Being Alone is Not Loneliness

Being Alone is Confidence; Loneliness is Arrogance

To be happy with being alone does not mean to be lonely. To be happy with being alone means something totally different. We can compare "alone" and "loneliness" with "confidence" and "arrogance," but first let's define these terms.

• Alone - isolated from others "Could be alone in a crowded room".
• Loneliness - an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation.
• Confidence - (assurance) freedom from doubt, belief in yourself and your abilities.
• Arrogance - overbearing pride made evident by a superior manner toward inferiors.

Let's break these definitions down and do some comparisons. First, let's make a comparison of the state of being alone and (inner-)confidence.

Comparison of confidence with being alone

Confidence by definition comes from within and is not dependent on external reinforcements which is done by being or standing alone. You are alone and you have confidence because you don't need others to give you the affirmations and validations you have found in yourself. You don't need anyone or anything else to make you feel those feelings of happiness.

You can be confident in your attempts and failures because you know that it won't change who you've found yourself to be. You approach beautiful women with confidence because you are ok with being alone, and you are happy with yourself. You are not feeding off of the woman's validation or rejection. You are not dependent on the outcome because you are already confident and happy with being alone. You've already found what makes you who you are and rejection doesn't change that or bring you down. You are alone because you've found your own confidence, and you are ok with it.


Comparison of arrogance with loneliness

Arrogance, by definition, is dependent on others or external stimulation. Arrogance needs inferiors or supposed inferiors to feed on. The ego needs to be fed and if it is not, then it will crash and burn and loneliness will ensue.

Loneliness is a state of mind that is dependent on external stimulation. It's brought on by feelings of being left out, let down, and isolated from others. This is feeding off others and is feeding in the same manner as arrogance.

When you rely on your arrogance, it is gauged by the response of others. An arrogant man that gets rejected by a woman is easily deflated because he is depending on her for his feelings; he is dependent on the outcome. He is externally motivated for his confidence in his abilities which are actually egotistical-arrogance.



Conclude with happiness from within

If you have to chose between confidence and arrogance, being alone or loneliness, being internally motivated or externally motivated, chose the former ALWAYS. Always chose to be happy from within and STOP depending on external stimulation for your happiness. If you chose the latter, you will soon be hurt, disappointed, dependent, and deflated.

Chose to find your inner-confidence and STOP trying to get your happiness from women, material objects, and/or external motivation.


Change

Change your attitude with a positive outlook.


Take responsibility

Be responsible for the path and decisions you've made in life. If a woman wronged you and broke your heart, take full responsibility. Why?

• Because you relied on her for your happiness.
• You put her above you and your on feelings. You allowed her to abuse you.

Also, pay attention to the red flags because now that you're happy with yourself , you can walk away when it does not benefit you.


Accept what is

The only time you have is NOW. What has happened in your past is in the past, and you have to accept it, leave it in the past, and change now. Accept what is and move forward.


No more blame game

If a woman wronged you, guess what! It's your fault because you allowed it. A woman won't abuse what she fears losing and that causes respect. She will fear that you will walk away because you are confident and ok (happy) with being alone. Respect is caused by personal boundaries.


Learn and love
Learn who you are without relying on others and/or external motivators. Stop looking to others to seek out who you are. Learn to love yourself.

In conclusion, Love being alone and finding confidence from within yourself will start you on an exciting journey and start you on a fulfilled life.

What great points. And not rhetorical or specious, but well thought out - and meaningful. The thread title doesn't do it justice.

Good post Mavrick!

excellent post
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1395402#post1395402
check out:http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=143331

Amazing post! +rep

Well done!

Well said Mav

Amazing post mate.

I think I'm a little too happy being single

I guess that's a good thing though.

Thanks sosuave!

I learned all of this through a modern day nomad. He was the perfect example.
Worked full-time (40 hours) and did 15-18 credits per semester yet still averaged a 3.8 GPA. A girl wouldn't have made that easier.
He moved from spot to spot after a few years at a time, again, a girl wouldn't have made those transitions possible.
He had endless fun drinking and smoking with roomates and the patrons in the bars he worked for.
He enjoyed his own passions thoroughly: drinking, smoking, camping, hiking, music, rafting, other stuff all on his own.

I seriously don't think he'll have it any other way but single for more years to come. He is his source of happiness.

hey man i just have to really thank you for this post

this post came at the exact right time as it is what i'm going through right now. i just had my heart broken and i felt loneliness. and everything you said was true. i rely on others for validation, and when i get that validation i feel ****y and not confident

usually i hate all the tips on this board as people tend to post alot of crap but this post is pure quality man and i thank you for it...

I have to agree.
This is one of the best post on this very important subject.


It is ok to be alone.


But one doesnt HAVE to be lonely or really experience loneliness.

We have to examine WHY we choose to feel that way.

Many times its because we feel we did something bad and we punish ourselves for it.
We are hurt and we go through a period of grief and mourning.
We feel loss.


But we should strive to be in good company as often as possible.

Social interaction energizes you and revitalizes you.

Make an effort to place social interaction high on your list of priorities.

Make an effort to MAKE FRIENDS. Build a social network.
Seek people who are like you, and whom you can bond and share with.
Nurture those relationships. MAKE THE EFFORT to maintain that friendship.
Those people are valueable, recognize that value, And cherish it and honor them.

Quite often THEY will be a strong buffer to feeling loneliness.
Enough so that you can cope much better.
If you are practicing daily self management and self care, you will be much stronger and in a much healthier place to deal with the emotions.

If you can fully integrate that there really WAS no "Loss" you can deal with this much more pratically, and with less drama and negative emotion.

if a woman left you, you must realize that it is a good thing to not be in the company of a person who doesnt have the same values as you
Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who doesnt apprciate you and your values?
Theres no reason to stay there.
So dont feel lonely about that. sure, its nice to have companionship, but dont mistake your need for companisonship with a need for her.

And try to maintain your self care throughout any relationship.
Maintain it regardless of being with a woman or not.

Do not place so much dependence on her.

Make sure you have your OWN life. Your own friends, and hobbies and interests.
Stay on the road to achieving your Mission.
You will be satisfied with those things. And you wil feel a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment by maintaining your Course.

A woman is your companion, NOT your 'savior'


YOU are your 'savior'.
If you value your health and happiness, and wealth and well being,and peace of mind...
you will make an effort to take care of yourself when you dont have companionship.


No one needs to be lonely.
If you make the effort to seek out quality , healthy companionship and nurture those relatonships, keep up with your hobbies and interests, and you stick to your mission...you WILL not have to feel lonely.
And if you make a true spiritual connection, you will always find Love for you.