GF going out to bars

WORKEROUTER said:

At the end of the night, she started hugging and making out with me. I think she realized at this point she wasn't dealing with an ambivalent child who's beliefs were in constant vacillation (like so many guys out there), but rather, a man, a DJ, with a core set of standards and beliefs, who will not have them compromised for another.

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Indeed, and massive respect to you for it!

Jackman, I want you to clarify for me more of how I am going to hard way.

This is the way I see it:

She has views about things. Maybe she doesn't think that going to a club and getting drunk is OKAY, because she "knows" she's not going to do anything stupid. In other words, maybe she thinks something is OKAY which I think is NOT OKAY.

I'm telling her how I feel about it, straight out. I never made it seem like I was being controlling. NEVERY ONCE in our conversation did I even direct attention and reference to HER, such as saying, "I don't want YOU to do this or that.."

I merely told her a VALUE and STANDARD of mine.

Again, I reiterate, I never even insinuated or even suggested WHAT she should do...I simply made a value statement.

She knows that since I hold that value, if she decides to DISRESPECT me by not caring about what I have to say, that I'm going to make the shot here, and she will be immediately dumped, period.

I don't see how "in her mind" she could possibly see me as being "insecure" for statign a value and standard of mine, and simply watching ow she reacts to it.

I'm NOT infatuated with her and I'm not AFRAID of losing her...so there's really no "power" she could possibly have!

And guess what? If she DOES get b*tchy with me in the future? Then I'll be calling her out on it. She tried before to be a b*tch to me. I basically stood up, told her that she's being ridiculous, grabbed my shoes, and told her that if she's going to keep it up, I'll call her tomorrow, when she's ready to start acting mature.

MOST guys in the situation I'm in would do one of two things.

The first type would be a total p*ssy and try to constantly interrogate her about her actions. Each time, though, she'll be losing respect for him, and eventually she'll just dump his sorry ass.

The second guy would just try to CONTAIN his feelings, thinking that it would be wrong to bother her about this. But deep inside, it is stil BOTHERING him. Eventually, it will explode out, and his actions will probably follow those of guy #1, hence leading to the same conclusion.

I'm going to do something totally different. I'm going to let her be a free agent, but explicitly let her know a standard of mine. Unlike both of the prior scenarios, where SHE'S in fact the one in control, I am the one in control here.

Last Man Standing said:

I agree Jack - good analogy!

Work dude said she started going out to clubs on her birthday so this was not in the beginning of their relationship so although he told her a bit late he had to set the record straight out of his conscious and dignity as a man.

I expect she will still go out and hide it from him but this is the kind of women we have to choose from nowadays - I personally wouldn't tell my girl not to go to clubs she should know this already from day one - I don't pursue women with the club mindset for a LTR!

It is OK to go to bars as a man but not for a woman - we have a different standard because we are the ones who do the pursuing!! If my buddy wants me to accompany him to a bar/club then I would go regard;ess of my girl's discontent. Girls that go to bars KNOW that men are going to approach them - this is not a secret!! Whereas if a man goes out he is the one to decide if he will approach the woman - thus a different standard applies.

Workrouter, you explained yourself well!!!

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Last man standing, you're absolutely right.

I learned a lot about what I go for in a LTR by dating a girl with the "club" mindset, as you put it. Next time, guess what, I WON'T be goign for a girl like this in a LTR.

I KNOW it's probably not going to be working out in the future with her, and I'm okay with that. I'm always after other girls, anyway, and I'm just handling the situation with HER right now in the best way I can...more to practice doing the RIGHT thing...for my OWN benefit.

Workerouter, you can say or do most anything you'd like in the most morally brilliant and valiant way possible. You can earn yourself the DJ Oscar for most dignified moment on the planet. But one small fact remains: you're sticking around hoping for change. It doesn't matter if you know you can move on unaffected and easily. Matter of fact, I have the confidence that you can and even said so myself earlier in this thread.

But level with me here. If, on the one hand, you have little doubt this girl will continue doing what she's doing, then why are you sticking around? Why are you taking the time to make such moral, value, whatever you want to call it kind of displays and statements? On the other hand, if you believe something might work itself out here, then I'm sure that ultimately means this whole bar thing as it is now would have to go in order for that to happen, right?

The point here is that you've made the ultimatum, not with your words but by simply remaining with her after the topic was discussed, even in your dignified, matter of fact kind of way. This is why I tell guys like yourself at your age and in these kinds of situations not to worry about crap like this. You rarely win in the end by trying to tackle the situation, no matter how you approach it, and the reason is because you're not making any real decisions here. You're holding out for other possible scenerios instead of getting the most likely one out of the way right now. THAT'S the hard way.

So either get over it or move on, but it's time to make a decision because you're the one that brought it to light. If you don't, well then you're just waiting around until she eventually makes it for you.

Latinoman said:

No offense...I have being in Vegas myself. That's a place for either prostitution or gambling or shows or Conferences or Vacation or Boxing. Vegas is NOT a party place. Miami, D.C., NY, and LA are party places. Add San Juan, Rio de Janeiro to that list. I wouldn't go to Vegas for "party"...even if they paid me to do so. BORING!

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You've got to be kidding me. Vegas is the number one tourist destination IN THE WORLD. That's not an opinion either, 40 million tourist come to Vegas every year to party. It has direct flight from Asia and from Europe. If you can't party in vegas its becsue you don't know how to party in the least. I've been too/ lived in all of the cities you listed with the exception of San Juan and only LA and NY rival the night life in vegas. Do you think they build these Multi million dollar clubs and bars because they like throwing money away? Please, Vegas is the pinnicle of the party world, period.

Jackman said:

Workerouter, you can say or do most anything you'd like in the most morally brilliant and valiant way possible. You can earn yourself the DJ Oscar for most dignified moment on the planet. But one small fact remains: you're sticking around hoping for change. It doesn't matter if you know you can move on unaffected and easily. Matter of fact, I have the confidence that you can and even said so myself earlier in this thread.

But level with me here. If, on the one hand, you have little doubt this girl will continue doing what she's doing, then why are you sticking around? Why are you taking the time to make such moral, value, whatever you want to call it kind of displays and statements? On the other hand, if you believe something might work itself out here, then I'm sure that ultimately means this whole bar thing as it is now would have to go in order for that to happen, right?

The point here is that you've made the ultimatum, not with your words but by simply remaining with her after the topic was discussed, even in your dignified, matter of fact kind of way. This is why I tell guys like yourself at your age and in these kinds of situations not to worry about crap like this. You rarely win in the end by trying to tackle the situation, no matter how you approach it, and the reason is because you're not making any real decisions here. You're holding out for other possible scenerios instead of getting the most likely one out of the way right now. THAT'S the hard way.

So either get over it or move on, but it's time to make a decision because you're the one that brought it to light. If you don't, well then you're just waiting around until she eventually makes it for you.

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You're absolutely right. I can't change her. But I'm glad I expressed my values to her, so that she understands.

However it won't be brought up again. I won't continue trying to "tackle" it because I can't change her. If it becomes too much of an issue, I'll have to simply move on.

Latinoman said:

I would say that at least 75-80% of the women in that age group that goes to bars AND get drunk has at least kissed another man or gotten herself grinded by another man. That on itself is cheating. Furthermore, I have seen (several times) women doing their bachelorette parties in bars (wearing the "soon to be bride" ribbon, etc.). And I have seen then engaging in some nasty stuff with some of the men in those nightclubs and bars. Once again, same age group.

I know that for a fact. I have hunted several in the past.

75-80% (based on my observation) of women in the 21-24 age group that get drunk in a nightclub have done something that most men consider cheating. In my eyes that's not "worst case scenario". In my eyes...that's the norm.

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Bump

See http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=83349 .

Latinoman said:

Do you know who I blame when a wife cheats on her husband? I ALWAYS blame the husband. Why? Because men are the ones that choose their wives (men ask women for marriage...not the other way around). If a man choose a woman that has the potential to be a slut...then it is HIS fault!

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That's kinda a cop-out. Problem is, there just are very few decent women left in the post-feminist, Girls Gone Wild wastelands anymore. Now, choosing a wife is like picking the lesser of evils.

Latinoman said:

But she drinks. She gets drunk. And there are lot of men out there. Make no mistake about that.

Furthermore...she goes TWICE a WEEK!!!!

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Last Man Standing said:

Workrouter,

I’m never wrong – so listen up.

“Cheating” begins before the action takes place – it starts as a thought and then she makes herself “available” then she takes action on the thought of being with another man.

Every hor was a virgin once – so to say she “was” a virgin means nothing!!

Does she go bowling twice a week with her friends? NO!!!

Does she go to dinner twice a week with her friends? NO!!! .

Does she go to play chess with her friends twice a week? NO!!!!

You get the point – SHE GOES TO CLUBS!!!!!!!

CLUBS ARE “SINGLES PICK-UP” PLACES WHERE ALCOHOL IS CONSUMED AND WOMEN PUT THEIR @SSES AND VAGINAS ON MENS PENISES!!!!!!!!!

Even though you are only19 you should know this.

A woman that goes to clubs without her man is untrustworthy – do not trust her –period!!!! (oops, I used exclamation points when I said period.). Men approach a woman if she is not attached to a man – particularly at clubs!! She is disrespecting you and making you look like a weak man!

The fools who say a man is “insecure” because he doesn’t allow his girl to disrespect him is naïve and is of the sort of men who will most likely marry a hor that ends up cheating on him and who in the end will kill her lover and not his hor wife!! Don’t listen to these kind of men – they are the AFCs who let women run over them!!!

Go after other women because by drinking and making herself available to the advances of other men in a club scene twice a week she is definitely seeking other men!!!!!!!!!!!!

Out of respect for you she should not go to clubs - she doesn't respect you!!

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I totally agree. There is nothing innocent about a club/bar. It's a drunken meatmarket. It's only a matter of time before she hooks up with another dude and gives workrouter a 2ndhand STD. Mark my words, this is the beginning of the END.

But, you can't take it too personal. Just realize that a girl with those types of urges, values & emotional void, cannot be trusted. Or made whole by any man. It's something she must fill herself.

Remember, girls never let go of one branch until they have another. So, if she's already looking for another, that means she already want to let go of YOU.

BTW, don't listen to any of the diseased *****s in here supporting your gf's slutty behavior. Obviously, they have a biased opinion. Reality is though, it doesn't mean you're insecure if you suspect that most girls are deceitful tramps these days. Cuz that's the PROVEN TRUTH, TIME AND AGAIN, no matter WHO YOU ARE! It actually means you're secure if you have the balls to set boundaries for them and show them you care.

I can't tell you how many times I've been laying next to some chick, all sweaty cause I just finished busting a nut all over her face or in her mouth or on her back, and suddenly her phone rings and she's on the phone with her man, giving him some bull**** story. This is with NO GUILT WHATSOEVER!!! The sweetest most innocent girls you ever laid eyes on, will cheat at the drop of a HAT. The one thing that most men value most - loyalty - is just not there with women. Women don't think in terms of honor, women don't say "word is bond;" women are basically emotionally driven. If they feel it, they do it, period. Then they rationalize it to themselves later. Nothing is more meaningful, or compelling, to a woman than (1) the way she feels and (2) learning more about her own inner self and having emotional realizations.

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wayword said:

That's kinda a cop-out. Problem is, there just are very few decent women left in the post-feminist, Girls Gone Wild wastelands anymore. Now, choosing a wife is like picking the lesser of evils.I totally agree. There is nothing innocent about a club/bar. It's a drunken meatmarket. It's only a matter of time before she hooks up with another dude and gives workrouter a 2ndhand STD. Mark my words, this is the beginning of the END.

But, you can't take it too personal. Just realize that a girl with those types of urges, values & emotional void, cannot be trusted. Or made whole by any man. It's something she must fill herself.

Remember, girls never let go of one branch until they have another. So, if she's already looking for another, that means she already want to let go of YOU.

BTW, don't listen to any of the diseased *****s in here supporting your gf's slutty behavior. Obviously, they have a biased opinion. Reality is though, it doesn't mean you're insecure if you suspect that most girls are deceitful tramps these days. Cuz that's the PROVEN TRUTH, TIME AND AGAIN, no matter WHO YOU ARE! It actually means you're secure if you have the balls to set boundaries for them and show them you care.

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Wayward, you know truth!! Many of these dudes here are young and their minds have been perverted by the hor/homo agenda of the last four decades and thus are deeply entangled in the web of THE MATRIX!!!!!

For a man to openly show his natural masculinity. dominance, and control over the female nowadays is considered and viewed as "insecure" by this corrupted current generation!!!!

Truth and nature are not generational - they remain always and forever!!!!!!!!!!

Workrouter - let me guess - this girl is no longer around - correct??

zzz

The author of this post is 100% right. It's the world we live in, and it really is a damn shame. It's not right that men seduce married women, especially married women with families.

great !

Holy thread necromancer Batman!

soldier said:

The author of this post is 100% right. It's the world we live in, and it really is a damn shame. It's not right that men seduce married women, especially married women with families.

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The women is an adult. Good women dont cheat and arent selfish when it comes to their spouse and family.

The seducer is just as wrong as the seduced.

WORKEROUTER said:

My gf, who just recently turned 21, goes out to bars usually a couple times per week w/ friends and such until late at night (1-2 AM).

As I'm only 19, I can't go with her, and often this makes me feel uncomfortable. I trust her that she won't f*ck around on me, but there's still a feel of discomfort.

My question is..what would be the best way to handle this scenario?

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1) Let her do whatever the **** she wants. So if she ****s up, you now know what type of person you were dealing with. If you prevent her from doing things, she will resent you and you are only delaying the **** ups for later down the road. or in secret behind your back.

2) Be really good friends with ALL of her friends. Be kind to them, sweet, etc... when something bad happens, they will know about it. MAYBE they might even tell you because they like you so much.


just stop caring. what happens, happens.