21 and never kissed a girl

OC Speedball · Jul 23, 2011

Alright, so I just turned 21 and I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, and never had sex. I am possibly the biggest noob on here.

It finally hit me in late 2009 when I was living by myself in Costa Rica. All the loneliness and anger had built up inside of me. I made a vow that when I came back to California I would finally get a girlfriend. I went to a lot of parties, met girls, but just ended up becoming friends with them. Then in August of 2010 I started reading about Don Juans, pick up artists, how to read body language, etc. It helped a little, it boosted my confidence, but I didn't have a full grasp of it and how to use it.

Then in January when the new school semester started I went all out. I talked to almost every girl in my class, got 10 phone numbers (a huge accomplishment for me), went on a couple dates, but nothing happened. I had girls sitting around me in one class yet I still couldn't seal the deal. I got responses like, "Sorry, I'm busy that night" whenever I called them.

That was my peak right there. I was even giving my friends advice on women (and it worked for them!) and telling them to start reading about this stuff. I was so sure I was going to have at least kissed a girl by summer, but it didn't happen. So now here I am and it's summer and it's harder for me to meet girls. And on top of that I had a falling out with a few friends, one of them became an alcoholic, and one moved. So now I hardly have any contact with my friends or girls.

It's hard to have confidence at this point. I can't just go to a club and hit on girls. Maybe if I was good at this stuff and had more experience I could.

Anyways, so bottom line is: what the HELL am I doing wrong? Was anyone else here this late of a bloomer? I don't think I'm a bad looking guy, probably a 7. I am in good shape, I have a six pack, I am a risk taker. (I can post pictures of myself if you guys want, so at least you can see that I'm not some 3 whining about why I can't get an 8). I can't exactly see why girls aren't attracted to me. My inner game is pretty solid; the only thing weighing me down is knowing that I have never had a girlfriend. I feel like 50% of a man if I think about it too much. My downfall is that I think about things too much, I'm into philosophy and I'm a Literature major.

I've been a member of this site for a little while and it has benefited me greatly. You guys give some great advice. I just can't seal the deal. It's extremely frustrating.

It would be hard for me to post all my experiences with women on here. If you have a guess on what I'm doing wrong please let me know. I need some serious help.

Thanks. Forever alone.

BettorOffSingle · Jul 23, 2011

OC Speedball said:
Alright, so I just turned 21 and I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, and never had sex. I am possibly the biggest noob on here.

It finally hit me in late 2009 when I was living by myself in Costa Rica. All the loneliness and anger had built up inside of me. I made a vow that when I came back to California I would finally get a girlfriend. I went to a lot of parties, met girls, but just ended up becoming friends with them. Then in August of 2010 I started reading about Don Juans, pick up artists, how to read body language, etc. It helped a little, it boosted my confidence, but I didn't have a full grasp of it and how to use it.

Then in January when the new school semester started I went all out. I talked to almost every girl in my class, got 10 phone numbers (a huge accomplishment for me), went on a couple dates, but nothing happened. I had girls sitting around me in one class yet I still couldn't seal the deal. I got responses like, "Sorry, I'm busy that night" whenever I called them.

That was my peak right there. I was even giving my friends advice on women (and it worked for them!) and telling them to start reading about this stuff. I was so sure I was going to have at least kissed a girl by summer, but it didn't happen. So now here I am and it's summer and it's harder for me to meet girls. And on top of that I had a falling out with a few friends, one of them became an alcoholic, and one moved. So now I hardly have any contact with my friends or girls.

It's hard to have confidence at this point. I can't just go to a club and hit on girls. Maybe if I was good at this stuff and had more experience I could.

Anyways, so bottom line is: what the HELL am I doing wrong? Was anyone else here this late of a bloomer? I don't think I'm a bad looking guy, probably a 7. I am in good shape, I have a six pack, I am a risk taker. (I can post pictures of myself if you guys want, so at least you can see that I'm not some 3 whining about why I can't get an 8). I can't exactly see why girls aren't attracted to me. My inner game is pretty solid; the only thing weighing me down is knowing that I have never had a girlfriend. I feel like 50% of a man if I think about it too much. My downfall is that I think about things too much, I'm into philosophy and I'm a Literature major.

I've been a member of this site for a little while and it has benefited me greatly. You guys give some great advice. I just can't seal the deal. It's extremely frustrating.

It would be hard for me to post all my experiences with women on here. If you have a guess on what I'm doing wrong please let me know. I need some serious help.

Thanks. Forever alone.

My guess?

Lack of sexual experience, weak, nervous body language, being afraid of escalating physically, having too much respect for women who don't deserve it, and you may be short or have some other repellant.

Some men get so wound up in "being themselves" they become blind to what women are looking for. Make a study of men who have women on their arm: how they dress, move, talk, etc. You'll see many different success stories. Find a good wing you might want to emulate, and don't hang out wiith guys who don't get laid.

When talking to female friends, note the success the "jerks" have, and how easy it would be to become one, but that you don't want to unless you have no other alternative. Don't seek outcomes, just share your feelings, and if a woman disses you for them, don't talk to her. If your schedule is not filled with hot chicks, keep looking for and accumulating them until they are. Use pivots as well.

I'd recommend trying strip clubs to get used to physical proximity, but strippers are good hustlers and could fleece a guy like you easily. Hookers are always an option but that's an absolute last resort, not one for a guy your age.

Somewhere, you're not acting like a legitimate boyfriend. Most likely it's in your body language, your mindset, or in lack of knowledge in how to relate to women emotionally or sexually. Odds are your standards are also high, and you're just not willing to settle.

If you mention to a few female friends that you found advice on the internet about how to pick up women, they may try to "save you from the dark side," But you have to be RELUCTANT and resistant to changing, at least for the time being. They'll tell you to stay nice, and what you do then is take their advice, let it keep failing, and then they have to rig the game for you to win, or be proven wrong about relationships, which few chicks will want. If you can stay positive while doing this, they are moore likely to take matters into their own hands and just pawn you off on one of their friends.

Ray Gordon
Bettor Off Single: Why Commitment Is A Bad Gamble For Men
http://www.toosmarttofail.com/bos.pdf
FREE!

Chamber36 · Jul 23, 2011

Hey Mr Forever Alone.

I also never had a girlfriend either. I've managed to meet and fvck 2 girls though. I think that's an incredibly slim number. I did some prostitutes though about 8 or 9 times.

My point is though, your goal cannot be to get a girlfriend, because if you say to yourself: "I'll get a girlfriend by the end of the summer", that's a lost cause! Not that I'm trying to put you down. But simply pressuring yourself to do something that you've never done before, while you haven't even taken care of the foundation(kissing, escalation) yet is pointless.

I remember when i turned 8 or 9 i wished for my birthday i'd get a girlfriend. And i never got one since.

I'm now learning that it was society that made me want the girlfriend in the first place. It was my school buddies that convinced me i needed one.

And I believe they're overrated, because for 1: people get tired of the same person over and over. You'll want something new, because the chase is even more thrilling than the kill.

and 2: You don't want to be at a party and have your girlfriend there. You wouldn't be able to seduce any chicks, and you and ur girlfriend will have to watch each other to make sure nobody strays.

There's also people who think having a relationship defines their lives. There's AFC's who have LTRs for years! plenty of sex! but they're still the same insecure AFC's they were before they got in a relationship.

You should work on your Inner Game. Read from the book of Pook.

bigneil · Jul 23, 2011

Hang in there. You are still young and it will get better at least until age 28. Stay in shape. Eat organic. Do pull-ups every day. Work on your career. Go out a lot. Try fasting and detoxification. Take herbal supplements. Drink distilled water. Avoid Aspartame and prescription drugs.

You need to break the ice with someone. Start lower if you have to. Go for the cheek kiss (as if they were your aunt). It's the best way to escalate and predict whether they are ready to take things further. Sometimes the cheek kiss leads to a kiss on the lips. It's easier than you think. But beautiful women are never easy to conquer.

OC Speedball · Jul 23, 2011

BettorOffSingle said:
My guess?

Lack of sexual experience, weak, nervous body language, being afraid of escalating physically, having too much respect for women who don't deserve it, and you may be short or have some other repellant.

When talking to female friends, note the success the "jerks" have, and how easy it would be to become one, but that you don't want to unless you have no other alternative. Don't seek outcomes, just share your feelings, and if a woman disses you for them, don't talk to her. If your schedule is not filled with hot chicks, keep looking for and accumulating them until they are. Use pivots as well.

I'd recommend trying strip clubs to get used to physical proximity, but strippers are good hustlers and could fleece a guy like you easily. Hookers are always an option but that's an absolute last resort, not one for a guy your age.

Somewhere, you're not acting like a legitimate boyfriend. Most likely it's in your body language, your mindset, or in lack of knowledge in how to relate to women emotionally or sexually. Odds are your standards are also high, and you're just not willing to settle.

If you mention to a few female friends that you found advice on the internet about how to pick up women, they may try to "save you from the dark side," But you have to be RELUCTANT and resistant to changing, at least for the time being. They'll tell you to stay nice, and what you do then is take their advice, let it keep failing, and then they have to rig the game for you to win, or be proven wrong about relationships, which few chicks will want. If you can stay positive while doing this, they are moore likely to take matters into their own hands and just pawn you off on one of their friends.

Thanks for the reply. That was a solid post. I feel like it does have something to do with nervousness... but I don't know how. How can a girl smell sexual inexperience when I'm running kino on her and she's giving me kino back. Most of the girls I talk to move their knees towards me until they touch my leg, they stroke their hair, playfully hit me, etc.

I also don't treat them like princesses. At least I don't think I do. I speak my mind, make fun of them, and I've slapped a few of their asses.

I'm 6'2'' so I think my height is fine. And I definitely know what you mean about girls disagreeing. I've talked to a couple girls about this stuff (girls that I have no interest in at all) and they disagree. "Just be yourself!" Yeah, like that's ever worked for me.

Chamber36 said:
My point is though, your goal cannot be to get a girlfriend, because if you say to yourself: "I'll get a girlfriend by the end of the summer", that's a lost cause! Not that I'm trying to put you down. But simply pressuring yourself to do something that you've never done before, while you haven't even taken care of the foundation(kissing, escalation) yet is pointless.

I remember when i turned 8 or 9 i wished for my birthday i'd get a girlfriend. And i never got one since.

I'm now learning that it was society that made me want the girlfriend in the first place. It was my school buddies that convinced me i needed one.

You should work on your Inner Game. Read from the book of Pook.

It's not so much getting a girlfriend, but just at least having the ability to kiss a girl. I tried once but got the head turn.

The book of Pook was amazing. Thanks for the input.

TIC · Jul 23, 2011

Look, its not your fault. From reading what you wrote I can tell you're a better person than most women.

It is a societal issue. You know things are bad when men can be alone so easily against their will, while women can be in a relationship anytime like it's nothing. It's not fair and there are many reasons for it. I'd say one of the biggest reasons is obesisty and it's effect on the pool of attractive women.

In the dating ages there are more men than women...but when you filter out all the fat, unhealthy women (most women according to stats) the pool of women gets even smaller and suddenly a 7 who stated thin is a mini celebrity and a god amoung insects.

Those girls that flaked on you and seemed out of your reach probably still thought you were good enough for them. Problem is, you were competing with 7-8 other guys and someone else beat you out for it. It's a losing battle from the get-go.

You've worked on your game. You've overcome approach anxiety. You are a literate,intelligent man. You have a 6 pack and stay healthy. You are going to college and doing something with your life. Yet, you're alone. This is a societal issue. There is no, "oh, your body language lacks plus you aren't doing pua technique #37".

It shouldn't take all that to get a decent hb8 gf. Some of you clearly think so but not me. Society is to blame. Women have been put on a pedastol higher than ever before in history. And the value of young men (13-29) has never been lower.

No amount of game or body language will improve your odds, you've done more than enough already. The problem isn't game the problem is high demand for average pvssy. The problem is the 8 other dudes you must compete with for one girl who is no where close to being worthy of that attention.

My post offers no solutions other than to say get your education and go overseas to a non westernized country to get a woman.

Men are not wanted here. We are just tolerated by stuck up women. You mentioned getting 10 numbers once. Well sadly all ten of those girls were hiton multiple times by multiple different guys in multiple different environments that same week. You were just guy #12 for the day that fed her ego.

Chamber36 · Jul 23, 2011

Before you kiss a girl, make sure she's receptive. Her body language has to be OPEN. Which means she has to be facing you. If u want to kiss, just look at her mouth. She should respond by smiling or looking you in the eye or something. If she's shy and doesn't "notice" that you want to kiss her, she might just keep blabbering. Then just look at her mouth, lean in and look her in the eye. She should get the picture by then and hopefully you'll start making out.

Usually you'll meet a girl and if the talking goes ok, your sense of timing should tell you when to extract her to a different location. You can use any old excuse you want: "want to walk over there??" always works fine for me.

ChalengeGuyFan · Jul 23, 2011

OC Speedball said:
Alright, so I just turned 21 and I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, and never had sex. I am possibly the biggest noob on here.

Don't flatter yourself. I am doing worse than you, and there certainly are people who are doing worse than me.

btownbuck2012 · Jul 23, 2011

TIC said:
Look, its not your fault. From reading what you wrote I can tell you're a better person than most women.

It is a societal issue. You know things are bad when men can be alone so easily against their will, while women can be in a relationship anytime like it's nothing. It's not fair and there are many reasons for it. I'd say one of the biggest reasons is obesisty and it's effect on the pool of attractive women.

In the dating ages there are more men than women...but when you filter out all the fat, unhealthy women (most women according to stats) the pool of women gets even smaller and suddenly a 7 who stated thin is a mini celebrity and a god amoung insects.

Those girls that flaked on you and seemed out of your reach probably still thought you were good enough for them. Problem is, you were competing with 7-8 other guys and someone else beat you out for it. It's a losing battle from the get-go.

You've worked on your game. You've overcome approach anxiety. You are a literate,intelligent man. You have a 6 pack and stay healthy. You are going to college and doing something with your life. Yet, you're alone. This is a societal issue. There is no, "oh, your body language lacks plus you aren't doing pua technique #37".

It shouldn't take all that to get a decent hb8 gf. Some of you clearly think so but not me. Society is to blame. Women have been put on a pedastol higher than ever before in history. And the value of young men (13-29) has never been lower.

No amount of game or body language will improve your odds, you've done more than enough already. The problem isn't game the problem is high demand for average pvssy. The problem is the 8 other dudes you must compete with for one girl who is no where close to being worthy of that attention.

My post offers no solutions other than to say get your education and go overseas to a non westernized country to get a woman.

Men are not wanted here. We are just tolerated by stuck up women. You mentioned getting 10 numbers once. Well sadly all ten of those girls were hiton multiple times by multiple different guys in multiple different environments that same week. You were just guy #12 for the day that fed her ego.

+1 Rep

CostaDeSol · Jul 23, 2011

I didn't kiss a girl until i was almost 20. as soon as i did, everything else followed: I lost my virginity and got a girlfriend within a month.

The way i did it was to immerse myself within a social group that was loaded with girls. I guess you can say i intentionally put myself in the LJBF zone and then after i tested the waters with a few of them, I went in for the kill.

This can work for you too. Find a club/organization/nonprofit org/company/class that is loaded with single women. Go to all their meetings, talk with many of them. don't talk to them like you want sex with them, just make small talk. Your goal is to gain their trust. eventually you'll have sex and make out with MANY of them.

This approach is mainly to get you comfortable around girls so that you're not so uptight with them and are much more relaxed. You stop thinking of them as gold and start treating them as just regular people. They WILL notice your relaxed attitude and start thinking of you as a potential fb or bf.

This is probably not the best method, but for someone with social anxiety such as myself, it got me past a line that I was happy to cross: it got me a laid, my first kiss, my first gf, etc

FairShake · Jul 23, 2011

I think you should post a pic. Oftentimes if a guy can't get laid he's not that good looking and won't sleep with the girls that will be available. A girl has to be IN TO YOU before that ****y jerk sh!t works. And when she's into you it usually comes out naturally.

OC Speedball · Jul 23, 2011

I feel like it is partly to blame on society. Especially where I live. Girls are raised to think they're princesses. It is hard to get a girl, but why are normal guys still getting girls then?

I do have a little problem with putting them on a pedestal. I don't worship them, in fact I try to show no anxiety when talking to them, but I think in the back of my mind I see them as unattainable... because I have never attained one before.

Here are a couple pics of me. They are the most recent I have:

Here's one from my 21st birthday. I'm in the black shirt:

Leporello · Jul 23, 2011

Practice, practice, practice.

In the modern age, there´s no excuse for having nothing to do. Use the Internet to find events and activities - ANYTHING that you´re interested in and involves other people your age - and just go. Talk to everyone. Invite people to hang out. Don´t be pushy; if someone isn´t receptive move on.

Eventually, you´ll become more comfortable and more used to things. If a joke or a line works once, don´t hesitate to use it with other people.

LIVE, DAMMIT!

CostaDeSol · Jul 23, 2011

OC Speedball said:
I do have a little problem with putting them on a pedestal. I don't worship them, in fact I try to show no anxiety when talking to them, but I think in the back of my mind I see them as unattainable

i think this is key. Girls can sense this. Your probably so focused on getting laid that they see you as sleazy rather than charming.

Like i said before, surround yourself in social circles loaded with girls and interact with them. But don't approach them for sex. Think that you will only become friends with them. That way, your goal to have sex with them doesn't hide your charm and charisma. Treat them like your bros. Just by doing that you DETHRONE them.

PrettyBoyAJ · Jul 23, 2011

Check your messages. I'd like to help you. Only if your up for the challenge and if your really want it.

FairShake · Jul 23, 2011

Not for nothing:

You aren't that good looking. You aren't a 7 (neither am I btw). And you're a 21 year old virgin. Your confidence sounds shot and I doubt you bring the right mix of confidence/****iness/kindness needed to land the biggest fish. Getting hot girls with your looks isn't easy (again, I can tell you from experience). Doing it without confidence or experience is damn near impossible.

You don't start riding a motorcycle at 100mph, playing Rush songs on the guitar, or at level 99 of Tetris. You work up to it. I think you should probably go after women who are maybe a bit homely and geeky but nice and fun. You will get to understand what works and what doesn't with them. Then, if you don't meet who you want, you will be able to trade upwards as time goes on. Or if you find a nice but homely girl who does it for you then you live happily ever after.

That's how alot of guys start out. I did.

Edit: Cut and/or style your hair and wear less bland t-shirts. A bit of a beard or goatee could help too. You would look much better.

Alex DeLarge · Jul 23, 2011

I've been there man. I'm 21 and have not yet had a LTR. There have been plenty of times where I could've had it, but I either ruined it for myself or they were girls that I really wasn't interested in past a hook up. I have worked on myself a good amount the past 6 months and have doubled my success with women easily. Still have only had sex once, but I have no problem getting numbers or getting dates now.

You're not a bad looking dude at all man. If you had a better wardrobe and more self confidence, I think you could easily pull the HB's. I would suggest to befriend some attractive girls and just hangout with them. Become comfortable around them, and you will become more comfortable talking to girls at the club or just on the street.

My suggestions are to work on your inner game, and check out some new clothing. Not too sure what "look" you're into, but I highly suggest going for the indie/rocker/hipster look. I think it would work out great for you. Get a trim on the hair too. Or style it.

Also, if you don't feel comfortable with what I suggest, DO NOT do it by any means. You have to be comfortable with yourself to proceed outside of your comfort zone first. Hope this helps man, and best of luck to you!

Strelok · Jul 23, 2011

TIC said:
Look, its not your fault. From reading what you wrote I can tell you're a better person than most women.

It is a societal issue. You know things are bad when men can be alone so easily against their will, while women can be in a relationship anytime like it's nothing. It's not fair and there are many reasons for it. I'd say one of the biggest reasons is obesisty and it's effect on the pool of attractive women.

In the dating ages there are more men than women...but when you filter out all the fat, unhealthy women (most women according to stats) the pool of women gets even smaller and suddenly a 7 who stated thin is a mini celebrity and a god amoung insects.

Those girls that flaked on you and seemed out of your reach probably still thought you were good enough for them. Problem is, you were competing with 7-8 other guys and someone else beat you out for it. It's a losing battle from the get-go.

You've worked on your game. You've overcome approach anxiety. You are a literate,intelligent man. You have a 6 pack and stay healthy. You are going to college and doing something with your life. Yet, you're alone. This is a societal issue. There is no, "oh, your body language lacks plus you aren't doing pua technique #37".

It shouldn't take all that to get a decent hb8 gf. Some of you clearly think so but not me. Society is to blame. Women have been put on a pedastol higher than ever before in history. And the value of young men (13-29) has never been lower.

No amount of game or body language will improve your odds, you've done more than enough already. The problem isn't game the problem is high demand for average pvssy. The problem is the 8 other dudes you must compete with for one girl who is no where close to being worthy of that attention.

My post offers no solutions other than to say get your education and go overseas to a non westernized country to get a woman.

Men are not wanted here. We are just tolerated by stuck up women. You mentioned getting 10 numbers once. Well sadly all ten of those girls were hiton multiple times by multiple different guys in multiple different environments that same week. You were just guy #12 for the day that fed her ego.

This guys makes perfect sense so in order to give a suggestion to the op I'll integrate with something.

The stats are against you as Tic explained, what I suggest you is going to some friendly environment.
Stop wasting money on girls where you are and save, go to brazil or where the place is more male friendly and the demography doesnt screw you even before you join the game.

You're gonna get experience,self confidence and most of all you will realise that you are an individual worth of love and appreciation unlike the place where you are now that see the dirtiest ghetto cvnt as desiderable while good guys like you as considered useless,expendable stuff.

There is nothing wrong with you as individual, you're just in the wrong place.
The only wrong is to keep staying/doing what cause you suffering and pain.

Rubirosa · Jul 23, 2011

I saw the pics. You're a good looking guy, but cut your hair more on the sides (Over the ears and grow a little bit of sideburn...keep the rest the same length, but gel it up a bit and make your head look more square. Trust me, I'm just good at this....all of my girlfriends have always been amazed w/ my appearence advice for them).
Go to a drunken party, pick a fat girl and plant a kiss on her. Boom ! You'll have the first kiss stigma out of the way. Getting rid of this stigma will increase your confidence to go out there and try it again....and yes, you can upgrade in the looks dept. the 2nd time.
Never NEVER NEVER ask a girl permission to kiss her. NEVER. Just do it when you feel the time's right. If it's not welcome, she'll turn her head and give her cheek. If this happens, don't freak out and act hurt, rejected, sad....etc......
There have been numerous times when I've been given the cheek and I just shrugged my shoulders and kept talking like nothing happened, and by the end of the date their tounges were down my throat.

Gray The Prince · Jul 24, 2011

Speedball, you're not a bad looking dude. Just keep a neatly trimmed haircut, eat big, take a multi and hit the weights. Start improving yourself physically and the confidence will begin flowing to you.

21 and never kissed a girl

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