She asks me to hang out with her on Monday night. She then cancels and comes up with what I thought was a legitimate excuse. I stll think she is interested because she says to me; I'm so sorry, how about tomorrow night, same time? The next day she does it again and says I know you are going to think I'm a flake but my mom is not feeling well (she just got out of hospital) and I have to run errands and be with them tonight. I say somethiing like "No worries, maybe we can hang out some other time, just let me know". She never wrote anything to me after that, so we left it at that. I have a feeling she's not interested. Should I just delete her number?
Would you write this one off and move on?
- Thread starter trent81
- Start date
scrouds
Master Don Juan
Would I write it off? I'd be offended man!
Grab your balls off the ground and find someone worthy of your time.
Back in my AFC days I used to give girls a 3 strikes rule (nowadays, its 2, based off advice read here) and I had one chick run through her 3 strikes in a row in a week. This was after chatting with me on IM all summer long during school break. Just don't look back man.
Grab your balls off the ground and find someone worthy of your time.
Back in my AFC days I used to give girls a 3 strikes rule (nowadays, its 2, based off advice read here) and I had one chick run through her 3 strikes in a row in a week. This was after chatting with me on IM all summer long during school break. Just don't look back man.
Your last little text back was a bit sad.
She knows she's got you wrapped around her finger with the whole "maybe we can hang out sometime, just let me know" thing.
I suggest not contacting her, don't delete her number just yet, just don't make contact with her.
She'll make contact with you if she's interested.
If she does contact you again and makes plans, tell her to stick to them this time or you'll belt her.
She knows she's got you wrapped around her finger with the whole "maybe we can hang out sometime, just let me know" thing.
I suggest not contacting her, don't delete her number just yet, just don't make contact with her.
She'll make contact with you if she's interested.
If she does contact you again and makes plans, tell her to stick to them this time or you'll belt her.
Igetit!
Moderator
I'm tempted to say ,"Yeah,just forget about her",but let's rather see if you can re-ignite her interest...that is,if you're still interested.trent81 said:
So if you're game,I'll put what it is you need to do to rekindle her interest in you in steps.
Step 1: Go at least the next 5 days with no contact.
Don't call her,text her,instant message her,communicate by Facebook,MySpace,or any of that. And if she tries to contact you IN ANY WAYOTHER THAN BY A PHONECALL,do not answer or reply.
Absolutely NO CONTACT for the next 5 (4 to 5) days.
Step 2: Let's say that in the 3rd or 4th day of this,she calls you. If this happens,go ahead and talk to her. Ask her how she's doing,tell her what you're been up to (make it something exciting/emotional). Talk to her for a little while,but whatever you do, DON'T SAY ANYTHING about you two getting together for a date or hanging out. Just talk and catch up a little,just a little,and then end the phone call as soon as you've done this.
Step 3: Now let's say while you two are talking one of the times she calls you,you do like I suggested above,but she suggests you two getting together and hanging out. Now at this point,you need to be CAREFUL. You can easily let your desire for her screw things up. NOW LISTEN:If she suggest you two hanging out,DO NOT AGREE TO IT.
You heard me. I'll repeat it.
DO NOT AGREE TO IT.
What you do if she suggest this is you reply something like this...
her:Would you like to hang out tomorrow?
you: Umm....well...well look,I know that between your job,hanging out with your friends,and taking care of your mother,you probably don't have a lot of time on your hands,and I COMPLETELY understand. You've got a lot going on right now,that's cool. So since you've got your plate full right now,if you don't have any time,if you're just TOO busy,then it's cool. Don't worry about it.
Now what will happen here is she'll think that you've lost or are losing interest. She'll think that you don't want to see her anymore,but instead of just straight out telling her,you're trying to use her being "busy" as an excuse to end things
At this point,things should have flipped over to your favor. After you say all that to her,if she has any interest at all,she should come back at you with something like,"Oh no,I'm not busy. Not anymore,I'll be free on (whenever).
Then you come back at her with...
you:Are you sure? I mean,I don't want to mess up your schedule or anything like that.
If she says she's sure,and suggest a time,then say ok and agree to it.
After 4 or 5 days of no contact plus this type of conversation taking place after all that time has passed,her interest level should be raised.
And finally...
Step 4: (And this is the most important one of all) Come back here and thank the forum.
The toughest part may be going the 5 days of no contact if you're used to talking to her everyday or every other day,but it's VITAL you do this.
Try that out. If after you do this,she's still not interested,then drop her and move on.
everywomanshero
Master Don Juan
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I don't plan my day around women and allow them to set the times/places where it would be inconvient for me if things fell through (hey sometimes **** happens). I make the rules so that it will work out for me even if they can't make it for some reason. If that won't work for her, then we have to do it a different day or something. Recently I was ****ing a chick and her husband threatened to kill himself because he figured out she was with a guy. You never know what can happen and some things like that are unavoidable, but what you can do is set the time and place to soemthing that works for you (like invite her over when you'd be home regardless or have her meet you ar borders when you're there shopping for a gift or studying or whatever) or set it up for a night when you'll be in her town anyway, whatever. That's how I deal with the possiblity of flaking, I set things up so it won't make any difference and really I rarely get flakes ... with enough experience they become rare. One of the hottest chicks I ever banged flaked on me the first time, I almost wrote her off and glad I didn't. I ended up banging her for 6 months and found out her hubby did get off work early sometimes so it was prolly legit.
What do you do between step 2 and 3 if lets say after step 2, you end the call. do you wait for her to call you again? or do you call her? What if you continue playing phone tag and according to your rules, not to bring up about hanging out and she NEVERS brings it up also? what do u do?Igetit! said:
Igetit!
Moderator
Yes,but by waiting ,I don't mean to just hover over the phone waiting for it to ring. I mean to put this girl on the backburner and move on with your life. If she ever comes to her senses and wants to date you instead of just playing games,and you happen to still be intersted when this happens,then fine,date her. But YOU'RE NOT going to allow her childishness and indecisiveness to cause you to be alone if you have a desire to date someone.909pua said:
The WHOLE POINT to this is to make her think YOU'RE LOSING INTEREST.
So if she calls you and you two talk,but you say nothing about a date or you two hanging out,unlike the previous hundred interactions you had with her where each and every time,you asked her out and she gave you an excuse.
If the last 100 times you talked to her you asked her out and got an excuse,then when time #101 shows up you say nothing abut a date,she'll 'NOTICE" the absence of interest on your part.
She'll also wonder why. If this goes on long enough,then she'll suggest a date between you two,BUT IT'S NOT BECAUSE SHE LIKES YOU.
She's just trying to get you to go back to showing your desire for her again so she'll feel good. That's why Step 3 is important. Don't agree to a date with her. If you follow Step 3 the way it's laid out,you'll flip her back from AW mode to feeling attraction towards you.
You shouldn't be playing phone tag with her.909pua said:
DO NOT CALL HER. Look,this won't work without some distance between you two.
If she calls you,then talk to her,but DON'T BRING UP YOU TWO SEEING OR DATING EACH OTHER. If you do,she'll get her "emotional fix" right then and there by the phonecall itself. She won't need to go out with you.
Why go out on a date to feel good by you when she can just get the same thing by a phonecall? Must easier this way. Instead of worrying about her hair and make-up,and getting ready,she can just pick up the phone and dial your number. It's more convienant.
If she calls you,talk to her,see how she's doing,DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT GOING OUT,and if she DOESN'T BRING IT UP HERSELF,tell her it was "nice" to hear from her,then end the call. If she calls you the next 3 days in a row WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT YOU TWO DATING,then do what I suggested here the next 3 days in a row.
Eventually,she'll notice a lack of interest on your part. Then more than likely,SHE'LL BE THE ONE suggesting a get-together. Then just follow what I said in the original post.
Joe Stud
Master Don Juan
IF... you like her & shes hot: be cool & a bit unavailable. Dont let her know you care, or are mad. It's money in the bank... maybe pay iterest in the future, when she comes around. I think she just may. But always keep spinning plates
Gangster Of Love
Master Don Juan
After the second time, when she said you'd think she's a flake, a simple "Ok, but how are you gonna make it up to me?" would have done the trick, or at the very least, make her put up or shut up, in which after you could decide if she or you are not interested.trent81 said:
I'm guessing you're talking about THE 2 STRIKES RULEscrouds said:
One of the simplest yet sometimes most difficult things guys have to learn is to respect themselves. Respecting yourself is not just about treating yourself to good food, or decent clothing, daily showering, good diet, exercising etc. Respecting yourself also means getting rid of all the people in your life that didn't treat you well.
When you let a woman flake on you multiple times not only is she disrespecting you but you are disrespecting yourself. A man of standards does not put up with the constant bull___ from women, a man of standards does not let anyone disrespect him.
Do you still have the cell of that girl you were interested in but has resisted your advances who knows how long? get rid of it! still have that girl on myspace that flaked on you just last week? get rid of her!
To the original poster, please read the 2 strikes rule and remember that women are not as difficult as they seem. They are slutty little creatures who on spring break will suck some guy's **** they just met after 30 minutes, and they will do the same in their hometown. If a woman is hot and bothered by a man she will do whatever she can to meet him. But then again like the 2 strike rules says, you can give them the benefit of the doubt the first time, but back to back you know she ain't interested.
Time for you to move on and delete her # and if she ever initiates contact again ignore her. Give women a taste of their own medicine, make her pursue you.
Gangster Of Love
Master Don Juan
Wrong. You say the statement as soon as she starts to flake, as in, a couple of seconds after she says it, as a way of making her qualify herself to you; not a few days later after the fact. Not recomending the OP say it at this point. This one is pretty much done, lost, over. This is for THE NEXT TIME HE ENCOUNTERS A GIRL MAKING EXCUSES AND TRYING TO EXPLAIN HERSELF.909pua said:
I use it every single time a woman wants to cancel, or change the plans, or "forgets" to follow through on something. Usually, their answer is "What do you want?", and almost every single time they cook dinner, order in food, wash my car, bring me ice cream, and THEY LOVE it. Women want a man in control. Not knowing how to respond to a basic flake attempt is NOT a sign of a man in control who is worthy. Always calling them out on their bs is one of the major contributing factors to my fully booked schedule.
When she starts making excuses, you just say it, in an non needy, matter of factly way. In fact, I recomend men start using it the very FIRST TIME SHE FLAKES. NO NEED TO WAIT FOR THE SECOND FLAKE. You want to stop the bleeding, right on the spot.
She: I know you're gonna think I'm a flake, but I have to cancell tonight...
You: Ok, well, how will you make it up to me?
update;
She calls me last Saturday, crying and crying. Leaves a message saying how she cares about me. How she apologizes for being flaky and a *****. Then I call her back and end it with this.
I like you and would like to hang out with you. It seems like you are uninterested though. I feel like I am wasting my time. Call me if you want to hang out, I will leave the ball in your court. I don't like to chase after someone who doesn't feel the same.
Haven't heard from her since. Moving on. She has issues. Or maybe an exboyfriend that is still in the picture. I just got tired of it, don't want to deal with it anymore.
She calls me last Saturday, crying and crying. Leaves a message saying how she cares about me. How she apologizes for being flaky and a *****. Then I call her back and end it with this.
I like you and would like to hang out with you. It seems like you are uninterested though. I feel like I am wasting my time. Call me if you want to hang out, I will leave the ball in your court. I don't like to chase after someone who doesn't feel the same.
Haven't heard from her since. Moving on. She has issues. Or maybe an exboyfriend that is still in the picture. I just got tired of it, don't want to deal with it anymore.
Gangster Of Love
Master Don Juan
The simple, "How will you make it up to me?", will communicate all the right things, and put the ball in her court without having to actually say "the ball is in your court" and come across as needy.trent81 said:
I deleted her number, I don't think I will come off as needy if I don't contact her anymore. I lost respect and alot of attraction to her this week. She is crazy. Who calls you crying and says no I don't want to be with you? It makes no sense. Fuvk it.
ariet
Don Juan
THIS Guys is awsomeIgetit! said:
seriosly all i see when ppl ask for advise is NEXT
NEXTNEXTNEXTNEXTNEXTNEXTNEXTNEXT THAT BIACCHCHH:cuss:
When the going gets tough the DJs get tougher, dont just use the next button:cuss:
Igetit!
Moderator
I gotta agree with you on this one Trent. Sometimes it just isn't worth it no matter how hot or attractive a woman is.trent81 said:
Women know within the first 5 to 10 minutes if they're attracted to a man or not. You started this thread on 8-5-09. Today is the 27th,more than 3 weeks later,and this is still dragging on. All this drama,and you're not even in a relationship with her.
I don't even want to know what it would be like to actually date the girl.
I'm with you dude. Just forget it.
Dating a "hot girl" isn't worth sacrificing your peace of mind.
