Please share your wisdom - what should I do?

VictorK · Dec 13, 2012

Hello all,

I will keep this brief as possible...I need advice and don't really know where to turn...

I've been single for 15 mths and playing the field. Went on a business trip to a mid western US city over the summer and met a woman there. We hit it off and kept in touch. I am not infatuated by her she was a fun girl to hang out with and I enjoyed myself. We kept in touch once I returned back home and made plans to spend the last few days of the year together and ring in the new year. 2 weeks from my trip she sends me a message saying she has converted to a new religion, found some guy and is sorry that I already booked my trip. I've seen 5 women over the fall (so I've been keeping busy with other women) but there was no spark with any of them- so I was looking forward to this trip. Now I'm headed to a new city by myself, over the holidays where I the only person I know, now doesn't want to see me.

So my question is, what should I do? Should I even go? Or just cut my losses. Going on a trip to somewhere you don't know anyone by yourself is one thing, add to that its over the holidays could make it more so. I am disappointed that things are in pieces right now and am desperate to find a way to salvage this...

st_99 · Dec 13, 2012

call the airline. i believe you may be able to cancel your ticket and they will give you a year to use the credit towards another flight.

VictorK · Dec 13, 2012

tickets bought through 3rd party so cancelling won't work.

I didn't even respond to her text...really don't know If there would be any point at this stage...I guess I can just chalk this up to an expensive lesson - significant risk of women flaking is always present...regardless of what she says/promises over phone/text.

glass half full · Dec 13, 2012

maybe you could list the tickets for sale locally or online. bummer of a deal. It reminds us all not to follow a woman's whims, something like this happens to lots of men. If this happened to a woman it would be considered awful, but we men aren't given a second glance lol. Years ago a young woman was playing games with me, off and on for a couple months. I had gotten two tickets to a concert of her favorite band. She stiffed me the weekend before the concert on a date(nothing new for her), but still wanted to go to the concert. I said sure! But guess what- when it was time, gee I sold them to somebody else, as I decided not to go! Actually I couldn't sell them, so I just trashed them. Expensive, but I showed her!

Harvey_Poon · Dec 14, 2012

That is your own fault for making big plans with a woman you hardly even knew after you just met her. Looks very desperate on your part.

Keeping in touch is not the same as actually talking to a woman often and making sure that it is a definite thing. That was summer. This is late fall...almost Winter. That is a big gap in time from meeting you then until now. She met another men. From the sound of it she didn't have much regard for you because she just blew you off.

If you were keeping in touch with her, why didn't you find this out before and not until now 2 weeks before your trip? Sounds weird to me.

Next time don't make big plans with a woman you hardly know or wait to make them at least until you know this thing will even go through.

Why don't you take one of the other women that you say you've been keeping busy with?

Sounds like an easy solution to me.

Boilermaker · Dec 14, 2012

This isn't your fault. But you realize after a text like that your relationship with this girl is brain-dead.

Which means, chances of salvaging this is approximately, 1/10^15, i.e zero, for all practical purposes.

So get over it.

Now let's talk about this town and what you could do there in the new year's?

Harvey_Poon · Dec 14, 2012

Boilermaker said:
This isn't your fault. But you realize after a text like that your relationship with this girl is brain-dead.

Yes it is his fault. You don't make plans with someone 5 months in advance that you hardly even know without keeping in constant contact with that person knowing if this thing is going to be taking place or not. He had no clue about her change of religion or the new man she has. Doesn't sound to me like he was keeping in touch with her that much or he would of known long ago to cancel this trip when he had the chance to. It was his fault and now his plans have fallen through.

There was no relationship. Only an aquiantance that he never kept in contact with. Yes it is over. That is clear

Boilermaker · Dec 14, 2012

Well, you could try and blame him for something he couldn't have anticipated.

You don't know he had had no clue or not, you just heard him talk about it briefly. You don't know the details of their arrangement and how hot things were when they had been together. Anything can happen when you are away; and he kept hitting on other women when he came back.

There was no reason to cancel this trip, and he could keep his chin up and turn his into a better experience.

Good luck OP !

Slickster · Dec 14, 2012

Unless you have better plans at home why not just go and have a good time without her. You've already spent the money. You never know you might just hit it off with someone else.

If not put the tickets for sale on Craigslist.

VictorK · Dec 14, 2012

Thanks guys for your insights...

What's done is done and I'm looking to salvage the experience and learn from it. If you want me to feel stupid of the predicament I'm in well I am certainly embarrassed. I never was planning to have a relationship with this woman so I am not heart broken but I am disappointed because I felt she sold me on an experience only to flip the switch on me 2 weeks before the holidays.

Someone mentioned 'why don't you take one of the other women you were seeing on the trip?' As I mentioned earlier, there is no chemistry with any of those women so that is not an option.

I guess the post is turning out into the question - 'what's the best way for me to salvage this experience and go on this trip alone. This is out of my comfort zone so I'll be treading in uncharted water here gentlemen...

Btw, I'm headed to the Windy City...

vatoloco · Dec 14, 2012

VictorK said:
What's done is done and I'm looking to salvage the experience and learn from it.

I am of the opinion that you should try to spin negative things into positive ones so, if you're gonna be in Chicago, why not look up a hotel close to the airport that is having a New Year's celebration and "party like it's 1999" with complete strangers.

That's what I would do if I were in your shoes.

But then again, I wouldn't be in your predicament as making a extensive/expensive travel arrangements with a non-exclusive woman is something I wouldn't do.

Colossus · Dec 14, 2012

vatoloco said:
But then again, I wouldn't be in your predicament as making a extensive/expensive travel arrangements with a non-exclusive woman is something I wouldn't do.

Lesson learned Victor. You'll never make this mistake again. In your defense, she did kinda screw you....but this is why none of the more experienced guys here would do that. Too big of a gamble.

If it were me, I'd cut my losses and stay home, at least you'll have some friends and maybe a casual date for new years. I don't know how outgoing you are, but being in a strange city alone on new years sounds miserable to me.

The Duke · Dec 14, 2012

I've been in a similar situation before.

Been dating a chic for close to a year. I wanted to take a trip and so did she. I booked the trip and put it all in my name. About a month before the trip we decide to split. I was only able to get about 30% of the trip refunded. She paid her portion, but I was still mad at myself for wasting money. I ended up pi$$ing away $700.

After that I decided its just best to not take expensive trips with chics unless you have money to burn. And if you must, get them to book the trip on their credit card and if they decide to flake, its all on them.

When its comes to your money and dealing with women, put yourself in a position that is always best for you. Big expensive trips are a risky deal even if you are in a serious ltr. Its best to not partake.

VictorK · Dec 14, 2012

Thanks guys for all your advice...

All my friends back home are pretty much introverts and would rather stay home and drink for nye so I'm thinking I will steer on the side of action and go by myself on this adventure. What better way to grow right?

As for this whole experience, I normally would have never done anything like this but I tried to do something a little spontaneous & crazy and I got burned. I have NOT responded to this woman's message and I don't plan to. I'm looking at this from the perspective I can experience something new..as opposed to I've been burned.

Boilermaker · Dec 14, 2012

Great spirit man!

Lots of luck, fills us in later on about how it turned out.

VictorK · Dec 15, 2012

Should I even respond to her message or just ignore and delete her from my network? I know I am not going to convince her to reconsider...so I'm wondering if there is any benefit to acknowledge she screwed me.

TonyBaloney · Dec 15, 2012

Bud,

I would just consider it a lesson learned. You knpow that whatever you say to that rat brained weasel woman will not affect her an ounce, but your movement to DJ perfection will be enhanced by taking in this learning curve.

I say go forth and multiply and use this negative to be a so suave hero; somebodt who truly came through this let down to enjoy his holday and have FUN and possibly bang some poon

Good luck buddy

Boilermaker · Dec 15, 2012

VictorK said:
Should I even respond to her message or just ignore and delete her from my network? I know I am not going to convince her to reconsider...so I'm wondering if there is any benefit to acknowledge she screwed me.

No reply.

Two reasons.

1) Easier to hate her and avoid feelings of forgiveness through rationalization. There's no reason to let your guard now. She fücked you over. I think it's a necessary experience to completely write someone off, especially when you are being screwed by a woman for the first time.

2) Sense of self-appreciation. You will feel stronger if you resist the urge to reply. This attitude will cut through all kinds of getting back together fantasies. She moved on. So should you. I'd strategize on what I will do during my time there, SOLO. Use every resource possible.

3countriesPlan · Dec 16, 2012

She screwed you but you should look on the bright side. NYE is always a wild night, the most wild night of the year, the possibilities of debauchery and hooliganism are out of this world for just one night --- the night of 12/31. And, you wont be anywhere near where your family may see you. Plus, you will have a hotel room, the tenets of sosuave lodged in your brain, beautiful girls all around you, and the desire to go out and have fun.. could be epic bro

(In the same situation here, no spark with the recent lays and pondering going to Seoul)

iqqi · Dec 16, 2012

Chicago is often referred to as the Second City, for a reason. It is right behind New York City in terms of sophistication and options. Our transportation system is only beaten by NYC. DO NOT stay near the airports, when downtown is a super easy $2, 35 minute train ride away. Also, you are in luck because it is a warm winter so far, and most likely you won't freeze your balls off in the mad dash to secure a taxi at 4am, if you even need one.

You can plan ahead and spend some money on tickets to a bash, or you could just dive bar hop, either way you'll have a great time if your open to it. If you've never traveled alone before, it is very scary at first, but the most of fun I've ever had, and I am a girl. My first solo trip was at 19 across the country, and then when I was in my early 20's I found myself unexpectedly alone in LAS VEGAS of all places. I had a great time. I'm shy and antisocial as a matter of fact, so I have those hurdles to cross before I can even have a good time, and even so I can reassure you that it is definitely possible to have a great time, make all new friends, and have a NYE to remember.

Especially in a city like Chicago.

Please share your wisdom - what should I do?

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