No escalation after 6 dates...

So I met this girl two weekends ago Saturday at a bar.
I was with a guy friend, she was with a guy friend. Our tables were fairly close so we all started chatting and drinking together. Fast forward at the end of the night we exchanged blackberry messenger contacts.

Two days later I call up some girls to go to the mall cause I gotta grab something. She replies, I pick her up, we go and we both got surprised that we get a long so well. She said I was so loud and annoying when I was drinking that Saturday night but she feels a strong connection.

2nd date we went to dinner + salsa lessons/dancing and hit it off. I forced a surprise kiss on the lips that worked. Didn't try on the way to dropping her off.
By the 3rd date she's all over me, kisses me on the cheek, says all good things about me, touches my hair, arms, etc.

The problem is we're on the 6th date and everytime I try to get futher at least to get on base its not working.

Her situation: her last bf cheated on her, first time she said that ever happened to her, she broke it off 2.5 months ago. She said she's not her 100% normal self yet because of what happened. She said she has no feelings for that person. She said her last 3 bf's she dated them for 1-2 months. She doesn't want to rush things, etc.

She tells me she really likes me and wants to be with me and to be patiend. She's bold and does not hide anything. Always smiling etc.

I find that I'm treating her like my gf even though we are not even hooked up. I wouldn't mind a STL going to LTR as she's an awesome gal. 7.5 looks, but 9.5 body!

Looks like she's not ready and I'm trying to measure my success but I'm ending up being short changed.

Any suggestions?

So she gave it up quick to those guys but you get to wait. Lucky you.

I have to clear something up in my post. I meant to say the 3 previous bf's of hers had to date her date her for 1 to 2 months before they got into a relationship.

The goal for me is to start a relationship with her. We really dig each other on all levels it seems. She just messaged me right now telling me she misses me...

Everytime we meet she brings up sexual things. Like she wants me to join her for a class of hot yoga with her. She keeps telling me... Don't you want to see me half naked? Talks about her Brazillian wax down below, etc. We talk dirty in a playful way everytime we meet.

She sometimes smacks her lips together like she's kissing me right in front of me. I told her she's such a tease cause she does this on all of our dates so far. What's the point just kiss me then damn lol.

I joked around telling her I haven't even gotten a real kiss from you yet, yet u do all these things, tsk tsk... She says she wants it to happen naturally. I think she wants it to happen when SHE wants it to happen...

I am not used to going this slow but she's giving me all the green lights other than lettming me get on base though...

What is it that you want exactly? Whats bugging you in the pit of your stomach? I'm not getting the reason for your post. Sounds like your on track for what you want right? No? Hmm?

Maybe be a bit more agressive? Stop listening to what she says so much? Start looking at what she does? And amp it up just a little bit more? She blows kisses, you take a hug and a kiss. Key word, TAKE. Maybe just push a little harder than nothing?

Dear DJ,
It really helps to know your age....six dates and Womens Magazines rationalisations for lack of progress.....generally three dates maybe four without any promise and its Next!

Warrior74 said:

What is it that you want exactly? Whats bugging you in the pit of your stomach? I'm not getting the reason for your post. Sounds like your on track for what you want right? No? Hmm?

Maybe be a bit more agressive? Stop listening to what she says so much? Start looking at what she does? And amp it up just a little bit more? She blows kisses, you take a hug and a kiss. Key word, TAKE. Maybe just push a little harder than nothing?

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What's bugging me is that when I know a girl likes me like this one I usually get to first base on the first or second date. It's been 6 dates and I'm feel I'm not making progress or not advancing on the physical side. Not what I'm used to. I used to be a player and was used to taking it fast, even for 4 of my 6 previous gf's. She says a lot of nice things to me when we are together and over blackberry messenger. When we are together she stares at me and smiles, she wants to hold hands, put her hands on my lap, arms around me. She likes to stare at me and smile, she always smiles.

I don't know how I can amp it up because whenever I try to kiss her which was probably 3-4 times out of the 6 dates it never worked so I'm thinking it will only happen when she's ready.

Scaramouche said:

Dear DJ,
It really helps to know your age....six dates and Womens Magazines rationalisations for lack of progress.....generally three dates maybe four without any promise and its Next!

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Hey Scaramouche,

I'm 31 and she's 21, but when women guess my age they think I'm 25-26. So she's fine with that. She has an idea that I'm the leader of my group of friends because of how I act etc.

Remember she got out of a sh*tty relationship 2.5 months ago and said she never been cheated on so she's slowly getting back to normal.

She's in university and has mid terms this week, the last one is next Monday. She's also a capricorn, and I'm a pisces. She said she's not back to her 100% self yet but is almost there. Said that when she's back then she'll be open to having another relationship. I get the feeling she doesn't want to be burned again with a cheater. But the thing is, whether we get together now or later, you can never know if someone's gonna cheat because sometimes it takes a year or more to actually know someone...

ahhhh..... >.<

DJ SO STEVE said:

I don't know how I can amp it up because whenever I try to kiss her which was probably 3-4 times out of the 6 dates it never worked so I'm thinking it will only happen when she's ready.

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I guess I just can't even understand how that happens. I don't even think I could go out again with a girl i tried to kiss and wouldn't kiss me 3-4 times. If that only happens when she's ready, what else happens when she's ready? I dunno man. I hate to lead you wrong with bad advice, but honestly it just seems weird from where I'm standing. I would say treat her like any other girl you dated when you were a "player". Especially now after 6 dates. You've shown you can be patient, now show you can be a smooth player. Shes no virgin and all that getting over it stuff, well, you've been here long enough to know how they can really get over it. And you know about the ego boosting boyfriend. Are you sure you aren't that? Some other dudes dogged her out and shes using you to feel great again? I mean, give it a cold hard objective look as if you were advising some other guy here. I'm trying not to be harsh and to understand.

Start withdrawing a bit. You're giving her WAY too much power. She should be kissing you by now, even if she wants to "take it slow." The fact that she isn't means she isn't the least bit concerned that you'll get bored and move on--that's lukewarm interest. Start dating other girls and watch her interest rise.

DJ SO STEVE said:

I have to clear something up in my post. I meant to say the 3 previous bf's of hers had to date her date her for 1 to 2 months before they got into a relationship.

The goal for me is to start a relationship with her. We really dig each other on all levels it seems. She just messaged me right now telling me she misses me...

Everytime we meet she brings up sexual things. Like she wants me to join her for a class of hot yoga with her. She keeps telling me... Don't you want to see me half naked? Talks about her Brazillian wax down below, etc. We talk dirty in a playful way everytime we meet.

She sometimes smacks her lips together like she's kissing me right in front of me. I told her she's such a tease cause she does this on all of our dates so far. What's the point just kiss me then damn lol.

I joked around telling her I haven't even gotten a real kiss from you yet, yet u do all these things, tsk tsk... She says she wants it to happen naturally. I think she wants it to happen when SHE wants it to happen...

I am not used to going this slow but she's giving me all the green lights other than lettming me get on base though...

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Oh man she has you drooling with anticipation . She sure knows how to play this game. And your obvious desire is playing right into her hands .

The way to break this standoff is 1) STOP drooling all over her, and 2) Break a date with her by canceling.

Watch the panties hit the carpet.

At this point, running some bizarro world game is your only recourse. "Bizarro world" to you, anyway.

Here's how you do it:

1. STOP IT with the blackberry messenging. Excessive texting and especially facebook are actually game stoppers.

2. I sense a lack of push/pull here as well. In-person, you need to adopt a new "air" with her. If she talks about sex, you say things like "Why do you talk about sex all the time?" and "I'm so much more than just a big throbbing ****." You make her wonder how interested you are, then you feel her up at an opportune moment. Keep her guessing, she'll love you for it.

You need a crash-course in DJ 101. Read the hell out of this site and adjust yourself accordingly. Just do what it tells you; it may seem out of left field, it will often seem ridiculous. But if you take the Leap of DJ Faith with this girl, I have no doubt that you will, at the very least, receive one helluvan education from the experience.

Robyn923b said:

Why RUSH things? You aren't getting any pvssy anyway. I think you need some NC and stop giving so many compliments; i sounds like she wants you to validate her when she talks about her body or sex. Be careful, if you let her have control too much, she'll see it and run away.

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Robyn am I really rushing things? Dam, we had a talk yesterday as we went out for dinner. When we first met she said to me she doesn't play games and is bold talks about everything. So when she kept teasing me I told her how I don't see any progress cause I can't even get a kiss from her. I brought this up in a casual way.

She asked me to explain and I told her about how I'm not used to going this slow, especially when two people like each other, and the teasing doesn't help.

I know she likes me, so she asked me do I like her. I never admitted it, but last night I did. I told her I'm interested in her and I like her, but told her it puzzles me that I haven't been able to kiss her yet. She asked me do I like her as a friend or a sister... I said I like you like you. I asked her the same and she said the same, but she wants to take things slow.

Then she brought up how she got cheated on with her ex and they broke up 2.5 months ago and that she's almost 100% herself again and doesn't want to rush things with me because she believes rushing is not good.

I asked her if she's dating anyone else she said no, said that she doesn't have time, she just spends her free time with her friends and just dates me. She knows I have girls around me but I'm only dating her, which I don't mind that she knows.

When talking to her in the car she said what I mentioned during dinner is kinda putting pressure on her. I told her well you said to talk about anything and don't hide anything right? She said yes your right. She told me I seem to not have that much patients. I didn't wanna bring up measuring my progress again as it would continue to apply pressure so I just said I'll try to be more patient.

So I dropped her off, she gave me a kiss on the cheek and I kissed her on the cheek too and she asked me to text her when I get home.

By the way guys I did talk to her during the drive home and mentioned that it seems like she wants to call all the shots. I mentioned to her that I'm the man and I have to make the decisions. She said yes thats find with her but she'll want to make some decisions at least but will let me make most. I said okay.

She texted me before she got home informing she is more sick after having a shower. (She caught a cold during the day).

When I got home she then said she is lying in bed and wishes I were next to her. Said she misses me. What do I say? I say the same so its mutual.

Man... should I just play along? I meet so many girls get so many numbers but those chicks don't interest me and some of them are really cute/pretty also.

I'm like this because I like to apply logic to everything...

She's not ready for a relationship means 3 things:
a) She's really not ready because her ex cheated on her etc.
b) She's just using me (hard to believe because she's so close to me)
c) Possible rebound (hard to believe because she expresses so much feelings towards me and is always attached to me when we are together and also initiates convo's and meetups half or most of the time)

So I figure I can do 2 things.
a) continue to go along with this until she is ready
- I will only spend 2-3 months doing this, more would be exhausting to my time/money
b) Stop seeing her and tell her to get back to me once she's ready to go further, cause she likes me but not ready for a relationship because of the past.

Am I thinking to much? I think I'm sounding like I'm rushing things now which is showing I am desperate but I'm not. I just don't wanna waste 3 months and worst case scenario she says "Steve, I don't think it's gonna work" I'll be pretty pissed but can move on no doubt because its not hard for me to meet other women.

What do you guys think.... Errrr sticky situation.

jophil28 said:

Oh man she has you drooling with anticipation . She sure knows how to play this game. And your obvious desire is playing right into her hands .

The way to break this standoff is 1) STOP drooling all over her, and 2) Break a date with her by canceling.

Watch the panties hit the carpet.

Click to expand...

I'm having sort of the same issue as the OP but she has let me kiss her a few times and I've seen her 5 times. She drives to my house an our each way to hang out but she won't stay the night. She wants to take it slow.

Should I cancel the date tomorrow in my case? I haven't been drooling on her I've played it smooth and she initiates texts every day.

Warrior74 said:

I guess I just can't even understand how that happens. I don't even think I could go out again with a girl i tried to kiss and wouldn't kiss me 3-4 times. If that only happens when she's ready, what else happens when she's ready? I dunno man. I hate to lead you wrong with bad advice, but honestly it just seems weird from where I'm standing. I would say treat her like any other girl you dated when you were a "player". Especially now after 6 dates. You've shown you can be patient, now show you can be a smooth player. Shes no virgin and all that getting over it stuff, well, you've been here long enough to know how they can really get over it. And you know about the ego boosting boyfriend. Are you sure you aren't that? Some other dudes dogged her out and shes using you to feel great again? I mean, give it a cold hard objective look as if you were advising some other guy here. I'm trying not to be harsh and to understand.

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I know I'm not the ego boosting BF because she compliments me all the time. Her friend also met me and told her I look a lot cuter than her ex. She brought that up on the 4th/5th/6th date. I'm stilll putting up with her even though she rejected my kiss 3-4 times. That should show my patience but I don't think she's thinking about where I'm coming from here...

Jeffst1980 said:

The fact that she isn't means she isn't the least bit concerned that you'll get bored and move on--that's lukewarm interest. Start dating other girls and watch her interest rise.

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I believe she's not putting herself in my shoes thats why she doesn't realize I'll get bored and move on. She did tell me she's not ready yet but whats with all the flirting/teasing.

By what I explained do you really think she'll be ready sooner than later? I don't wanna end up meeting this chick 20 times and still not even touching first base. :crazy:

jophil28 said:

Oh man she has you drooling with anticipation . She sure knows how to play this game. And your obvious desire is playing right into her hands .

The way to break this standoff is 1) STOP drooling all over her, and 2) Break a date with her by canceling.

Watch the panties hit the carpet.

Click to expand...

She said from the start she doesn't play games. I can confront her telling her it seems like she's playing a game with me. That might knock some sense into her.

I don't show that I drool over her, she shows more drooling over me from how she always acts. She's always the one saying "you're so cute", "I miss you", "I can't wait to see you". It's like okay when are you gonna fack me already...

She begged me to go to yoga class with her on Friday and thats the day I'm off work so I said I'll go. She even bought a yoga mat for me so I don't have to rent from the place she goes.

I'll feel bad cancelling on her. After all last night we went out for dinner and she was really sick but still came out with me. She said whenever she makes plans she never cancels because she is considerate for the other person. So I said, okay I don't feel special anymore since you would do the same for everyone....

She said how about you? I said if it was anyone other than a girl I'm dating "YOU" currently I would stay home and rest" She said thats pretty mean. I told her, I can't be nice to everyone, can't make everyone feel special etc. The world is not fair, and I have to be a d*ck sometimes.

So yeah I don't wanna flop on her. I'm pretty sure in this case it will backfire.

Julius_Seizeher said:

At this point, running some bizarro world game is your only recourse. "Bizarro world" to you, anyway.

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Never heard of Bizarro world but sounds interesting indeed!

Julius_Seizeher said:

Here's how you do it:

1. STOP IT with the blackberry messenging. Excessive texting and especially facebook are actually game stoppers.

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How can I just not reply anymore? She initiates messaging me 60%-65% of the time!

Julius_Seizeher said:

2. I sense a lack of push/pull here as well. In-person, you need to adopt a new "air" with her. If she talks about sex, you say things like "Why do you talk about sex all the time?" and "I'm so much more than just a big throbbing ****." You make her wonder how interested you are, then you feel her up at an opportune moment. Keep her guessing, she'll love you for it.

Click to expand...

I asked her once or twice why she brings up sex and vulgar stuff as she likes to tell me sometime and she says. That's not vulgar pretending to be all innocent. If I tell her I'm so much more than yadda yadda, she'll think thats cute and will smile and giggle most likely. I'll try that tho.

Julius_Seizeher said:

You need a crash-course in DJ 101. Read the hell out of this site and adjust yourself accordingly. Just do what it tells you; it may seem out of left field, it will often seem ridiculous. But if you take the Leap of DJ Faith with this girl, I have no doubt that you will, at the very least, receive one helluvan education from the experience.

Click to expand...

I'll take the crash-course in DJ 101 now thanks! :box:

DJ SO STEVE said:

She said from the start she doesn't play games. I can confront her telling her it seems like she's playing a game with me. That might knock some sense into her.

I don't show that I drool over her, she shows more drooling over me from how she always acts. She's always the one saying "you're so cute", "I miss you", "I can't wait to see you". It's like okay when are you gonna fack me already...

She begged me to go to yoga class with her on Friday and thats the day I'm off work so I said I'll go. She even bought a yoga mat for me so I don't have to rent from the place she goes.

I'll feel bad cancelling on her. After all last night we went out for dinner and she was really sick but still came out with me. She said whenever she makes plans she never cancels because she is considerate for the other person. So I said, okay I don't feel special anymore since you would do the same for everyone....

She said how about you? I said if it was anyone other than a girl I'm dating "YOU" currently I would stay home and rest" She said thats pretty mean. I told her, I can't be nice to everyone, can't make everyone feel special etc. The world is not fair, and I have to be a d*ck sometimes.

So yeah I don't wanna flop on her. I'm pretty sure in this case it will backfire.

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said, said, say, saying, saaay, look, look, saying, lay, look, say. That's all im hearing here, a bunch of talk. Action not words. All I see is a man buying into a woman's frame lock stock and barrell. And that whole knock some sense into her...no. Actions not words! Her words are keeping you from treating her like every other girl. I think you got that P on a pedestal.

Back to bootcamp for Steve. Steve you are acting like the classic beta, at least with this chick (could be because she's 10 years younger). Are you dating other women? That's step number one.

Go, leave this forum now and do whatever it takes to date other women. I mean it, right now, go. Get a date with another chick within 5 days. Go. Now.

DJ SO STEVE said:

She said from the start she doesn't play games. I can confront her telling her it seems like she's playing a game with me. That might knock some sense into her. .

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As soon as a woman says she doesn't play games, its game on. Confronting her won't do sh1t but just make you look like a chump and lower her interest, not returning her calls and instead going after other plates (meaning other women) is the right thing to do.

DJ SO STEVE said:

I don't show that I drool over her, she shows more drooling over me from how she always acts. She's always the one saying "you're so cute", "I miss you", "I can't wait to see you". It's like okay when are you gonna fack me already... .

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Action speaks louder then words. All her words are bullsh1t if they don't mirror what she tells you. If she was half as interested in you as you are in her, you would already been facking.

DJ SO STEVE said:

She begged me to go to yoga class with her on Friday and thats the day I'm off work so I said I'll go. She even bought a yoga mat for me so I don't have to rent from the place she goes..

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oh wonderful you are doing yoga with a girl you aren't facking, congradulations you are now her girlfriend.

DJ SO STEVE said:

I'll feel bad cancelling on her. After all last night we went out for dinner and she was really sick but still came out with me. She said whenever she makes plans she never cancels because she is considerate for the other person. So I said, okay I don't feel special anymore since you would do the same for everyone....

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Why would you go out with a sick girl?! you can't catch a fack but you can catch a cold. Besides her being sick will ensure that she has more excuses as to why you are not going to fack her tonight.

DJ SO STEVE said:

She said how about you? I said if it was anyone other than a girl I'm dating "YOU" currently I would stay home and rest" She said thats pretty mean. I told her, I can't be nice to everyone, can't make everyone feel special etc. The world is not fair, and I have to be a d*ck sometimes.

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At last you showed her you got some balls but it might have been too little too late. If you were a little more selfish and assertive at the begining and thought about your needs first, you might have not ended up attempting to dig yourself out of this hole.

DJ SO STEVE said:

So yeah I don't wanna flop on her. I'm pretty sure in this case it will backfire.

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Don't be surprised if you get "Lets just be friends" line or "I met someone else/got back with the ex" line soon. You catered to this girl's whims without getting nothing in return and for the life of me I don't see why she has any reason remaining to sleep with you.

Read the DJ Bible and don't make silly mistakes like that again. I don't know if your situation is salvageable, but I do know you are much better of starting out with a new girl once you learn of the reasons you screwed up.