that's out of the question.

Right now, she's more attracted to her ex. He's her ex for a reason, because he became AFC in her eyes as well. So you need to back off, and let her make her mind up. No calling her. Give her space. DO NOT PRESSURE HER. She will do whatever she wants.

You have to go find other girls too. That's the only way you get over one-itis. Don't chase them, replace them.

Edited to say: If she calls, everything is on YOUR terms. Don't ever mention her ex again. You've got a lot of work to do in becoming a Don Juan. Best get started reading the DJ Bible now.

My advice is a bit different.

Don't go out banging other women. Sure, maintain contact with other women, flirt, play, whatever. However, if you start banging others, she will feel this and know that you've moved on. There's no reason for her not to go back to her ex.

Instead, pursue her. Rock her world. Make her see that her ex-boyfriend is an AFC and is way below your level. Don't overdo it ofcourse, otherwise she'll start to expect it more often . Don't push the sex either - if your game is good you'll be able to get there without pushing. Just make sure you do get there eventually, because once you've kissed and gotten really intimate, there really should be some sex after that (in my book anyway).

I'm well aware of the general advice given on this forum. The most important thing I can tell you is to trust your own gut instincts. Don't next her, just because of some guys on a forum, giving you advice about intimate details of your life when they don't know you at all.

Thanks for all your replies. They've all got me thinking.

Giving her time and space is probably the best thing, so she can make up her mind without me pursuading her. As one reply said, feelings are feelings. If she doesn't want to be with me, so be it.

Getting out with other chicks is probably the best thing to do. I got a bit caught up in this situation.

I think I'll just let this one sit for a while. I'll keep you all posted.

Cheers again, fellas.

just because she and her ex were broken up doesn't mean he's an afc. for all we know, he could have told her that he wanted to go on break until exams were done, then gone off and f*cked 10 other girls while she kept waiting for him to come back to her.

from the way i look at it based on everything you told me, i'd believe this is the case. it's obvious that this girl has had great chemistry with her ex if getting back together is still on her mind. if she was head over heels for you, she wouldn't have even considered getting back together with him.

to me, you are basically in a competition, along with the ex, for this girls attention, and it's all a waste of time. it's a waste of time for you because you know fully well, deep down inside, that she doesn't care about you like you do for her - and it's a waste of time for this guy because he's gonna take this bytch back after she was stuffed by you.

sometimes, the easiest thing is to move on and start back at square one. it's like fixing a car. you can only fix a broken old car so many times before you have to buy a new one. even tho you really enjoyed your time in the last car, eventually you realize that the new one rides way better.

cheers.

So this hor is holding your hand and kissing you and she is with her pimp-friend!! Huh?? Why do you love a hor??? Are you lonely??? GET A DOG!!!!!!

Last Man Standing said:

So this hor is holding your hand and kissing you and she is with her pimp-friend!! Huh?? Why do you love a hor??? Are you lonely??? GET A DOG!!!!!!

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No, there's more to it than that, I can assure you.

I think it's time to leave this one be.

Think kid!!! She is with another and she is kissing and holding you - this is a hor USING you for affection!!!! You are a fool to play aLONG!!!!!!!!!!!

Last Man Standing said:

Think kid!!! She is with another and she is kissing and holding you - this is a hor USING you for affection!!!! You are a fool to play aLONG!!!!!!!!!!!

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That's exactly what I've been realising the more I've read from you guys. I've just fallen into so many different traps and mindsets it's not funny. I should feel like an idiot, and I do.