Wife goes to Club/Bar

DJ_Traveler · Mar 7, 2008

Here is my situation:

My wife and I had an argument earlier around lunch time. We didn't talk all day. Meanwhile, she goes to her evening classes from 5pm to 10:30pm. At 9:10pm she calls me and say that her classed finished early and that she is going to bar/club with some friends from her class(She never mentioned that she had made friends in her class this semester).

It's past midnight now...

How would you guys feel if you were in my shoes? What would you say to your wife/girlfriend if she did this to you?

By the way, I also have 5 months old baby. Normally, I am pretty laid back. I don't have a problem going to club with her of if she goes with friends that I trust but tonight it just doesn't feel right.

armadon · Mar 7, 2008

damn 5:00 to 10:30 is a long ass class! What college class is 5 1/2 hours long? Don't worry about your chick if she comes home drunk and ****s you.

hithard · Mar 7, 2008

Have you ignored any red flags when you first hooked up ?
Is her personality type saint or slut?
Have you two been fighting the last few months?

She might just want to blow off some steam after watching the baby.

grmyths · Mar 7, 2008

:/ .

edger · Mar 7, 2008

DJ_Traveler said:
Here is my situation:

My wife and I had an argument earlier around lunch time. We didn't talk all day. Meanwhile, she goes to her evening classes from 5pm to 10:30pm. At 9:10pm she calls me and say that her classed finished early and that she is going to bar/club with some friends from her class(She never mentioned that she had made friends in her class this semester).

It's past midnight now...

How would you guys feel if you were in my shoes? What would you say to your wife/girlfriend if she did this to you?

By the way, I also have 5 months old baby. Normally, I am pretty laid back. I don't have a problem going to club with her of if she goes with friends that I trust but tonight it just doesn't feel right.

I don't know what the argument was all about, but if she felt you were at fault, and it really pissed her off, then she probably wants some time away from you, so she's making it a late night. If that's not the case and she's being a catty little b*tch, then I'd be wary of her genuiness in the relationship. But all this can also be a test(sh*t test) to see how you react.

Who knows if she went with guys from her class that she might be attracted to, or if she's hooking up with guys at the club. You can't jump to conclusions until you know for a fact that that is the case. Gotta give her the benefit of the doubt. If I were you, I wouldn't say anything. I'd play it cool and make it seem like it didn't bother you. If she gets the impression it bothers you, then you'll loose your power in the relationship.

Luveno · Mar 7, 2008

If you're doubtful, install a keylogger on the family computer. Obtain her email address and password using the keylogger; and scan her instant message histories. Over time, a woman will blab to her email girlfriends about "that thing she did that night

". Once you get proof that she was sleeping with/any sort of genital or mucosal surface contact, then you get your lawyer and make sure what she said is a solid enough grounds to get a clean divorce. Don't confront her with anger.

STR8UP · Mar 7, 2008

hithard said:
Is her personality type saint or slut?

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

ZenGodMod · Mar 7, 2008

Since you both never agreed the time of her return, you can't complain much about her being late, or should i say "early" from her perspective.

This is standard, you both argue, she gets angry and needs to vent it out. Hopefully not in another man's bed. haha! But i wouldn't worry, all she wants right now is an ear to listen to all her frustrations and that may take all night.

Bet her new friends regret taking her along, but looking at the time... they all probably having a ball of time talking about their frustrations and how much men suck and don't understand women or how they regret not sleeping with so and so back in the day before they met whoever they are shagged up for life with. End of all it, she'll be back. Welcome her home, talk it out after she has rested. The longer she takes to come back, the deeper the issues. If she comes back like 2 days later (there is another man involved). Make sure you have packed her bags, save her the time and energy.

KarmaSutra · Mar 7, 2008

This is a test of will. What WILL you do.

Look at it from her perspective. She has friends from college who you know nothing about until it's convenient for her to let it fall out of her back pocket.

Now, who? You. She's using this as a way to manipulate your head. She knows full well you're home being Dad and she is expecting you to jump her ass as soon as she comes home. Don't fall for it.

None of it. Her girlfriends (most assuredly single and in her age range) are whispering garbage into her ears and convoluting her thoughts with booze and man bashing.

You be the DJ you are. You play it cool. When she comes home you calmly ask how her night went and then go to bed. Though you may feel like ripping her throat out you CANNOT SHOW IT. Not an inkling. You have to allow her to graze upon your coolness and maturity and ponder how fvcked up she has thought of who you are.

You keep this in your back pocket. When the time is right, you spring it on her that you're going out with the guys and she should not wait up. Kiss her forehead and walk out the door (A nice touch would be a nice cigar in hand).

hithard said:
Have you ignored any red flags when you first hooked up ?

Is her personality type saint or slut?

These are pertinant questions and require pertinant answers.

STR8UP · Mar 7, 2008

KarmaSutra said:
This is a test of will. What WILL you do.

Look at it from her perspective. She has friends from college who you know nothing about until it's convenient for her to let it fall out of her back pocket.

Now, who? You. She's using this as a way to manipulate your head. She knows full well you're home being Dad and she is expecting you to jump her ass as soon as she comes home. Don't fall for it.

None of it. Her girlfriends (most assuredly single and in her age range) are whispering garbage into her ears and convoluting her thoughts with booze and man bashing.

You be the DJ you are. You play it cool. When she comes home you calmly ask how her night went and then go to bed. Though you may feel like ripping her throat out you CANNOT SHOW IT. Not an inkling. You have to allow her to graze upon your coolness and maturity and ponder how fvcked up she has thought of who you are.

You keep this in your back pocket. When the time is right, you spring it on her that you're going out with the guys and she should not wait up. Kiss her forehead and walk out the door (A nice touch would be a nice cigar in hand).

Right on brother Karma.

More often than not these types of situations are more of a test than anything.

Sadly, these sorts of situations can be turning points in relationships. If you handle it incorrectly (get upset) her attraction level will drop. If you handle it properly (show that she can't get under your skin) her attraction will increase. there is basically no middle ground.

That said....I would keep an eye on her. When a woman decides to resort to these kinds of tactics it's a sign that a storm might be on the horizon.

ZenGodMod · Mar 7, 2008

KarmaSutra said:
You keep this in your back pocket. When the time is right, you spring it on her that you're going out with the guys and she should not wait up. Kiss her forehead and walk out the door (A nice touch would be a nice cigar in hand).

And so the cycle of arguments continues. This time it gets worse, she'll welcome him home with open arms and 2 weeks later decide to go camping out with some "friends".

Ever hear "two can play this game!" the most common sentence used by women these days.

Just keep your cool Traveler. Revenge or punishable actions will work against you. Like Str8up said, its a test. You react to it, you die!

KarmaSutra · Mar 7, 2008

ZenGodMod said:
And so the cycle of arguments continues. This time it gets worse, she'll welcome him home with open arms and 2 weeks later decide to go camping out with some "friends".

Ever hear "two can play this game!" the most common sentence used by women these days.

Which is precisely why he has come here. To understand and implement the pre-emptive strike. She starts with her bullsh!t, he has the maturity and self discipline to let her go. He'll be a single Dad in a world where women throw themselves at these types of ULTRA MEN. KARMIC Men. Men of the BROTHERHOOD who understand and acknowledge our inner strength and the respect we have for our BOUNDARIES.

If she wants to have her dalliances then why should he deny himself? To placate you? Her?

DJ_Traveler · Mar 7, 2008

It's past four in the morning, and I didn't succeed in falling a sleep... too much on my mind.

Like you guys said, she is playing some dirty tactics or perhaps she met some other female with some twisted thoughts. In any case, I will try to remain cool and think about it.

I really appreciate you guys input.

The whole argument started over me calling her lazy because she was complaining about me not making her coffee this morning. She only works three hours a week and takes care of the baby.

Of course, I could go into more details, but what I am most concern about is her going clubbing with friends I have never heard of until tonight. I mean what were the odds that she was going to find some class mates who happens to want to go clubbing on the night we have an argument.

edger · Mar 7, 2008

DJ_Traveler said:
The whole argument started over me calling her lazy because she was complaining about me not making her coffee this morning. She only works three hours a week and takes care of the baby.

Hah, this one sounds like a winner. We've dreamed our whole lives we'd have a wife like this. You called her out rightfully so. Typical example of the woman who thinks she's "entitled" and doesn't have to work or do anything besides collect her husbands earnings. Don't get me wrong either, taking care of a toddler is a big task, but not as big of a task as an 8 hour(oftentimes more) workshift consisting of mental or physical labor. Just stand your ground and be strong!

DJ_Traveler · Mar 7, 2008

Let's see: Wife came home after 5am. I tried to remain as cool as possible. I was feeding the baby when she got home. She was saying how she was mad at me.

She told me she went with a group. Everybody got drunk and they all crashed at someone's place around 2:30am but she didn't come home right away because she was feeling too drunk so she waited out at that house until 5am.

I guess if I reacted like her, everytime she says something that I don't like it would make it okay for me to get upset and go to a club and grind.

This morning, I checked her phone and it looked like the person she went out with is called Josh...
I guess I will have to monitor my phone bill next month and see how phone have been made if any prior to March 6.

My Name is Nobody · Mar 7, 2008

Is she the mother of your baby?

KarmaSutra · Mar 7, 2008

DJ_Traveler said:
This morning, I checked her phone and it looked like the person she went out with is called Josh...
I guess I will have to monitor my phone bill next month and see how phone have been made if any prior to March 6.

There's the slip.

That's how I found out as well. The phone bill. She stuttered and blustered her worthless excuses but they wouldn't stick.

She was caught.

A word of caution brother, she may feel cornered and may do something drastic so keep your cards tight to your chest and don't blink. In my case, she said that if I didn't give her what she wanted she was calling the cops and telling them that I had beaten her.

Immediately I knew who I had been living my life with was just a facade. She was a monster. I'm too cute for jail so I gave her what she wanted. Not out of submission but because my freedom is worth more than material stuff easily replaced.

I got her back though. The yeast infection from hell from going ass to pvssy with a tinge of scat.

Vengeance never felt so good . . .

azanon · Mar 7, 2008

Divorce this woman. I'm not kidding. I don't know how long it has been like this, but even if it has been a long time, late > never.

Guys, you don't have to settle for marrying women like this. Marriage IS ok, but it is to be reserved for the most exceptional of women. 80% of women or more are not of sufficient quality to deserve the opportunity.

There's only one catch; if you aren't an overall exceptional man, then please don't expect an exceptional woman. That's not logical, for one.

jophil28 · Mar 7, 2008

azanon said:
There's only one catch; if you aren't an overall exceptional man, then please don't expect an exceptional woman. That's not logical, for one.

The issue is not about people being "exceptional" in this case . This is just about ordinary people, one of whom is acting badly..
So far this is about a woman who is acting like a spoilt teenage brat who is apparently cheating on her husband with someone named Josh. SHe deals with minor conflict by running around, clubbing ,drinking heavily, seeing another guy, lying to her husband and coming home at 5 am . You do not have to be an "exceptional " man to be entitled to better behavior than that.
Her actions are below baseline behavior...
I vote for divorce - that are too many dealbreakers in one night.

Where is LMS when we need his *insight* ?
Hey ICKY - I bet you are getting all wound up to defend her with some crap about "post partum depression".

Luveno · Mar 7, 2008

Find more evidence and get a lawyer before you say ANYTHING to your wife.

Do not confront her or make her aware of what you are doing; such a move will make her defensive and she will hide the information you need.

Wife goes to Club/Bar

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