Help with letting go of ex-girlfriend!!!!!

Hello,

Let me tell you about my story and hopefully somebody can offer some help. I am 39 years old and was married for 9 years and just recently was divorced, actually a little over a year ago, and I have a 5 year old girl. My married life was typical, I thought, I guess we just had had enough of each other. I never cheated on my wife and she the same, I just think she just got married too soon, she was 25.

Well last Decmber I started dating this girl that is pretty well known in this town(small town 80,000people) and things were going great. She was probably the sweetest person that I had ever met. I even got along better with her than my ex-wife, there was no comparison. Well, from what I heard from other people was that this girl was wanting to find someone to get married to quickly! But having come out of a divorce only a year and a half ago I was wanting to make sure. She loved me from the start but it took me about 6 months or so before I knew I was in love with her. We broke up 2-3 times during these 6 months because she always wanted to know where the relationship was going and I always told here that I was not ready to get married yet and I wanted to make sure she was the one. So finally after 8 months I could tell she was ready to call it quits but I was sure by then she was it. So I went and got a ring and proposed. Well.... she did not accept it. She said she felt like she was making me do it which was not the case. I had actually truly fallen in love with this girl. Well I went nuts! I fell into major depression. It was like my divorce and this break up double wammed me! She said she wanted her space but I continued to text message her and call her which I know is probably the worst thing to do but I couldn't help it. How can someone love you so much and then do a complete 180 on you and totally ignore you like you never existed?? Shortly after the breakup I found out that she did the excact same thing to another guy, she led him along until he commited to her and fell in love with her and she did the 180 thing on him.

I has been a month now and I find myself driving by her house to see if she's home or if she is going out with anybody. I know I am just making it worse for myself. I even started exercising everyday and this makes it a little better but I feel like I am losing it cause I can't shake her from my brain. I am to old to be driving around looking for her and stalking her, I feel like am a crazed stalker but I not this type of person. I tried taking Lexapro for about 2 weeks but it freaked me out too much and I heard it's very hard to get off of.

Does anybody have any tips or suggestions on how I can get my life back and get this girl out of my brain?? I am going to see a shrink today so maybe he has some suggestions.


Thanks,
Lance

I am going to see a shrink today so maybe he has some suggestions.

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he will help you more than any of us can.

so you werent in love with your wife?

but fell in love with this other women?

Yes , I was very much in love with her. But 1 month after we were divorced she was already seeing someone else than 3 months after that they were married and now she's pregnant, so that hurt as well.

wait she was 25 then or 25 now?

thats not to soon at all...

unless she had no expierence before you.

Originally posted by RobLB
Does anybody have any tips or suggestions on how I can get my life back and get this girl out of my brain?? I am going to see a shrink today so maybe he has some suggestions.

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If you can take a long vacation somewhere to get away from this sh1t then do it Somewhere where you can relax (beach resort), enjoy yourself and have plently of women around. Before you leave eliminate any memory you have of her. Throw away her pictures, erase her phone number, email etc in essence get rid of any item belonging to her that will remind you of hers.

After you come back try to avoid going to places you know she frequent for a while. Continue excersizing and find a hobby that you like that gets you out of the house. Read more of the DJ Bible and do the Bootcamp and start sarging single women.

Its a good thing that you did not agree to her marriage demends. You jumped too fast into a LTR after divorcing instead of dating several women and playing the field. If someone ever pressure you to do something that you don't want to do and then threatens you, then you know that person was not GOOD ENOUGH FOR you to begin with.

DJ Bible???

Originally posted by frivolousz21
wait she was 25 then or 25 now?

thats not to soon at all...

unless she had no expierence before you.

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My wife was 25 when we got married, I was 30, that was in 1996 and we dated 5 years before that.

Originally posted by RobLB
DJ Bible???

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Yeah go to the very top of the screen where there is an image of a girl with a black dress. On the right hand side there is a link to the DJ BIBLE.

wow....

I am so curious about this.....like how long was it a good marriage?

did you fight and argue alot?

Its just suprising to see people together for a long time and it fail.

are you religious?

I relaly believe the more religious people are they better chance of a marriage lasting.

Originally posted by frivolousz21
wow....

I am so curious about this.....like how long was it a good marriage?

did you fight and argue alot?

Its just suprising to see people together for a long time and it fail.

are you religious?

I relaly believe the more religious people are they better chance of a marriage lasting.

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We didn't fight at all we(I) had a communication problem which is one of the reasons this past relationship ended. I am a person that shows his emotions better than I can say them which obviously doesn't work. I am currently reading a book to help me in this dept. though called "Bonds That Make us Free"

I am religious, but I don't go to church much anymore

We didn't fight at all we(I) had a communication problem which is one of the reasons this past relationship ended

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so you have hard time verbally communicating what you feel?

communicaiton and trust are everythign in a TLR of any kind

you've got to be logical about this:

Shortly after the breakup I found out that she did the excact same thing to another guy, she led him along until he commited to her and fell in love with her and she did the 180 thing on him

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Sounds like she should be going to the shrink not you.

It's funny how, when something like this happens, it's the "Normal" person that takes it the hardest - and the crazy moves right along.

I don't think you need a shrink - what your doing is pretty normal after you lost someone you cared about - and the fact that you KNOW that you shouldn't (or don't want) to be stalking her is a good sign.

You've got to fight those urges you have to cruise by her place. Realize that you cannot control her or her actions - but you can control your response.

It's going to hurt - but it's how you handle that as a man that counts.

Don't give her the satisfaction of symp'ing out on her a##.

Read the DJ bible. Open your eyes and see all the women out there. Hang with friends. Work out. Explore your hobbies. Keep active.

Wow,..you guys make alot of sense.

Thanks for your replies.


Lance

Ya at this point:

1) get some anti-depressants from the shrink to level out your mood a bit
2) then start reading the DJ bible

Originally posted by flexion_
Ya at this point:

1) get some anti-depressants from the shrink to level out your mood a bit
2) then start reading the DJ bible

Click to expand...

Any anti-depressants you recommend? I took lexapro and it seemed like it was starting to help but I kept reading about how hard it was to quit taking it, so I quit.

you said.......Any anti-depressants you recommend? I took lexapro and it seemed like it was starting to help but I kept reading about how hard it was to quit taking it, so I quit.

take it like a man and it will go away. dont worry about anti-stuff. we have all gone thru some bull like this before when we were younger and didnt kill ourselves.
learn from those experiences and youll see that it will make you stronger and wiser.
I bet that the break up with ex-wife hurt you stronger but you soon forgot about it once u got a new woman. the same thing will happen once you get a new one this time.
just think about the nex quote.
"there are two types of women on earth,
the ones who like me
and the ones with bad taste"
its her lost man, not yours.
it is good that it happen like this because she had all the signs of a sycho b1tch and it was gonna be worst if you two got married or some other trap she wanted yuo to fall on.

Don't take that crap, really. The only purpose of those medications is to change the serotonin levels in your body and elevate your mood, and the side effects are atrocious.

If you want to do it the natural way and feel just as good take St Johns Wort (hypercin) and 5HTP(griffonia seed extract) twice a day. (50 or 100MG pills)

The natural way will keep you from going limp downstairs.

"there are two types of women on earth,
the ones who like me
and the ones with bad taste"





PRICELESS

the pain that you're feeling is only giving you experience.
just think about the people who lift weights. whenever they dont
feel the pain it means that they wasted their time in the gym.
take it like a man and enjoy the ride cause if you learn from those two lessons youll never feel this kind of pain again.
"no pain, no gain"