Ex fukk buddy is moving to be with her LDR but sparks are still flying between US

"Dated" this chick awhile back (more of a fukk buddy situation actually), who dropped me for a guy back in her hometown up north.

I was going through one of the toughest times of my life, so I took it MUCH MUCH harder than I would have or should have. Under normal circumstances it wouldn't have been a big deal, but the little time we spent together was an escape for me and I wasn't happy to lose it.

To say that I'm not going to miss her would be a lie. We have mutual friends and still hang out from time to time and overall shes a good person.

She actually pissed me off earlier in the week by not returning my phone call when I was trying to get ahold of her do her a favor, and by not telling me in person that she was going to be moving n a couple of weeks.

So last night I met up with her and her friends for a few drinks at a club. From the moment I got there she started getting close, rubbing my arm, holding my hand, dancing close, and telling me how she wants us to be "friends forever". (they all say that though, don't they?)

By the end of the night we ended up back at my place. It was me. her and her friend. I made us something to eat and another drink and pretty soon we were talking about sex.

Not far into the convo she starts talking about our past sex life, telling her friend how I was absolutely the most amazing sex she's ever had. Don't think I've ever used this word before, but she was GUSHING about it, almost to the point I was getting embarrassed.

The night was winding down and her friend passed out on my couch, so it was just me and her. I grabbed her hand and took her upstairs. She was mumbling something about having to sleep in the spare room.

I let her go in the other room and went in a few minutes later to make sure she had enough blankets and such. I got up to go to my room and she grabbed my hand, not wanting to let go. We talked for a minute, and I exited to my room.

I'm sure I could have fukked her last night, despite her relationship status. The mature man in me is proud of myself for not doing it for various reasons, but on the other hand the MAN man in me almost feels like a pu$$y for not going in for the kill.

Turns out next weekend is the last time we will all be going out and I might have another shot at it if I am so inclined. Her best friend is even coming into town and there has been "threesome talk" between us in the past, so who knows????

I'm almost thinking I SHOULD hit it again, if for no other reason than it sets up the situation for suture hookups when she comes down to visit, which will likely be regularly.

I guess the worst case is that I get shot down (unlikely), and the best case is that I might have a fukk buddy again that only comes around every couple of months. Sounds like a low risk proposition to me.....

Objectively (don't take it personnaly) It didn't sound to me like she wanted to fukk you. I'd let this one go. Would you like it if you were the other guy?

Fellas, we need to have a little more respect for each other.

I'm noticing that more and more guys are writing things about FB's that seem as if they care for them more like a GF.

Enough Tap Dancing, Soldiers!

Str8up, this IS NOT directed at you, my friend, This is directed at the Fukk Buddy Scenario as a whole. Because MANY of us have been in this emotional twilight zone you have just posted about.

Here's the truth about Fukk Buddies, Friends with Benefits, and "Friends" (in quotation marks):

You'll RARELY hear this on a site like this due to the inordinant amount of pride, ego, and testosterone that most men allow to clog up their reason. But the truth is...all these types of "pseudo" relationships are volatile in nature----these "relationships" all have a TIME LIMIT attached to them.

They NEVER stay in the previously agreed upon category. NEVER. Even if you can maintain it for 40 years, I can GARAUNTEE you that on year 41, SOMEBODY will want MORE than what was originally agreed upon.

If a man has a heart and he still has NOT burned his conscience to the point of NO RETURN, if he keeps routinely fukking a woman, he WILL develop an emotional attachment to that woman whether he intended to or not.

SEX is a spiritually, biologically, and emotionally BONDING experience that is designed to KEEP two people TOGETHER----even when they're NOT having SEX.

We often like to PRETEND that only women get attached, but that's just a bunch a macho bullshyt. Men get attached too---they just HATE to admit it. Guys who aren't in the Sosuave Army think that any emotional INVOLVEMENT with a woman is WEAK----while MANY guys IN the Sosuave Army have been programmed to think that it's AFC.

But SOME emotional involvement is natural---and it always leads to emotional attachment over the LONG HAUL---so choose women WISELY. That's why AFCs lose control and turn into stalkers, killers, or suicide victims. And that's also why so-called DJs (players, macks, human dildos, etc) often hide behind the revolving door of fukking multiple biiitches to AVOID the reality of emotional attachment that SURELY awaits them IF they stay with any given woman TOO LONG.

You see, INSIDE we all KNOW that sex is bonding----it's just that some men become quicker and more agile when it comes to running from it than others. But again, IF they still have a heart, even THEIR legs will eventually give out. So that's why they choose to GET THE HELL OUT (of a possible, newly FORMING relationship bond). Hence, the fukking of multiple biiitches once again ensues...

But this is like playing roulette----THE RUSSIAN KIND. True mature men should realize that if they meet a woman who MIGHT be worth their sole attention, even if it DOESN'T work out, you are STILL prize enough to replace her with just ONE day/night of approaching.

That is, if we really BELIEVE the things we've learned here at the Sosuave Training Academy...

NOT MANY GUYS CAN HANDLE THIS STATEMENT, but here goes anyway:

Often times. Friends with Benefits, Fukk Buddies, etc, CAN be a form of acting out of FEAR and a lack of SELF-CONTROL.

Now, I'm NOT saying that one shouldn't interact with as many women as possible if he's not ready to be serious and just wants to have fun. Or, if he's ctually trying to eventually select just ONE. Just remember that despite what some of us have been taught; people are NOT pawns in a game. There are ALWAYS consequences to our actions. What I AM saying is that we should all do a gut check from time to time.

Are we out here throwing our Dikks around because we are INSPIRED, or are we doing it because we feel DRIVEN.

INSPIRATION you can guage, measure, and control. But being DRIVEN is when you feel forced or compelled, which is EVIDENCE of a lack of a certain amount of self-control.

So, if we are engaging in these types of fukk-buddy manuevers because we are AFRAID to be alone, or are afraid we can't eventually find ONE particular woman who may be worth our extra time, OR are CONTROLLED by our hormones and can't help ourselves------Then we have to realize that we still have a lot of MATURING to do.

Think about it. Why else would we as men choose to endure 6 months of POSSIBLY being stalked by a HOLISTICALLY undesirable or unavailable woman JUST to experience the fleeting thrill of a pent-up ejaculation?

Is walking through the possible mine field of emotional detonation devices really WORTH the risk of her (unselfishly), or US (totally selfishly...lol) being blown to smithereens????

For many of us, the answer is still ironically....YES. I've personally been in this type of situation before, and whether it's ended badly or "mildly", there's always been a little piece of damage left on my psyche ( my mindsets concerning women get a little more JADED...) which is a bad trade off for me ULTIMATELY. But respectfully, to each his own...

However, the ONLY exceptions I have seen to my above observation that "guys get attached too" are those men who have sacraficed their feelings, their emotions, and even their humanity to such an extent where they have crossed the line into amoral, SOCIOPATHIC behavior.

And those types of guys that I have met, no matter how many biiitches they fukk, no matter how HARD they try to act, and no matter how much SHYT they try to talk, have a dark, empty place inside them where their SOULS used to be.

So the final result of the Seeds of Relationship Ambiguity that we've sown is usually the Harvest of Emotional Ambiguity that Str8up just posted about.

So having said ALL THAT. To Str8up, I WILL say that I think you did well by NOT fukking this girl ONE MORE TIME. There's nothing left for you to PROVE, dude. Let her go to this LDR dude----and count your blessings that HIS and YOUR roles are NOT reversed!

Perhaps we should all observe a moment of SILENCE just for the THOUGHT of That guy's situation, troops...

And also, maybe we should CONSIDER the consequences of the whole fukk buddy thing more carefully in the future. Maybe that way we can either get OUT in time (before the feelings come), pursue something more with the chick ('cuz there's NOTHING like a strong sexual attraction between two people to open up the possibility of something MORE), or we could just choose to PASS on fukking the chick (if we already SUSPECT that we'll never want anything more from her than that.)

We ARE mature men,...aren't we?


This has been from the desk of Victory Unlimited...and I APPROVE this message.


Peace...one day.

Victory Unlimited said:

...We ARE mature men,...aren't we?
...

Click to expand...

It's a sad state that we are in if this question has to be asked, even rhetorically....

Francisco d'Anconia said:

I'm noticing that more and more guys are writing things about FB's that seem as if they care for them more like a GF.

Click to expand...

Maybe its because a FB is a hypothetical goal that you can get really close to, but not ever really make it. I would think the person that can drill a specific person for 100s of times without forming any type of emotional connection with her has a heart of stone FAR more callous than mine; and mine's pretty damn rocky! Even if the man can do it, show me a woman that can too, indefinitely! I'm not sure i believe its even possible.

I believe its possible to keep one's "feelings in check", but I think its something that probably takes continued effort.

Francisco d'Anconia said:

I'm noticing that more and more guys are writing things about FB's that seem as if they care for them more like a GF.

Click to expand...

Like I said, it was a little more than just sex. No commitments or anything, but we would hang out one on one for more than sex on occasion. But it was usually a group thing, hang out once or twice per week, boom boom boom then go our separate ways for awhile. VERY casual.

I would be lying if I said I don't have any feelings for her. But to be honest when she started seeing the other dude my life was in utter chaos and it intensified whatever bond we had, or more accurately it intensified the sting of losing what I did have because I WISHED I had with SOMEONE at that point in my life. Less to do with her, more to do with me and my situation.

So why settle by sarging for FBs? Why not get an actual GF?

Ahhh....now THERE'S the million dollar question around HERE, isn't it, Francisco?

Isn't THAT particular question ALWAYS the "Elephant sitting in the Living Room" that many guys on here NEVER can quite see?????

Victory Unlimited said:

Ahhh....now THERE'S the million dollar question around HERE, isn't it, Francisco?

Isn't THAT particular question ALWAYS the "Elephant sitting in the Living Room" that many guys on here NEVER can quite see?????

Click to expand...

:crazy: M-I-N-D :crazy: B-O-G-G-L-I-N-G :crazy:

Victory Unlimited said:

Here's the truth about Fukk Buddies, Friends with Benefits, and "Friends" (in quotation marks):

You'll RARELY hear this on a site like this due to the inordinant amount of pride, ego, and testosterone that most men allow to clog up their reason. But the truth is...all these types of "pseudo" relationships are volatile in nature----these "relationships" all have a TIME LIMIT attached to them.

Click to expand...

We actually had this convo recently. By "we" I mean this chick I am talking about, her friend, my friend, and me.

See, her friend is head over heels for my friend but he wants nothing to do with her in that way. And me and the ex f/b tried for what seemed like HOURS to convince her that "it's never just sex, someone always wants more". She even used herself having feelings for me as an example.

So I know where you are coming from. As with MOST relationships, the question is, "how long will it last". The difference is that in an f/b situation becomes even more volatile as time goes by due to the heightened feelings combined with the lack of commitment or ambiguity of the status of the relationship.

If a man has a heart and he still has NOT burned his conscience to the point of NO RETURN, if he keeps routinely fukking a woman, he WILL develop an emotional attachment to that woman whether he intended to or not.

Click to expand...

It's going on a year that I have known her. No doubt I do have an emotional connection to her. I doubt it's as strong as her feelings for me, but it's there nonetheless.

You see, INSIDE we all KNOW that sex is bonding----it's just that some men become quicker and more agile when it comes to running from it than others. But again, IF they still have a heart, even THEIR legs will eventually give out. So that's why they choose to GET THE HELL OUT (of a possible, newly FORMING relationship bond). Hence, the fukking of multiple biiitches once again ensues...

Click to expand...

See, I don't have the time, energy, or inclination to install one of those revolving doors in my place.

I guess I really want the impossible. I want part time companionship that I can turn on and off when I desire, without the sticky mess that relationships tend to become.

So having said ALL THAT. To Str8up, I WILL say that I think you did well by NOT fukking this girl ONE MORE TIME. There's nothing left for you to PROVE, dude. Let her go to this LDR dude----and count your blessings that HIS and YOUR roles are NOT reversed!

Click to expand...

I don't feel I have to prove anything, but it would still feel good to get the final pump in, seeing as my ego DID get bruised when she cut me off for another dude. Plus, I have been VERY busy up until recently and I haven't gotten any in awhile. But anyway....

Perhaps we should all observe a moment of SILENCE just for the THOUGHT of That guy's situation, troops...

Click to expand...

To be honest, I could give a fukk less about him. I have nothing against him whatsoever, but I don't owe him or anyone else in that situation ANYTHING. He has to keep HER in check, not me.

And also, maybe we should CONSIDER the consequences of the whole fukk buddy thing more carefully in the future.

Click to expand...

So besides celibacy, a string of one nighters, or a committed relationship, how do you go about getting any physical or emotional intimacy?

I would rather take my chances with another casual thing than to try to nail a bunch of random chicks or get involved in an LTR. To each their own.

speed dawg said:

Objectively (don't take it personnaly) It didn't sound to me like she wanted to fukk you. I'd let this one go. Would you like it if you were the other guy?

Fellas, we need to have a little more respect for each other.

Click to expand...

Sorry, but I've been burned too many times to have any respect for people I don't know.

I didn't invent the game or make the rules, I have simply realized that if I don't play it a certain way I might as well throw my cards on the table and fold.

And I honestly do think I could have fukked her that night. When she was telling her friend about the incredible sex we had and that her friend "should try it sometime", I made a joke about the three of us going upstairs right then and there. She obviously didn't take it as a joke and enthusiastically said "I'm game!" with a 100% straight face. I'm good friends with her friend an I'm not attracted to her so it wasn't going down, but I'm sure she would have jumped on it if I would have been serious.

Francisco d'Anconia said:

So why settle by sarging for FBs? Why not get an actual GF?

Click to expand...

Maybe it's because I know my stock is through the roof right now and I COULD have any of a number of chicks if I said the word, but I'm really not looking for that right now. I'm not going to turn away a good thing but I'm not actively pursuing it either.

STR8UP said:

Maybe it's because I know my stock is through the roof right now and I COULD have any of a number of chicks if I said the word, but I'm really not looking for that right now. I'm not going to turn away a good thing but I'm not actively pursuing it either.

Click to expand...

So do that.

I'm there too, man...I let a side-project become a go-to girl, one I was trying to steal away from her POS chump boyfriend. But she won't leave him. She's been with him so long that he's a PART of her, even if she DOESN'T find him attractive any more, and she'll be with him until HE breaks up with HER because she doesn't have the balls to change.

Girls with boyfriends are just that...side-projects. You can't wife them. You can only try and get them to "forget themselves" long enough to cheat with you.

STR8UP said:

Maybe it's because I know my stock is through the roof right now and I COULD have any of a number of chicks if I said the word, but I'm really not looking for that right now. I'm not going to turn away a good thing but I'm not actively pursuing it either.

Click to expand...

So your solution is simple, stop treating your FBs like GFs.

squirrels said:

So do that.

I'm there too, man...I let a side-project become a go-to girl, one I was trying to steal away from her POS chump boyfriend. But she won't leave him. She's been with him so long that he's a PART of her, even if she DOESN'T find him attractive any more, and she'll be with him until HE breaks up with HER because she doesn't have the balls to change.

Girls with boyfriends are just that...side-projects. You can't wife them. You can only try and get them to "forget themselves" long enough to cheat with you.

Click to expand...

This is some bullsh1t. What if it was your girlfriend? It's one thing if the bf is a huge AFC and she's disrespecting him and he should leave her. But, it's a whole other thing if she's repeatedly stayed with him after multiple tries by you. Why not leave her alone? Get your own girl, maybe?

Drop a bomb and ask her not to move and be your gf. (just for kicks/reaction)

As for the original question, I wouldn't bang her, I'd use her for social proof to try bang her friend, after all, she already spewed to her how you were her best bang ever. Think the friend will want to test you out knowing that you had to have it one last time or would your chances increase if you used the time to let the friend know she's the new target and you've broken the connection.

Francisco d'Anconia said:

So your solution is simple, stop treating your FBs like GFs.

Click to expand...

I don't treat them like g/f's.

I don't want a bunch of one nighters, but at the same time I don't want some chick falling all over me sticking to my ass like glue.

Am I asking for too much? Maybe. But I'm just not into the whole "fukk anything you can" deal any more than I am looking for my soulmate. It's a tough road to travel cause like many of you have pointed out, it always starts one way and evolves into something else.

The funny thing about this situation is that to this day I believe that she had and still HAS more feelings toward me than I do toward her. So if that's the case how does she end up with a b/f? I sense a lot of reservations and pent up feelings when she's around.

Eh...whatever. Went out with her and her friend tonight for dinner. They just left. Gonna meet up with them Friday night for her last night in town, and I certainly am not going to initiate anything between the two of us. Based upon last weekend I have a feeling that she's gonna put me in a position where it will be tough to keep things from escalating, but I really don't need pu$$y that bad. And as good as it would feel to get in her pants one last time, it will be equally as satisfying to know that I made the choice NOT to go there. We shall see.

MacAvoy said:

Drop a bomb and ask her not to move and be your gf. (just for kicks/reaction)

Click to expand...

As curious as I would be to see her reaction there's no way I'm going there. SCARED would probably be the more appropriate term cause theres a slim chance that she might take it seriously and actually reconsider what she's doing. Matter of fact, my friend knows her and he commented about her "looking for a reason to stay", with me being the possible "reason".

As for the original question, I wouldn't bang her, I'd use her for social proof to try bang her friend, after all, she already spewed to her how you were her best bang ever. Think the friend will want to test you out knowing that you had to have it one last time or would your chances increase if you used the time to let the friend know she's the new target and you've broken the connection.

Click to expand...

Not a chance. I'm not attracted to her friend at all, and she happens to be a good friend of mine as well (not to mention I do some business with her).

STR8UP said:

I don't treat them like g/f's.

Click to expand...

Well, let's see...

STR8UP said:

"Dated" this chick awhile back ...

..the little time we spent together was an escape for me and I wasn't happy to lose it.

To say that I'm not going to miss her would be a lie.

We have mutual friends and still hang out from time...

She actually pissed me off earlier in the week by not returning my phone call when I was trying to get ahold of her do her a favor,

Click to expand...

Maybe it's just me but all of this sounds exactly like what a guy would do or feel about his GF.