Advice(advanced)needed - raising the girl's interest level by cutting off all contact

This thread deals with a girl I was dating. I need some advice on how to proceed with my last ditch effort to RAISE this girl's interest level. Basically, cutting off all contact with her is my last ditch effort. See the
Ganji thread to see how that works and where I got the idea from.
It would be nice if I could either restart our dating again or at the very least turn her into a hookup buddy.

To make a long story short, I was dating a girl last spring for a couple months. Her interest level at first was VERY high, borderline stalking. After I moved home from college in June it moved to a casual Long Distance Relationship (2 hrs). Back in August, she went back to school and FLAKED(excuses) on me a couple times for date offers. So I cut contact with her for 3 weeks. Then I went back to school in October for homecoming weekend and she was all over me again. Then a week later I tell her over email I want to start hanging out more often and she FLAKES on me again when she responds by saying "she doesnt want to get into anything right now etc." I respond and brush it off by saying that I wasn't interested in getting into anything either right now and that I was suprised she didnt want to hang out on a more regular basis again. That email exchange was about 2 weeks ago.

Fast forward to Sunday Nov 14 2004:
-5 days ago I once again cut all contact with her(Gangi). I hit the power button.
-This girl lives through AOL and checking people's away messages so I know it might drive her crazy when she doesn't know what I am doing.
-When we were dating 90% of the time we would talk through AIM instead of the phone.
-I took her and all her friends/acquantices off my buddy list - so she or anyone else is not able to check my away msges when I am online. They will have no idea I am online.
-Thursday, 2 days into cutting off all contact, I got a txt msg from her just making some random comment. I ignored it as she is use to me always responding to her calls, emails, instant msges etc.
-Its only a matter of time before she calls or texts me again. And this is where I need advice on how to proceed.

I was the first guy she went to 3rd base with (oral) back when we were hooking up, so I figure that there is some sort of an emotional connection on her part. She is still a virgin. But I figure she is probably hooking up with other guys right now b/c she thinks she has me wrapped around her finger and in her mind I have now taken a back seat while she goes to pursue other guys.

Now this chick is a very sweet innocent like girl and has never not returned a phone call, email, txt or anything to me before so this will come as a suprise to her. And I have always responded to her calls/msgs/etc. as well. I mean last week was my birthday and she even sent me a card... I have never had a girl do that to me.

My question deals with cutting off all CONACT with her and I see two possible scenarios to test her true interest level:

1) Continue to completely ignore her. Ignore her calls, do not return her calls, keep her blocked on AIM etc. basically I will ignore her until I eventually receive the desperate "I WANT you back call/email" then I can re start the relationship on my terms and have all the power back.

or

2) Continue to completely ignore her, except for when she calls. I can pick up the phone and am very good at being extremely C&F and keep the convo, short and sexual, and I will act aloof. I am very good at the "I dont give a fvuck attitude" on the phone. So basically, I will always be busy when she calls then end the convo after 1-2 min. and I will treat her like my bratty little sister on the phone - which is how I treated her when I first met her.

What do you think is the best approach?

Also, if she gives me the I want you back badly call/email(and yes I am fully aware that this may never happen) and I restart the relationship.. I am going to make her jump through hoops pretty much if she wants to start seeing me again. She is going to have to qualify to me big time. What is the best way to approach this? Advice?

Thanks in advance.

Well...

Ganji games are useful when the girl's interest level has waned but is in the 45-55% range. If it is below 50%, it will do no good no matter how well you play them. If it is above, and you do it properly, she will get red hot for you.

As for your scenarios, go for #2. If you do #1 you'll come across as uptight and vindictive. And if she does respond and start chasing you, then don't jump at the bait immediately. Make her squirm.

And don't get oneitis, and if you do, get rid of it.

BGMan

Agree with BG...don't step into the one-itis zone.

Rather than "playing or acting" aloof, be genuienly aloof.

Go out, date other women, focus on school, focus on work, focus on hitting the gym, focus on you, and most importantly...DATE OTHER WOMEN.

If you play senerio #2 and are GENUINELY pre-occupied with other women, SHE WILL FIND OUT EVENTUALLY...and when she does, you'll be of more value to her because other women will value you..

hmmm... I thought the purpose of gangji was to just dissapear and this means no contact whatsoever until you get the call/email from them wanting you back/wondering where you are/wanting to hang out?
If I do #1 I can just play it off as being busy. ??

This girl's IL has definently waned. I would guess to the 50% mark from 110% the first 5 weeks we dated.

So... keep her off my buddy list/blocked on AIM? Then when I call go for the C&F flirt/tease on the phone and keep it short? (Option 2)

Thoughts?

And yea I have oneitus for this chick pretty bad... I have been on this site for almost 3 years. This was the first chick that stuck around for more than 2 or 3 dates and to top it off I REALLY liked this one.
I mean I have hooked up with a couple girls this fall, but nothing big and none of them make me tingle like this one did. Yea oneitus I know..

How old is this chick bro...

I find the college chicks 19-23 are all f*cked in the head when it comes to IL. With the internet, AOL, myspace, friendster and a bunch of other 'hookup' sites...women's attention spans change from day to day with 100's of AFC guys kissing their asses dropping comments in message books and rating their pictures...

Young girls eat this sh*t up..and can explain her rollercoaster IL in you...when she see's you as just a text message of an AOL screen name..how can that envoke emotion in her? What needs to happen is that you have to play the ganji game in front of her..in her face..where she can see you, breathe you, smell you, literally ALMOST have you...yet BOOM...you cold shoulder her, then she'll start questioning her own attractiveness...and thats how the game is played.

Whether it be at a frat party, in a class at school, at the nightclub, for the ganji game to work...she must ACTUALLY SEE what she is missing. It would help if she saw you KINOing it up with other chics.

And bro...for ANY OF THIS TO WORK..YOU CANT BE AFRAID TO LOSE HER...and you CANT BE AFRAID TO BE ALONE.

She is 19, almost 20. I just turned 22.

She is the type of girl that has a lot of pathetic AFCs kissing her ass every single day. I know this, I saw it. I was the DJ, thats one of the reasons why I got her.

The fact that she wont be able to see me when I cut off all contact with her "might" make her wonder about what I am doing, thus she will initiate a call or something to me. Then I can C&F her like I described in Option #2 above.

This is my last ditch effort to raise her interest level. I want the power back, right now she has it cause she knows through repeated date offers that I am still interested. She thinks she has me in the bag for whenever she wants. And I would like to keep this chick at the very least as a hookup buddy, if not start dating again on a more consistent basis.

I know that no matter what fashion I ignore her, it is just a matter of time(could be weeks) before she calls me up and wants to hang out again. The question is: Should I just blow her off with an excuse/being busy? or just tell her "no thanks" ? or something else? How do I play the game from this point? I have never gotten this far.

On the real bro..the ganji game is a double edge sword. The reason you HAVE TO initiate it in person is that she has to ACTUALLY see that you are doing better w/o her.

Let me explain as a general statement and not the actual facts of your situation --

You called her once to kick it...she said no.
You waited three weeks later after she called you. You asked her to kick it..she said no.
You waited 3 months later after she dropped you an email saying 'I miss you'. You asked her to kick it..she said no.

Sooo...you stop all contact. She emails you, drops you text messages, calls you...but yet, you don't respond. You have the power right? WRONG!

In her head..she's thinking that "Man..I must have bruised Barbillus' ego from shooting him down so many times. What an AFC little boy. He gets hurt sooooo easily by me. I'm glad we didn't hook up after all."

All the while you're thinking that she's missing you and that you have the power.

That is why you have to qualify yourself IN HER FACE that other women find you attractive and that she is missing out..THE EVIDENCE IS IN HER FACE. Jealousy is one of the seeds that sprouts IL. Another being social proof.

If you can't SHOW HER...then you need to SHOW HER FRIENDS. Spread a little gossip. Use some smoke and mirrors. Become and illusionist. Quite honestly, this sounds like too much to invest in any one woman....drop the one-itis bro and find a better chic..but, if you must have her...there is my advice.

several edits -

I've been in this position before (I used to be a believer in all these avoidance games to raise interest levels), and I'll tell you now, raising her interest level at this point is a waste of time. Even if you raise it up, it will only be that way temporarily, before it goes back down again. And each time you bring it up and it goes down, it will be harder to bring it up the next time.

It's a waste of time, you're not clicking with her anymore, the relationship is not compatible, and you can't make it work. Break it off, and find someone else.

Originally posted by -HPNOTIQ-
On the real bro..the ganji game is a double edge sword. The reason you HAVE TO initiate it in person is that she has to ACTUALLY see that you are doing better w/o her.

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I agree with most of this. I usually practice this attitude. The thing is, when it's genuine and it works, you realize that you ACTUALLY ARE doing better without her.

Hypnotic has nailed it.

You will look like a little sulking b*tch if you just ignore her calls and delete all her friends from your contacts list. Girls use messenger stuff all the time just because they're bored and will shoot messages out of nowhere just to stroke their egos, it means nothing, if you're not available she'll just jump to another dude.

If you want to win her back then you need to radically flip the game on her head. She is playing you now and you're desparately trying to regain control by cutting off all contact but given that she's shot you down so many times, this isn't really you who's cutting off contact.

Here's what I suggest: You call her or email her or hook up with her, sit her down, and tell her that you've met a great girl that you've started dating and the new girl has expressed an interest in having a threesome. So you're asking this girl if she'd be up to that. Tell her she wouldn't have to go all the way but that you'd really think she'd enjoy "sharing a woman" with you, etc. Make it sound romantic.

If she freaks, she freaks, if she yells and screams, then all the better, if she sobs and accuses you of thinking she's a wh*re, wonderful. Just keep a calm cool manner during this.

She'll split and tell all her chick friends about it, and they will all be intreagued that you're arrogant enough to even think that you could just calmly ask for a threesome and that you must be hyper cool to have attracted a chick that's game for that. And as this chick cools down, she will become very eager to get you away from your "new" chick and into her arms.

As Juggler says, you are a wolf, either kill the sheep (seduce) or drive them away, it is humiliating to live in peace with them.

Similarly, it is humiliating for you to play these ignore games via messaging service.

Cesare Cardinali

I'm at a similar stage with a girl, she used to practically stalk me as well, her IL was sky high. Then I treated rather badly and ditched her, she got a new boyfriend for a few months.

Now she's a completely different person, far more attractive to me, I asked if she'd like to get back together but she said no.

I'm currently pursuing the same tactics as you, good luck with them. One thing that worked well for me was coincidently hooking up with her best friend, she admitted that made her want me back, that was a week ago and I think I might just have got her.

You've got a real problem here.

The problem is, you want something that she doesn't.

***
Then a week later I tell her over email I want to start hanging out more often and she FLAKES on me again when she responds by saying "she doesnt want to get into anything right now etc." I respond and brush it off by saying that I wasn't interested in getting into anything either right now and that I was suprised she didnt want to hang out on a more regular basis again. That email exchange was about 2 weeks ago.
***

She doesn't want anything more and she doesn't want to be tied down.

That's because she is not interested in you. you were her first "Fling" if you like - and now she's moved on to something else. You can guarantee that she's out there hooking up with other guys - and like any 19 yr old - is probably experiencing something of life - why the hell would she want to be tied down? Why the hell would you?

Instead of thinking about this logically - your thinking illogically.

You've got changed one bit.

So, even if she does hook up with you - it will be the same end result - because you'll put to much presure on her.

Instead of playing games - you should be living your life on your terms.

Forget the games.

Be the DJ - go out there and have a blast living your life. Don't worry about this chick - she may very well be gone for good - but there will be more.

Don't ignore her calls. Take them. But DO NOT pine to her over the phone. Don't ask her out EVER. Tell her about what your upto - tell her about your life.

I'm not saying you return all her calls - or pick up all her calls. But don't obsess over any of this.

And if you should hang with her again - just enjoy it for what it is. Have fun with it - but resist the urge to bring back your ONE-I-TIS - because that's exactly what you have for this girl.

Hmm Good points everyone. However all this advice I am getting is going against what I read in the Ganji thread about cutting off all contact... ??? I mean when I ignored her back in Octboer for 2 weeks or so, it drove her IL back up very high. But anyhow..as far as I am concerned, this girl has been NEXTed, but I do wanna try a last ditch effort.

What I don't get about this chick is how she had such high IL in me at first then I think it waned once she realized (through my actions) that I was comfortably attracted to her back. I mean I have done a lot of stuff with her, 20 dates in all about an every time she said yes until the last couple months. I mean she even invited me over to her parents house at one point for a SIT down dinner with her family! If that doesn't scream "I want a relationship with you Barbillus" then I dont know what does!

I sure have learned a lot from this girl about various experiences.

I know this girl still "likes" me, and yes you guys are probably right: she doesn't want a relationship right now. Neither do I really, but it would be nice and it would be nice if I could continue to hook up with her again and keep her as a hookup buddy. I mean when I went down to school a few weeks ago for homecoming, I did not let her know I was coming, but kept it in my AIM profile that I would be there. SHE ended up calling ME when I was down there to hang out. And I heard through the grapevine that she was upset that I did not let her know I was coming down.

But anyhow...

The last 15 or so times I called her to hang out since late Spring she said YES every time, until she started to lose interest in the last couple months when she started flaking on my date offers. I know she is going to call me up again at some point and want to hang out. When I was at school a few weeks ago we TENTATIVELY made plans for her to come to my house again for a few days over XMAS break. WHAT DO I SAY when she calls me about this to hang out either then or some other time? DO I SAY I am busy? ALready ahve plans? Or flat out just tell her "NO THANKS." I am trying to drive her interest back up here as a last ditch effort and I have never gotten this far in the "game" with a girl before.

Re:

Listen to me when I say this:

All girls, and I mean ALL girls, respond to the "ignorance" type of treatment. This however, does NOT mean, she wants anything physical or emotional, it merely means that she's "checking in."

Case-in-point:

A girl I'd taken to Hawaii and flown to Boston several times, split with me after ALOT of great times, that would be hard-pressed by any guy to best. A few months of non-contact on my part lead her back to me, but it was merely "hi" stuff.

You want the REAL DEAL?

Combine Ganji Games with your Own Self-Improvement and that MIGHT trigger a whirlwind of new chances. But that's it. If she's returning to the same guy, then you're shyt out of luck.

Ever since I was 17, I've "accumulated" old flames, girls who are friends or could become more if I wanted that. Just this past weekend, while playing Halo 2 with a buddy of mine, 8 of them called in a matter of 2 hours, all "wanting" something. Why is that?

Because I cut off contact with them and went about my own life. You have to let them know they mean nothing, can't impact your life, and move on. When they return, if they do, YOU WANT THEM ON YOUR TERMS. Playing excessive games that aren't on your terms gives them control. Over time, as you take control of your life and ignore all that's not important, a valuable woman, who respects you and what you can do will come to appreciate that. Only little girls will require games to feel fulfilled. Yes, there are HB's you can play them with, if that's what you enjoy, but I'd rather be golfing with friends, lifting, skydiving, or working on my business than "strategizing my next move with a woman."

There's only 24 hours in a day, and 365 days in a year, if you're wasting time trying to play a woman, you're losing time not spent on doing things moving yourself forward to get better women with less problems. True "catches", guys with the cars, the money, and the bodies, don't have to play the games, they're too busy conquering the world to worry about conquering something so impossible to conquer.

I honestly believe the only way they work is to cut off contact and IMPROVE yourself. Your body. Your mind. Your life. Your career. Everything. If she contacts you after a period of time, what "trigger" is there for her to do anything more than she has already done? Nothing.

Personally, I see games as a way the woman blatantly states "you have no inherent value, so I have to play games to GIVE you value." If she really FELT attraction and saw you as VALUABLE, would she need games to test that? Women KNOW when a man is valuable, and if she knows that, she'll do ANYTHING to prevent her "SISTERS" from getting you, as you are the prize to her eggs.

You place your own value on yourself, and playing games is using fake money to begin a transaction.

Bottom line:

Cut her out of your life and work on yourself. If you've made dramatic gains, set bigger goals. If you have to PERSUADE or CAJOLE anyone through any fake means, then they're not worth your time. All the other stuff about her you told us isn't "truth," it's reality in your mind. We don't KNOW what she thinks or feels, only by her actions do we knew her TRUE intentions, no matter how many spins you put on it. If she's not calling, and requesting your presence, or at least counter-offering, move on.


A-Unit

You have to let them know they mean nothing, can't impact your life, and move on. When they return, if they do, YOU WANT THEM ON YOUR TERMS. Playing excessive games that aren't on your terms gives them control. Over time, as you take control of your life and ignore all that's not important, a valuable woman, who respects you and what you can do will come to appreciate that. Only little girls will require games to feel fulfilled. Yes, there are HB's you can play them with, if that's what you enjoy, but I'd rather be golfing with friends, lifting, skydiving, or working on my business than "strategizing my next move with a woman."

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I agree with this! If a girl starts playing games, just walk away, end of story!

Disappear, and keep improving yourself/trying to achieve your goals. When she sees you again, she'll probably see what she's lost. Success is the best revenge!

Being vindictive is not a bad thing after all.

Re: Re:

Originally posted by A-Unit


You want the REAL DEAL?

Combine Ganji Games with your Own Self-Improvement and that MIGHT trigger a whirlwind of new chances. But that's it. If she's returning to the same guy, then you're shyt out of luck.

Click to expand...

BINGO!

that right there ganji + self improvement be it career wise, fitness based, mind set whatever...

you ACT (obvious really) like u dont want her, she doesnt mean nothing to you, you're the great 'catch', you are better than her

this is where your mindset needs changing you gotta think like that....

then after a while she'll contact you wonderin where you are etc..

what if you have improved someway???

considering her IL was 110% at the beginning (your words, not mine) then if she sees improvement this will create that attraction again she once had.....

IF AND YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO HOOK UP WITH OTHER CHICKS(considering the vast amount of invaluable info on this site)
if she can SEE this or HEAR about it,

she's yours

i once had this perfect situation although its hard to come by, i had a girl tell my ex (when i was AFC ect ect..she lost interest blah blah..). well i had this girl tellin my ex anything i wanted ( after 3 months, no contact)... 'oh you should see 1878 now... he's lookin FINE!.. all these girls he's got... i hear he's dating 3 and it could be 12 ... have you seen him lately??? he's lookin mighty fine etc ......and the chick tellin all this thought i'd date her coz she was doin as i said haha

so you get the point immediatley her interest level shot up...

so if she can SEE or HEAR positive things about you

simple...


she'll want you....

what others have... others want!

but then keeping her interest up is a whole different ball game, which we'll get into IF you play her right and get her interst level back..

you have the info use it wisely

i just hope she's worth it

Ok more good responses.. I apprecaite it guys. Thanks.

Here is the bottom line:

Its obvious I like this chick, but I am and I HAVE moved on. I HAVE started to hook up with other girls. I WILL continue to improve my life every day and just forget about her. If this girl came back, it would be a nice icing on the cake for my life and NOTHING MORE. Now lets put the above statement ASIDE and focus on the specifics of this girl

NOW... and ASSUMING I AM DOING THE ABOVE...

WHEN "she" comes crawling back to me, starts contacting me again, wants to hang out ETC. (WHICH I KNOW SHE WILL BASED ON HER PAST BEHAVIOR b/c SHE THINKS SHE HAS ME wrapped around her finger) what I NEED to know from all of you is HOW DO I PLAY IT FROM HERE WITH HER TO DRIVE HER INTEREST LEVEL BACK UP TO WHERE IT WAS before?

Driving her interest level back up to 110% like it was at first is MY FIRST GOAL with this PARTICULAR chick right now. My SECOND goal with this chick after accomplishing the first goal is to F-Close her which will 'ideally' create an even bigger emotional attachment to me and keep the interest level on her part above 100%.
Remember: I was the guy that she first had a MORE serious sexual experience with her. Before me she never went to 3rd base. Yes I know I made the mistake of not F-closing her sooner, but I knew she was a virgin and at the time(b/c I thought she would still be around 5 months from when we first started hooking up) thought it would be better to take it slower with her.

and to get into the specific of how to accomplish the above which have yet to be answered in a black and white manner:

1) Should I cut off ALL contact with her(GANGJI - no AIM, no calls etc) and continue to keep her in the dark about my life? (YES or NO) Why? Why not?
Note: If I go this route, she WILL find out about my successes in other parts of my life (career/dating other girls etc.) through 3rd party sources She will SEE and HEAR about positive things that I am doing... it just won't be from me b/c I will have GANJI'ed her.

2) If I dont go the FULL GANJI route of no contact, in what manner should I IGNORE her phone calls, emails, text messages when she starts sending them to me? (Ignore all of her attempts to contact me or just some of them?) Why? Why not? Note: I will IGNORE them until I receive the desperate "I WANT YOU BACK/I WANT TO SEE you email/call that the gangji method describes. If you think this is a bad idea, let me know and why. (Yes I know some of you have already answered this question) And if you think I should do some variation of "ignoring" please specifically let me know.

3) Some of you guys think going GANJI on her is a BAD idea, then when she DOES call me (which she will) to hang outhow do I play it with her to drive her interest level back up to 110%? Do I A) Reject her date offer by saying I am busy B) Just tell her "no thanks" C) Accept her date offer even though she has declined several of mine recently D) Something else?

4) If and WHEN she says she wants to start hanging out again... how do I RESTART the relationship on my terms? Or do I just let it flow naturally and see what happens?

Like I said above, my goal with this chick is to DRIVE her interest level back up and aside from improving my life, I need to know how to SPECIFICALLY play it from here with this chick and how to respond to her attempts to contact me, phone me, and set up a future date with me and I know she will do all of the above, its just a matter of when.

Cesare has some good suggestions, and they would work..... if you weren't so goddam gung ho on this woman! Returning fox scenarios are best done when you have no emotional investment in a woman and only want her for sex. By putting energy into a woman who you're emotionally blinded by, you're causing yourself a lot of frustration. All this wasted energy would be put much better to use on a couple of new women. You're going around in circles and not getting anywhere. Get your ass in a straight line.

(WHICH I KNOW SHE WILL BASED ON HER PAST BEHAVIOR b/c SHE THINKS SHE HAS ME wrapped around her finger)

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This had gotta be changed, she cant think she has you wrapped around her little finger... change it



1) Should I cut off ALL contact with her(GANGJI - no AIM, no calls etc) and continue to keep her in the dark about my life? (YES or NO) Why? Why not?
Note: If I go this route, she WILL find out about my successes in other parts of my life (career/dating other girls etc.) through 3rd party sources She will SEE and HEAR about positive things that I am doing... it just won't be from me b/c I will have GANJI'ed her.

Yes cut off all contact through AIM, No calls, keep her in the dark about your life..... Its better she hears about your new improvements from other people.... although it might be believble from you... it hits home far more when told by somebody else



2) If I dont go the FULL GANJI route of no contact, in what manner should I IGNORE her phone calls, emails, text messages when she starts sending them to me? (Ignore all of her attempts to contact me or just some of them?) Why? Why not? Note: I will IGNORE them until I receive the desperate "I WANT YOU BACK/I WANT TO SEE you email/call that the gangji method describes. If you think this is a bad idea, let me know and why. (Yes I know some of you have already answered this question) And if you think I should do some variation of "ignoring" please specifically let me know.


This is a tough one seens as i don't personaly know the girl... but i'd say ignore her calls well not all maybe a ratio of 5:1 for every 5 calls you answer one, dont answer text messages,.... if she calls and asks why just say you were busy and still are now so you'll phone her back later ( of course you don't phone her back) dont answer emails


3) Some of you guys think going GANJI on her is a BAD idea, then when she DOES call me (which she will) to hang outhow do I play it with her to drive her interest level back up to 110%? Do I A) Reject her date offer by saying I am busy B) Just tell her "no thanks" C) Accept her date offer even though she has declined several of mine recently D) Something else?


Better still tell her you have other plans maybe even another date!, maybe some other time tell her, dont stay on the phone longer than 30 secs 1 minute MAX always im a bit busy i'll call you soon (and it would be better still if you could really get another date)........ this will leave her wonderin what the **** is goin on? he turned down a date with me???..... i thought i had him wrapped around my finger ...im gonna have to work harder


4) If and WHEN she says she wants to start hanging out again... how do I RESTART the relationship on my terms? Or do I just let it flow naturally and see what happens?



It'd be best if you ganjied completly until the calls are stalker like then do what i said about answerin her calls when and what to say....then when her interst level is gettin outta control you call her up and YOU tell her where and when your goin on a date...you set the terms, the time, the places etc.. you take lead in everything.. dont' let her tell you what to do ... and IF she flakes you've gotta tell her what the **** she thinks she's playin at and WALK AWAY! just walk away....... then if she comes back its upto you man if you wanna carry on with this ****... balls in your court mate try what i said and it should work out... it worked for me! Also flake on her once in a while... keep that hoe on her toes...

good luck!