marrying a BPD

Hi,

You guys talk about BPD and I know there is a big thread summarised as:

BPD is living hell, get out while you can.

Any stories from people that have married them? Do they change in marriage?

If they are quick to love are they also quick to divorce etc?

Just chatting to a friend last night who said she knows this guy that was married for 25 years and very successful etc and the wife was always threatening him with divorce. After 25 years he had enough so planned the exit next time she did it. THen when she did it, he moved out that night.

Now she is chasing him back. Do they only chase to satisfy ego?

What about if a BPD is with you and something seemingly better comes along?

Can you trust a BPD?

"Now she is chasing him back. Do they only chase to satisfy ego?"

They chase to re-live their parental abandonment trauma.

Mommy or daddy (usually mommy) abandons them in some way either by leaving, dying or not showing the proper affection while the BPD was a child likely because the mother is a BPD or someother kind of fvcked up herself.

So they are in effect chasing the abandoning parent not you the guy who is supposed to be their love interest.

"What about if a BPD is with you and something seemingly better comes along?"

Its not a question of if but rather when and the when usually results when they sense you have gotten too close to them.

BPD is a disorder of intimacy and when they sense you really love them or are starting to the feeling of fear of abandonment much like their parents abandoned them comes over them and they cannot deal with this happening again so they eject from the relationship first before you can leave them.

The end of a BPD relationship could also be a random spontanious decision on the BPD's part as they lose momentary touch with reality and find some imaginary fault with you in order to move on to someone else.

This is also part of their BPD trying to protect them proactively from more abandonment trauma.

"Can you trust a BPD?"

No.

Absolutely not.

They are pathological liars to the core.

Even a mental health professional that is an expert on Cluster B patients never trusts them and even goes to see their own therapist from time to time while dealing with BPD's in order to make sure their own mind is not becoming warped by the BPD's lies and subtle trickeries.

Heretolearn...you were with a BP woman, like a lot us, you helped her, she dumped you, then she got married. And you are still in contact with her. And you are confused. You are still "hooked". I implore you to FORGET about this woman, delete her from your life, move on, and stop letting her get inside your head. You two are done. No you can't trust her. She is a liar. The guy she married is stuck with her now and you should feel relieved that you dodged a bullet. You are making a mistake by keeping in contact with her. A big one. She will wreck you.

persistent exaction said:

Heretolearn...you were with a BP woman, like a lot us, you helped her, she dumped you, then she got married. And you are still in contact with her. And you are confused. You are still "hooked". I implore you to FORGET about this woman, delete her from your life, move on, and stop letting her get inside your head. You two are done. No you can't trust her. She is a liar. The guy she married is stuck with her now and you should feel relieved that you dodged a bullet. You are making a mistake by keeping in contact with her. A big one. She will wreck you.

Click to expand...

Thank you, I absolutely sincerely appreciate you reading my history. I could really do with some thoughts/advice. I am really confused.

See, its not the BPD girl I was with. Not sure if she had it but lets just say glad to be rid of that relationship. My only contact with her was that one message. Why that message?

Why am I messed up?

Ok, spill the beans time. My last gf, I broke up with in August because I felt she was disrespecting me and neglecting the relationship. Did not want to, she was cool but I felt that she had 2 sides. 1) I could do nothing wrong. 2) I could do nothing right.

These varied sporadically and to me, seemed independent largely of my actions but hard to say now looking back as clearly I played a massive part in being responsible.

ANyway, broke up with her and then I told her I was going to ask a girl out to get to know her better as the ex told me to be honest. And I was, not interested in this other girl physically/relationship. Wanted to get to know her better though (dance partners) and said after we perform (just to hang out).

Anyway, my ex was obviously furious but eventually came and made a massive effort to get me back saying how she had changed etc etc. It was true to a degree and I said lets take it slowly. We did, but it was a really stressful time. I was in fear of losing my job due to the financial crisis so working extra hard. I had a lot of dance commitments to complete also. I ended up losing my job in the end anyway (looking at the moment but actually just chilling out and relaxing as this is my first break longer than 5 days in about 4 years since University (I am 28 turning 29).

So I thought we were going well, even invited her to meet my Mum (lives in another state) but she could not do so because of work. She said she wanted time with me and I gave what I could but admittedly not much (like one night/day a week) aside from coming home at midnight most nights (not living together but spending most of the nights together).

I promised to take time off work (a day) and hang with her but then had to work to try and save my job. She was very dissapointed but I tried to make it up to her.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch.......lol.........my ex (34 yrs old) was becoming closer to a bunch of friends including some guys. I had no idea how close. Had a suspicion when she seemingly protected a guy from an innocent question which turned into a fight between us.

Anyway, she was booked to go on a 6 week trip to Brazil for dance (dance teacher) and before she left said she wants to be friends. Cannot do this, has realised all of a sudden we are incompatible because I was 'testing' her about these guys she is close with. Because I do not let her be 'her' and because she wants kids immediately and I do not (actually would love to have kids anytime as I have been very focused on preparing myself/my situation BUT more important than the time for me is THE PERSON. Because you are then connected forever and the relationship you choose to have children SHAPE the children moreso than the time you choose to have them.

Anyway, so I then see this guy (the one I questioned her about) driving her car around. That hurt. She sent me an email saying that FYI she lent the car to him and his cousin so do not be alarmed.

I replied but cannot remember. Probably how I was feeling which was I loved her and was sorry for neglecting her.

Then I was cruising facebook and I saw her advertising looking for a relationship and changing her status from single to in a relationship and back to single. No idea what that was about but it hurt so deleted her and any of her friends.

She contacted me straight away saying did you do that. I said yes, we got on MSN chat and chatted about things. Long story straight, she says she is going to be dating when she returns. I say have you started dating. She says I am in Brazil. I say, there is such a thing called online dating. And she said yeah, she has been getting close to people and has a date set up for her return.

BUt she also wants to catch up and chat with me.

Man, I am still as confused as ever. When she went away, I really tried to think what do I want. And yeah, I want the marriage, kids loving family. Who doesn't but it does depend on who she is as a person. I cannot deny that and what I went back to her for and thought was our strongest connection was that we would not give up on each other. I.e she did not give up on me when I broke up with her and even when she thought I asked someone else out.

That meant so much and I really want to be with her. I love her. I respect her. I do believe we would make a wonderful family IF she is the person who does not give up. But it appears she is.

I know this probably sounds messed up and I feel like that to.

So what do you guys suggest. Especially as she returns in a couple of days. I wanted to send an email saying 'cool, understand. Have a nice life' because i have told her I loved her and wanted to be with her, so I feel like I want to revoke that invitation. But I have not

I figured I would just chat to her when she returns as she suggested. I mean be open and honest about things. If we could not work this out, then no hope for us anyway. I think she is right about the incompatibility in that we have issues to resolve i.e time spent together, getting close to others (eg. she did not like me getting close to girls at dancing yet she is allowed to do vice versa). I just thought chatting about them openly and honestly may help.

perhaps I am simply justifying wanting to see her.

help please

KontrollerX said:

"What about if a BPD is with you and something seemingly better comes along?"

Its not a question of if but rather when and the when usually results when they sense you have gotten too close to them.

BPD is a disorder of intimacy and when they sense you really love them or are starting to the feeling of fear of abandonment much like their parents abandoned them comes over them and they cannot deal with this happening again so they eject from the relationship first before you can leave them.

Click to expand...

The hangup that some of us have had with these women is that they warp your ego and own sense of reality and identity. It's sort of like you are what you eat (no pun intended lmao) but in a psychological standpoint this has been described similarly.

In my research of psychology over the years I have learned that it can be dangerous to your health being around people who are always depressed or disfunctional. Part of why this is so is because of what I said in the previous paragraph.

They can literally lead you by the hand into becomming mentally ill. And when that happens some people find themselves in a twisted state of reality where they subconciously seek out their predator as a mans of comfort.

How is this possible you might ask?

There are several laws of attraction and 'love' as we call it. Some of these include:

1. humans have a natural tendency to want what we cannot have or what is scarce. like diamonds that we place value on for example

2. human beings can often not feel true deep love for someone unless they feel as if they can do something to lose that person

there are others but i can't think of any more right now (its 5am here - still readjusting my sleep schedule as i am returning to work on monday after taking a leave of absence because my mind was so fvkced and my health had gone to sh1t, lost a lot of weight etc but lets stick to the topic at hand)

SO: in a normal relationship when one person leaves another there may not be too much need to worry that the person is leaving directly for someone else or going to fvkc the town. each person has some time to think and reflect about how they feel about the situation and the other person.

in a relationship with one of these women their behavior can be quick and sharp to the point that it is grossly abnormal. it interferes with the normal flow of things so to speak and then with all the right ingredients present that KontrollerX and others have so eloquently explained for us, not only may you find yourself experiencing mental illness, but at the same time the types of things i explained in the 2 points above.

NOW: this is where you find yourself in the greatest mind fvck of your life. suddenly subconciously the woman may feel like a drug to you, which is why they can be so diffuclt to leave. the natural human tendencies that we have in sutuations where a loss is taking place and a what would normally be a normal grieving process begins, coupled with the great pain that their sociopathic ways may be causing you (because of how it screws with your ego etc), turns into a fvkcing nightmare as if you have just been repeatedly bashed over your skull with a cookie sheet.

THAT is where she becomes like a drug to you. and THAT is where you realize you are in over your head.

and then you will doubt! you will think back to the times when they seemed normal and you will think well maybe it was just me. maybe they are perfectly normal and it is just because i am unloveable or unwanted or that there is something wrong with me!

you will imagine how they are living happy without you and you will feel inadequate. heck before you know it maybe you will have the same sickness they do. to make matters worse they will act as if they are suddenly healed, which leaves you even more confused and feeling inadequate. you may wonder if something is wrong with you and you are just imagining them as being the way they are.

DJDamage said:

That relationship also had a deep impact on my life. After she left me, I noticed being around her I somehow was "infected" (for the better word) and for a short period of time I too became depressive and filled with anxiety and panic, while she walked away with my joy. They are like vampires, the more you spend time with them the weaker you become and the stronger they get, until they don't need you anymore and they walk away to look for another man/victim.

Click to expand...

if i didn't know any better i would say these conditions can be directly contagous and indirectly as well in that they can cause other health problems both mental and physical if you are involved deeply enough with one of them when the beeper lands on the Whammy.

http://faithsambition.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/whammy.jpg

don't press your luck by thinking about marrying one of them.
:nono:

darkstarrr said:

you will imagine how they are living happy without you and you will feel inadequate. heck before you know it maybe you will have the same sickness they do. to make matters worse they will act as if they are suddenly healed, which leaves you even more confused and feeling inadequate. you may wonder if something is wrong with you and you are just imagining them as being the way they are.

Click to expand...

So true. thank you

your problem results from you staying in contact with toxins that she puts out. You can get healthy again but you have to make the choice to. She wants to use you. You are in exactly the position they want their men in. She doesn't have to sleep with you any more yet you are as close as an email or phone call away. If you stay in contact with her, you can expect her to "tease" you, to flirt with you, and to deftly let you know about the other men she is seeing. She is going to use you to boost her confidence when she is down, and don't be surprised if you hear what she did last Saturday in detail and with whom. There are no secrets or magic with dealing with them. You have to go NO CONTACT. NONE. The only question that remains for any of you with a BP person in your life right now, is WILL YOU do it?

I am really pissed at myself that it took me till yesterday to read the 16 page post about BPD. My mind was BLOWN, especially what Jophil said. I dont mean to hijack this thread, but I have to express a couple samples of what happened to me.

I dated her for a year, on and off again. She broke up with me a lot over retarded shyt. I broke up with her repeatedly for serious disrespect, and borderline infidelity. (by borderline, I only mean the things she would straight up tell me, and think it was OK)
Just a few of the highlights, to make it short:

-I dumped her three years ago, still get calls, mostly in the middle of the night, where she is too incoherent to have a conversation. About six months ago, she called several times, and I didnt pick up, until finally I answered and screamed "WHAT THE FVCK DO YOU WANT?" It was her "fiance" on the other end, (which she claimed was just a friend) wondering what was up with us and why she was calling me.

-Like Jophil said in another thread, she looked like a movie star (HB9), fvcked like a porn star, and actually had porn star/high class hooker friends from LA. I have some serious suspicions about possible incest with her father, who is a gazillionaire in hollywood who throws WIERD fetish party's with people such as Marilyn Manson. (I've seen pictures!)

-would go out 'gambling' with her girlfriend with no money, and would come home with $3,000 dollars and would throw me half of it. Also, would fly to Vegas to get her hair done by Paris Hiltons hairdresser. I on the other hand, am a white trash blue collar worker, who was the ENVY of everyone I know, when I started dating her.

- her husband died, had boyfriends die, and would constantly FLIP out on me saying she was scared I was gonna die on her also. On a side note, one of her 'stalkers' broke down my door and tried to kill me one day. He actually pulled a shotgun out of my hand, and Im lucky I got out!

-one night conveniently while her 'father was on his deathbed', so I couldnt press the issue, she ran into the stalker from above, and how she got a ride to my neighbors house from him from some bar (she didnt know what she was doing, cuz she was freaking out about, cuz of her dad dying) , which she has no explanation of being at, and he freaked out on her, and threw her down and bit her neck, 'to get me to break up with her.' The next day, my neighbor said "thats what happens when you have an open relationship." then immediately changed her story when when she saw I was about freak out. "I didnt mean it like that!" A year later she admitted that, my gf told her we had an open relationship, but didnt talk about it, and even though, she knew that was not my style, she believed her. I disowned her as a friend. My gf could soemhow convince me, that she was not cheating, partly cuz I didnt want to believe it.

-still denies cheating on me, even though all of HER friends will admit it to me. I think she really believes her own lies, honestly.

-Last year, she actually convinced me that she had a brain tumor, and had only a month to live!!!!

-And last, but not least CLick here! and go to "blaze" the one in the red dress, not blaze 2 She had a really convincing story about how that picture got there, as well. See, she was 'friends' with Dennis Hof, and sold him realestate (cuz that was her profession, before she had an early retirement) , and he 'paid' her to pose for the picture, to help lure people to the 'ranch.'

Three years later, I am still whacked out over the things she did, and the things I put up with. I haven't had a real girlfriend since. Add the trust issues I have, with the unrealistic standards I now have, and you get a permanently fvcked up mind, and an empty soul. STAY FAR AWAY FROM THEM. They are DEMONS, sent from hell, to tempt you and destroy your life, and they hide themselves so well, it is next to impossible to spot them, before it's too late. Some call them emotional vampires. True, but they are also like boa constrictors. I thought I was the only one, until I read this stuff yesterday, but the thread is locked, so I am posting here. I feel better knowing there are more like me. I cant seem to forgive myself for being under her spell for so long. From what I hear, though, I am the only one thats ever broke free and left her (and survived!), out of her dating millionaires, pro basketball players, and rock stars, (these I know for a fact, but they might have just been her 'Johns' for all I know) so I try not to be too hard on myself.

Chicks always ask me why Im so bitter, and jaded. If they get me to tell the story, they are dumbfounded by it. "wow, thats fvcking crazy! I dont blame you one bit for being such an a$$hole!"

Once again, I apologize for the thread highjack, but I HAD to post his, after reading what I did yesterday.

horaholic said:

-And last, but not least CLick here! She had a really convincing story about how that picture got there, as well. See, she was 'friends' with Dennis Hof, and sold him realestate (cuz that was her profession, before she had an early retirement) , and he 'paid' her to pose for the picture, to help lure people to the 'ranch.'

Three years later, I am still whacked out over the things she did, and the things I put up with.

Click to expand...

Yep, you are a member of that select group of men who have been bitten by a BPD woman.
I looked at the photo that you posted of her and saw MY ex BPD woman from 2006 ( mine was a little older however but the "look" was the same))
The coy blonde looks, the "china doll" persona, the sweet "girl next door" presentation which is totally contrived and designed to hook men into falling for them IMMEDIATELY. It works, doesn't it ?
Did she smile so cutely and tilt her head a little when you first met? Was she so compliant, so helpful and eager to be with you for the first month or so? Was she uber feminine, beyond sweet, and always available for the first 4 to 6 weeks ? Was it great with her initially and then the red flags started to pop up and her fangs started to bite. Did she portray herself as a little lonely or sad and isolated in some way - and you rescued her and she loved you for your strength and confidence. Did she play the " lost child " or the sad lonely" Rapunzel" who had been locked in the tower and liberated by her connection with you. Did she tease you with sexual hints and subtle promises in the first couple weeks?

And then it all started to change when she knew that you were "hooked" didn't it. Did she then start to act differently as if you "wanted too much" from her....

She pushed you away by creating drama and arguements. You had numerous petty disagreements in which you NEVER really knew,or grasped why you and she were great one minute, but broken up the next..You tried to "reason" with her but it never worked. SHe twisted and spun everything against you .. Confusing and bewildering wasn't it ? ANd she continued to use her sexuality and her connection with other men to hurt you and control you..you wanted to walk away but wanted to stay with her more....and even if you did walk away she would contact you in a few days or a weeks and the sweet loving woman would draw you back in and then the cycle of drama would happen over and over. You endlessly replayed the same short movie.
YOu lived in a state of nervous exhaustion but exhilaration at the same time ,right ?
Surely (you thought ) there was a "way" of fixing this, and you and she would be "happy" together. AS fast as you tried to set it all upright, she would undermine your efforts and the sail boat tipped over again.
YOu heard the horror stories from her past and her childhood. Drunkeness, infidelity, child abuse, drugs, money and wealth, a lifestyle of stupid indulgence by her, her parents and her current "friends" ....
And your lust and gullibility created a belief in you that YOU could transform this woman into the perfect wife, lover and companion didn't you ?

And a few years later you are still wounded and slowly healing. And you just know that she is out there doing EXACTLY what she did to you with some other unsuspecting good guy who just wanted a great woman in his life but ended up with a pathological liar and a cheater who had NO capacity for love or committment.

Good luck on your path, brother. You have the awareness, now be open to the painful healing that will come from this disaster.
I know your story and several of us here have been unfortunate enough to have lived though it, but we have survived and grown as a consequence.
Your "bitterness" is a protective device. It will slowly diminish as you grow and recover.

Don't mean to whack you out further over this one horaholic, but I would suspect those times she went "gambling" and to Vegas were actually a cover for time spent making that money at the Bunny Ranch, where she probably still works from time to time.

Mr. Me said:

Don't mean to whack you out further over this one horaholic, but I would suspect those times she went "gambling" and to Vegas were actually a cover for time spent making that money at the Bunny Ranch, where she probably still works from time to time.

Click to expand...

Gee, YA THINK?

Actually Im pretty sure she wasnt at the Ranch those nights, much more likely in a casino hotel room with a rich man. (At least she was a high class hooker, right?)

Holy hindsight is 20/20, and boy, was I a blind man! I did get lucky, by the way I had enough, and fell out of love with her, and dumped her, before I found out/opened my eyes/ got my home invaded.

Yes Jophil, just like you say. Mine was a little different, dramawise. She was never bytchy, like most women. When she was pissed, she totally closed off to me and would calmly break up with me, usually calling one of her 'guy friends' on the way out the door. She would just casually mention a lot of stuff about other dudes, and would convince me that I was being weird and possessive, when I would get pissed that she took some guy to some hot springs alone, after flaking on me for the night. She acted like it was perfectly acceptable in a relationship to behave as such. I SOOO wanted to believe that she was the only woman in the world who could be trusted while doing this. Anyway, Im done venting. I needed to share this, despite how embarrassed I am about it.

"heck before you know it maybe you will have the same sickness they do."

No, its impossible for a normal person to become one of these people even if they become one of their victims and start to act like them after the relationship/friendship is over.

Acting like them usually lasts for only a few months and is a result of a person's own trauma and their trying to hold on to the BPD they were conned into thinking they loved.

Seeming BPD behaviors you live with much longer unless you get treated are the behaviors of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Yeah though again BPD is either a condition someone is born with or it is a result of how someone is raised in very early childhood either while they are a baby or if they get abandoned as a little kid that just left the baby stage.

For the BPD's that are made by how they are raised it is necessary that their mind hasn't developed to an extent to where a solid identity has been formed for the condition to take root. Also a not fully formed mind cannot properly process severe abandonment trauma as PTSD which can be recovered from in normal adults so it then turns to the BPD solution which is a damn near unrecoverable trauma a BPD plays out for the rest of their life.

"I thought I was the only one, until I read this stuff yesterday, but the thread is locked, so I am posting here."

Yeah it wasn't exactly the brightest move by Paradox to lock that thread.

The BPD/HPD/Attention Wh0re issue will never be beaten into the ground and over with on any forum of this sort as there are always going to be new victims arriving to post their story.

It would've been far more intelligent for Paradox to of simply re-titled Knight's Cross's thread into something like "The official Cluster B discussion thread" and funelled all new posts and topics to that thread.

Edit: Horaholic your ex was that Brooke Taylor chick?

horaholic said:

. Mine was a little different, dramawise. She was never bytchy, like most women. When she was pissed, she totally closed off to me and would calmly break up with me, usually calling one of her 'guy friends' on the way out the door. She would just casually mention a lot of stuff about other dudes, and would convince me that I was being weird and possessive,
.

Click to expand...

Yours was probably no different really.. We both had "high functioning " BPDs.
How your woman handled conflict with you was EXACTLY what mine did.. These women use men as pawns with no conscience or scruples.
THey KNOW what they are doing and LOVE the illusion of power that their mind games provide. THese women love the rollercoaster.

They rarely get pissed like "normal" woman, instead they retreat into a kind of cold detachment ( usually maintaining that sunny smile) and immediately contact another man who she has "warmed up" in the background,. Then she will use him against you, and you against him .

Evil baithches.

KontrollerX said:

Edit: Horaholic your ex was that Brooke Taylor chick?

Click to expand...

Im glad you wrote that!

No. I just noticed the link wont go to hers automatically. Mine is 'blaze" (the one in the red dress) not blaze 2, though. I've actually posed as a rich dude to try to schedule an appointment with her, but I never heard back.

Edit again:Yes Jophil, exactly like that! Mine was always good, until she would get drunk (and she drank A LOT), then a switch would flip. Jeckyl and Hyde style.

jophil28 said:

Did she smile so cutely and tilt her head a little when you first met? Was she so compliant, so helpful and eager to be with you for the first month or so? Was she uber feminine, beyond sweet, and always available for the first 4 to 6 weeks ? Was it great with her initially and then the red flags started to pop up and her fangs started to bite. Did she portray herself as a little lonely or sad and isolated in some way - and you rescued her and she loved you for your strength and confidence. Did she play the " lost child " or the sad lonely" Rapunzel" who had been locked in the tower and liberated by her connection with you. Did she tease you with sexual hints and subtle promises in the first couple weeks?

And then it all started to change when she knew that you were "hooked" didn't it. Did she then start to act differently as if you "wanted too much" from her....

She pushed you away by creating drama and arguements. You had numerous petty disagreements in which you NEVER really knew,or grasped why you and she were great one minute, but broken up the next..You tried to "reason" with her but it never worked. SHe twisted and spun everything against you .. Confusing and bewildering wasn't it ? ANd she continued to use her sexuality and her connection with other men to hurt you and control you..you wanted to walk away but wanted to stay with her more....and even if you did walk away she would contact you in a few days or a weeks and the sweet loving woman would draw you back in and then the cycle of drama would happen over and over. You endlessly replayed the same short movie.
YOu lived in a state of nervous exhaustion but exhilaration at the same time ,right ?
Surely (you thought ) there was a "way" of fixing this, and you and she would be "happy" together. AS fast as you tried to set it all upright, she would undermine your efforts and the sail boat tipped over again.
YOu heard the horror stories from her past and her childhood. Drunkeness, infidelity, child abuse, drugs, money and wealth, a lifestyle of stupid indulgence by her, her parents and her current "friends" ....
And your lust and gullibility created a belief in you that YOU could transform this woman into the perfect wife, lover and companion didn't you ?

And a few years later you are still wounded and slowly healing. And you just know that she is out there doing EXACTLY what she did to you with some other unsuspecting good guy who just wanted a great woman in his life but ended up with a pathological liar and a cheater who had NO capacity for love or committment.

Click to expand...

Its sad. And as you are getting to know the person you begin to care. This is part of the fish hook that you will find so difficult removing.

http://etc.usf.edu/clipart/19400/19482/fish_hook_19482_lg.gif

horaholic said:

I am really pissed at myself that it took me till yesterday to read the 16 page post about BPD. My mind was BLOWN, especially what Jophil said. I dont mean to hijack this thread, but I have to express a couple samples of what happened to me.

I dated her for a year, on and off again. She broke up with me a lot over retarded shyt. I broke up with her repeatedly for serious disrespect, and borderline infidelity. (by borderline, I only mean the things she would straight up tell me, and think it was OK)
Just a few of the highlights, to make it short:

-I dumped her three years ago, still get calls, mostly in the middle of the night, where she is too incoherent to have a conversation. About six months ago, she called several times, and I didnt pick up, until finally I answered and screamed "WHAT THE FVCK DO YOU WANT?" It was her "fiance" on the other end, (which she claimed was just a friend) wondering what was up with us and why she was calling me.

-Like Jophil said in another thread, she looked like a movie star (HB9), fvcked like a porn star, and actually had porn star/high class hooker friends from LA. I have some serious suspicions about possible incest with her father, who is a gazillionaire in hollywood who throws WIERD fetish party's with people such as Marilyn Manson. (I've seen pictures!)

-would go out 'gambling' with her girlfriend with no money, and would come home with $3,000 dollars and would throw me half of it. Also, would fly to Vegas to get her hair done by Paris Hiltons hairdresser. I on the other hand, am a white trash blue collar worker, who was the ENVY of everyone I know, when I started dating her.

- her husband died, had boyfriends die, and would constantly FLIP out on me saying she was scared I was gonna die on her also. On a side note, one of her 'stalkers' broke down my door and tried to kill me one day. He actually pulled a shotgun out of my hand, and Im lucky I got out!

-one night conveniently while her 'father was on his deathbed', so I couldnt press the issue, she ran into the stalker from above, and how she got a ride to my neighbors house from him from some bar (she didnt know what she was doing, cuz she was freaking out about, cuz of her dad dying) , which she has no explanation of being at, and he freaked out on her, and threw her down and bit her neck, 'to get me to break up with her.' The next day, my neighbor said "thats what happens when you have an open relationship." then immediately changed her story when when she saw I was about freak out. "I didnt mean it like that!" A year later she admitted that, my gf told her we had an open relationship, but didnt talk about it, and even though, she knew that was not my style, she believed her. I disowned her as a friend. My gf could soemhow convince me, that she was not cheating, partly cuz I didnt want to believe it.

-still denies cheating on me, even though all of HER friends will admit it to me. I think she really believes her own lies, honestly.

-Last year, she actually convinced me that she had a brain tumor, and had only a month to live!!!!

-And last, but not least CLick here! and go to "blaze" the one in the red dress, not blaze 2 She had a really convincing story about how that picture got there, as well. See, she was 'friends' with Dennis Hof, and sold him realestate (cuz that was her profession, before she had an early retirement) , and he 'paid' her to pose for the picture, to help lure people to the 'ranch.'

Three years later, I am still whacked out over the things she did, and the things I put up with. I haven't had a real girlfriend since. Add the trust issues I have, with the unrealistic standards I now have, and you get a permanently fvcked up mind, and an empty soul. STAY FAR AWAY FROM THEM. They are DEMONS, sent from hell, to tempt you and destroy your life, and they hide themselves so well, it is next to impossible to spot them, before it's too late. Some call them emotional vampires. True, but they are also like boa constrictors. I thought I was the only one, until I read this stuff yesterday, but the thread is locked, so I am posting here. I feel better knowing there are more like me. I cant seem to forgive myself for being under her spell for so long. From what I hear, though, I am the only one thats ever broke free and left her (and survived!), out of her dating millionaires, pro basketball players, and rock stars, (these I know for a fact, but they might have just been her 'Johns' for all I know) so I try not to be too hard on myself.

Chicks always ask me why Im so bitter, and jaded. If they get me to tell the story, they are dumbfounded by it. "wow, thats fvcking crazy! I dont blame you one bit for being such an a$$hole!"

Once again, I apologize for the thread highjack, but I HAD to post his, after reading what I did yesterday.

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Thank you for sharing, I really appreciate it. Your story/experience can help so many ESPECIALLY yourself. You can really understand the extremes of why the RIGHT relationship and person is important.

Especially for yourself.

Good luck and god bless, you now have the training/experience to be an INCREDIBLY happy and wise person. I hope you put it to use and you are inspiring me to do the same.

jophil28 said:

Yours was probably no different really.. We both had "high functioning " BPDs.
How your woman handled conflict with you was EXACTLY what mine did.. These women use men as pawns with no conscience or scruples.
THey KNOW what they are doing and LOVE the illusion of power that their mind games provide. THese women love the rollercoaster.

They rarely get pissed like "normal" woman, instead they retreat into a kind of cold detachment ( usually maintaining that sunny smile) and immediately contact another man who she has "warmed up" in the background,. Then she will use him against you, and you against him .

Evil baithches.

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How do you escape being used in their drama/life. I mean once you are a part of it, you are the ex and what about if they come to you for help later. Seems likely.

"How do you escape being used in their drama/life. I mean once you are a part of it, you are the ex and what about if they come to you for help later. Seems likely."

You tell them one last time to "Stop Contacting Me". Then you go to your attorney and file a cease and desist, or if necessary a stalking protective order. You then contact the police if she comes near you, your place of work, your home, etc. You also DO NOT REPLY TO ANY ATTEMPTS that she thows out there to get your attention.

It's that simple.

KC

Heretolearn said:

How do you escape being used in their drama/life. I mean once you are a part of it, you are the ex and what about if they come to you for help later. Seems likely.

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The only way that you can guarantee your safety is NO CONTACT. You cannot ever have a SAFE connection with a BPD/HPD woman. THese women are mentally ill and enjoy hurting and abandoning men who are trusting enough to get involved with them ..One of their favorite tactics is to contact you after you have broken up for a while and cry their heart out while telling you how she re-read all your old cards/ emails and she is so sad because she realised how she "felt" about you and how good it was...and how she is lost and lonely now and you were the man who made her feel great....blah..l blah. !
THis is a trap to lure you back in so that she can dump and hurt you all over again.

Read (and believe ) all of KX's posts on this subject.

jophil28 said:

The only way that you can guarantee your safety is NO CONTACT. You cannot ever have a SAFE connection with a BPD/HPD woman. THese women are mentally ill and enjoy hurting and abandoning men who are trusting enough to get involved with them ..One of their favorite tactics is to contact you after you have broken up for a while and cry their heart out while telling you how she re-read all your old cards/ emails and she is so sad because she realised how she "felt" about you and how good it was...and how she is lost and lonely now and you were the man who made her feel great....blah..l blah. !
THis is a trap to lure you back in so that she can dump and hurt you all over again.

Read (and believe ) all of KX's posts on this subject.

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Lol - least I am ahead on that one. She has already told me she reread them all and I was a bad person who made who feel bad.

Tough to turn that around but some girls can turn anything around. Actually amazing and bizarre.

So tell me guys who had BPD relationships, what did your friends at the time think. THe surprising thing is that this last girl I was with, my best friend thought was cool. And also the girl I was with was the ULTIMATE entertainer. On the outside everyone thought she was great fun (the good) but anyone who knew of any the bad went oh my God!!!

Why are we attracted to these types of girls as guys? Its like the good is too good to be true so we ignore the bad once in it I find (at least for myself).

But why attracted in the first place. Is it a void in our own selves?