Inner Game *Paranoid Mentality*

I have noticed that some of us are facing problems with the inner game and getting paranoid especially some new people. (I admit i'm one of them)

In fact, I get worried easily and paranoid when the slightest things happen. And usually things is not as bad as i expect. Things are worse recently, I suspect worst things that can happen and seems to look at the 'dark' side uncontrollably.

Let's take an example. Due to some trivial circumstances my girl (on the LTR direction with high interest in me) have to cancel a saturday date to travel to Bali (beach resort with beach parties) with a girl friend whom's a party animal and get themselves drunk occasionally. She mention meeting up on the day she's back

As i do not really understand my girl much (know one another for 2months), I tend to expect the worst and imagine her ****ing guys over there. <Travelling girls link posted http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=109050 >

I imagine (gut feeling) her losing interest in me because she cancelled our date. And today when she's back, she mentioned she's too tired after holiday to meet up for the day and will call me shortly. I became paranoid and think that she's losing interest although I should give her the benefit of the doubt due to the tiring action trip.

Till the end of the day, she did not call me and i begin to think that she indeed is too tired and slept the whole day. Even deeper into the "paranoia abyss", my mind is filled with things like,"she has found a new guy, she lost interest in me. I SHOULD DROP HER"

Friends told me.. "Hey, you are paranoid, anyone will be dam tired after a trip, let her rest and monitor 2 days later, you should let her mind settle back after the trip."

Mind.. I did everything right in the relationship and show ZERO signs of worries, paranoid, desperation. And in my mind, still thinks that I'm going to lose her and DJ stuffs are not working well. A DJ friend verify my actions and say I was on the right action track but my inner game SUX.

Just for verification, i know my inner game SUX. Is it just the girl's attitude or issit just me?

Thanks pals,
Vel

Don't drop her. Just let her simmer for a week while you play with your "other toys", then if you still feel into her, call her up and invite her to spend some time with you.

I've got girls in my phone that I call and text every 10 days or so, asking them out on dates that I fully expect them to decline. I honestly don't give a f**k. Costs me nothing...30 seconds out of my day. Eventually, they'll be replaced with other prospects to the point where I just don't have time to make those calls any more.

Yeah, maybe she's probably not feeling you that much right now. But you don't KNOW for sure...maybe she's genuinely tired, or maybe she's playing the stupid chick "don't move too fast" game. OR, and this has happened, maybe she feels all tired and beat up and she DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SEE HER LIKE THAT....she wants to look GOOD for you. (This is very good for you!)

Point is, don't give a fvck. Just play as it's convenient to you to play...and in the meantime chase girls who know well enough what you have to offer that they're not gonna screw around.

What happens if she DOESN'T want to talk to you any more? Is that the end of the world? I don't think so. Until she proves herself to you (and not just by looking good!!!), she's just trim.

I think your feelings of paranoia are 100% normal here... I have certainly been in this boat you describe.

I wouldn't give up just yet. I would be seeing yellow flags at this time but not necessarily red ones, not yet.

What I would do is lay low don't call her for a while. If she calls you once, don't answer. If she calls you twice, answer and be cool but don't act like you really missed her and are dieing to talk to her. Also, don't mention getting together with her anytime soon.. Make her wonder what YOU did while she was out of town, and if YOU are no longer interested!

Yo Vel,



I wish I could tell you that you have NOTHING to worry about. I wish I could tell you that the DJ stuff works all the time. I wish I could tell you that your girl is as hot for you as you want her to be.

But I can't.

But I WILL tell you to STAY THE COURSE. You've posted enough on this board to where I'm pretty sure that you KNOW that the tactics and strategies that this site teaches are MOSTLY on target. But there are always exceptions to every rule.

What variables make up some of these exceptions? For starters, woman's age, maturity, interest level, and character type. I know you haven't known her for too long, but how would you categorize your girl's character so far?

I subscribe to the belief that all women generally fit into one of three personality categories. Is she a FREAK, a HO, or a GOOD GIRL. And if she's a mixture, then go by whatever her PRIMARY personality trait is.

So that you don't have to go look them up, here's a repost of the definitions:

Freak

A babe who is all about herself. She's all about experiencing anything NEW. She loves variety sexually, and otherwise. She gets bored quick. She's the type that flirts heavily with you to either actually fukk you or just to tease you. Yes, she can be an attention whorre. It just depends on HOW attracted to you she really is.

She's a thrill-seeker. She's likes the hunt. She likes a challenge. She' like a female Pick Up Artist. These types will even marry you for the thrill of it. But once the honeymoon is over, she get's bored. Then it's time for her to Fukk your next door neighbor. LOL


HO

She's the type that will withhold her "goods" in order to sellout to the highest bidder. HOs are roleplayers. They are always trying to "come up". They will assume ANY personality in order to get what the want from a man---whether it's money, status, provisions, or whatever.

The thing about HOs is that they can easily masquerade as Freaks or Good Girls, IF they know that's what YOU'RE looking for. So don't tell'em! Let a babe BE what she is, then decide whether or not you want to deal with her long term or not. Yeah, they're the babes who are with you for some specific REASON.

The killing part is that that reason isn't ALWAYS material. I know a woman who married a guy just so that her kids would have a certain kind of "hair texture"!...sick, I know. The biggest thing to remember about HOs is that they will always disregard many of the man's shortcomings as long as THEY can still continue to get the most IMPORTANT thing that they want from him.



Good Girl

She's the type of babe who wholeheartedly believes in the Disney Fairy Tale about Prince Charming. She's the type who will do ANYTHING for a guy as long as she feels she is IN LOVE. She's the type who comes the closest to actually loving you just for YOU. She's the marrying kind----wifey material.

One of her best characteristics is that She will assume the role of the Freak just to please you. And she will also work to subdue her HO-ish tendencies because she "LOVES" you. A Good Girl will gravitate towards an exclusive LTR faster than the rest because she sincerely FEELS that she's in love with you.

This is different from a HO in that HOs can be satisfied a little longer with "sharing" you just as long as they are getting their PRIMARY need met. These are the chicks who actually enjoy being some guy's mistress or Bytch on-the-side.

By the way, all women have a little "HO" in them. In fact, a married friend of mine told me that the base level is about 25%. LOL

Vel, if you can figure out what type of woman she is based on those three definitions, then you'll have a better idea of how concerned you should be about her going on that trip.

My advice to YOU, soldier is to watch her interest level like a hawk. I personally have a problem with how easily she can cancel dates with you, but MAKE her self available for kicking it with her friends. Not saying that ALL is lost, by any means. But just make sure you watch her azz from here on out.

Listen to your gut especially when it lines up with logic. The last thing you need is to become emotionally enslaved to the whims of a potentially flaky woman. And the price of maintaining your freedom is always ETERNAL vigilance.

Dating can be just like WAR, soldier. Finding a woman who has high interest in you, and finding ways to continuously keep her interested in you high is a FULL TIME mission. And as far as being paranoid is concerned, remember this:

"It's NOT paranoia if they REALLY ARE out to get you."




Watch your back...but March on in the same direction.

I'm going to monitor her interest from now. Mentally if she's not proving herself to be a LTR material, I'm going to use the FB mentality on her (though its hard initially as I am emotionally attached to her)

What I'm going to do now is to call up some numbers and arranging for some dates. Or hell, even talk on the phone with other chicks just to get my mind off her.

Its distressing.
Vel

DjVelvet said:

What I'm going to do now is to call up some numbers and arranging for some dates. Or hell, even talk on the phone with other chicks just to get my mind off her.

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Smartest thing you've typed in this whole thread.

It's not a "paranoid mentality" you're struggling against, it's this monogamy-as-goal mentality that's self-defeating. Stop it with this stupid LTR screening process - you sound like a woman - just enjoy (responsibly) as many women as you can comfortably date at the same time and 1, 2 or even 3 of them will rise to the top. You want a woman to beg YOU to become exclusive, not the other way around. When a guy puts an LTR on a pedestal, he'll take any woman willing to somewhat fill that role. By doing this you giveaway the frame to your LTR before you even meet her. This is called being pre-whipped.

I turned super paranoid today. really hurting now.. Probably the most hurting moment i ever had for this year... PLEASE bare with me Guys! and shoot me all comments.. It begins to affect my work and personal life and IT SUX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Laff as you like.. sigh.... I have been thinking all night and I have to let it out...

Definately I will go sarge for more numbers as that will be the only solution...

I just want to know what went wrong even if i did all the DJ stuffs correctly.


As my initial post to re-enhance everything,

Late week,
she's still all over me, and keep initiating dates on what to do and the movie we look forward to watching together. She called me and ask how i feel about her. I made her express her feelings to me First and she made very positive words and i recipocate with minimal positive expression..

She goes to bali with her close female friend, apparently called me mins before she flew and mentioned about meeting up on tues which i mentioned that i may not be free but will make plans again.. (For your info, our last date was near to 2 weeks ago, thus attraction may be lost...)

She came back.. I called her.. her tonality changed.. I take it as she's very tired after the trip.. She mentioned she's going home to sleep and can't meet up.. and will call me back when she reaches home yesterday..

From yesterday till now, she never even made a single call to me.. So i presumed, her interest has dropped. (For whatever reasons i really cannot figure it out...)

I am a cool DJ to her, ****y and funny, made her laugh, made her miss/like/hate (positively)/mixed feelings towards me. But, what happen?

Is she trying to play hard to get?

She met someone cool and much better? gaining validation while in Bali?

I know i shouldn't even think about it, but i SERIOUSLY cannot help it!

Had a serious talk with my DJ friend over the phone. And he thinks that I may have to change the mindset that she can no longer be of LTR quality and at most a FB status... He suggested me to set up another date with her via calling her tomorrow while testing her interest level thru her tonality, and if possible F-close her since i haven't done so.

But if her interest is low, F close is seriously not too possible and i may have tried too hard to achieve that which will deter me further.


However, if taken things at the face value. She just did not call me for a day only. Its no big deal. Last week her interest in me is rocket high.

Things change too fast. If I made AFC mistakes, i understand. But i did nothing wrong seriously.



The lucky thing is... I didn't call her frequently.. Thus, no resentment is built.. When she say she's tired, I was cool about it.. no pressure is given upon her.. in her eyes i'm aloof although in my heart i knew i was just acting to be a challenge.

Should i call her up tomorrow and set up a date? Or should I wait for a few more days? or others?

We had not seen one another near 2 weeks..


Sorry for the complaint.. but this site is the only place i trust to get the best help.

Vel.

Just to add. The last date we met. she asked me to be exclusive.. interest level is totally skyrocket.

Yo Vel,




If you can hold out, DON'T CALL HER. Instead, call other women. If you don't have any EQUALLY desireable women to call, then go out and find some RIGHT NOW. Doesn't matter where you are, get some more chicks either in your sights or on your phone----ASAP!

Each moment you spend sitting on your hands makes your mind idle. That's why you're stuck on thinking about this girl. We've ALL been there. Don't give her the satisfaction of rejecting you while you're CURRENTLY at this weak point.

As a guy who has very SPECIFIC tastes in women, it's difficult for me to spin plates with the kind of ease that some are able to. But nevertheless, I STILL spin plates because I know I MUST. I have to make a concerted effort to go out and find the kind of chicks that turn me on. But it's an effort that I force myself to make by jerking the slack out of my own AZZ.lol

I suggest you do the same...RIGHT NOW.

Why? Well, here's some motivation: Ask yourself:

If I could easily go out and get 10 more Babes JUST AS attractive, how long would I really put up with the way THIS Babe is acting?


Oh, and another thing Soldier, NEVER apologize for asking for help. MOST of us on here have times where we need input from people who've ALREADY been in the situation we're currently going through.

And unfortunately, I'm a little concerned that you haven't F-closed this girl since you've been going out with her for 2 months. I've found that most of the time, if I've F-closed a girl, I have more leverage when it comes to maintaining her interest level. And to the contrary, if I haven't F-closed her, my chances of holding on to her have not been as good.

Although in this twisted age where, for MANY, fukking friends and friends with benefits are swiftly becoming the preferred relationship norm, I recognize that sex alone DOESN'T guarrantee a woman's interest in you will be high. But what F-closing DOES do is give you a chance to make an impression on a babe (and IN her. lol) that DEFINITELY can't be confused as just being her "friend".

Nevertheless, I still say that you should use this nervous energy as fuel to go out and meet babes JUST AS, or MORE attractive as this current one. That way, when and if you do make contact with her again, you'll be interacting with her from a position of strength, Solder-----not weakness.




Carry on.

Victory Unlimited said:

Yo Vel,




If you can hold out, DON'T CALL HER. .

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In fact, i have not been rejected by her. But if i can foresee, the period may be soon. A friend mentioned that i may be too aloof, but i did a share of the contacting portion. In fact in my whole life, i have not tried not contacting girls in this same position. Its time to try it out.

Victory Unlimited said:

Instead, call other women. If you don't have any EQUALLY desireable women to call, then go out and find some RIGHT NOW. Doesn't matter where you are, get some more chicks either in your sights or on your phone----ASAP!
.

Click to expand...

I will be doing it tomorrow, going on a rampage in my local club. Although i have no mood for that, I will FORCE myself to do so.

Victory Unlimited said:

Each moment you spend sitting on your hands makes your mind idle. That's why you're stuck on thinking about this girl. We've ALL been there. Don't give her the satisfaction of rejecting you while you're CURRENTLY at this weak point. .

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I agree, by contacting her now at this weak state. I will be extremely vulnerable in falling back to my AFC approaches and supplicating.

Victory Unlimited said:

And unfortunately, I'm a little concerned that you haven't F-closed this girl since you've been going out with her for 2 months. I've found that most of the time, if I've F-closed a girl, I have more leverage when it comes to maintaining her interest level. And to the contrary, if I haven't F-closed her, my chances of holding on to her have not been as good.

Although in this twisted age where, for MANY, fukking friends and friends with benefits are swiftly becoming the preferred relationship norm, I recognize that sex alone DOESN'T guarrantee a woman's interest in you will be high. But what F-closing DOES do is give you a chance to make an impression on a babe (and IN her. lol) that DEFINITELY can't be confused as just being her "friend". .

Click to expand...

I regretted not F-closing her when i had a chance during her skyrocketing interest level. If really given a chance, I will not ever lose it.

My concern is that. If she has lost a certain interest due to whatever reasons, will not contacting her maintain/raise the interest?

I may be afraid due to past experience, that i may TRY too hard to F close a damaged set (I don't know is it damaged in this case), i fall deeper into the abyss..


---------------------------------------

My main question.. In your opinion, has she lost interest (is this a damaged set)?? Or issit a test?

Thanks and best regards...
Vel

(Passing this stage in life is going to be another turning point)

Yo Vel,


It's hard to say whether she's a dead issue or not from the amount of info that she's given you to work with so far. But one thing IS for sure. And that is that her interest level has definitely fallen.

Do a search on the these boards for a thread called "Interest Level Scale". No, dealing with babes is not an EXACT science, but that thread was a real eye-opener for me.

Anyway, people like Doc Love (who I don't always agree with), DO have a point when they talk about how the question isn't necessarily just whether or not a babe is interested in you-----rather it's HOW interested in you IS she.

You're in danger here of doing something really stupid if you seek to engage the enemy (the babe) with the ammunition (mindset and number of other babe options) you presently have in your arsenal. You are too invested in this babe without her being as equally invested in you. This is yet ANOTHER paraphrased definition of ONEitis.

That's why you have to ACT NOW when it comes to hollering at other babes. You said you have someone lined up for tomorrow, which is EXCELLENT. But because tomorrow isn't here yet, and your mind is STILL preoccupied with this girl, I suggest you get off your computer NOW and still go meet some more girls.

Why? Because the number of viable targets (babes) you have in your sights, the less you will care if you miss one (the particular babe in question).

Go DO something my friend. Sitting around thinking about this chick WITHOUT taking immediate action towards other worthwhile goals (jobs, hobbies, and other less-flaky women) can paralyze you, or make you say or do something so stupid you could sabotage all the godd DJ work you've accomplished on her.



March on!

Rollo Tomassi said:

Smartest thing you've typed in this whole thread.

It's not a "paranoid mentality" you're struggling against, it's this monogamy-as-goal mentality that's self-defeating. Stop it with this stupid LTR screening process - you sound like a woman - just enjoy (responsibly) as many women as you can comfortably date at the same time and 1, 2 or even 3 of them will rise to the top. You want a woman to beg YOU to become exclusive, not the other way around. When a guy puts an LTR on a pedestal, he'll take any woman willing to somewhat fill that role. By doing this you giveaway the frame to your LTR before you even meet her. This is called being pre-whipped.

Click to expand...

LMAO... GOLD!
Well said Rollo... Props Man.