I AM FRUSTERATED. Help me out Please.

DreamyChick

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Okay so I am a little tipsy right now but I am pissed. I have had enough of this guys wishy washy behavior. He called me back and invited himself over bc my mom was not home. Yes I still live at home and it sucks at times. So he brought alcohol and eager to see me wasted. But then my mom comes home early from a date and he freaks out. So I tell him we can go outside for a bit. We have two beers together and I say I guess we should have gone to your place tonight bc he lives by himself and then we got into this big whole discussion about how he felt that if I come over I would want to spend the night. So I was like so did I try to seduce you before when I spent the night? And he's all no. Then I am like whats the problem? He was like it would be too much of you, my morning routine would be screwed. I'd feel bad for waking you up early so I could go to work. Besides what if I want to walk around naked. I am like this sounds like bull s**t to me. Because he has no problem asking me to spend the night when he wants me there. He was all that's different. I was like how is that different it depends on my plans. I dont hardly ever ask him if I can stay the night. I SHOULD NOTE THAT HE WAS ALL FOR WATCHING TO SEE HOW DRUNK I GOT until my Mother showed up with her date. HE WAS ALL I MAY HAVE TO STICK AROUND TO WATCH MORE OF THIS. THE VIBE COMPLETELY CHANGED WHEN SHE WALKED IN. I was so pissed. SO I called him a Control Freak and He left. He said I was being needyjust by asking what his problem was. I was like whatever. SCREW IT! Hes not worried about me coming on to him yet we all the sudden need friendship boundaries what the heck??? I think all this crap was bc my mom was home unexpectedly. I didnt think shed be coming home early bc she told me she was going to go to a club. So how is this my fault. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH I am so done with him. He brought alcohol and the convo got sexual and then it just went bad....I am so frusterated....This is the same guy that I have been posting about.
 

Call_Me_Daddy

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I think you should listen to the Tom Leykis show.

It's a show mostly for men, and there is alot of "bad language". But it also teaches you about how us guys think. Trust me. When I listen to the man, I agree with everything he has to say almost all the time. He SAYS on the radio what we THINK! << Hint: This is the part you are interested in.

I reccomend you listen to his show for at least a few weeks. Now I say a few weeks because he seems like a woman-hater at first... but you just have to listen for a bit to understand where he is coming from. He also has alot of women callers that seem to agree with him as well.

Give it a shot. You might not agree with it. But I don't know a single one of my buds who isn't like the guy says.
 

DreamyChick

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My question is whats his deal? I think he was looking for bs reasons to be mad at me. He did not like it when I called him a control freak. I was like I am just trying to understand where you are coming from. Because he doesnt have a problem inviting himself to my place or inviting me when he wants me there. He was all I have to sleep and I was like I dont understand I let you sleep and I dont touch you or try to seduce you since hes all the sudden decided to maintain friendship boundaries between us.

Before he came over sexual topics were discussed and he was intrigued and loving what he heard but then the parent came home and he freaked out. I was loosening up for him to show another side of myself but then he started to argue with me. Not fair.
 

DreamyChick

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Call_Me_Daddy said:
I think you should listen to the Tom Leykis show.

It's a show mostly for men, and there is alot of "bad language". But it also teaches you about how us guys think. Trust me. When I listen to the man, I agree with everything he has to say almost all the time. He SAYS on the radio what we THINK! << Hint: This is the part you are interested in.

I reccomend you listen to his show for at least a few weeks. Now I say a few weeks because he seems like a woman-hater at first... but you just have to listen for a bit to understand where he is coming from. He also has alot of women callers that seem to agree with him as well.

Give it a shot. You might not agree with it. But I don't know a single one of my buds who isn't like the guy says.

This doesnt help me. Can you be more specific? Sorry can't think at the moment.
 

Call_Me_Daddy

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He's inexperienced, and he wants you. That's why he's weird. He doesn't know the right way to express it, and it stresses him out.

If anything... get HIM drunk. It will loosen him up. It's called liquid courage for a reason. That, and alcohol is a depressant, so no matter what stress he may be feeling inside... it will relax him.
 

DreamyChick

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Call_Me_Daddy said:
He's inexperienced, and he wants you. That's why he's weird. He doesn't know the right way to express it, and it stresses him out.

If anything... get HIM drunk. It will loosen him up. It's called liquid courage for a reason. That, and alcohol is a depressant, so no matter what stress he may be feeling inside... it will relax him.
He doesnt act inexperienced. Read my post called were his actions innocent. This has been going on all summer. Hes the one that tells me I need to go for what I want. That I need to get laid etc.
 

Call_Me_Daddy

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Goddamn you ARE THICK.

Let me put it in a way you can understand.


A man does not come over with booze just to enjoy your company cause you have interesting things t say, and you're cute, and he wants to be friends, and blah, blah, blah.

NO.

He wants you in a horizontal position, under him. The alcohol he brought is to "loosen" you up since you are so HIGH STRUNG.


He wants sex. Its as simple as that.



Trust me. If I were him. The first thing I would want with you slightly buzzed is for you to get on your knees and suck my ****. In fact, that's the reason I would bring over alcohol in the first place. It's to lower your inhibitions, and to give you the excuse of "I'm sooo drunk right now, I'm not responsible for ANYTHING that happens". << Which we all know is complete bull because you want it as much as he does.
 

spesmilitis

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just molest him, and be like, 'thats what happens when you leave a woman in heat, b1tch'

Seriously, either get a new bf and be clear your friendship is not sexual, or be real sexual and see if he can take the heat
 

DreamyChick

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Call_Me_Daddy said:
Goddamn you ARE THICK.

Let me put it in a way you can understand.


A man does not come over with booze just to enjoy your company cause you have interesting things t say, and you're cute, and he wants to be friends, and blah, blah, blah.

NO.

He wants you in a horizontal position, under him. The alcohol he brought is to "loosen" you up since you are so HIGH STRUNG.


He wants sex. Its as simple as that.



Trust me. If I were him. The first thing I would want with you slightly buzzed is for you to get on your knees and suck my ****. In fact, that's the reason I would bring over alcohol in the first place. It's to lower your inhibitions, and to give you the excuse of "I'm sooo drunk right now, I'm not responsible for ANYTHING that happens". << Which we all know is complete bull because you want it as much as he does.
I was slightly buzzed when the mood was shot bc before she came in he was like I am going to have to stay a little longer and watch you and make sure you dont vomit all over yourself or something. I was like wow how romantic. LMAO. I was feeling it and relaxed too. He just paniced. I need a real man dang it.
 

DreamyChick

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I am ready to next this guy. Just when I finally say screw it I am gonna go for what I want he has a melt down. Did my sudden confidence scare him? Who knows but I felt good tonight, and I loved it. I didn't care what he thought for a change. I laughed in his face about his silly behavior too so I think that's why he began to act indifferent towards me. He was being ridiculous about my mom showing up early. I finally had the confidence I needed to heat things up and find out once in for all if in fact he wanted me but that plan went out the window. Like I said I need a real man. Good thing I live in a college town I should run across someone that has got to be better than this dude.
 

Cableguy

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I'll be in Ga next week Dreamy and will be more than happy to show you what a real man feels like. Giggity.
 

Bonhomme

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Good on you, DC. Guys can learn from reading this thread.

My read of the situation is that he's the guy in the mix who is the most attractive on some level (style, whatever), but still doesn't cut the mustard, and you've been debating on whether it's better to be alone or date someone who doesn't quite cut it.

The best I can say is get out more, and consider some of the guys who are "under the radar," so to speak. Get a chance to know them, and they might pleasantly surprise you.

Hope you can find someone you're into enough who can just have a good time and roll with whatever situation you find yourselves in.
 

Call_Me_Daddy

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DreamyChick said:
I am ready to next this guy. Just when I finally say screw it I am gonna go for what I want he has a melt down. Did my sudden confidence scare him? Who knows but I felt good tonight, and I loved it. I didn't care what he thought for a change. I laughed in his face about his silly behavior too so I think that's why he began to act indifferent towards me. He was being ridiculous about my mom showing up early. I finally had the confidence I needed to heat things up and find out once in for all if in fact he wanted me but that plan went out the window. Like I said I need a real man. Good thing I live in a college town I should run across someone that has got to be better than this dude.
Good luck with that. Those real men are in very high demand in todays pvssified society. Chances are... if you're not hot, you got no chance for a turn. They already got lots of gals.
 

BlackJackal

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DreamyChick said:
I am ready to next this guy. Just when I finally say screw it I am gonna go for what I want he has a melt down. Did my sudden confidence scare him? Who knows but I felt good tonight, and I loved it. I didn't care what he thought for a change. I laughed in his face about his silly behavior too so I think that's why he began to act indifferent towards me. He was being ridiculous about my mom showing up early. I finally had the confidence I needed to heat things up and find out once in for all if in fact he wanted me but that plan went out the window. Like I said I need a real man. Good thing I live in a college town I should run across someone that has got to be better than this dude.
All I know is I would've been gave it to you.( Thats if you're hot of course.) The messed up thing about it is he had plenty of time to start puberty and take you like a real man would. Shame he's a coward. Now go out there and get laid.:D
 

Rollo Tomassi

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The Problem is YOU

Alright dear, you PMed me to get my take on your situation and I read through all 5 of your previous threads. Let me start by stating that this isn't something I'd normally do, but in your case it was easy. It was easy because you basically regurgitate the same crap repeatedly about the same problem.

Your confusion about this guy (or the other guy for that matter) isn't the root of your problem - this confuion (really frustration) comes from your extrodinarily juvenile understanding of intimacy (and an inability to cope with it), and how and why thing operate the way they do. I have to admit, for the first 3 threads I assumed you were about 17 or 18 because you naively cling to a very adolescent set of social skills. This guy isn't playing games, you are, with yourself. A virgin at 25, and still living at home with your single mother isn't helping you to mature into a healthy adult woman, and your constant replaying of these silly, teenage cuddle sessions only emphasizes either your lack of understanding what's at play here, or your fearful inability to address what you KNOW is going on. In my opinion I feel it's a combination of both.

You're a child
You're a child and you need to hear that you are so. You're a child not due to your age, but due to a retardation in your maturity, and the most consistent manifestation of this is in your behavior regarding the main guy in your posts. You KNOW damn well he wants to have sex with you, but like a pedantic 13 y.o. girl you repeatedly play the coy, naive idiot. He's not blameless for playing stupid AFC games with you, but understand, he's playing YOUR game, you've set the frame for him to play to. You set a similar frame for the other guy (new car guy) as well so I see this as a theme for you, confirmed by a consistent set of behaviors, that tells me all I need to know.

You're afraid of intimacy (i.e. Sex)
You're a virgin at 25; not necessarily an indictment, but in your case it's evidence that you really have no prior experience to base your estimations of this situation on, so you naturally default to the only social skill set you've ever used - your adolescent one. You enjoy the attention, but you fear the intimacy. This is why you rent 3 chick-flick movies when a guy comes over to see if he can come over with a six pack and bang you after blowing you off for weeks at a time. This is a fillibuster tactic that you play as part of your game; it's your fail-safe in case "he gets the wrong idea." The cuddling, the massages, these are stalling tactics - wait him out until he give up and blows you off for another 3 weeks - wash, rinse, repeat.

The fact that the 'sex talk' makes you uncomfortable is another indicator. This guy's not a DJ in any sense, he's grasping for any straw he can get with you, but because of your complete lack of sexual experience and your fear of it, he's making an attempt (albeit a lame one) to prompt you along. His mistake is that this is part of your game and he's playing along with it - when in fact he should've NEXTed you after round one.

You're frigid and you're fearful. A mature woman of 25 doesn't balk at a guy wanting to have sex with her - she either does or she doesn't. Most women your age have had many sexual partners. That doesn't make them better or worse than you, it makes them more mature than you. So answer for me now, have you ever masturbated? Have you ever had an orgasm as a result? Have you ever kissed a guy full on the mouth? Have you ever had a man feel you up? You're anonymous, tell us all here now little girl.

Stop 'playing' friends
In everyone of your bleating posts you subscribe to the "friends first" mythology and this only reinforces my assessment of your immaturity. Want to know why you haven't had sex yet? Because you've clung for so long to this purile notion that men and women should be friends before lovers. This is romanticized fantasy. Hear me now it's sex first THEN friends if at all. Women have two kinds of friends; boyfriends and girlfriends, if he's not fukking you, he's your girlfriend. Men and women cannot be friends until intimacy has been resolved. You will never understand the validity of this untill you have sex.

This guy has been playing surrogate-boyfriend with you since fukking middle school. He's an uber AFC, but he's playing YOUR game and YOUR game is entertaining this Friends nonsense. You want this whole sharade to be resolved? Grow up and fukk him or spell out in no uncertain terms that you're not. He's wasting his time with a 25 year old girl who's trapped in a prepubescent mindset. Your inability to come to terms with your own fear of intimacy (and sex) has been transferred to him now in his perception of how to get after it with a woman. You've got a lot of growing up to do and you do him a great diservice by pandering to his sexual desire when you have no concept of what sex even is.
 

Bvbidd

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^ That post was a little creepy.. but lol funny.
 

DreamyChick

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You're frigid and you're fearful. A mature woman of 25 doesn't balk at a guy wanting to have sex with her - she either does or she doesn't. Most women your age have had many sexual partners. That doesn't make them better or worse than you, it makes them more mature than you. So answer for me now, have you ever masturbated? Have you ever had an orgasm as a result? Have you ever kissed a guy full on the mouth? Have you ever had a man feel you up? You're anonymous, tell us all here now little girl.
Okay I agree with your feedback almost 100% however I don't like being patronized. The answer to your above questions are Yes to all of the above. The guy I address in my posts knows this as well. Believe it or not but the answer is yes.

Stop 'playing' friends
In everyone of your bleating posts you subscribe to the "friends first" mythology and this only reinforces my assessment of your immaturity. Want to know why you haven't had sex yet? Because you've clung for so long to this purile notion that men and women should be friends before lovers. This is romanticized fantasy. Hear me now it's sex first THEN friends if at all. Women have two kinds of friends; boyfriends and girlfriends, if he's not fukking you, he's your girlfriend. Men and women cannot be friends until intimacy has been resolved. You will never understand the validity of this untill you have sex.

Okay I agree with this paragraph.

This guy has been playing surrogate-boyfriend with you since fukking middle school. He's an uber AFC, but he's playing YOUR game and YOUR game is entertaining this Friends nonsense. You want this whole sharade to be resolved? Grow up and fukk him or spell out in no uncertain terms that you're not. He's wasting his time with a 25 year old girl who's trapped in a prepubescent mindset. Your inability to come to terms with your own fear of intimacy (and sex) has been transferred to him now in his perception of how to get after it with a woman. You've got a lot of growing up to do and you do him a great diservice by pandering to his sexual desire when you have no concept of what sex even is.
This is harsh. I dont know if I agree with everything here.
 

Le Parisien

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Props to Rollo Tomassi for his sincere yet poignant analysis.

DreamyChick, I think you should listen to Rollo Tomassi, I agree with his analysis only I could have never written it down so well.

Please notice that he may be harsh, but he's not "blaming" you. Truth may hurt, but here it's better to know the truth so you know what you need to work on.

Actually I believe that many people have shortcomings/weaknesses/etc. related to dating and relationships.

- I've known guys in their 20s who have consistently dated real hot girlfriends in LTR but who have absoluetly no idea how to actually "seduce" girls because they are so good looking/great that everytime it's the the girl who came to them

- I've known guys who are extremely familiar with bars/clubs/one night stands/flings/etc and good at it but who have absolutely no idea how to "find" a girl for LTRs.

- I've known people who never had any relationships but who know how to turn the girls on.

- I've known guys who (allegedly) have extensive sexual knowledge/experience but who are still pretty bad at seducing women

- I've known people who are still very "naive" or "immature" regarding dating/relationships but who get by pretty well in this regard (maybe by luck or thanks to their good looks)

- I've also known people who are pretty "grown up" or mature who constantly get into bad relationships/situations.

- and so on...


I think it would be a good idea to be open-minded on this and listen to the good advice, know what you want, what you need to achieve, and work on your issues/fears/hangups/etc...
 
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