check_mate_kid_uk
Master Don Juan
I was watching farther of the pride today, now i know its just a cartoon but i saw somthing intresting in it today. Their is that aparent alpha male, and well, his wife joins a womens group and after a few days of being out the whole time he draws the line tell her she is not going out, but he is ussualy soft with her so she just laughs back in his face.
Now you can forget aobut the example, here is a new scenario, people do not see you as alpha. They do not listen to you. People will listen to you for two reasons, either they fear you, or they respect you.
If you want them to fear you, you need to give them reason to, you dont want to because they will resent it, dont try and be a bullie, you will be resented, its not worth people listining to you if its out of fear because it is at the expense of freindship, they wont like you.
You have to get them to respect you, getting people to respect you is one of the most important things to do.
The first thing to do is look at the people who you respect, what is it they have that most others do not.
The first thing i have come up with is that humour and respect have no relation, most people that are respected are funny yet some funny people are not respected, this is because being funny is an important quality and so the same people that are respected have this quality but it does not itself do anything to contribute to respect directly (although it contributes to qualitys that do gain respect) as not all funny people are respected at all.
I also noticed that if other people respect someone, you will be more lightly to quickly gain respect for them, this could be a case of you follow the pack but i think it is fair to say that people with a lot of freinds get respect. from a new commer pretty quickly.
With respect you can tell someone "lets go to this place now" and they will follow. So think, who can tell people "come with me" and they will do so, i think you are more lightly to respect people you look up to for what ever reason, this means that being good at e.g. sports, will lead to being respected, infact a skill or talent you have will make people respect you more.
Confidence, and knowing what you want will defintly get you a lot of respect.
Charisma will get you a lot of respect, it could be the biggest factor, it helps to smile a lot aswell. this includes smiling, listiining to people, complimenting them where a compliment is due and gernayl apreciating them.
A large physical apperance ie muscular will get you respect, especialy if you are strong yet you are nice and do not intimidate people with your size.
Now we know what makes up a respected person we need to be able to fit it all together to use it. There are two things you need to be able to do at this stage, the easier is to get people to respect you after a first impresion, the harder is to get people that know you and may like you to actuly respect you.
So you have just met someone, the first step is to just be confident, smile really just be complety sure of yourself. If they other person asks what you do then tell them, but dont start bringing in your hobbys in to the conversation at every possible point you can find.
Being funny, complimenting them sincerly listining to them geniunly and showing intrest in them is all part of charisma, it is very important for respect.
Show them you are a man that knows what he wants because how can some one respect your descision if you do not know what you want yourself.
There is 1 more thing to remember, do not take advantage of respect do not abuse it to get things out of them, soldiers in an army respect and listen to their commanding officers etc but if they are asked to do unreasonable things the respect will turn in to resentment.
People will only respect you if You use it fairly do not start asking stuff of them they are just not prepaired to do, asking nicely is very important and dont demand it ever, dont say do this, ask them "would you mind doing... blah blah blah please" "why dont we go to...." i think you get the picture now.
Here comes the far harder task of convincing people you already know to respect you. I think the first step is to start building up charismatic qualitys such as complimenting sincerly when a compliment is due, listining to them, smiling, showing genuine intrest in them etc. Doing this will also get you freinds, being funny will help but its not a necessity.
This may not sound to hard but do not under estimate it, it takes a long time to change an oppinion about you that has been set in stone. Once you show has charismatic you are and people look up to you, if you havent already then start portraying your confidence, do this in your body language, and stop looking for aproval dont finish every sentance with "right?"
Once you exhibit all this, people will respect you. Once again remember to not take advantage, the people with respect are never bossy they never whine and complain. If you do say no to them they will not be afraid to go on with out you. I think one of the most important things is to be your own man, just because your freind decided im going to catch a bus home now does not mean you should aswell. If the group says no we dont want to go to the shops yet, then you can go alone.
The last point is that you give a little you get a little, ever notice that those same people that are respected and every one listens to will ussualy give you more respect then the average person will, dont asume people just give give give, for nothing. The people with the most respect also respect the average person a lot more then any one else does, i finaly understand the exact meaning of the quote " the measure of a great man is how he treats a small man"
The last paragraph has brought me to conclude that the reason people respect you is actuly hugely dependant on the fact that you respect them. You will not show them as much respect as they show you but because no one else respects them as much, when you start showing those people respect, when know one else does, then those people will respect you as know one else respects them as much as you do.
Now you can forget aobut the example, here is a new scenario, people do not see you as alpha. They do not listen to you. People will listen to you for two reasons, either they fear you, or they respect you.
If you want them to fear you, you need to give them reason to, you dont want to because they will resent it, dont try and be a bullie, you will be resented, its not worth people listining to you if its out of fear because it is at the expense of freindship, they wont like you.
You have to get them to respect you, getting people to respect you is one of the most important things to do.
The first thing to do is look at the people who you respect, what is it they have that most others do not.
The first thing i have come up with is that humour and respect have no relation, most people that are respected are funny yet some funny people are not respected, this is because being funny is an important quality and so the same people that are respected have this quality but it does not itself do anything to contribute to respect directly (although it contributes to qualitys that do gain respect) as not all funny people are respected at all.
I also noticed that if other people respect someone, you will be more lightly to quickly gain respect for them, this could be a case of you follow the pack but i think it is fair to say that people with a lot of freinds get respect. from a new commer pretty quickly.
With respect you can tell someone "lets go to this place now" and they will follow. So think, who can tell people "come with me" and they will do so, i think you are more lightly to respect people you look up to for what ever reason, this means that being good at e.g. sports, will lead to being respected, infact a skill or talent you have will make people respect you more.
Confidence, and knowing what you want will defintly get you a lot of respect.
Charisma will get you a lot of respect, it could be the biggest factor, it helps to smile a lot aswell. this includes smiling, listiining to people, complimenting them where a compliment is due and gernayl apreciating them.
A large physical apperance ie muscular will get you respect, especialy if you are strong yet you are nice and do not intimidate people with your size.
Now we know what makes up a respected person we need to be able to fit it all together to use it. There are two things you need to be able to do at this stage, the easier is to get people to respect you after a first impresion, the harder is to get people that know you and may like you to actuly respect you.
So you have just met someone, the first step is to just be confident, smile really just be complety sure of yourself. If they other person asks what you do then tell them, but dont start bringing in your hobbys in to the conversation at every possible point you can find.
Being funny, complimenting them sincerly listining to them geniunly and showing intrest in them is all part of charisma, it is very important for respect.
Show them you are a man that knows what he wants because how can some one respect your descision if you do not know what you want yourself.
There is 1 more thing to remember, do not take advantage of respect do not abuse it to get things out of them, soldiers in an army respect and listen to their commanding officers etc but if they are asked to do unreasonable things the respect will turn in to resentment.
People will only respect you if You use it fairly do not start asking stuff of them they are just not prepaired to do, asking nicely is very important and dont demand it ever, dont say do this, ask them "would you mind doing... blah blah blah please" "why dont we go to...." i think you get the picture now.
Here comes the far harder task of convincing people you already know to respect you. I think the first step is to start building up charismatic qualitys such as complimenting sincerly when a compliment is due, listining to them, smiling, showing genuine intrest in them etc. Doing this will also get you freinds, being funny will help but its not a necessity.
This may not sound to hard but do not under estimate it, it takes a long time to change an oppinion about you that has been set in stone. Once you show has charismatic you are and people look up to you, if you havent already then start portraying your confidence, do this in your body language, and stop looking for aproval dont finish every sentance with "right?"
Once you exhibit all this, people will respect you. Once again remember to not take advantage, the people with respect are never bossy they never whine and complain. If you do say no to them they will not be afraid to go on with out you. I think one of the most important things is to be your own man, just because your freind decided im going to catch a bus home now does not mean you should aswell. If the group says no we dont want to go to the shops yet, then you can go alone.
The last point is that you give a little you get a little, ever notice that those same people that are respected and every one listens to will ussualy give you more respect then the average person will, dont asume people just give give give, for nothing. The people with the most respect also respect the average person a lot more then any one else does, i finaly understand the exact meaning of the quote " the measure of a great man is how he treats a small man"
The last paragraph has brought me to conclude that the reason people respect you is actuly hugely dependant on the fact that you respect them. You will not show them as much respect as they show you but because no one else respects them as much, when you start showing those people respect, when know one else does, then those people will respect you as know one else respects them as much as you do.
