at a confused stage with girlfriend

pipe007 said:

That the thought of she being with someone else doesn't affect me anymore

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You're good to go

Remind me why you were with her THIS long?

Good lord, she sounds like a typical American warpig, at this point.

I've lasted with her for a year because despite all these negatives she has goals, is the most honest and loyal gf I've had so far, she tells me she loves me every day more than 10 times a day for the past year. Says she wants a future with me.... Spends money on me ...!she drives am hour at least once or twice a week to see me (so do I) she needs to Skype every night before sleep to say good night.... She does things for me (on her own terms) she does things she thinks are best for me, but which really I don't need...!and with that she things she is doing the right thing...her sexual drive had not decreased... She enjoys having sex... Mine has decreased a lotttt... She does like to be dominated in the bedroom , which I do and it's interesting,,,

But her masculinity energy has turned me off... I now get a nauseous feeling I'm my stomach every time we talk... Even making eye contact she seems to be wanting to dominate (making me look away first) which is nauseating... I am craving a feminine girl I am craving that sexual feminine energy, and I keep looking around at other girls and feel I'm not with the right one


But when I want something directly from her, and ask her directly she has resistance,,, like she does not like to be told what to do... Making dinner for me at least once would have been nicer than all these plans she makes for us on her terms ... She is really invested and happy... She really wants to marry me. I could, but I know deep inside that she would slowly turn more and more domineering and controlling and nagging....she likes to ask for favors probably once a day I hear the words could u help me this... Of could you call here... Or could u revise my paper.... She likes giving orders...! And we don't even live together!!! How is it gona be when we move together??? Lol nagging and chores for me all day since I wake up


I don't usually ask for anything because I can do it myself..so can she ,,, but she likes to act like she can't on her own.. And that I have to help her with stuff... When in fact she can pretty much do all that on her own....

I'm just confused because I one hand she wants to be the dominant one... In the other she loves me and knows how to be feminine....!specially when she sees I'm pulling back like right now... You can see the voice change is submissive and sweet.... But once she is comfortable... The voice and face are flat moody, bossy and mild explosive when I do not do things how she wants them...

It is this capacity she has to be feminine and caring that confuses me and makes it hard for me to leave the relationship....the good side of her has been at more times than the negatives... But we don't live together and when the bad attitude shows up it's pretty bad and makes you want to run away...

Thoughts

pipe007 said:

The voice and face are flat moody, bossy and mild explosive when I do not do things how she wants them...

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The mask comes off in marriage. If things like this are bothering you, especially now, you cannot legally tie yourself to this person and expect a world of difference. Most women, not all, expect the world to magically become Disneyland once the ring gets put on the finger. Well, it doesn't. Guys don't want anything to change from the boyfriend/girlfriend stage and just want that lifelong guarantee of sex.

Expect some major changes in her personality, and maybe not for the better. You need to ask yourself if you can truly deal with her attitude for the rest of your life because odds are she'll never change, for you, or anyone else for that matter.

Trust me it hurts to know she won't change... I did see a future with her but I wasn't able to get passed her reactions when we traveled together....I kept telling myself that I would have broken up with her on the spot if she would have pulled that sh1t back in town... But I didn't overreact for the sale of being ok in our trip

this sounds so familiar lol!
if you don't wanna be there (trust me, you don't) get your nexting shoes on now and send her packing. Trust me this will get much worse over the next few years. Just put the brakes on now!

pipe007 said:

I've lasted with her for a year because despite all these negatives she has goals, is the most honest and loyal gf I've had so far

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Get yourself a puppy.
And then start dating other girls.

This one is over with.

not worth it your just a year into it, get out while you can..

OP

Reading your story, I can definetly relate to it. Almost excatly the same behaviour I got from my ex and it did drive me crazy. Only diffrence was that she was keeping fit and was cooking occasionally for me and making breakfast for me but the rest is the same. This has started after a year of us living together and has never changed ( I was hoping it will). In my opinion you should end this as it won't get better . I finished mine (4.5 years) relationship 2 weeks ago and I couldn't be happier. Just don't drag it man if you feel the way you feel, on the plus side you don't live together, which should make it easier.

pipe007 said:

Trust me it hurts to know she won't change... I did see a future with her but I wasn't able to get passed her reactions when we traveled together....I kept telling myself that I would have broken up with her on the spot if she would have pulled that sh1t back in town... But I didn't overreact for the sale of being ok in our trip

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Dude, been there. Such a ****ty feeling. Not wanting to call her out because you know the hell that it will bring and you don't want to ruin your trip.

It. Does. Not. Get. Better.

Say it. Just say it.

This is the reason MOST guys stay in a miserable relationship: Because they can't let go of her good qualities and how great things were in the beginning. But you have to weigh things out. You cant see how miserable it really is because it has become NORMAL to you. It's like a frog who is slowly boiled from a pot of cold water. He doesn't even know he is being boiled.

Let me ask you this: If you knew there were women out there who have the same (or similar) good qualities as your gf now, but WITHOUT the nagging, domineering, controlling, and rebelliousness.....would you dump her and date them?

Thanks for the replies guys.... So as I wait for right time for a very likely break up... I notice her behavior has changed she is really making an effort to be sweet and caring.... She has noticed I'm more indifferent I don't say inlove u... She notices I'm backing away slowly..... I'm not affected by her moody tantrums anymore and i now snap at her immediately if she raises her voice at me... Well she is being sweet and that is making it Hard for me thinking of the break up feeling a bit guilty that maybe she is making an effort.....

Anyone has been in similar situation? Maybe her behaviors are moldeable? I still notice I'm not attracted to her physically and emotionally... But I'm appreciating her effort.....

pipe007, I would lay out your grievances with her before you leave if you think she's worth being in a relationship with. You've been with her for a year so there are other reasons (good reasons) why you stay. Have you ever told her that certain behaviors bother you? That you would like her to not be so pushy and b!tchy? To put more of a respectable effort to make you happy? Or have you just not really said anything?

It can either go two ways: She actually listens, understands and and SLOWLY, over time, changes her negative behavior. I've seen this first hand, but rarely does this happen.

To be honest, based on how she was raised, her education, her friends...I don't see this happening. Her habits are ingrained in her and trust me, she thinks she's right.

OR, she puts the blame on you, stands her ground and says "this is who I am" (which is true) and tells you to deal with it.

Make no mistake; she doesn't want to lose you. She will put on an ACT to keep you around until she's comfortable enough to be a b!tch. Don't let this happen and always call her out.

Personally it seems like this is more trouble than it's worth for you and the negatives outweigh the positives. Give it some serious thought if you want to continue to FIGHT for your relationship.

Trust me, it'll be a fight.


Edit: I had a similar experience with the girl I'm with now. We've been together for more than 3 years and I still think she's awesome. There were issues of trust abuse from her past, and there were also issues on my end. During our time together we always communicated our issues, even though it was really tough. During these talks, we would TRY to be as objective as possible. We liked each other enough to want to change for the better, and I can tell you she's not the same person she was 3 years ago - neither am I. We're more future focused, honest and open minded to listen to each other. She was a heavy drinker and I had issue when I drank too. It's been almost 2 years since we've touched alcohol.

The whole point is some relationships need to mature. A guy like Rollo who already has his sh!t together doesn't need to deal with a lot of the stress relationships have nowadays, money, security, childhood issues, etc. Some people are just f*cked up. It takes a strong person to recognize their personal faults and work on them, for their own sake as well as their loved ones sake.

Does your girlfriend think she's right in treating you the way she does? She probably doesn't think she has a problem.

I have talked to her in the past that she needs to work on her attitude.....!she realizes she has a problem bit I haven't really seen her working at it. I believe it's a personality issue...that she won't be able to change on her own..... She says she doesn't want to be like her mother.... Who I believe is also explosive and dominant while her father is extremely passive... Her sister (different father) has been divorced 3 times and stole around 50,000 dollars from my gf's father so they don't communicate... This sister is also an alcoholic.... My gf brother (same mother, different father was a conduct disorder/criminal, who died 2 years ago from a gun shot....

My gf's mother has been married 3 times as well but she has been stable with my gf's father for the past 30 years.... I know that my gf mother is very dominant and explosive when doesn't get her way...

My gf is the most centered one in this family (genetically I believe her father gave her that stability)

So knowing this background... I think her negative attributes are genetic personality and maybe she wont be able to change?

ThunderMaverick said:

Edit: I had a similar experience with the girl I'm with now. We've been together for more than 3 years and I still think she's awesome. There were issues of trust abuse from her past, and there were also issues on my end. During our time together we always communicated our issues, even though it was really tough. During these talks, we would TRY to be as objective as possible. We liked each other enough to want to change for the better, and I can tell you she's not the same person she was 3 years ago - neither am I. We're more future focused, honest and open minded to listen to each other. She was a heavy drinker and I had issue when I drank too. It's been almost 2 years since we've touched alcohol.

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Hey that's great. Congrats.

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