How to be more alpha/ respected in social meetings

Hi mates,

For some odd reason I´ve become an overly nice guy to everyone (even during the period i was very successful in school, sports and girls) , and many times it has nothing to do with approval seeking, I´m just approval seeking when in a new group and I´m trying to make people like me.

I develloped this zen/buddhist character that nothing bothers me, and that I must be some kind of dalai lama, even in online gaming I´m super polite (wich is ridiculous) , but It bothers me that sometimes I don´t feel the same respect, that I give to other people.

How can you be alpha and respected? Give me tips, on body language, voice tone etc.. whatever..


Thanks

This might not be exactly what you are looking for, but I can share a mistake I used to make. Being an introvert, I would procrastinate. Specifically, I would go to a party and kick back for a while and not try to participate in the coversations until later. That was a big mistake.

What I learned is that if you aren't outgoing from the get go, if you try to converse later, people are MUCH less receptive to you. It's almost like they already determined that you're a boring low value guy so they don't really care what you have to say. I thought I was being laid back and chill, but it didn't come across that way.

So just like entering a nightclub, at any social event, start talking to people as soon as you walk in. Remember you aren't trying to impress them, you just being social and enjoy meeting people. This is very alpha.

Plus you can tell very early on which individuals or groups you click with. If not, the conversations will feel forced. If that is the case, politely move on to others.

thanks, that was very helpful

JdelaSilviera said:

thanks, that was very helpful

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I'm happy to help. I made this mistake for years. It reinforced my negative thinking. When I would try to socialize later in the night, I would get one word replies while the girls (and guys) would be hanging on some alpha's every word. I would go home depressed that I TRIED to socialize but nobody wanted to talk to me.

But when you go right in, people love you. Even if they don't, they respect you for having b@lls. It's like night and day.

Mike32ct said:

I'm happy to help. I made this mistake for years. It reinforced my negative thinking. When I would try to socialize later in the night, I would get one word replies while the girls (and guys) would be hanging on some alpha's every word. I would go home depressed that I TRIED to socialize but nobody wanted to talk to me.

But when you go right in, people love you. Even if they don't, they respect you for having b@lls. It's like night and day.

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Yes, what you described happens to me all the time. It gets to a point when nobody listens to me at a table, I have to call people for their names twice and loud in order to look at me. Never thought that the problem was entering too quiet...

Experiment

ya know I tried this and it does work.

Im not some soft sadass guy Im just naturally quiet and introverted.

However, if you dotn speak much and are quiet its easy and simple for others to assume your a weak fool or whatever. Its natural.


Anyway for a few months I tried to pretend to be a lively outgoing guy and the difference in the way people treat you is night and day.

However, ya know what I was not being me at all. It is better to be outgoing and lively and act ''alpha'' you will get more attention and more girls.

BUT I was not being me. I got bored and tired off all this fake effort. FOR WHAT?!?!? to get sex!! really at end off the day the only reason for faking being lively and outgoing was to get more sex. And well I was abroad also so it was easy for me to fake this new persona and get girls. I also tried at home.

However, I realise as much as I enjoy to get sex. I rather just be me. If I dont like clubs, dancing, crowds or parties so be it....It has its pros and it cons.

The main con being not meeting girls or easily getting sex. Apart from that I dont give a fuk no more.

I have little interest in others. Its possible if Im quiet or what not they may interpert you as being weak. I dislike that. BUt theres also the quiet strong type as well.

I work out, dress well etc...Wehn yo are quiet you can be mysetrious and when you do speak people actually really listen..HOwever I find I need to watch what I say because the less you say the more meaning and power what you say has. So, you say simething rude or srupid or whatver everybody takes note and they never forget.

But I have little interest to be lively or social and its my life. Sure I can fake a persona to make me look cool get girls and look like Im having a great life but why bother.

The most aplha thing you can do is be yourself. So what you lose out on some *****. Well theres always hos and cute quiet girls too.

Its a tough call.

1. Fake or work hard to be more ouwardly alpha

or

2. Be yourself adn dont give a crap about others opinions. Which is rahter alpha also.


Ive noticed if you act like you feel crap becuase your wueit or what then you look a bit sad.

BUT if people say why you wuiet or somethign along them lines and your like stfu suck my ****. why would I wanna talk to any u fuks...etc...then you just look alpha anyway if thats what you want.

well I didnt explain fully well what I mean but you get idea.

The key is to be confidently quiet and secure versus looking shy and anxious.

I am quiet and secure. It looks tough actually.

If you are shy and anxious work on being quiet and secure and confident with yourself.

Or like I sadi act mr party guy but you can only fake it so long.

Imagine Al pacino, Jimmy Hendrix, Bruce Lee, . I dont think these guys are mr party but when they walk into a room they dont look shy or need to sepak to be alpha

JdelaSilviera said:

I´m just approval seeking when in a new group and I´m trying to make people like me.

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Ultimately you're still doing that. Substitute "like" with "respect" and you're still approval seeking.

I think what you need to do is get to the point where you care little about what people think about you. Not stop caring at all because you end up way out in the deep end. But you need to be secure in who you are and what you can do. Achieve something substantial where you really need to put in some work. Have solid relationships with friends and family so that you don't NEED anyone else's approval because you have positive relationships to enjoy every day.

Alpha, 1st and foremost is about having great conversational skills and projecting leadership. Which all goes back towards confidence.

Ask yourself:
1) When you walk into a room:
Do you scan the room looking for a leader
OR
do you carry yourself as if you are the leader?

2) When you are at a meeting, and a question arises:
Do you look up to someone for an answer
OR
do people look up to you for an answer?

A good example is James Bond, he has a commanding presence. People look up to him for an answer. He projects confidence through body language, extreme cool in heart-pumping situations, and superb conversational skills.

Study him, and do as he does. Believe, and so you shall become.

EvilAgenda is spot-on.

+1.

I would add, projecting excessive politeness is seen as weakness of character. You can still be polite and eliminate that perception with vocal inflection. Overly-polite guys tend to have a sing-songy, supplicating voice, almost as if they hope the tone itself will be non-offensive.

Work on a more manly vocal tone and inflection if this is your problem, and give it a sense of detachment. Let the WORDS YOU CHOOSE convey the politeness, not the vocal inflection. I'm certain some of you are vaguely aware that you are appeasing people with your tone.

Again, let the actual words convey politeness, while the inflection conveys manliness, confidence and dominance of the situation.

That's the "sweet spot", my friends.

Atom Smasher said:

EvilAgenda is spot-on.

+1.

I would add, projecting excessive politeness is seen as weakness of character. You can still be polite and eliminate that perception with vocal inflection. Overly-polite guys tend to have a sing-songy, supplicating voice, almost as if they hope the tone itself will be non-offensive.

Work on a more manly vocal tone and inflection if this is your problem, and give it a sense of detachment. Let the WORDS YOU CHOOSE convey the politeness, not the vocal inflection. I'm certain some of you are vaguely aware that you are appeasing people with your tone.

Again, let the actual words convey politeness, while the inflection conveys manliness, confidence and dominance of the situation.

That's the "sweet spot", my friends.

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This is veery true. I find that when I'm in my zone and feel confident, the most obvious difference is my voice. I have resonating and deep voice and people hear me clearly. When I let my game slip however, that sing song voice. Oh god do I hate it. I can hear it myself. I really want to work on it so the manly voice is all the time. I've noticed this in Brad pitt. In his earlier career he had a much softer supplicating tone which has been replaced by the uber manly voice today. Vocal coaches I'm guessing.

First impression among friends and girls are very important.
Think of a social group you've been a part of for years. Usually the leaders back then are still the leaders now, and the positions people back then are still the same. Sure some people change but for the most part the nerd is the nerd, the funny guy is the funny guy and the alpha guy is still the alpha guy. If you are alpha from the get go and successfully demand respect in the first interaction when meeting people even when you do stupid sh!t later on, you are still seen as alpha and respected.

That's why: "I´m just approval seeking when in a new group and I´m trying to make people like me." You shouldn't do this. You shouldn't be approval seeking, but you shouldn't be a wallflower either. I'll go more into later on but I have a final tomorrow

Exactly. First impressions are important. By just being my introverted self, I would end up with one or two guy friends and no girls. Don't get me wrong. I PERSONALLY don't think there is anything wrong with being the quiet guy. If anything, I think people who are too outgoing are needy and tryhard. But society and especially women do not share my belief. If you are too quiet up front, you will isolate yourself.

This is how cliques are formed. I know this sounds like high school, but it continues long into adulthood in any environment where people interact.

ArcBound said:

First impression among friends and girls are very important.
Think of a social group you've been a part of for years. Usually the leaders back then are still the leaders now, and the positions people back then are still the same. Sure some people change but for the most part the nerd is the nerd, the funny guy is the funny guy and the alpha guy is still the alpha guy. If you are alpha from the get go and successfully demand respect in the first interaction when meeting people even when you do stupid sh!t later on, you are still seen as alpha and respected.

That's why: "I´m just approval seeking when in a new group and I´m trying to make people like me." You shouldn't do this. You shouldn't be approval seeking, but you shouldn't be a wallflower either. I'll go more into later on but I have a final tomorrow

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JdelaSilviera said:

Yes, what you described happens to me all the time. It gets to a point when nobody listens to me at a table, I have to call people for their names twice and loud in order to look at me. Never thought that the problem was entering too quiet...

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This happens to me all the time, it's frustrating as hell.

element0 said:

This happens to me all the time, it's frustrating as hell.

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It is frustrating and feels like you are being disrespected. The cruel reality is that cliques form VERY quickly. If you aren't outgoing in the beginning, they will freeze you out. (Young guys in high school or college/university definitely consider yourself warned, although this is true for all ages.)

Plenty of times I would chill for a while at a party or a table at dinner or at a bar (or any group setting), then talk later. By then, I would have to (as the other poster mentioned) all but yell the person's name two or three times to get them to give me a short one-word response. Finally, after getting that response several times from multiple people, I would get pissed off and leave the party early.

Then they would be asking me, "Why are you leaving? You aren't having a good time?"

I felt like saying, "I'm tired of being ignored and disrespected."

It's not that they are intentionally trying to be cruel or ostracize you, but if you don't make a good first impression, they just won't be feelin' ya.

Mike32ct said:

It's not that they are intentionally trying to be cruel or ostracize you, but if you don't make a good first impression, they just won't be feelin' ya.

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Really I think when you meet people for the first time, you are under some sort of informal interview. They are judging you and you are judging them trying to get to know each other and it forms a bulk of what you know. Make an excellent first impression and later on make a d!ck of yourself people still see you in the same frame as that excellent impression.

If you think about how it relates to girls, that's why a lot of the older guys here tell you to start off sexual with a girl. Because they will you see in a sexual frame from then on. Whereas the guy starting off as the friend can be the most romantic, creative, perfect, w/e, its possible he might not get her because well... she still sees him as the friend she met long ago, not a sexual being.

Correct.

ArcBound said:

Really I think when you meet people for the first time, you are under some sort of informal interview. They are judging you and you are judging them trying to get to know each other and it forms a bulk of what you know. Make an excellent first impression and later on make a d!ck of yourself people still see you in the same frame as that excellent impression.

If you think about how it relates to girls, that's why a lot of the older guys here tell you to start off sexual with a girl. Because they will you see in a sexual frame from then on. Whereas the guy starting off as the friend can be the most romantic, creative, perfect, w/e, its possible he might not get her because well... she still sees him as the friend she met long ago, not a sexual being.

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In order for guys to be Alpha Male, thats exactly how it works, in order for girls to be Alpha Female, they just have to be a Hot Piece of Meat

I say go for super alpha and be the guy who makes them say "he owns that factory on the edge of town, he's so hot, is that his Corvette?" **** all this posturing; just be the real deal.

Be the man who can buy anybody in the room.

Julius_Seizeher said:

I say go for super alpha and be the guy who makes them say "he owns that factory on the edge of town, he's so hot, is that his Corvette?" **** all this posturing; just be the real deal.

Be the man who can buy anybody in the room.

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This is definitely good advice, also

I´m trying to make people like me.

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I feel like this is one of the best ways to fail at it. There are lot of people who try to do this, and how's it working out for em?

From the ones I see trying, not so well.

thats what I hate, for men to be successful with women they have to be perfect everything just like initiatorhater says, but for women they just have to be perfect in the looks department