Met a girl on dating site. Not sure if I want to continue. Dont want to hurt her...

Mr.Fantastic · Nov 26, 2012

So here is my quandary...

A few weeks ago I met a girl from a dating site and we have been going out for a couple of drinks here and there. We must have been out about 8 times or so and each time we make out etc but no sex. Now, I'm still very much wired to see relationships as just a pure means to get sex and I was actually getting quite annoyed that it was not leading anywhere. I was considering dumping her, but I went out with her a couple more times just because she lives so close to me and it was convenient.

So anyway, last time I saw her, which was last night we went back to her place and watched a movie. I started feeling her up and things got a bit hot. She made jokes about 'not giving it up' etc etc. I was just feeling horny and wanted to screw.

She said that I could stay the night and she was up for doing 'stuff' but not having sex.

So we go to bed and she blows me and then I came a second time from kind of humping her as I massaged her back.

She told me that it is a big thing for her to actually have sex with someone, to 'let them in' and she worries that if she sleeps with a guy that he will just suddenly leave. We talked about this at length and we both had a few views on it.

Anyway, my problem is this. I kind of DO want to leave now.

I know I Know.

And I do feel like a **** about it but I want to leave. I also don't think I find her as attractive as I thought I did. I think I was just fooling myself because I wanted to get laid. She's a really nice girl and she said she had only slept with one other guy (although she had a masterful blow job technique!)

I'm a little worried that I pursue sex with girls relentlessly even if i'm not all that attracted to them and don't even like them that much. I've done this before. I want to stop this behaviour.

I don't want to come across as a bad person. I think the porn has warped my view of women to see them as purely sexual but I do have a human side that comes out as I guess my guilty conscience that is expressed in this post.

The reason i'm posting really is to get some advice about how best to handle this situation now.

I don't want to hurt her. But I think I want to break this off before she really starts to get emotionally involved.

What might be the best way to do that?

Should I keep seeing her for a while and not have sex? Should I be a bit 'lame' and try and get her to stop being attracted to me?

I have been considering quitting drinking too. I tend to drink a beer or two before I meet a girl because I'm always nervous and a beer always helps me be more confident being sexual.

I just want to stop basing everything on sex. I want to be able to connect with a girl I really like and not just see it as putting in time before I can get laid. I don't know why I even want to get laid so much. It's never really ever been that great. I kind of just want to do it for the personal satisfaction of having slept with another girl. But that is getting real old. Especially when I'm not as attracted to them as I'd like to be.

Sorry if this seems like i'm brain dumping.

SteR · Nov 26, 2012

Mr.Fantastic said:
So here is my quandary...

A few weeks ago I met a girl from a dating site and we have been going out for a couple of drinks here and there. We must have been out about 8 times or so and each time we make out etc but no sex. Now, I'm still very much wired to see relationships as just a pure means to get sex and I was actually getting quite annoyed that it was not leading anywhere. I was considering dumping her, but I went out with her a couple more times just because she lives so close to me and it was convenient.

So anyway, last time I saw her, which was last night we went back to her place and watched a movie. I started feeling her up and things got a bit hot. She made jokes about 'not giving it up' etc etc. I was just feeling horny and wanted to screw.

She said that I could stay the night and she was up for doing 'stuff' but not having sex.

So we go to bed and she blows me and then I came a second time from kind of humping her as I massaged her back.

She told me that it is a big thing for her to actually have sex with someone, to 'let them in' and she worries that if she sleeps with a guy that he will just suddenly leave. We talked about this at length and we both had a few views on it.

Anyway, my problem is this. I kind of DO want to leave now.

I know I Know.

And I do feel like a **** about it but I want to leave. I also don't think I find her as attractive as I thought I did. I think I was just fooling myself because I wanted to get laid. She's a really nice girl and she said she had only slept with one other guy (although she had a masterful blow job technique!)

I'm a little worried that I pursue sex with girls relentlessly even if i'm not all that attracted to them and don't even like them that much. I've done this before. I want to stop this behaviour.

I don't want to come across as a bad person. I think the porn has warped my view of women to see them as purely sexual but I do have a human side that comes out as I guess my guilty conscience that is expressed in this post.

The reason i'm posting really is to get some advice about how best to handle this situation now.

I don't want to hurt her. But I think I want to break this off before she really starts to get emotionally involved.

What might be the best way to do that?

Should I keep seeing her for a while and not have sex? Should I be a bit 'lame' and try and get her to stop being attracted to me?

I have been considering quitting drinking too. I tend to drink a beer or two before I meet a girl because I'm always nervous and a beer always helps me be more confident being sexual.

I just want to stop basing everything on sex. I want to be able to connect with a girl I really like and not just see it as putting in time before I can get laid. I don't know why I even want to get laid so much. It's never really ever been that great. I kind of just want to do it for the personal satisfaction of having slept with another girl. But that is getting real old. Especially when I'm not as attracted to them as I'd like to be.

Sorry if this seems like i'm brain dumping.

Personally I'd just be up front and honest about it. Just tell her you don't feel it's going anywhere and leave it at that. It's better than hurting her deliberately in order to end the relationship. At least this way you'll be able to walk away with a clear conscience...

Mr.Fantastic · Nov 27, 2012

Yeah, I think you are right.

I don't want to quit her straight away though because I don't want to reinforce the idea that a guy will leave as soon as she gets sexual.

Aaagghh... dammn you high sex drive! You get me into such situations!

spiegel549 · Nov 27, 2012

Mr.Fantastic said:
Yeah, I think you are right.

I don't want to quit her straight away though because I don't want to reinforce the idea that a guy will leave as soon as she gets sexual.

Aaagghh... dammn you high sex drive! You get me into such situations!

Bro if you like her, stay with her.

If you are afraid of "hurting her," just be a man and be upfront and say "its not going to work out sorry."

I rather see you hurt her by being honest then later knowing you weren't honest and hurt her that way.

Harry Wilmington · Nov 27, 2012

Rule #1: Never put pressure on a girl to have sex. Trying to negotiate your way into it doesn't work.

Rule #2: Don't feel bad about wanting sex. You're human, so you're bound to want it.

Rule #3: If she's not your girlfriend and you're just "dating," you are free to date other women at the same time, until you either (a) have sex with another girl besides her and dump her, (b) have sex with other girls while waiting for her to finally want sex, or (c) have sex with other girls while also having sex with her.

At the end of the day, though, I have found that these "wait to have sex" girls are a waste of time, especially if that's what you're in it for. If she's a nice person who is religious or has a thing about waiting until marriage to have sex, you have to respect her wishes; however, if she's just saying "I don't want to have sex" without at least giving you a time frame of when she'd be comfortable doing it (i.e. until we've had x-amount of dates, been going out for x-amount of weeks, gotten engaged, etc.) it's not worth it. And even if she DOES put a time frame on it, it puts her in control of when sex happens, which is also not a good place to be in.

Also, her logic is flawed. She's afraid if she sleeps with someone they'll leave, yet she'll give you a blow job? You're c*mming at the end of both acts, what makes her think one form of c*mming will keep you around while the other will make you head for the hills??

I don't think she's a bad person - heck, she may be genuinely interested in you - but from your end, if you're getting frustrated at not having sex with her, it's not worth it.

SteR · Nov 27, 2012

Mr.Fantastic said:
Yeah, I think you are right.

I don't want to quit her straight away though because I don't want to reinforce the idea that a guy will leave as soon as she gets sexual.

Aaagghh... dammn you high sex drive! You get me into such situations!

Have a wank and then use the brief 'clear' period after to think it over

haha

Mr.Fantastic · Dec 5, 2012

I just always feel bad about leaving girls. I'm not very good at it. I just tend to not reply to their messages. I mean I have only been seeing her a few weeks, we went out about 8 times or so I think. She lives close to me so I guess it was convenient. I just have this feeling in my gut now that this is wrong. I have this feeling that I don't want to continue. I don't really 'feel' any kind of romantic feelings and I don't really fancy her any more. It's weird, after I had spent the night with her, I noticed her arms the next morning had that 'chubby' look. You know? She is not fat, but how are girls able to hide these chubby arms?? I also looked her up on facebook and can see that she used to be quite a bit more chubby than she is now...which didnt help my attraction.

So while I feel less attraction for her, what makes it worse (and less attractive) is also her sort of child like personality...she kind of has that 'innocent, cute' sort of personality, you know, the sort of girl that makes you go 'awwww' and its justnot sexy enough for me.

I don't know why I went out with her so much and didnt end it earlier.

I have such big problems with ending things though..

I get really emotional MYSELF! I dont like the idea of hurting someone, I dont like the idea of kind of getting to know someone and then not seeing them again. I dont like being an ******* to people.

Ughhh...

She says she has only been with one other guy too. I mean she's really nice but I don't think I can actually have sex with her now with all this in my head...knowing that I will leave her eventually. I just can't.

She texted my a little while ago. She asked if I was having a good week and asked if I saw the snow.

I just don't think I can text back.

TheWolfMan · Dec 5, 2012

I'm in a similar situation right now, I'm 24 and met a 26yo on POF. Chick says she's a virgin. I do NOT want to be her first, don't want a stage 5 clinger on my hands. I mean we get a long but it's kind of a turn off. All we've done so far is kiss and make out for a lil while. Don't really see her in a romantic way anymore, but I want to let her down easy.

Mr.Fantastic · Dec 5, 2012

TheWolfMan said:
I'm in a similar situation right now, I'm 24 and met a 26yo on POF. Chick says she's a virgin. I do NOT want to be her first, don't want a stage 5 clinger on my hands. I mean we get a long but it's kind of a turn off. All we've done so far is kiss and make out for a lil while. Don't really see her in a romantic way anymore, but I want to let her down easy.

Shnit man. Yeah, that's it. How to let her down easy.

Arrgh. I wish I didn't worry about things so much. I'm toomuch of an emotional person and possibly too 'nice' in that I never want to cause offense with people or hurt them (which I guess isnt a bad thing).

It's just that I'm sure a lot of guys would just not call/text her back and that would be it.

Part of me really hates the idea of missing out on what seems like a genuininely nice girl.

But another part of me knows she is not hot enough, no longer excites me sexually.

I also have a lot of other stuff I need to sort out in my life now. I've realised that a girlfriend isnot what I need right now.

Mr.Fantastic · Dec 6, 2012

So, I'm thinking this is what I will text her. I feel I should text her something, just to put her mind at rest and out of politeness:

'hey, sorry for not replying. I just feel that I'm not in a good place to start any kind
of serious relationship right now. I have lot of stuff in my life that I need to sort out
(need to get a new job amongst other things) and I just feel it's best to say now rather than
later. I think you're really cool though and would be great to stay friends.'

How does that sound?

Part of me want's to keep going, but I know that I don't want to commit to her long term and I know that the attraction has kind of gone on my part so I guess it's best all round if I cut it off now. I also really DO need to sort my life out! What do you guys think?

I need to break it off now I think. It's weird, I was very up for fvcking her and she was all shy seeming and not wanting to do it, and now, since she has given me a blow job (and we slept together one other time when she was on her period) she now wants to fvck. She rang me at like 2.30am after she had been to a party (i didnt answer) and she texted the next day saying it was a shame I didnt answer as she was horny. Last time I saw her she said that she had actually been up for fvcking even though she was on her period and said that 'it had all gone' by the morning an was surprised that I didnt want to phuck.

Now, I know she wants to phuck, but I've just lost interest at this point. I don't want to phuck her and leave her so I guess I gotta leave her before we phuck. Especially since she has only been with one other guy and because of how she described about having to get to know someone before she 'lets them in'. It seemed like a big deal to her.

Uuuggh! Why can't I just attract some wantom sluts! I NEVER attract sluts! Thats what I WANT! I want the sexy, so called 'easy' girls who are experienced with sex. I want the casual thing. I want to have sex with a girl without feeling guilty about hurting her feelings. I want a girl who knows the game, not some little inexperienced 'nice girl' who I will worry about hurting.

Jesus.

moon goddess · Dec 6, 2012

Just tell her that even though you think she is a nice person, you don't think it is going to work out. That is better than just ignoring her and leaving her wondering.

SgtSplacker · Dec 6, 2012

Wow you sound exactly like I do, I feel better hearing about someone else who I share this bunk with. It's tough because you start dating someone to get to know them, then you finally get a good picture of who they are and well... decide they are not for you. In the mean time you have this person who decided you are good for them. Getting more and more turned on by your distant behavior, because you just so happen to game girls perfectly that you are not so interested in.

<<sigh>> smh

I usually just go NC and hope for the best.

Met a girl on dating site. Not sure if I want to continue. Dont want to hurt her...

Mr.Fantastic

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SteR

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Mr.Fantastic

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spiegel549

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Harry Wilmington

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SteR

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Mr.Fantastic

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TheWolfMan

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Mr.Fantastic

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