Advice from some mature posters (Girlfriend wants to be treated really bad)

I've been with my Girlfriend for 2 yrs now, she's a really nice girl,loyal and everything a man can ask for but there's one thing about her that's is causing a big problem in the relationship. When she was a kid a guy TRIED to molest her, also her dad is a really hard headed man that never showed her any love. The thing is she wants me to disrespect her and treat her bad...I mean from other girls i've always been told I can be a somewhat hardheaded person..so it's not as if i'm a push over but my girl acts spoiled, and i#ve noticed she really wants me to disrespect her,and she has told me she loves when I treat her like that, and i'm don't really want to do that to keep her happy because to me that's not a healthy relationship in my eyes. When I say disrespect I mean a lot, she says she loves being put in her place. I know she has problems from her childhood and from her father, well that's what I think I could be wrong.To be honest i'm in love with this girl, like really deep in love but it's not in my nature to treat a women like this, If I do decide to treat her like this I think over a period of time i will change who "I" am. Can anyone give me advice on what I can do? I want to keep this girl, but I don't wanna change myself. She's an inteligent girl, I guess it seems asif she's is looking for somewhat a father figure, i've told her ..why I think she wants to be treated bad..because of her father but she insists it's not for that reason, but I still belive it is. I'm kinda caught up i'm not the nicest person in the world, a bit of a jerk sometimes, but i'd never change myself completely yo suit her. I mean she won't leave me if I don't treat her how she wants me to but what do y'all think.. positive advice from mature people please.. where do you think this is going? I mean we've spoken about marrige and we both are in love, she says she's never felt this way about no other guy.

Women like men who are dominate - dominance is a masuline trait.

In terms of "disrespect" - I do not know what you mean by this???

Here is what your gf's problem is...

She is clearly trying to re-live her relationship with her father through you and get different results. She most likely has no clue that's what she's doing. What she needs to do is resolve whatever issues she has with her father. If she's able to talk it out with him...great. If she can't, then she needs to either get into therapy or find a self-help program designed to help you heal your childhood issues.

Do NOT mistreat her. You need to stay firm about that. It will destroy the relationship. It sounds like overall she is a good girl...but she does have some emotional baggage that she needs to deal with. The best thing you can do for your relationship is to help her learn to unpack that baggage as it comes along so it doesn't pile up. You're not her father and should not put yourself in a position that will lead her to compare you to him and associate you with how he made her feel.

You're not her father and should not put yourself in a position that will lead her to compare you to him and associate you with how he made her feel.

Yeah, good luck with that. Women marry men who remind them of their fathers. She is going to lose attraction and get her fix elsewhere if you don't give her what she needs.

Do NOT mistreat her.

But what exactly does "mistreat" mean? Be dominant, or this girl is going to leave you. Tell her what to do, smack her ass, pull her hair, tie her up, call her a slvt, make her beg - and she will *love it.* If you insist on being a nice guy, she will cheat or leave. If you can't treat a woman like this, at least in the bedroom, then she is not the girl for you, and you should move on with your life.

Bible_Belt said:

You're not her father and should not put yourself in a position that will lead her to compare you to him and associate you with how he made her feel.

Yeah, good luck with that. Women marry men who remind them of their fathers. She is going to lose attraction and get her fix elsewhere if you don't give her what she needs.

Do NOT mistreat her.

But what exactly does "mistreat" mean? Be dominant, or this girl is going to leave you. Tell her what to do, smack her ass, pull her hair, tie her up, call her a slvt, make her beg - and she will *love it.* If you insist on being a nice guy, she will cheat or leave. If you can't treat a woman like this, at least in the bedroom, then she is not the girl for you, and you should move on with your life.

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Bible Belt...really think about this for a minute. This woman may be a good girl and have potential to be great...but she's got some very significant baggage that will either be dealt with in a healthy way or will destroy the relationship in time.

If he falls into the trap of playing the role of her father so she can re-live her childhood relationship with him looking for different results one of two things will happen. He will either remind her of bad feelings and pain...leading her to get depressed and turn into a beached whale...or she'll find those different results and thereby become healthier. When she gets healthier she will ask herself what they heck she's doing with a guy who treated her like her father did when that kind of treatment hurt her so much. Either way...if he does as she asks he is not only selling himself out, but he is also essentially sealing the fate of the relationship as a failure.

Encourage her to go to therapy or do some self help work.

Damn, this girl is just sick.
Just drop this psycho-w hore.

Next.

dude my ex was the same as your gf. except she had problems with her mom. i think she was raped or molested by some dude when she was like 14. i was with her for like 1.5 yrs talked about marriage and everything then we broke up. When i treat her like **** she comes runnign to me but im not really like that and its unhealthy. she probably drains you emotionally right? is she an AW? girls like that just need to be alone or with afc who will put up with all their bs. just a big waste time. girls like that are fvcked up and what to bring their pain on you. fvck her. seriously you wanna be with a girl that likes that sh*t? think about it.

When I say disrespect I mean a lot, she says she loves being put in her place.

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Here's a news flash: ALL women like their man to put them in their place. They can't stand a man who...

- is 100% agreeable with everything they say
- lets them have their own way all the time
- buys them everything they want

Do NOT mistreat her.

But what exactly does "mistreat" mean?

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Bible_Belt raises a valid question. Mistreating a woman is when you physically, emotionally, and sexually abuse her. Shall we break these down as well?

Physical Abuse: Beating the 5hit out of her using physical violence. This doesn't include spanking her ass if she enjoys it.

Emotional Abuse: Words that are used to control and mistreat her such as intentionally degrading her with hurful comments. This does not include jokingly telling her she's a brat.

Sexual Abuse: Forcing a sexual act on her when she has given the red light by telling you to STOP. This does not include her saying "you're bad" when you begin fingering her.

As far as I can think, there's nothing else outside of these three main issues that can also be defined as "mistreating". Putting your foot down when she wants to buy her 23rd pair of shoes (with your paycheck) isn't mistreating her. You're preventing her from making an emotional impulse purchase (and saving yourself from spending money on useless crap).

Women want to be told the word "NO" from their man. She may whine and moan about not getting their own way all the time, but she'll respect you for standing up to her!