Help Me Get Her Back

The Sparknotes: This girl I'd been seeing not exclusively broke up with me last week, telling me that she was seeing another guy and he asked her to be exclusive and she accepted. This was because she was tired of waiting for me to ask her to "get serious."

Haven't spoken to her in a week, but I plan on asking her to meet up, so I can tell her how I really feel and get her to leave that other dude. I know this goes against the "No Contact" philosophy but I feel like it's really the best way I can get her back.

The Full Story:

I've been seeing not exclusively a girl named Sara this past school year (Im in college). In March I met this girl Alex, and we immediately hit it off. I saw both girls simultaneously, they both knew our relationships were not exclusive, so it was fine. Fast forward to last week, Alex is acting weird over text message. Not responding to me, and being reluctant to meet up. I finally meet up with her and call her out on her bad behavior, saying I wouldn't see her anymore if she continued it. She apologized, and said that she was acting distant because she was feeling intimidated by seeing all of my facebook activity with Sara. Alex said she realized that I would never "get serious" with her, so she was done waiting and wanted to end things then and there. I really like Alex, much more than Sara, and I told Alex right then that I would be willing to dump Sara and be exclusive with her. Alex was conflicted, she starting crying a little, we kissed passionately, and told me "I wish you asked me sooner." Confident she would say yes, I told her to think about it and get back to me.

The next day I broke up with Sara. Whether Alex says yes or not I felt this was the right thing to do.

Alex texts me the following day asking to meet up. We chat all day and everything seems perfect. I feel confident she will say yes. We finally meet up and sit down for coffee. She tells me that the reason she said "I wish you asked sooner" was because she started seeing another guy while she was seeing me. He had been pressuring her to be in a relationship, but she resisted so she could see me. The past week she realized I would never be ready, so she finally accepted his offer. I said I understood, took it very calmly, and told her my door would always be open when her relationship ends or if she changed her mind. We said goodbye, hugged, and as I was leaving she asked for another hug, which I obliged. I get a text from her an hour later, she sent me a picture of greek yogurt (something we both love) at the supermarket, saying "this might be really bad timing, but I had to get some to make myself feel better " . I didn't respond to this.

This past week has been absolute hell. I know I'll get over her eventually if I continue no contact, but it seems silly. I really like her and want to be with her, based on our passionate kiss, her asking for another hug, and her text message, I feel like she really likes me and was just insecure about me liking her back.


So my fellow DJs, I ask you: What should I do to get her back? Am I going to just drive her away if I ask to meet up and tell her how I feel? Of course I know there are plenty of women out there...But I feel like I can really have a great relationship with her if this works out.

You can't get her back, since you never had her in the first place.

Back off and wait it out. How long can a college relationship last, anyway?

Does she have any hot friends? They will be easy prey. That's just how women are. When a woman breaks up with you, her friends will want to have sex with you, or at least one or two of them will.

Bible_Belt said:

You can't get her back, since you never had her in the first place.

Back off and wait it out. How long can a college relationship last, anyway?

Does she have any hot friends? They will be easy prey. That's just how women are. When a woman breaks up with you, her friends will want to have sex with you, or at least one or two of them will.

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Ha good point, you know what I mean, I'm ready to be exclusive with her and I'd like to give it a shot.

True, college relationships are usually pretty fast...I feel like I have a good chance of poaching her from this guy since this is so fresh right now. I know absolutely nothing about this guy since I dont check her facebook at all, so I have no idea how serious they are, and if/when they break up I won't find out unless she comes back to me.

Unfortunately, she doesn't really. I've also never really spent time with her social circle, we would always just hang out together.

foolyoufool said:

Ha good point, you know what I mean, I'm ready to be exclusive with her and I'd like to give it a shot.

True, college relationships are usually pretty fast...I feel like I have a good chance of poaching her from this guy since this is so fresh right now. I know absolutely nothing about this guy since I dont check her facebook at all, so I have no idea how serious they are, and if/when they break up I won't find out unless she comes back to me.

Unfortunately, she doesn't really. I've also never really spent time with her social circle, we would always just hang out together.

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Mate this girl chose some other guy over you stating her reason as you didn't ask her out?! Princess syndrome much? It doesn't always have to be the bloke who does the asking yano, and if you play it right it won't be.

Aside from that, let's say whoop-te-do you meetup, talk, and she then leaves this guy for you. Who's to say 6 months down the line someone else comes along and she ****s off with him? If she can do it once she can do it again mate, you're better off without her.

I think in this case, your ego is hurting you.

You can't accept the fact that, in her eyes, your value is now lower than the guy she chose.

She used to be all flirty and affectionate toward you, and now it goes to the other guy. You are jealous.

If you do see them together, I bet you that you want to 'show off' and 'be alpha' in front of her, hoping you can snatch her back.

Eventually you will become her orbiter, and be prepared to spiral downward into oblivion.

Let it go now. Much healthier for yourself.

Pride = damaged a little.
Fvck Pride. Dont worry about that shiit. Go pick up another 1 or 2 chicks. Just dont go dropping plates left and right. Consider this a lesson in life.

I hear what you are all saying, I think you are correct that this is mostly my ego being damaged. However, I do really care for her and I think we can have a fulfilling, long lasting relationship.

I've decided I'm going to ask her to meet up and try to win her back. Let me know what you think would be successful. Or feel free to bash me and tell me what an idiot I am. All comments / criticisms are welcome

Let it go. If you had cared that much about her you wouldn't have kept seeing Sara, you would have let her know. You didn't really want her until she didn't want you. You're in college dude, go have fun!

Ah guys im so torn. I'm really missing this girl. I was all psyched to text her to ask her to meet up but I just can't do it. I can't let someone else have so much power over me and my emotions.

I just feel so conflicted. What's the best way to get over this? I'm not going to ask her to meet up... But just letting her go is so tough. How can I get over her faster?

this dude is an afc chump.

these rookies coming on here trying to get a chick that don't want them back, read the dj bible or gtfo.

Going to have to agree with the advice that other people said, if you had really wanted to be exclusive with her you wouldn't have waited until she was involved with someone else. It's simply too late.

foolyoufool said:

I just feel so conflicted. What's the best way to get over this? I'm not going to ask her to meet up... But just letting her go is so tough. How can I get over her faster?

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There has been some bad advice given to you so far in this thread.

You have two options:

a) keep in contact with her: its very clear that she still has strong feelings for you and is attracted to you. When I see keep in contact with her, I mean maybe a text exchange here and there between you two once a week or so.

b) Ghost mode: since you guys left it on a good point, your absence will make her miss you ESPECIALLY if this other dude is a chump (which is sounds like he is). She will start to idealize you even more if you are gone, thinking she lost a great catch.


Bottom line you are emotional right now & can't see clearly.

Meeting up to "tell her how you feel" is NOT the right move and will kill a lot of the attraction she currently has for you.

If I were in your shoes I would mentally forget about her for now, go meet new girls and do your thing. Then I would randomly hit her up after about a month or so of NC to shoot the shiat and take it from there.

And you better believe that once things go south with this dude, she will be hitting you up right away.

Don't panic, you are in a strong position right now to get this girl whether it happens now or down the line, go meet new ones in time being.









PIMP

Pimp-sicle said:

There has been some bad advice given to you so far in this thread.

You have two options:

a) keep in contact with her: its very clear that she still has strong feelings for you and is attracted to you. When I see keep in contact with her, I mean maybe a text exchange here and there between you two once a week or so.

b) Ghost mode: since you guys left it on a good point, your absence will make her miss you ESPECIALLY if this other dude is a chump (which is sounds like he is). She will start to idealize you even more if you are gone, thinking she lost a great catch.


Bottom line you are emotional right now & can't see clearly.

Meeting up to "tell her how you feel" is NOT the right move and will kill a lot of the attraction she currently has for you.

If I were in your shoes I would mentally forget about her for now, go meet new girls and do your thing. Then I would randomly hit her up after about a month or so of NC to shoot the shiat and take it from there.

And you better believe that once things go south with this dude, she will be hitting you up right away.

Don't panic, you are in a strong position right now to get this girl whether it happens now or down the line, go meet new ones in time being.









PIMP

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i was thinking the same thing about this situation as well.

i think no contact will work best though. however muted contact (once every 3 weeks or so is also ok.)

but i think for quickest results No contact will really turn this around. and if it doesn't well then it was never gonna happen anyway.

Pimp-sicle said:

There has been some bad advice given to you so far in this thread.

You have two options:

a) keep in contact with her: its very clear that she still has strong feelings for you and is attracted to you. When I see keep in contact with her, I mean maybe a text exchange here and there between you two once a week or so.

b) Ghost mode: since you guys left it on a good point, your absence will make her miss you ESPECIALLY if this other dude is a chump (which is sounds like he is). She will start to idealize you even more if you are gone, thinking she lost a great catch.


Bottom line you are emotional right now & can't see clearly.

Meeting up to "tell her how you feel" is NOT the right move and will kill a lot of the attraction she currently has for you.

If I were in your shoes I would mentally forget about her for now, go meet new girls and do your thing. Then I would randomly hit her up after about a month or so of NC to shoot the shiat and take it from there.

And you better believe that once things go south with this dude, she will be hitting you up right away.

Don't panic, you are in a strong position right now to get this girl whether it happens now or down the line, go meet new ones in time being.









PIMP

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Thanks a lot man, this post confirms a lot of what I was thinking. At the time I tried hard to keep my sh!t together and act cool. Hearing that the dude was "pressuring" her to get into a relationship made me think that he must be a chump. And during our last conversation she kept saying "You're acting so cool, I can't believe it," just confirms to me that I handled it well. Yeah, I'm definitely going to take a few steps backs so I can calm down, start meeting other girls, and focus on me. I've got to get the hope that she might contact me out of my head, but right now its really nice to hear. Thanks for the tip.

Any other opinions?

foolyoufool said:

The Sparknotes: This girl I'd been seeing not exclusively broke up with me last week, telling me that she was seeing another guy and he asked her to be exclusive and she accepted. This was because she was tired of waiting for me to ask her to "get serious."

Haven't spoken to her in a week, but I plan on asking her to meet up, so I can tell her how I really feel and get her to leave that other dude. I know this goes against the "No Contact" philosophy but I feel like it's really the best way I can get her back.

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Afraid not. Anything you do is going to devalue yourself in her eyes. I was in the same boat literally right before i came to the forum. If only i found out this forum sooner..

The only thing we can really do is wait and meet other girls in the mean time.

Dude, this girl was spinning plates, boning you and another dude at the same time?

that's ****ing disgusting bro. I wouldn't ever talk to her again.

foolyoufool said:

Hearing that the dude was "pressuring" her to get into a relationship made me think that he must be a chump.

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or he could be a player, since he stole 'your girl' right from under your nose.

Frayzer said:

Afraid not. Anything you do is going to devalue yourself in her eyes. I was in the same boat literally right before i came to the forum. If only i found out this forum sooner..

The only thing we can really do is wait and meet other girls in the mean time.

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Yeah agreed, that's what I'm gonna do. How did it work out with your girl?

dosquito said:

Dude, this girl was spinning plates, boning you and another dude at the same time?

that's ****ing disgusting bro. I wouldn't ever talk to her again.

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Well I was doing the same to her, and she knew about it. Not gonna be upset about that, that would be a double standard.