Taking her away from AFC boyfriend?

crotchrocket · Dec 21, 2004

Taking a girl away from an AFC boyfriend is harder than it should be, WHY?

A girl I have been out with a couple times has a boyfriend and from what I've seen, is the definition of AFC, yet she sticks with him!

On our first date, he called SIX f***in times in about a 6 hour period, and he had at that point (I found out through friends) had been dating her for about a month. Even though she kept blowing him off he waited for her and she ended up being 3 hours late for whatever he'd planned -she was in NO hurry to meet up with him (I wouldn't have known if he hadn't called-she still hasn't said a word about him to me).

During our last date, when I was dropping her off she invited me up, we ended up watching a movie, part way through she got a call from her boyfriend, and I'm assuming he gave her sh!t for being out with me because when she got off the phone, her 'friendly' attitude toward me had definitely changed.

I could go on and on about how AFC this guy is, and YES I know I'm wasting my time with her, I just want to know if I'm doing and being everything DJ, and he's doing and being everything AFC why is she still with him?

Unless, dare I say it, being AFC isn't as bad as we all make it out to be?

Desdinova · Dec 21, 2004

It's all based on a woman's emotion. She doesn't want to hurt him, nor does she want to deal with her emotions from this breakup, and will therefore drag out any kind of breakup with him.

crotchrocket · Dec 21, 2004

There is a repeating pattern going on with this girl; she will appease his jealous concerns and avoid me, then after awhile for what I assume, she'll realize he doesn't own her or her guilt will diminish enough, she will contact me, and then we'll date again a few times...and so the circle goes.

So... what's the solution? What makes girls in these situations leave the AFC guy? Which guy eventually wins out? Anybody have any experience in this? Any thoughts?

SpeedRunner · Dec 21, 2004

Had a similiar problem once before. Its impossible.

I know that 90% of the threads on here say "next her" without any real advice... but I gotta say it...

next her.

kel · Dec 21, 2004

It doesn't matter how strong your game is. Next her NOW. I got told to do that by EVERYONE on this forum a few months ago and ignored it. What happened? I got burned. You dont want to have to fight her for attention. You attracted her; you can attract others.

NEXT HER!

Rollo Tomassi · Dec 21, 2004

Relax,..

Just give him enough rope and let him hang himself. It'll happen.

Look for other prospective girls in the meantime and work them. Occasionally check back with her once in a while (assuming she still interests you) and be sure that everytime you do you drop hints about what you've done with regards toward achieving your goals since the last time you saw her. Display the confidence and maturity that this guy obviously isn't. You want to leave her with the impression that you are older and more mature than he is. Take mental notes of what she says about him. If this process takes more time than it's worth be sure to keep that in perspective too. Other women may return your investment better than she's actually capable of. And always compare her potential intimacy against the investment cost.

crotchrocket · Dec 21, 2004

I've been going back and forth on it for awhile now, and just about ended it before our last outing. She was going to call me by now, but I think her convo with him put an end to that idea, for now, but guaranteed she will call me in a week or two.

We have mutual friends so whatever I do I can't do it rudely, but I know I do need to do something and do it decisively because some of the other prospective chics (in this same circle) are interested but I think out of 'gender loyalty' have been holding back, assuming this girl has a claim on me. These other three girls will no doubt hear or at least see how it all turns out. I'm am willing and able to end it, no problem but its the whole Social Proof thing here that could bite me in the a$$ if I'm not careful.

So any suggestions, how to end it with her? Or at least for now (without burning that bridge) show the others she has no claim on me?

Lysol · Dec 21, 2004

personally, i would move on in that situation. on the other side of things, they have only been seeing each other for a month. she is probably going on these dates with you to see what you are like, while keeping her boyfriend around as backup. she might be one of those 'hate to be alone' need a boyfriend at all times types.

diplomatic_lie · Dec 21, 2004

Just make sure her boyfriend isn't one of those psychos, like those 3 poor boys who got killed found out.

Trance · Dec 21, 2004

This is the best advice you'll ever get.

Start making some sort of climate. Then just put your arms around her waist, being very close to her and tell her something like:

- "You know, i dont know what you see in him, but i know what you see in me. I really like you, now its up to us.."

- "You know, i like you... You know in your head what you have with him, and what you really want. Do you want to be just confortable, or have the time of your life? (pause a bit) I want to feel your pretty lips.."

I thing you got the picture. The thing is to REALLY make a move, and she'll be really in doubt on what she really has and wants. Look her deep in her eyes while saying something of this kind, and to her lips once or twice.
If you catch her a bit offguard, she wont know what to say, and she'll be very puzzled, even if she doesnt go along, she'll be thinking about you, and what she can get with you for a long time.

If you dont make a move, she'll just keep her boyfriend, cause he's safe.

BUT if you provide her a choice, THEN she'll jump right into you if you are really good.
Dont forget women dont leave a guy unless they already have another to jump to.

After making this move, dont contact her, wait for her to contact you, you'll be either nexting her, or getting her into you, problem solved anyway!

Ladiesssman · Dec 21, 2004

why even date a girl w/ a bf or hoping for her, even worse. Go find yourself a free single hot babe. You'll be happier.

You don't have to worry about the bf crap.

TillTheEndOfTime · Dec 22, 2004

Originally posted by crotchrocket
Taking a girl away from an AFC boyfriend is harder than it should be, WHY?

A girl I have been out with a couple times has a boyfriend and from what I've seen, is the definition of AFC, yet she sticks with him!

On our first date, he called SIX f***in times in about a 6 hour period, and he had at that point (I found out through friends) had been dating her for about a month. Even though she kept blowing him off he waited for her and she ended up being 3 hours late for whatever he'd planned -she was in NO hurry to meet up with him (I wouldn't have known if he hadn't called-she still hasn't said a word about him to me).

During our last date, when I was dropping her off she invited me up, we ended up watching a movie, part way through she got a call from her boyfriend, and I'm assuming he gave her sh!t for being out with me because when she got off the phone, her 'friendly' attitude toward me had definitely changed.

I could go on and on about how AFC this guy is, and YES I know I'm wasting my time with her, I just want to know if I'm doing and being everything DJ, and he's doing and being everything AFC why is she still with him?

Unless, dare I say it, being AFC isn't as bad as we all make it out to be?

So let me get this straight....you're jealous of a loser who lets a girl control him and step all over him?

crotchrocket · Dec 22, 2004

After much reflection, and all the various and conflicting opinions I've received (appreciate it all by the way) I've come to a conclusion!

I'm moving on, I'm not really sure what I was thinking all along, just got caught up in all the fun we were having. Anyway, I actually know quite a few single and available (decent to downright hot looking) women that have been showing me major buying signals, but I've been essentially c0ck-blocked by this pseudo-dating relationship.

I could likely get her to dump him if I put in the effort, but I'm not sure she's worth it, in fact I've never really put in more than a half-hearted effort toward her in the first place, which is strange for me, because usually when I see something I want I go after it 110%, oh well lesson learned.

One remaining detail here though, HOW DO I END IT WITH HER?, so she knows, and the c0ck-blocking this relationship is causing stops. I don't want to be sappy about it, nor do I want to be an a$$hole about it, just want it DONE! Any ideas?, she'll likely be calling me soon, I need to be prepared when she does!

Fenderules · Dec 22, 2004

just be honest and tell her its over....

in other words LJBF her..... she'll know

Fenderules · Dec 22, 2004

good call

yeah if you back away, then if she wants you bad enough she'll come after and and break it off with him

Craig Reeves · Dec 22, 2004

Y'know, this happens all the time. Guys who are like yourself see this as somewhat of a BAD thing, but you can actually see it as somewhat of a GOOD thing.

This girl is without a shadow of a doubt NOT interested in this guy, however she stays with him anyway. Y'see, a lot of women will stay with a guy until he has given her a "politically correct" reason to break it off with him - which he has given her none.

This girl does not want to hurt this poor guy's feelings because he LOVES her. How would that make her feel if she broke up with him? Her desire to not feel guilty is overriding the fact that she is not attracted to him because of his AFC behavior. She doesn't MIND being with him because she knows that she can control him. While she isn't attracted to him, she knows how horrible she will feel inside if she breaks up with him. This is the reason that a lot of women will continue to let their AFC ex-boyfriends hang out with them just so long as they "don't expect to get back with them". This happens all the time.

Kaine · Dec 22, 2004

How loyal is a girl who dates other guys while in a relationship?

Want to ditch her without been rude?

"You're really sweet, but I've been thinking I don't want to ruin our friendship if something should happen -------- LJBF"

No charge for this one

Kaine

crotchrocket · Dec 22, 2004

C.R. you're perception is correct! That's what baffles me, this girl is showing all the signs of MAJOR interest in me, yet out of some unexplainable loyalty to someone else she's torn. I can and actually have several times phoned her up, told her I was going to ... in two hours, asked if she wanted to come, she actually ditched her plans with, her girlfriends or her homework, you name it and came with me! Yah, women!

Anyway, Women seem to employ the LJBF with major effectiveness, so does it work equally well then, in reverse?

This whole time, we've both been good at pretending HE doesn't exist, she NEVER talked about him, she's made sure we never even came close to meeting... So if I LJBF her and then I really want to make my point should I then start admitting this other guy exists? My last convo with her could include, "...now that we're just friends, I'd like to meet... sometime" Would that be a good way to demonstrate I really don't give sh!t?

I'm open to anything!

check_mate_kid_uk · Dec 22, 2004

ok people, move out the way, make way for check mate kid for i shall reveal what it is you must do.

There is no reason to next her, and even if it does turn bad and you get 'burned' then you have not lost anything.

well its pretty simple waht you got to do, although my first thought was give him enough rope to hang himself just like was mentioned earlyer, i thought maybe he can let the guy catch him with her and get jelous, then i realised that this will not work because even if she breaks up with him, in the lag period between him trying to own her and her dumping him, she will stop all contact with you and it will not work.

so instead of trying to make the afc drive her away, or instead of just trying to make her like you more, drive her towards you.

cut contact off from her for a few days, no attention at all. Then talk to her again, tease her a lot this will make her want you more and keep playing ganji games with her (not giving her any attention) and soon she will want you badly.

she might not want to hurt this guy but if you are dating her it is because she wants you to steal her from this afc, now get loads of social proof ie other girls you are dating so that she knows you have lots of options just like she does. and if you ask her to be your girlfreind she will say yes out of fear of loosing you and will dump afc, i mean come on she is walking all over him meaning she has no respect for him so why would she want a relationship with him, she is just waiting for you to 'take out the trash'

christz · Dec 22, 2004

on the rare occasion sometimes, girls that NEED 100% control in a relationship and security knowing the fact that the guy she's with will never cheat on her, because he's so whipped

useing methods like these may drive her away, because she can't control you she can have you, but she can't control you. And girls who've expereinced there whole lives guys who have been massive AFC's will know of nothing but AFC.

so true your personality will shine through and she'll be attracted to you. But once she realizes man, he's got girls here girls there i can't really control him so if i did anything stupid i'm the one who would get burned. screw that. i've tried this on a girl i ganji'd her and made her come to me, eventully we were well on the way to pick up where we left off, but i was telling her about all my new experiences on other chicks ive seen.. needless to say jelousy came out and she reacted by distanceing herself further and pretty much ignoreing me.

kinda stupid but sometimes there are girls very few mind you but some girls like that.

Taking her away from AFC boyfriend?

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