Nice

I've been reading some threads lately where it's been said how devastatingly bad it is to be nice at all, and how you should wipe any trace of niceness from your personality*.

With this in mind, here's a situation I ran into today:
I was out and about doing my business and I ran into an attractive girl I knew who was collecting money for the troops. I thought it was a worthy cause so I thought I would donate.

Here's the question:
Doesn't this send some sort of signal that on some level you are somehow (horrors) nice? Doesn't having some consideration for other people send a signal that you are at least remotely (noooo!) nice in some way? Would a true "bad boy" have anything at all to do with charity? By donating money to the troops, do you kill all attraction?

Would the true DJ give her some C&F remark and keep his money in his pocket?

*This is not my personal philosophy, but there are a lot of guys here who are obviously dedicated to really becoming true "bad boys". I'm curious what the DJs here think.

I've never had to be a bad boy or a jerk to get girls.

The rules about not being a nice guy mean don't be a guy who is trying too hard and supplicating.

You could be a bloody saint and still get girls. Just don't kiss a$$

I say you should've punched her in the face and run off with the donation jar. That's what a true bad boy would've done.

You're placing too much emphasis on what a woman thinks of you. If it's a cause you find worthy and you can spare the money, who cares what she thinks of it?

If she finds you attractive and comfortable in your own skin, she won't care whether you're donating to the troops or to the "Save the Clocktower" effort by your local preservation society. Make sure you get a flyer if you do donate to this charity.

I think many guys go from one extreme (Nice Guy AFC) to the other (douchebag asshole) in hopes of changing the results they're getting with women. What they don't realize is that when they become a Good Guy, things will fall into place...

Slickster said:

I've never had to be a bad boy or a jerk to get girls.

The rules about not being a nice guy mean don't be a guy who is trying too hard and supplicating.

You could be a bloody saint and still get girls. Just don't kiss a$$

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Well said.

Like Slickster, I've never had to be a jerk... A lot of girls probably thought I was a "bad boy" because of my lifestyle choices, but I've almost never treated anyone with anything but respect... Yes this includes fatties. When you're a stripper fatties = great source for tips!!! I'm a huge believer in Karma, and if you're increasing the amount of good in the world, it'll simply make the world a better place for you to live in. This a core value that I have and will stand by it no matter how many so-called DJ's say that being nice is "hopeless", etc. Mind you I'm also a guy who doesn't mind being in the friends zone, as I'd be screwing her even though I was a friend!

I think newbies have an overly reductionist outlook on being nice vs. being a bad boy. To me being nice = having integrity, being ethical and aspiring to be the best person that you can be. I pride myself on treating everyone w/ respect and doing my best not to hurt others. I think "nice" in the traditional sense refers to the guy supplicating weak dude who lets girls walk all over them. There's a definite distinction between this and guys who have integrity but will not back down in the face of adversity and challenge.

Some of my friends who have had the most success w/ women are the nicest guys around. One dude, big black guy, has slept w/ over 500 women... yeah was a stripper, but he was also a good human being. The DJ/PUA community would have you believe that being nice is an instant death sentence, while I believe nothing could be further from the truth. Have integrity, high moral ideals (I don't mean religious shiit), be strong and stand by your beliefs. Don't give up your power when dealing with women, and you'll be fine.

Nice to me is doing something for a chick that you are dating or are gaming to datem but hasn't yet earned the right.

Giviing some money to a chick doing a collection...what the fvck has that got to do with being nice?

Giving money to a hottie doing a collection is the definition of gullible, not nice.

There is a difference between being nice as in a decent human being vs "nice as a way of trying to get in her pants"[not ACTUALLY nice- for clarification... read "no more MR. Nice guy"}

Zekko,
What if it was a ugly girl collecting for a charity? Would that have made you want to donate? Take the good/ugly out of the equation. If you felt like giving, it doesn't matter who was asking. As in I was at the Atlanta airport a couple months ago, there were 4 troops in line behind me at Starbucks. They were a mix of guys and gals. I ordered my coffee, then said to the clerk, "that's my order, and whatever these 4 want I've got it". Nice wasn't a part of the equation. Nor was the crowd that I was supporting.
Now on a flip, yes women do dig guys that are decisive Alpha. No sane woman wants a supplicating guy. So if that's how you are qauntifying nice you are correct. The trick is when to turn it on, and when to turn it off. One of the 48 Laws of power is:
Law 28 Enter Action with Boldness
If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attempt it. Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution. Timidity is dangerous: Better to enter with boldness. Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one honors the timid.

KC

It all depends on the context of the situation. Being a "Nice Guy" isn't one isolated event, it's a sum total of collected events. Nice Guys and Bad Boys are overall perceptions not individual acts.

vatoloco said:

I say you should've punched her in the face and run off with the donation jar. That's what a true bad boy would've done.

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We have a winner! Now that is true bad boy behavior.
I bet that would make her gina tingle!

Jitterbug said:

Giving money to a hottie doing a collection is the definition of gullible, not nice

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Wow, gullible is even worse than nice.
So, if it's an ugly girl it's okay to donate, but not if it's a hottie?
What if the ugly girl has hot friends? She might tell her hot friends that you did something nice, then where would you be?

Fuglydude said:

I think newbies have an overly reductionist outlook on being nice vs. being a bad boy. To me being nice = having integrity, being ethical and aspiring to be the best person that you can be. I pride myself on treating everyone w/ respect and doing my best not to hurt others. I think "nice" in the traditional sense refers to the guy supplicating weak dude who lets girls walk all over them

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Yeah, nice really means friendly, polite.
People who are friendly have a lot of social proof.
But wait, how could that be?

It's a shame really that the pickup community got a hold of the word "nice" and decided to twist it into "weak supplicating male". If they mean "weak supplicating male", why don't they say "weak supplicating male"?
This creates too much confusion, and so many guys decide they have to start exhibiting antisocial behavior in order to attract women.

Honestly, the main reason I posted this was to see how far some guys were willing to take this stuff.

Most guys on here just don't fvckin get it!

OK, so some gals want the bad boy. That's a given, but, there is nothing wrong with being a nice guy who treats people with respect as Fugly stated above.

Heck, I'm a nice guy but one who does not kiss azz or suck up to anyone.

A nice guy as the members talk about on here are what I would call a sissy. You can be both a nice guy and a confident bad boy all rolled up into one. This I think, is the ultimate makeup of a true DJ.

Don't donate to a cause to impress a girl. Donate to the cause because you believe in the cause.

By the same virtue, don't blow off a cause to impress a girl. Blow it off if it's a sh*tty cause.

If she can't respect your decision, f**k her anyway and find a girl who isn't looking to shove activism up in your face.

Slickster said:

I've never had to be a bad boy or a jerk to get girls.

The rules about not being a nice guy mean don't be a guy who is trying too hard and supplicating.

You could be a bloody saint and still get girls. Just don't kiss a$$

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agreed on all points

*This is not my personal philosophy, but there are a lot of guys here who are obviously dedicated to really becoming true "bad boys".

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These guys want to have sex with bad boys, not women.

Like the others said, its not about being nice or mean its about not supplicating because you are afraid to lose the girl. Its about not giving a crap if a girl walks. Nice or mean is just about who you are as a person and doesn't have anything to do with getting girls.

vatoloco said:

If she finds you attractive and comfortable in your own skin, she won't care whether you're donating to the troops or to the "Save the Clocktower" effort by your local preservation society. Make sure you get a flyer if you do donate to this charity.

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Awesome Back to the Future reference vatoloco haha. You never know when that flyer will come in handy...

Do what you are going to do becuase you are electing to do it. If you were going to give because you believe in the charity. Don't give because the girl is hot.

If she's hot then make her work hard for your coin and then tip her off that you would have donated regardless of her effort.

You want to support the troops?

If a woman thinks you're weak for supporting your troops, to hell with her!

And don't be afraid to let her know it. I'd say it right to her face, nothing generates psychological tingles like throwing your convictions in front of her and saying, "These over you!"

zekko said:

Wow, gullible is even worse than nice.
So, if it's an ugly girl it's okay to donate, but not if it's a hottie?
What if the ugly girl has hot friends? She might tell her hot friends that you did something nice, then where would you be?

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And how would a random girl you don't know and don't have contacts with telling her friends how nice you are would get you laid? Unless you're telling guys to get numbers of every donation girl they come across.

I'm not giving any money to any strange woman. Don't want to start a bad habit now! If I want to donate to a charity or a worthy cause, I'll find it myself.

You chose a very poor example to talk about Being Nice in the context of dating.

Just so that we're all on the same page, this is concept of "Nice Guy" we're referring to. What you want to be is a Good Guy (or Good Man.)

DJNiceGuy said:

Awesome Back to the Future reference vatoloco haha. You never know when that flyer will come in handy...

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Heh, heh. I didn't know if anybody was gonna catch. This past weekend I saw the movie again and this thread made me remember the scene where Marty is trying to make out with his GF but that lady pesters him for money. Marty's all like "Sure lady, here's a quarter" as all he wants to do is get back to the making out.