HPD...advise please..KONTROLLER, WARRIOR?? ANYONE

christopher09 · Oct 23, 2008

Ive read a lot on here and on the links that have been provided also concerning this bpd and hpd. I think my 39 year old X has the latter. Basically, shes a seperated single mom and her and i dated for a few months now. I can say the relationship has always been on her terms and hot and cold u know? She has also displayed many of these characterstics that WARRIOR, KONTROLLERX, AND JOPHIL and others have shown to be indicative of hpd. She dresses very provacative and even in her professional career. Shes flirty. She also tends to get pretty darn vulgar(drops fbombs) when i maturely speak my mind about being, what i deem, disrespected. The other week, i spoke up about her not returning a phone call. I was not rude, but just a tad condencending, in return she simply said FU via text. So i cancelled our plans for the following day and didnt speak with her for a few days. She then called me on day 4 and was crying about something not concerning us directly, i answered, she asked for my advice, and i then talked with her about this for a few minutes. The end..the next day, she messaged me saying thanks for listening etc. I didnt reply. So over the course of the next few days following this, she texted me wanting to get together and i disregarded all. THEN i replied finally saying i was busy and had a busy week. Now her messages are getting crazier and crazier....text messages like this.."PLEASE CAN I SEE YOU", "I JUST NEED A FEW HOURS OF YORU TIME(meaning she only wants sex)", "CAN YOU TAKE ME TO MY ARM SURGERY APPOINTMENT", I SAW A CAR ACCIDENT, IT LOOKED LIKE YOUR CAR, PLEASE CALL ME LET ME KNOW THAT YOURE OK!!", "I MISS YOU", "WHY WONT YOU TALK TO ME", "I WONT BOTHER YOU ANYMORE", "YOURE AVOIDING ME". Today i got this.."I FOUND A RIDE TO MY ARM SURGERY APPT, THANKS FOR YOUR CONCERN!". Now i feel a little bad about all of this because i did care for her, however i was getting stepped on quicky and decided i should walk away. She makes this very hard on me though, bcz she wont stop texting/calling. Im afraid if i respond to my this woman in any way that i might send her into some crazy depression ya know?

Im already seeing someone knew who i like and spinning plates to boot, but what would you fellas say? I know i shouldnt send texts/answer her but does she need closure, or is she hpd..i read about this in depth, im thinking she has this. Ive never had to deal with anything like this. Sad thing is she has a 12 year old son!

KarmaSutra · Oct 23, 2008

Your apprehension is what's keeping this broad dangling. You need to do the obvious, but hardest, thing and tell her to fvck off.

Keep repeating those two words everytime she contacts you. Whether it be text, phone or smoke signal, tell her "Fvck off."

Say it in a very mellow tone with absolutely no anger. Soon enough she will get it through her thick skull to fvck off.

christopher09 · Oct 23, 2008

LMAO TELL HER THAT, RATHER THAN JUST KEEP IGNORING? isnt it best to just let her be and not respond?...shes a good looking woman, hell sooner than later she will meet a guy who will take her mind off me..

NewMan · Oct 23, 2008

Just don't text, or pick up the phone.

Better yet block her totally.

christopher09 · Oct 23, 2008

BLock her totally........i can do this, ive already checked with my service provider...but 2 things concern me; She is only a couple miles from my home and i think she wouldnt hesitate to knock my door down. As opposed to gradually letting her grind down until she meets a new AFC to take a chunk out of.

secondly, like i said, i dont necessarliy want to send her into that depressed/sucidal mode. Not that she even cares that much, bcz frankly i dont even know what the hell is going on in her mind with all this, but from what ive read here and in the links this could very well end up becoming something of that sort no??

Vulpine · Oct 23, 2008

1. She's older.
2. She has a kid.
3. She's a nutjob.

There's three strikes. Why is this "hard"?

4. She's disrespectful.
5. She's your ex.

She's your ex for a reason.

6. She's negatively affecting your life.

You aren't responsible for her mental health, you aren't responsible for her kid, you are responsible for YOU. Look out for yourself and remove this negativity from your life. Why should you care about "dealing" with her given the six points above?

Even if she blows her brains out, it doesn't, and shouldn't, affect you. *shrug* That's unfortunate for her and her kid. One more nutjob out of the gene pool. *goes back to reading the paper*

Should she come knocking on your door, you simply don't answer it. Her knuckles will get sore and she'll leave. You aren't married, this isn't a big deal. Should she go affecting your life with stalker behavior, you get a restraining order.

Stop thinking about what she needs or wants, stop worrying about to what extent she's a nutjob, stop trying to save-a-hø: she's done and gone. Boo-hoo get over it. GFTOW.

christopher09 · Oct 23, 2008

Now that was refreshing, thank you for bring me back down to earth a bit! I have tried to the end of the world to give this one the benefit of the doubt, but of course it didnt do me any good. so....

Sinistar · Oct 23, 2008

You've got the rescuer/savior thing real bad.
She does not need closure (that's a justification on your part to continue contact).

She may be HPD, she may not be. Just the fact you've made that much of an association means she's not worth another minute of your life. That may sound cold. The cluster-B's and their wacked cousins are the masters of being cold - believe me she'll survive.

Perhaps she is not total cluster-B. You said she always had the power, was flirty, etc. Does she have no healthy female friendships. Does she have a bunch of male pseudo-friends. Does she have the lecter stare. Did she seem to be too good to be true when you first met. Did she flip like a switch when she finally realized you had feelings for her. If your answers to most/all of those are no then maybe you just have a case of a rather emotional women who was never really that into you.

Oh yeah, please tell me that you are not MKS82/aix237. That dude is beyond hope.

KontrollerX · Oct 23, 2008

Its a trap.

Don't respond.

And don't worry she won't kill herself or go into a deeper depression if you don't respond and even if she did kill herself its her disorder's fault not your's.

She most likely will not kill herself though if you don't respond she'll eventually move on but it could take weeks, months or if its a borderline possibly years before you'll stop getting messages from her.

Whatever the case remain no contact and absolutely dead silent to her.

Do not let her pull you back into her drama and chaos.

Don't let this predator prey on your emotions and caring nature.

She'll use whatever lie or tactic possible to play on your emotions and get what she wants which is a reaction out of you whether it be talking to her, taking her back or whatever.

Don't give her the reaction of a response and you win.

You've got to remember her crying or being sad or doing anything else to get you feeling sad for her is all a game on her part.

A cold callous game.

So don't give in to it.

KarmaSutra · Oct 23, 2008

Sinistar said:
Oh yeah, please tell me that you are not MKS82/aix237. That dude is beyond hope.

I think they're one and the same.

christopher09 · Oct 23, 2008

Sinistar said:
You've got the rescuer/savior thing real bad.
She does not need closure (that's a justification on your part to continue contact).

She may be HPD, she may not be. Just the fact you've made that much of an association means she's not worth another minute of your life. That may sound cold. The cluster-B's and their wacked cousins are the masters of being cold - believe me she'll survive.

Perhaps she is not total cluster-B. You said she always had the power, was flirty, etc. Does she have no healthy female friendships. Does she have a bunch of male pseudo-friends. Does she have the lecter stare. Did she seem to be too good to be true when you first met. Did she flip like a switch when she finally realized you had feelings for her. If your answers to most/all of those are no then maybe you just have a case of a rather emotional women who was never really that into you.

Oh yeah, please tell me that you are not MKS82/aix237. That dude is beyond hope.[/QUOI

I am not those members you mentioned, no. She has a couple female friends but they are very dverse in that one is super young, 23, another is 50 and in a very bad pathetic relationship, and her third friend is kind of white trash(3 kids, diff fathers, renting home @ 40, overweight, loud etc...this is her actual best friend. As far as men, i havent seen or heard of any, although she once sent me a myspace invite...and upon opening her page i was completely taken back. Her music selection was very provacative and get this Sinistar, she had 50 friends of which 1 was her 23 year old female friend all the rest where men . I told her i wasnt going to "add her" so that i could be compiled into a pool of needy men and a few days later she told me she deleted all the men that she didnt really know, which left about 20 lol... Anyway, yeah shes always telling me about how she gets hit on by women and stuff. She even said she loves me early on in this relationship, to which i was completely SHOCKED. hahaha.

When i said she always had the power, i guess i was saying basically that seeing her or doing something with her, was usually on her terms, or i actually had to intiate asking to see her. Anyway, im not so into her..but it is hard for me when she text these things trying to make me look like i never cared or whatever.

You know i didnt answer her for days, last nigt she called and i didnt pick up. When i listened to her message about the supposedly car accident that she had see, which involved a vehicle similiar to mine, i fell for this. She was like, please please call me and at least let me know your ok..blah..SO after fighting myself for about 30 minutes...i text her "im ok, thx tho" and she replied.."good, take care". So i though it might be over with all her texting and stuff but about 3 hours later i got the "why wont you talk to me".

christopher09 · Oct 23, 2008

KontrollerX said:
Its a trap.

Don't respond.

And don't worry she won't kill herself or go into a deeper depression if you don't respond and even if she did kill herself its her disorder's fault not your's.

She most likely will not kill herself though if you don't respond she'll eventually move on but it could take weeks, months or if its a borderline possibly years before you'll stop getting messages from her.

Whatever the case remain no contact and absolutely dead silent to her.

Do not let her pull you back into her drama and chaos.

Don't let this predator prey on your emotions and caring nature.

She'll use whatever lie or tactic possible to play on your emotions and get what she wants which is a reaction out of you whether it be talking to her, taking her back or whatever.

Don't give her the reaction of a response and you win.

You've got to remember her crying or being sad or doing anything else to get you feeling sad for her is all a game on her part.

A cold callous game.

So don't give in to it.

AHHHH i understand. Funny thing is you are all right about what you say, and i obviously know this stuff, but i get caught up and lose site of why i even questioned her to begin with. I will NOT respond to another text or phone call, and if she comes knocking i wont answer. I bet she would put a costume on just to hit my door on halloween! I might have to get out.

KontrollerX · Oct 23, 2008

"Anyway, yeah shes always telling me about how she gets hit on by women and stuff."

Sexual lure thrown out to get your mind wandering thinking about a threesome with her and one of her gal pals.

Yes indeed in truth these Cluster B a lot of the times are bisexual but the only reason she told you about women hitting on her was to get you salivating over the prospects of a future threesome, to get you hooked on her pretty much for the idea of something that would never actually happen.

"She even said she loves me early on in this relationship, to which i was completely SHOCKED. hahaha."

Just another one of their cold callous lies and yet another lure.

Some of them tell a made up or real story of abuse to get you hooked or rather your captain save a ho mentality which every guy has before getting schooled to the game. Its called protect and provider instinct and these Cluster B prey on that for all its worth.

Anyway though the little girl/little princess in need of rescuing is such an appealing fable to would be knights that its the perfect hook for these con artists to use.

Oh and again you can't answer her when she asks you seemingly harmless questions about whether you are alright or how's the weather etc as its a reaction from you and thats what she wants.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhdGkZ6Fngw

She needs to hear the sounds of silence.

jophil28 · Oct 23, 2008

christopher09 said:
Now that was refreshing, thank you for bring me back down to earth a bit! I have tried to the end of the world to give this one the benefit of the doubt, but of course it didnt do me any good. so....

The answer is in this quote from YOU. Read it back to yourself. Being accomodating with this kind of woman makes the situation worse.

Yes, you have found yourself one Cluster B loonie. WE all have ONE in our lifetime -they are not fit for an LTR . Now you know some of the red flags if another comes your way.
The trick is to NOT play any part in responding to her pleadings. NO CONTACT.
These women use sex as a power tool. So in your lonely moments, when you are feeling what is left of any warmth you may still feel, resist the temptation to f**k her if she comes a'knockin' ..IF you weaken and sleep with her (to placate her raging), you are in HER frame and the whole game goes back to the starting line.
You cannot end this like you would with a resonable woman. Take Vulpines approach and think cold and steely .

jophil28 · Oct 23, 2008

KontrollerX said:
[b
Anyway though the little girl/little princess in need of rescuing is such an appealing fable to would be knights that its the perfect hook for these con artists to use.

.

Cluster B women play this game habitually and they do it VERY well. IT works for them. Then they add in tha Lolita sex plus the emotional gushing over you. You are "the best, the most exciting, the smartest,the most insightful, the most this that most that .." and so it goes.
It is a contrived campaign to reach those deep parts of you which are the most vulnerable.

christopher09 · Oct 23, 2008

Vulpine said:
1. She's older.
2. She has a kid.
3. She's a nutjob.

There's three strikes. Why is this "hard"?

4. She's disrespectful.
5. She's your ex.

She's your ex for a reason.

6. She's negatively affecting your life.

You aren't responsible for her mental health, you aren't responsible for her kid, you are responsible for YOU. Look out for yourself and remove this negativity from your life. Why should you care about "dealing" with her given the six points above?

Even if she blows her brains out, it doesn't, and shouldn't, affect you. *shrug* That's unfortunate for her and her kid. One more nutjob out of the gene pool. *goes back to reading the paper*

Should she come knocking on your door, you simply don't answer it. Her knuckles will get sore and she'll leave. You aren't married, this isn't a big deal. Should she go affecting your life with stalker behavior, you get a restraining order.

Stop thinking about what she needs or wants, stop worrying about to what extent she's a nutjob, stop trying to save-a-hø: she's done and gone. Boo-hoo get over it. GFTOW.

Got ya, I WILL DO THAT JOPHIL. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? "GFTOW"??

darkstarrr · Oct 23, 2008

christopher09 said:
Got ya, I WILL DO THAT JOPHIL. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? "GFTOW"??

means go f 10 other women. which is exactly what i am about to do.

christopher09 · Oct 23, 2008

jophil28 said:
Cluster B women play this game habitually and they do it VERY well. IT works for them. Then they add in tha Lolita sex plus the emotional gushing over you. You are "the best, the most exciting, the smartest,the most insightful, the most this that most that .." and so it goes.
It is a contrived campaign to reach those deep parts of you which are the most vulnerable.

Oh Man Jophil, you hit the nail on the head, just like Kontroller...the best sex, best man, funniest man, you name it i heard it ...UNREAL. man, hopefully she will learn to treat men better imean christ man shes almost 40. You would think she would let that retarded crap go, u know what i mean?

Ironically, this is the FIRST woman over 30 that i have dated my entire life - go figure!!!

JustDoItAlways · Oct 23, 2008

One more little tidbit about the Cluster B's which is not brought up that much is the somatic sicknesses - the Cluster B's constantly have imagined/exagerated illnesses that they use for sympathy/attention.

The shoulder surgery is what brought this up. If you stay with an HPD, you will forever be taking her to medical appointments, helping her search for new doctors, having to adjust your lifestyle for her "allergies", listening to the health complaints, listening to the fake cancer scares etc. etc. etc.

The Cluster B's are always sick after they think they have you fully bought in (although it is rarely real.)

jophil28 · Oct 23, 2008

christopher09 said:
Oh Man Jophil, you hit the nail on the head, just like Kontroller...the best sex, best man, funniest man, you name it i heard it ...UNREAL. man, hopefully she will learn to treat men better imean christ man shes almost 40. You would think she would let that retarded crap go, u know what i mean?

Ironically, this is the FIRST woman over 30 that i have dated my entire life - go figure!!!

They never let this "retarded crap " go - EVER... because it works for them. It will work on the next guy too unless he is a Sociopath or a Narcissist.
THat does not describe most guys so she has fertile ground to plant her poison ivy...Only other Cluster B guys can play their evil game and not be destroyed.
YOu have to remember that these Women creatures are mentally ill. Not to excuse them because they know exactly what they are doing.
They know what they are doing, they know that they cause pain, BUT they enjoy seeing the emotional devastation that they cause because it is their primary method of feeling powerful.
CLuster B women are all about feeling Power through causing harm, and their battle ground is 'intimate realtionships'.

HPD...advise please..KONTROLLER, WARRIOR?? ANYONE

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