she tried to friendzone me, I said no and now she avoids me.. WTF?

joker79 · Jun 3, 2014

Hi guys I'm wondering if you had the same experience. a while ago I was dating a girl, things went south but she still wanted to keep me as a friend. I said "thanks but no thanks" and went no contact ruthlessly. She's a co-worker so I've been meeting her randomly in the office and she acts like an ice queen. Her behaviour shows me that either:
1) she hates me
2) she's still hurt
I didn't do anything mean nor I look butthurt. Is perhaps this that annoys her? I'm too relaxed and not interested? I tested her to check whether the reality was that she didn't give a **** at all but she's avoiding me so it's not that. Any suggestion or similar experience?

Fireballs · Jun 3, 2014

What do you want from her? a FB?

If not why do you care?

sylvester the cat · Jun 3, 2014

Saying you don't want to be friends kind of is acting butthurt. Should have just said yes and continued to go nc.

joker79 · Jun 3, 2014

@Fireballs: FB could be interesting but not sure it can be done if she avoids me
@Sylvester: it was a long time ago and, as a general rule, I don't agree to be friends, it's like shooting yourself in the foot

Cerwin Vega · Jun 3, 2014

^ I wouldn't say "thanks but no thanks", I'd rather say "thanks but I feel that my friend circle is over populated"

sylvester the cat · Jun 3, 2014

joker79 said:
@Sylvester: it was a long time ago and, as a general rule, I don't agree to be friends, it's like shooting yourself in the foot

I don't see why. The more female friends you have, the more possibilities are open to you if she had a good network of hot friends.

joker79 · Jun 3, 2014

guys, I don't remember what I said exactly, it's more than one year ago, but I conveyed the message that I wasn't interested. Why does she still behave butthurt?

sylvester the cat · Jun 3, 2014

A year ago? Lol. Why the hell do you care?

Maybe she had a death in the family and isn't talking to anyone. Who knows. Who cAres?

joker79 · Jun 3, 2014

well because having her as FB would be at least interesting

Cerwin Vega · Jun 3, 2014

sylvester the cat said:
I don't see why. The more female friends you have, the more possibilities are open to you if she had a good network of hot friends.

Fair enough!

sylvester the cat · Jun 3, 2014

joker79 said:
well because having her as FB would be at least interesting

Or a headache. You pursued that avenue. She wasn't dtf. Why flog a dead horse?

joker79 · Jun 3, 2014

you're right. just curious if she's completely disinterested or her ego is driving her behaviour

sylvester the cat · Jun 3, 2014

Curiosity killed the cat once.

Dgwizdal · Jun 3, 2014

Let me take a different approach here as I am just starting to have a chick I dated warm up to me after hating my guts for the last 9 months since we split.

Sounds to me like you handled breaking up correctly and didn't go out like a little b*tch so she is jaded about her decision and has NO CHOICE but to be stubborn now; especially if she's a strong woman. (Newbs: take notes here)

Did she break up with you because of being an AFC or you did something that broke too much rapport (IE: Cheating, doing her bogus, heated argument w no reconciliation on your side, forcing her to split with you, etc.)? More details and I will be able to help you...

Alvafe · Jun 3, 2014

well I would have handled it diferent, if she asked to be friends I would have said sure, and not even spend a single minute with her again.

also if she avoids you please do the same she works in the same place, possible she is avoiding you so because she would feel awkwards around you.

so just let it go stop caring like you said its over a year, and get used to it, being yourself will simple make some people hate you for you being you, and its ok and good for you, I would be more worried if no one would hate your guts for anything, if no one hates you that just tells me your a weak person or someone who let other take advantage of you, simple you would like to please people and be afraid to do what you want.

nismo-4 · Jun 3, 2014

sylvester the cat said:
I don't see why. The more female friends you have, the more possibilities are open to you if she had a good network of hot friends.

Order! Order!

The OP shouldn't hold his breath for this. What, the OP should be some beta orbiter? If a woman tries to friendzone you, you have failed.

OP, of course this woman is avoiding you because she lost a potential emotional tampon/ beta orbiter/ shoulder to cry on. Never be friends first or friends with a woman you want to bang.

Case closed.

VladPatton · Jun 3, 2014

nismo-4 said:
Order! Order!

The OP shouldn't hold his breath for this. What, the OP should be some beta orbiter? If a woman tries to friendzone you, you have failed.

OP, of course this woman is avoiding you because she lost a potential emotional tampon/ beta orbiter/ shoulder to cry on. Never be friends first or friends with a woman you want to bang.

Case closed.

Agree, 100%...she lost a fan and is pissed. That's her problem. Another chick that refuses to grow up. She'll feel better once her Instagram and Twitter fanclub praise her next meal or her new outfit.

Peaks&Valleys · Jun 3, 2014

nismo-4 said:
Order! Order!

The OP shouldn't hold his breath for this. What, the OP should be some beta orbiter? If a woman tries to friendzone you, you have failed.

OP, of course this woman is avoiding you because she lost a potential emotional tampon/ beta orbiter/ shoulder to cry on. Never be friends first or friends with a woman you want to bang.

Case closed.

I agree 100% as well. HOWEVER, what can you do after she says those magical words? You have failed, but what next?

Agree, and amplify IMO. "Friends?? Sure, definitely! I think we could be great friends!!" (in so many words). Then ignore and go NC.

Like was mentioned, I feel saying No is acting butthurt. I may have said to say NO to this in the past, but I've changed my tune. I now feel that it's better just to throw it back at em: "ah, yeah, you're not really my type anyways, let's just be friends." Then DON'T do any friend $hit. Don't be an orbiter, don't drive them to the airport. Ignore, ignore, ignore. They will be confused, and their hamster should spin. It's the only way IMO.

Tictac · Jun 4, 2014

You said you didn't want to be friends. She turned you down for anything else.

What did you think was going to happen?

You gave her a choice. She took the option she wanted.

Kailex · Jun 4, 2014

Seriously, to echo TicTac's sentiment.

Do you really have to ask "WTF" as to why she won't talk to you at work? First of all... AT WORK? Dude, you completely blew her proposition away of being friends... which is fine, but then you wonder why she won't talk to you?

I have to ask to you, OP, WTF?

Of course she is going to avoid you, you essentially said you wanted no part of being in her life... so why should she be nice to you or why should you even talk at all? It's your choice, deal with it.

she tried to friendzone me, I said no and now she avoids me.. WTF?

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