Are you kidding?!? Considering your EX?!?!

Ok,

I feel like I’m a broken record making this post...but as the posts have been going the past couple days...I guess people need a reminder...this should be common sence at this point imo...

Ex's are Ex's for a reason...This is a “SoSuave” staple...a Problem arouse you or her ended it...this was by accident or mistake...It happened...MOVE ON.

Why waste precious time chasing this "chick" that if she actually did love would have never hurt u in the first place!

She is most likely only contacting you now for validation...women work off validation/ego...as men for the most part are working off their libido...

STOP...TAKE A DEEP BREATH...DONT RESPOND...IT’S A TRAP...

Ok...now here is for people who have trouble following simple direction...

You contacting her or answered her texts....and then you meet up...and then you get back together...Understand you are 99% of the time getting set up for failure...whatever the problem was didn’t just magically disappear!!!

You NEED to remember...SHE IS NOT A BEAUTIFUL AN UNIQUE SNOW FLAKE...SHE IS THE SAME DECAYING ORGANIC MATTER AS EVERYTHING ELSE!!!!

Keep spinning boyzz,
J0504s

I disagree depending on the circumstances. I have been married a long time. My marriage is far from perfect but if my wife and I go through a negtive spell where we fight for weeks on end about seemingly trivial things is no reason to end the marriage. Sure the conflict is hard but to throw away many years of history is absurd. Especially if children are involved. You don't just "move on" and next your wife. That's a poor approach to conflict resolution. Instead look for the silver lining.

Now I am not saying all ex's are worth going back to but if your ex has your kids it only makes sense to try and work on things for the benifit of the kids. You once loved your ex so the reasons are still there. You just have to stop love busting each other and make love deposits. When your "love banks" drop below the romantic love threshold you go from feeling loved to just a general like of the person.

When your love bank drops from the green zone of just like to the neutral zone or into the red you begin to dislike the person and avoid them and cut them off from making love deposits. Its so easy to fall out of love when it could have been prevented by avoiding love busters (things that make each other upset such as annoying habits, dishonesty, disrespectful judgements, demands, angry outbursts.) And replace love busters with a plan to make deposits of love by meeting the needs of your spouse (you can Identify them with a simple questionaire) and eventually like throwing rocks into a river to cross it the rocks eventually break the surface and you can cross again. Its not easy. And it def works better when both of you put forth the effort.

Now of your ex is a serial cheater. By all means cut them off totally. Especially if no kids are involved, that's a different story. But it really depends on each persons mind set too. Are you a buyer, renter or freeloadeer in the relationship? As a buyer in the relationship, just like when u buy a home, when it breaks you have to fix it or you can sell it with a broken roof and take a loss. Buyers mentality in relationships do everything they can to fix the problems. Even if it means some conflict for a bit. As conflict is better than withdrawl for a state of mind. Of course intimacy is the best state of mind but if your in withdrawl you can't come to intimacy without passing through conflict.

If you got a renter mentality for marriage/relationship then you only respond to your spouse or other if they respond first. Tit for tat only. That puts huge strain on relationships especially if your both renters (usually when u move in togerther before marriage you join together with this mentality that you can replace each other if It doesn't work out. Which is sad.

If your a freeloader in the relationship you do nothing for eachother except what comes naturally. Usually freeloaders don't often care about their spouses needs and focus entirely on their own until they are met or don't bother at all. This is a sad state also in marriage.

There is so much I could dive into but some of this is irrelevant to the thread I think.

So getting an ex back is not necessary a bad thing. Again depends on the situation and circumstances. If you both desire to work on it. There is plenty you can do to rekindle. Identify your love busters and eliminate them (both of you) and start meeting eachothers emotional needs. Spend a ton of time meeting the intimate needs (sexual fulfillment, affection, recreational companionshp, and intimate conversation) no other needs met can cause you to fall in love really. And if your tops needs (out of ten possible needs categories) do not have one or more of the intimate needs in your top 5 then you are likely in withdrawl.

Tons to consider instead of just tossing each other out when conflict arises.

Ok I'm rambling now. You get the point I'm sure. This may not apply to every EX scenerio but its def some info to chew on and consider.

Epimanes said:

....

Click to expand...

Tl;Dr
but your point is about wives and marriage. Completely different kettle of fish to what j0504s Is talking about.

Besides if it was an EX-wife, then his post would still apply.

@J0 - Yes, Mate. YES.

First I said 99% for a reason because nothing is a hundred percent second I'd like to say marriage the completely whole different issue if you have kids I Would urge u too work it out
I will adress this later in on my smart phone

@filth great minds think alike the bro...link your post u made on this a while ago it was good stuff

I agree with you completely j0504s.

Exes are exes for a reason.

And the ONLY reason we chump out some times to get them back is purely lack of options.
At least for me that is absolutely true.

pdx1138 said:

I agree with you completely j0504s.

Exes are exes for a reason.

And the ONLY reason we chump out some times to get them back is purely lack of options.
At least for me that is absolutely true.

Click to expand...

Thank you and I agree....

This is what seprates the men from the boyz....

I came here to begin with due to a bpd break up...and I stuck to my gunz and I am better man today...there is always something better out their...so stuff the self pity stuff...she broke my heart man up and you will reeeep the benefits

j0504s said:

@filth great minds think alike the bro...link your post u made on this a while ago it was good stuff

Click to expand...

Which one was that mate?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=203379


^^ That one?:rockon:

Purefilth said:

Which one was that mate?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=203379


^^ That one?:rockon:

Click to expand...

Yes this is gold

I saw this and LOL'd

"A good way to breakup with your girlfriend is to introduce her as your ex girlfriend at parties. It softens the blow"

this can actually be used as a pushpull technique to a girl you are trying to get with

j0504s said:

I saw this and LOL'd

"A good way to breakup with your girlfriend is to introduce her as your ex girlfriend at parties. It softens the blow"

this can actually be used as a pushpull technique to a girl you are trying to get with

Click to expand...

thats suck a :kick:


:crackup: :crackup:

Danger said:

This is my ex-gf game. That is awesome, I'll have to try that one.


As far as ex's. I would never go back to them. Not even one I was married to and some offense was made that made me shut the door on her.


I have found going back only ever causes unnecessary problems. And if one is fighting with their gf or wife for weeks on end, I would say that is more of a compatibility problem or perhaps one or the other is just not capable of being in a relationship.

The whole "relationships take work" I find to be just a bunch of bull$hit. I have dated tons of girls, many were awful, some were pretty good, and a couple have been just plain awesome to be with. My current gf and I almost never fight. Probably once every two months and it is more snapping than fighting. It quickly dissipates in a couple of hours and we make up.

I can't imagine being with someone where I bickered on a degree higher than that. To me that shows it is either a problem about "Frame" or that one of the parties has some deep-seated issues.

When you reach the point in your life that all of your cylinders are lined up and firing well, and you have achieved enough experience with women to know how to handle things, there is no reason at all to tolerate any situation that brings you negative value or happiness.

In fact, I would take it even one step further. If you have your life together enough......you will find yourself choosing between some women who bring you marginal happiness, some who bring you average happiness, and a couple who bring you a boatload of happiness......you will still end up cutting out of your life the women who are otherwise providing you with happiness.

The goal here is to find someone that matches well with you, not settle for one simply because she is a little better than the last one.

Click to expand...

Danger great post agree completely....these days I have my filter very high on women...obvs the attitude ok your hot but what do u have to offer as a person...knowing she needs me more then I need her...don't settle is my point danger u addressed that on point +1

If I coule edit this original post I'd add....

Get the upper hand go N/C...Dont tell her just do it....It our secret weapon and our only weapon...

IM bumping this b/c I have seen a couple thread recently about Considering Exs and speaking to them again...looking at there facebook pages and texting...this is a good reminder keep people fresh!