If you aren't going forward, you are giong backwards

Becuase I am married and my wife is not a bat**** crazy BPD woman, our marriage has very little drama. we get along, have sex more than enough and we like each other's company, and have a good understanding of each other. so very ralrey do I actually havr something from my own pesonal life do I get to share any more

no, lol my fun these days comes from watching our social circle who as of now, there are about 30 of us andnone of them are married. we got it all. ugly girls, fat girls, smoking hot girls, beta's, ambitous guys, guys whoa re fat, guys are somewhat in shape, guys with a li9tlte game, guys with no game, ssingle mom's, divorced mom's it's all there. it's like a real life reality show.

anyway, and the only reason I am even posting this is beucase of the guy who yesterday stated he wished he could get girls through his social circle. let this be exhibit A.

Okay, this guy, he isn't a friend of mine or of my wife's but he has been dating this girl who is a friend of my wife for like 4 years now and well he is just one of the crew now i suppose. the girl, very good looking, skinny, about my height 5'8, brunette long hair, decent but not killer body, a solid solid 7. maybe even an 8 to some guys but i am harsh, she's very pretty but nothing stands out about her, i only give exotic women an 8 or higher.

they have been dating for about 4 years. they started dating around the time my wife and i started dating. and from all accounts she has been smitten with him. she really digs him. he's not an alpha male he's just..a decent looking guy who is, well an avg dude. he's good looking i can see why women pay him attention, he also can dress pretty well which is something i don't say about most guys. he carries himself very well.

but there is a problem. a problem i foresaw coming about a year or even 2 ago, what started out being a small problem but has now become a big problem, and the problem is that, well, the guy just has zero ambition. the guy works as a floor manager at a pretty spiffy restaurant. Not CUT or anything like that but a nice restaurant not red lobster or anything. and they were dating when they were 23 and at 23, a guy working at a restaurant is not the biggest of deals. at 27, a guy working at a restaurant,l becomes a pretty big deal. it's time to ante up.

the girl, worked at the horse track with my wife but she like my wife gave it up, it's hard work and it's demanding work and it's not meant for women over the age of 25. she just gave it up a few months ago and she got this job as a receptionist at this office, and she has become, and without the guys Knowles she has become very crazy about a guy who works there at her office. i don't even know what the fvck he does but from what i understand he is good but not great looking, but he is very cool and from what i understand, makes very good money. drives a beamer, dresses like an adult is supposed to dress, carries himself like a man who is going somewhere.

anyway, she starts flirting with the dude at work casually. then he flirts back. she flirts more. they go to lunch a few times. then when the boyfriend is at work they go to dinner a few times. the more time she spends with this dude the more she likes him. the more she doesn't like her current bf.

now, i have known about this since the day she met the guy at owrk. myw ife's and i agreement allows me to get all kinda juicy **** like this as long as i don't say anything to anyone. she won't admit it but my wife is pretty sure they have had sex. call it a woman's intuition or whatever. and honestly, the girl is not a slut. she's done something quite slutty but she isn't really what i woudl call a slut. she hasn't cheated her BF up into now.

anyway the BF comes to me about a week ago and, for some reason all of the guy friends tend to come to me when they want women advice. i mean they never listen lol but they come anyway. so he tells me he thinks his GF is falling out of love with him (i wanted to tell son love don't live here anymore lol) and what he could do. i mean, by then t's too late WTF can i say? go back to school and get a degree in 1 week?

anyway, **** hit the fan a few days ago. the guy, who i would never classify as real beta in the past, has just become like super pathetic..and he does some snooping and somehow finds out that she is seeing this dude at work. he confronts her and he is crying about how you could do this to me i thought you loved me. she doesn't even blink and tells him she doesn't want to date him anymore and tells him that she will have her stuff out of his place by the end of the week.

she had already mentally moved on. she just didn't want to make her living situation sticky. so now she has to stay with us until she can get her a new place, woopie. she's cool i don't mind but still.

and honestly, i side with her. and i m going to tell you why


as a male you have to always be moving forward. if not it's no one's fault but your own if you get left behind.

women aren't men. the biggest mistake that men make is thinking beucase a woman loved you at 22, that she will love you for the exact same reasons when she's 32. **** changes people grow up. if you aren't growing up with her why should she continue to date you? hpergany is a ***** but it is what it is.

I'm not saying you shoudl become a hermit and just work and be this guy who doesn't see women until he is 35 years old but, you shoudl always be doing something to improve your situation and outlook on life. the girl is not a rocket scientist but she is a sweet non slut girl who can and did do better than a 27 year old shift manager at a restaurant.

at 23 years old, how much money you bring home a year is not the biggest concern on earth. being fun, being good looing, great sex, is what' simportant when you are 23. and while that' stuff that you still need to do when you are 27, you need to have had evolved some in those years as well. she's 26, and **** she has to do what's in her best interest for her long term.

honestly if the dude would have just attempted to move forward in life i think she would have stuck it out. she liked him. she never came out and said it but, **** it gets old never being able to go anywhere never being able to do anything. we go to hawaii at the end of the year and the only way she/they can come is if i pay for it. that **** gets old. that's fine when you are 20 **** that is even fine somewhat when you are 25. but the closer you get to 30 you need to have show some type of evolution in your life.

what men do not understand is that women, do not havre to play by these rules whatsoever and that's what gets them int rouble. take this girl. again, very good looking. she was good looking in high school and got to date the jocks then. she was good looking in college and got to date the frat boys then. she was good looking when she got out of college and gets to date the guy with his own place who has some money in his pocket and likes to havre fun. and now she's still good looking and gets to trade in for the 12 model that has a career and can do ****. men think that just b eucase she "loved" me now that she will "love me" then. it doesn't work like that. at least not in the real world.

now i got to deal with this fvcking douche crying and **** and coming over and causing scenes and she is living here for a week or two until she can get situtated and you know she is going to want to bring her dude over.

Backbreaker, I always enjoy your posts, and I agree with moving forward in life. There's a lot I disagree with.

Honestly, this branch swinging woman, good riddance. The restaurant manager, maybe he was moving forward in life, but everyone focuses on money and careers as a means to success. You should move forward in life, on your own terms. That does not necessarily involve money, but life.

Now, take the new guy, who's more well off. What happens if he loses his good job? Can't afford his BMW payments anymore? What is this gal going to do...jump ship. That's what she's going to do. She's shown her true colors.

The older I get, the less and less I have any sort of respect for branch swinging women. Fortunately, the older you get, the more women seem to finally "get it" to.

Mr. Positive, I agree to an extent with your post, But I agree more with Backbreaker.

A guy who walks down easy street through life, just staying static and not evolving or growing into his age, he isn't exactly competitive to the next girl out there. If this girl knows shes good looking and has options of course she is going to do what's best for her. It is her life. She owes him nothing in a sense. You can't get a corvette by running a news paper route on your bike every morning.. You have to work hard to get where you want to be and earn that corvette. That's why somethings in life are coveted and the things worth the most in life are the hardest to get.

The man she went after probably worked hard and has a degree.. he sacrificed then and is playing now. Too many people in college or their younger 20's "Play now, pay later."

I worked hard through my 20's.. had my fun but didn't trade it for an easy degree to party it up. I had discipline in a computer science degree, worked on the weekends and still managed to drink and have fun with the girls. Probably not as often as a Fraternity guy or Sorority girl studying Psychology but I still had my fun. I was accepted Navy Pilot, and I'm currently working at NASA as an Intern. When I was 18 I worked in F-16's in the Air Force. I've done more in my 20's than people have in their life. I'm not stopping now.. and A lot of girls find that attractive about me.

No one said life was easy.. but don't expect to walk down easy street and get the glory.

I do respect your opinion though and see where you are coming from.

relationships that start at 22 or 23 imo are on thin ice for the long term just in general.

it almost doesnt matter what you do, i just think people in general want someone different than who they were with when they were 23 when they start getting into their late 20's.

back in the day, the guy or girl you dated at like 16 you broke up with and then you married the person you got with at 22.
Now, the girl or guy you date at 23 you dump and marry the person you hook up with at 28 or 29.

Thats how i see it.

Man, this is why I love university-aged girls. They are in the hottest phase of their lives AND you can keep them with a sh1tty car, a "romantic" picnic once in a blue moon and a burger or fish & chips on a cheap holiday. I remember one nearly broke into tears of joy when I bought her her favourite stuffed animal (cheap Chinese crap) for Christmas.

When they get older (to late 20s and into the 30s) and way less hot, for some reason, they get 10 times more expensive to have around.

Jitterbug said:

When they get older (to late 20s and into the 30s) and way less hot, for some reason, they get 10 times more expensive to have around.

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Thats because women can only deeply love once in their lives in terms of lifelong bonding...everything beyond this first man is opportunism....alpha/beta... genes vs provisioning.

that little stuffed animal truly meant something to her...she was young and the experience resonated truly...a few years later such a stuffed animal will be politely smiled at and she will look at it wistfully as though pondering something = I really wanted the BMW (add that to the list brad)

headFirst said:

Mr. Positive, I agree to an extent with your post, But I agree more with Backbreaker.

A guy who walks down easy street through life, just staying static and not evolving or growing into his age, he isn't exactly competitive to the next girl out there. If this girl knows shes good looking and has options of course she is going to do what's best for her. It is her life. She owes him nothing in a sense. You can't get a corvette by running a news paper route on your bike every morning.. You have to work hard to get where you want to be and earn that corvette. That's why somethings in life are coveted and the things worth the most in life are the hardest to get.

The man she went after probably worked hard and has a degree.. he sacrificed then and is playing now. Too many people in college or their younger 20's "Play now, pay later."

I worked hard through my 20's.. had my fun but didn't trade it for an easy degree to party it up. I had discipline in a computer science degree, worked on the weekends and still managed to drink and have fun with the girls. Probably not as often as a Fraternity guy or Sorority girl studying Psychology but I still had my fun. I was accepted Navy Pilot, and I'm currently working at NASA as an Intern. When I was 18 I worked in F-16's in the Air Force. I've done more in my 20's than people have in their life. I'm not stopping now.. and A lot of girls find that attractive about me.

No one said life was easy.. but don't expect to walk down easy street and get the glory.

I do respect your opinion though and see where you are coming from.

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i must admit this sounds pretty badass.

I mean **** I could even understrand if he was like an asipiring actor or something and he was working there and things just have not taken off yet. At last there is a spark there to do something, the possibility that he wants something more out of life down the road. But this is just what he does. lol and works as little as he possibly can at that. he's just not monetarily motivated

and that is fine, i have no qualms with that, it's your life but there are real life consequences behind every decision you make. like losing your HB7.5 to someone who is more ambitious than you are.'

I mean the girl has nt' come out and said any of this. It's not like i had a convo about what attracts her, but it's just my experience with women. she's not attracted to the same **** she was 4 years ago her priorities in life are somewhat changing and her attraction is changing with those priorities. she doesn't find her BF workign 3 and a half days a week sexy, when you are 23 that's more sexy time lol. when you are 27 that's a vacation you can't go on.

and it's not just women. at 21-22 i didn't give a **** about traveling. i had barley been out side of Arkansas only a hand full of times. but at 29, **** i want to go see carthage. i want to go see the castel sant'angelo. I like knowing i am going to the derby every year. people grow up and change and if you aren't changing you are going to get left behind.

I think we have to agree that women are always looking to be upwardly mobile. Boyfriend had 4 years to prove he was moving forward or at least show potential of moving forward. New guy has his sh!t together and looks like the next hot stock to jump on and chick is all in when he gives her some attention. This guy probably has game or at least knows how to fake it enough to attract a few cuties here and there

Dear Breaker,
Like your posts very much,you have the art of breathing life into your personalities......Like you I mix in a loose group of folk on a few Dancing Scenes...I can empathise with your fascination....It really is Theatre to the enquiring mind,isn't it?

Von_S said:

I think we have to agree that women are always looking to be upwardly mobile. Boyfriend had 4 years to prove he was moving forward or at least show potential of moving forward. New guy has his sh!t together and looks like the next hot stock to jump on and chick is all in when he gives her some attention. This guy probably has game or at least knows how to fake it enough to attract a few cuties here and there

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from what i am hearing he has his game at least half ass down. he has been around the block.

not calling her all the time, the only time he really talks to her is at work. she keeps trying to get him to do **** with her (though she up utnil yesterday had a Bf) and he keeps staying busy, he flirts with other girls to make her jealous. and she is eating it all up.

I mean he IS busy he isn't playing busy. I dont' know what he is doing but he lives at work

he's supposed to be coming over friday night so we can all watch the Olympics. i will give a full status report of his gaming abilities lol.


also i will give her this much; regardless of what you think about what she did, what she is not /did not doing is playign with the ex. she's not playing wtih his mind, playing games with him.s he told him look i love you and i will always have a spot in my heart for you but i got to move on. if he is stuck on her it's nothing by her doing.

backbreaker said:

and honestly, i side with her. and i m going to tell you why


as a male you have to always be moving forward. if not it's no one's fault but your own if you get left behind.

.

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Good. I'm sure you'll be quite understanding if your wife leaves you for a man that makes a lot more money than you, has a few thousand more square feet in his house and drives a flashier car. And if she cheats on you and does the deed with the guy before formally cutting you loose, well that's just details. It would be sour grapes on your part if you took exception to that. She would be totally justified to throw away everything you've built together if she has the option to upgrade from a Mercedes to a Rolls Royce.

After all, if you're not moving forward, you're moving backwards, amirite?

BB solid post man. So damn true, this reminds me of my recent post "what did you do to ruin the relationship". Your thread and your friends experience puts it into a different perspective, yet it pertains to the same underlying lesson to be learned.

What BB is saying is that men and women are different. Women do not have to be successful in life the same way that us men need to be. Biologically, women are the nurturers and men are the providers. That is why it is up to us men to provide, to educate ourselves, to push ourselves beyond our limits, to face our fears, to take risks.

Once a man is no longer ambitious, for whatever reason (most likely because he becomes comfortable with his never changing lifestyle), he starts dying a little bit inside. Eventually he cannot take it anymore, and he explodes. Drastic changes come about forcefully because he was too stubborn to change things up voluntarily. This has happened to me in two of the most serious relationships of my life, one time I dumped the girl after 4 years, and once after being broken up with by my most recent GF. The fact is, your life or better yet, lifestyle is constantly changing, nothing ever stays the same, and the more you try to hold on to it and keep living by the same routine, the bigger the pit you fall into once you ask yourself the question "what the hell have I been doing the past (x amount of) years".

Another point I must focus on is again that men and women are different. Yes, it is annoying that women can get away with this behavior, and you may feel as if it is the woman's fault and she's the bad guy because she should love you unconditionally. Quite frankly, that's complete BS. Love is always conditional. If you married a sweet, smoking hot chick who goes to the gym everyday and years later she gets comfortable and stuffs her face with twinkies 24/7, gains 300 lbs, is no longer the sweet girl you knew and yells at you day in and day out, and has the audacity to expect you to love her unconditionally, would you? Hell no! She is not the same chick you married. As men, we must remain ambitious, optimistic, courageous, etc. The list goes on and on. Once we stop pursuing new endeavors within our life and stop improving ourselves, the woman feels cheated because you are no longer the same man she fell in love with.

See how that works? If anything, us men are worse and more superficial. Our love is conditioned by her fleeting looks and our disgust towards her disregard at maintaining that beautiful body. A woman's love is conditional as well but in regards to how us men choose to live (or not live) our lives.

Face it, we are MEN. We are the hard as rock, dominant figure in this world. If the woman does not respect you, how can she respect herself? How can she brag about you to her friends if you provide no reason to do so. It may seem like women have it easy, but they are so dependent on us. We need only to respect ourself. They need us to achieve that sense of completeness. As men, we only need to impress ourselves, we can be happy on our own, so long as we are constantly moving forward, as you put it BB. Women must search and screen through man after man in order to be happy. I don't know about you, but I would much rather be a man. Enduring countless struggles and hardships leading to victories and triumphs, well, let's just say it is a lot more rewarding than what the typical woman believes her purpose is and what she strives to achieve.

Anyways, good post BB, it got me thinking.

In 1999 I moved into a group house; the landlord, age 29, lived there with us. One day he, myself, and a girl who lived there were sitting on the deck talking about relationships/dating. The girl, who I believe was probably 27, commented re: the landlord that he owns his own home and that this is a big deal to women. It says this dude has his sh*t together.

Point is that women are attracted to that which they don't have, to that which inspires them, to that which says you have more than the other guy. Women view men in terms of how the woman feels about herself -- the more she feels that the man has more and is better than her, the more insecure she feels, and the more she wants him in order to feel secure.

Findog said:

Good. I'm sure you'll be quite understanding if your wife leaves you for a man that makes a lot more money than you, has a few thousand more square feet in his house and drives a flashier car. And if she cheats on you and does the deed with the guy before formally cutting you loose, well that's just details. It would be sour grapes on your part if you took exception to that. She would be totally justified to throw away everything you've built together if she has the option to upgrade from a Mercedes to a Rolls Royce.

After all, if you're not moving forward, you're moving backwards, amirite?

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Findog, I understand where you are coming from but I think these posts reflect something that is a tad bit different from what you are describing.

It's more of a rule of the "absolute" rather than the "relative". BB and others are not condoning women's megahypergamous behavior of trading up (actively/passively looking for someone "relatively" better) but understanding that there is an intolerable level of career stagnation and or lack of ambition in a man that triggers a woman to jump to the next attractive man when the opportunity arises. I don't know enough details to make a surefire judgement about BB's acquaintance but I am getting a sense of what BB is talking about.

Far too many times I have seen ambitionless guys who play world of warcraft, starcrack, or first person shooting games all day long who are satisfied with making the bare minimum to get by (pay rent, groceries, utility bills, and the computer upgrade). As a GUY, it's frustrating to see this kind of sh*t when the guy has SO much more upside but is being a lazy bum. What is a woman expected to think of such a guy? Would it be trading up if the girl left him after trying everything she could to get the guy doing something with his life? I can't blame the woman for leaving the guy in that kind of scenario.

One fairly easy way to distinguish between these two scenarios is to see how other guys act around this guy. If most of the guys who are well aware of the guy's situation describe him as an unmotivated and ambitionless loser (and this is different from someone who has nothing but is busting his a** to get somewhere in his career), the fault likely lies in the guy for losing the girl.

Findog said:

Good. I'm sure you'll be quite understanding if your wife leaves you for a man that makes a lot more money than you, has a few thousand more square feet in his house and drives a flashier car. And if she cheats on you and does the deed with the guy before formally cutting you loose, well that's just details. It would be sour grapes on your part if you took exception to that. She would be totally justified to throw away everything you've built together if she has the option to upgrade from a Mercedes to a Rolls Royce.

After all, if you're not moving forward, you're moving backwards, amirite?

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I agree with the dog. yeah, guys should be looking to better themselves, we cant all run the country though or be CEO of bearings bank. going off BB's post, Im f cucked! Ive hit a wall in my job, I could get promoted, Im qualified to do so, that promotion looks good on paper but the job sucks, I dont want it and what extra pay there is...isnt worth it!

I love my job, Im passionate about it and if women dont like it, they can f cuck off!

I do think BB places far too much emphasis and pressure on guys and totally abdicates any responsibility to women.
women are women, they will cheat and branch swing for numerous reasons, Im not bothered what those are and anyone guy is vulnerable.

I think if women were reading BB's post they would all be high fiving each other and they would feel they than have cart blanch to go out and openly get with anyone who was in a better position that their current guy.
now they still have enough awareness to know its a Cun ts trick, which it is, so they at least try and conceal it.

betheman said:

I agree with the dog. yeah, guys should be looking to better themselves, we cant all run the country though or be CEO of bearings bank. going off BB's post, Im f cucked! Ive hit a wall in my job, I could get promoted, Im qualified to do so, that promotion looks good on paper but the job sucks, I dont want it and what extra pay there is...isnt worth it!

I love my job, Im passionate about it and if women dont like it, they can f cuck off!

I do think BB places far too much emphasis and pressure on guys and totally abdicates any responsibility to women.
women are women, they will cheat and branch swing for numerous reasons, Im not bothered what those are and anyone guy is vulnerable.

I think if women were reading BB's post they would all be high fiving each other and they would feel they than have cart blanch to go out and openly get with anyone who was in a better position that their current guy.
now they still have enough awareness to know its a Cun ts trick, which it is, so they at least try and conceal it.

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I guess so, but not really. A lot of great stocks have ups and down in the short term but trend up in the long term. If Coke is $20 a share and Pepsi is $30 a share, sure there's a lot of bidges that would trade in all their Coke and buy Pepsi in the short term. Nonetheless, 5 years down the road, when coke is worth $80 and goes private while Pepsi is only worth $50, Coke still has the last laugh.

The moral of that loose-butthole analogy is that if you have your sh!t together, you win in the long term and you didn't really want the chick who was making bad decisions anyways. So do your thing and let her swing.

In the context of this story, if dude was managing a restaurant on his way to opening his own or on his way to doing anything besides beating his cauk, chicks dig that. He also wouldn't be crying over spilt milk and just replace the bidge. I'm sure BB would be in a similar position if his chick traded up. He'd just replace her.

The only dudes that cry over spilt milk are dudes that can't replace bidges. Don't chase em, replace em.

the divorce courts doa steady trade in guys who have their sh1t together

betheman said:

the divorce courts doa steady trade in guys who have their sh1t together

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That's a load of BS if I ever heard it. Why you ask ? Well let me put it this way any GAME AWARE man knows that once he marries she has access to half his wealth if the sh!t hits the fan. A GAME AWARE man would be sticking his assets into trusts and corporations where it would take any money hungry bit(h years to get any access to them.

Like young Juan said people only cry over split milk when they feel like they can't replace the split milk. Once you get a tiny bit aware of game and how to use it you realize that your life as a man has greater purpose then crying over some chick. I'm not saying become some planet conquering astronaut or anything but whatever it is you're doing do it to your best ability and shine in that job/hobby etc. Honestly girls will come and go and they are very easily replaced most of the time with a better girl.

That's why I quit watching TV playing video games hell I even don't go out as often as I used too, mastering my guitar and piano playing is what matters to me more then going out and getting plastered with my mates. And when it comes to watching TV watching Sports playing video games its all activities where I'm watching someone else live out there dream and wasting my precious time watching them do what they love. Don't get me wrong there ain't nothing wrong with a bit of TV or video games but these days every minute I watch or play anything involving a screen I keep thinking about how I could be either at gym or playing music or studying to get ahead.

10 years ago at the age of 18 I thought sh!t year 4 years of uni and I'll be done with studying for the rest of my life, during those 4 years I learned that I didn't want to do what I was currently doing and chopped and changed a tonne of times. These days I'm a pc and server nutcase I feel awesome when I get assigned a job to build up an entire system for a business with a team or by myself, is it hard work fu(k yes but the money it pays helps fuel my lifestyle of music and kickboxing. Perhaps one day I can open up my own music school or gym.

Now that is what I call ambition, I'm my own hero and worst enemy, too many guys are too bitter or trying to over analyze things when they should be more focused on what they can accomplish for themselves. Think about it, if you were really busy and not acting busy you wouldn't have time for sh!t tests or any other rubbish a woman throws at you because hell if she leaves you can always replace her with a new one. This single mindset has gotten me many many gf's fu(k buddies etc.

I seriously doubt it's the guys career. Sure, he may not be ambitious in a "sexy" way but it just sounds more like this guy still has strong afc tendencies. He is crying afterall.

If you have you sh1t together and can provide and protect your family, you will most likely be fine. You can't always be moving forward with life, but you can occupy your time wisely and keep yourself busy. Living a balanced life is more important than having career and ambition.

Never is it ok for a woman to move into a new relationship before she breaks it off with the one she has been in love with and still currently living with. Hiding this is called cheating. Its simply using someone, and showing total disrespect.

Don't make excuses just because she is a "woman". Thats pathetic Backbreaker.

Whats wrong with putting the guy on notice that his restaurant job wasn't good enough? This bittch needs to learn how to face the music.

Basically you are saying its ok to act like this because she can!!! Can't wait to hear how you feel when your wife decides to pull the same stunt on you!

IF you ever have any hope that women will behave better then raise the bar and quit making excuses.

Mark my words, this chic will do the same thing to the next guy and the next guy until she has realized her sechsual value has hit a wall. Because women are never satisfied and always looking to trade up.

I've got an exwife that thought the grass was greener.........now she's probably at the lowest point she's ever been in her entire life.

Life would be a lot easier for women if they took the time to look rationally at the situation and voice their concerns instead of giving you the cold shoulder because they are too weak to discuss the real issues. Instead they take the simple way out every time and use their sexuality to get what they want. Guess what that doesn't work that way forever. At some point you need to rely on personal skills to find happiness in life. The earlier you develop those, the happier you will be.