Girlfriend gaining weight - What to do?

AdamJ · Feb 23, 2014

Hey long term lurker, very infrequent poster as I've been in an LTR for the past few months.

When I first met my gf in the summer she was 116lbs. Tight body, firm ass, perky t*ts. Just a really nice physique all around.

In little over eight months she has put on more than 15lbs. She's about 5'4 so it's noticeable. Her face is more bloated, legs more filled out, her flat stomach has all but disappeared and there's is the definite beginnings of a double chin forming.

My gf is devoted to me and she's an awesome person but the weight is something I just can't get past, especially since I work quite hard on my own appearance in the gym and through diet.

I'd never cheat on my gf and I'd rather not dump her but it's kind of embarrassing since IMO your gf is a reflection of you as a man.

Peaks&Valleys · Feb 23, 2014

Yeah, I hear ya.

Do you live with her? If not, then stop seeing her as much, and either way, stop fvcking her. Even if she tries to blow you, well, maybe that....

If she doesn't get the hint, then break up with her.

Think of those professional cheerleaders or those chicks at the Olympics. Would any of them expect to gain 15 lbs and still be on the team?

asa_don · Feb 23, 2014

More cushion for the pushin' bro lol

Why is she gaining the weight? Is she eating too much crap? Is she depressed? Depression is usually a sign of weight gain. My ex packed on the pounds after we broke up 5 months ago. She looks terrible now imo she ate because she was depressed. Take her to the gym with you. Go out for walks or do some jogging, that should signal to her she needs to lose weight without actually telling her she got fat. Don't forget chicks can lose weight, but you don't want to lose a good girl by just dumping her. Get her some exercise, that should do the trick.

AdamJ · Feb 23, 2014

Peaks&Valleys said:
Yeah, I hear ya.

Do you live with her? If not, then stop seeing her as much, and stop fvcking her. Even if she tries to blow you, well, maybe that....

If she doesn't get the hint, then break up with her.

Think of those professional cheerleaders or those chicks at the Olympics. Would any of them expect to gain 15 lbs and still be on the team?

Cheers mate. It's so frustrating because otherwise she is a great girl.

She could be a little depressed. Her host Dad has like stage 4 cancer (she's an au pair) so doesn't have long left to live.

Also she's been on the pill since the new year.

I know I should be more supportive about the weight issue but sometimes I see recent pictures of her on facebook and just cringe. It's really bad.

I don't live with her and only see her once or twice a week as it is due to work commitments.

And I don't think I could with-hold sex since I don't watch porn and wouldn't cheat on her.

I'd rather she got the message that the weight gain was becoming a problem for the relationship.

That way if she doesn't do anything about it I can make a clean break with a clear conscience.

Peaks&Valleys · Feb 23, 2014

AdamJ said:
I'd rather she got the message that the weight gain was becoming a problem for the relationship.

That way if she doesn't do anything about it I can make a clean break with a clear conscience.

Clear conscience is good, I'm all about that. So....do what you gotta do. But, because of the reasons you stated above, the excuses you made for her....those are the same excuses that might be used later on for not breaking up with her. It could get to be this endless cycle: Her dad's dying---> Her dad dies---> She's in mourning--->You're the only man in her life--->1 year and 30 pounds later.....

You're a good man by putting yourself in her shoes and understanding what she's going through a rough time. But, no one's telling her she can't go to the gym. What happens 3 years down the road when there's another tragedy happening? Just sayin.

Hey, the gym's a good stress reliever....a way to get her mind off things...that may be a way to bring it up

Tread lightly though, of course...

RagingBalls · Feb 23, 2014

AdamJ said:
Hey long term lurker, very infrequent poster as I've been in an LTR for the past few months.

When I first met my gf in the summer she was 116lbs. Tight body, firm ass, perky t*ts. Just a really nice physique all around.

In little over eight months she has put on more than 15lbs. She's about 5'4 so it's noticeable. Her face is more bloated, legs more filled out, her flat stomach has all but disappeared and there's is the definite beginnings of a double chin forming.

My gf is devoted to me and she's an awesome person but the weight is something I just can't get past, especially since I work quite hard on my own appearance in the gym and through diet.

I'd never cheat on my gf and I'd rather not dump her but it's kind of embarrassing since IMO your gf is a reflection of you as a man.

Don't listen to those guys that you need to stop seeing her, or dump her just because she gained weight. Don Juan would come down to his throne and slap them in their face.

Talk to her as you are only concerned for her. If the roles were reversed and let's say *knock on wood*...you had an accident or whatever, and your woman leaves you just because she don't find you that appealing anymore. Hurts much isn't it brother?

I agree with you, don't cheat on her, or dump her.

El Payaso · Feb 23, 2014

5'4" and 130 pounds sounds beyond perfect to me. Please dump her so that another guy that appreciates her lovely weight can get to enjoy it.

Frogster · Feb 23, 2014

Steer the conversation towards what her ambitions are. Then tell her that you feel that people should take pride in all areas of their life. If they dont take pride in their appearance, then its a concern that the other areas of their life will suffer.

Then explain that the girl you're looking for is someone with ambition.

She'll take the hint.

But be warned. This also applies to you. You can't expect her to do something you're not willing to do.

AdamJ · Feb 23, 2014

Well I'm meeting her in about an hour so will update later tonight.

The plan is to tell her how much I care about her and that I enjoy her company, etc but that we've both noticed she's been gaining weight.

I will stress the fact that I like her but that the weight gain is a problem.

It can't be sugar coated (no pun intended). There needs to be no ambiguity.

Then I will go on to say that I am not forcing her to anything that she doesn't want to do but that it's still important for me to be with someone who cares about keeping healthy (code for staying slim).

If she reacts positively then I'll ask if she wants any help with staying fit and bring up some fun activities we could do together to show I'm on her side. Salsa dancing, jogging together. That kind of thing.

JoeMarron · Feb 23, 2014

AdamJ said:
Well I'm meeting her in about an hour so will update later tonight.

The plan is to tell her how much I care about her and that I enjoy her company, etc but that we've both noticed she's been gaining weight.

I will stress the fact that I like her but that the weight gain is a problem.

It can't be sugar coated (no pun intended). There needs to be no ambiguity.

Then I will go on to say that I am not forcing her to anything that she doesn't want to do but that it's still important for me to be with someone who cares about keeping healthy (code for staying slim).

If she reacts positively then I'll ask if she wants any help with staying fit and bring up some fun activities we could do together to show I'm on her side. Salsa dancing, jogging together. That kind of thing.

I don't agree with this approach, especially considering her dad's situation and the fact that she just went on birth control (which I am completely against btw, find something that doesn't fvck with her hormones). I'd take the subtle approach first; cooking healthy meals, working out with her, maybe even withdrawing a bit of sexual interest. If she doesn't get the hint then you can bang her over the head with it.

5'4" and 130 pounds sounds beyond perfect to me. Please dump her so that another guy that appreciates her lovely weight can get to enjoy it.

Haha this. To each his own though

abe0 · Feb 23, 2014

Don't forget to add a sign in the bedroom "no fat chicks"....Seriously, I think the best way is to do active activities, and eat healthy so that she gets the message. I would not do anything to punish her...but you could have a sensitive talk. She probably already feels bad enough as it is ...you do not need to add to that. Abe

Bokanovsky · Feb 23, 2014

First of all, don't listen to those who tell you that 5'4 130 lbs is "perfect". Only in America - the land of McDonalds and KFC - would that be considered a good weight to height ratio. Second, if she gained 15 lbs in the last 8 months, she will gain another 15 lbs in the next 8 months...and another 15 in the 8 months after that. This is how people get obese - they just let themselves go.

IMO, this is one of those situations where a no BS approach would work best. Tell her straight up that she's been gaining weight and needs to start exercising. Do it very matter of fact - don't try to sugarcoat it, send indirect hints or pretend you are concerned about her health. Will she get upset? Sure. But she will get over it.

VladPatton · Feb 23, 2014

Buy her pants 2 sizes too small. When they don't fit act surprised and address the issue.

Also, check this chart for reference (she does not seem fat):

http://www.healthchecksystems.com/heightweightchart.htm

AdamJ · Feb 23, 2014

VladPatton said:
Buy her pants 2 sizes too small. When they don't fit act surprised and address the issue.

Also, check this chart for reference (she does not seem fat):

http://www.healthchecksystems.com/heightweightchart.htm

She is not fat. She just went from smoking hot tight body to above average and I don't understand why she would want to except for the fact that she's getting complacent.

It's the trend which is worrying me.

I was firm - told her directly that she was gaining weight - but took the sensitive approach and she seemed to understand where I was coming from and said she was trying.

I brought up the idea of going jogging together which she seemed ok with and about taking salsa lessons together, which she was very enthusiastic about.

Her going off birth control isn't really an option since I hate condoms.

Jaylan · Feb 23, 2014

^Then you are not really serious about her getting her weight under control if you care more about condoms.

Btw, its stupid for a man to solely trust a woman with pregnancy prevention. Where the freaking condoms so she can get her hormones in check. Trust me, some women just dont do well on the pill. It fvks with their sex drive, or weight, or complexion, etc.

I mean think about if you had to deal with extra hormones screwing with your body?

Either way, handle your condom issue or end up being a father before you really want to. Dont fall for it bro. It takes one instance of baby fever, and a missed pill, and then your fvked.

mv.89 · Feb 24, 2014

Jaylan said:
^Then you are not really serious about her getting her weight under control if you care more about condoms.

Btw, its stupid for a man to solely trust a woman with pregnancy prevention. Where the freaking condoms so she can get her hormones in check. Trust me, some women just dont do well on the pill. It fvks with their sex drive, or weight, or complexion, etc.

I mean think about if you had to deal with extra hormones screwing with your body?

Either way, handle your condom issue or end up being a father before you really want to. Dont fall for it bro. It takes one instance of baby fever, and a missed pill, and then your fvked.

+1

Pills could do equal amount of harm as good on some people without even them realizing it.

Also, bro use a condom. I, understand she is your gf and you trust her and all but being good with a condom can yield dividends. For ex- one night stands rely mostly on condom lol

Man on Fire · Feb 24, 2014

Pills? Condoms? What happened to good ol' pull and pray? Or you could just insist on finishing with anal...I'm still child free.

JoeMarron · Feb 24, 2014

How are condoms pregnancy risk free? I'd rather they be on the pill than deal with the paranoia of "what if it broke"

For what its worth I've never had a condom break on me in my life but if you're paranoid condom + pull out = virtually no risk of pregnancy.

First of all, don't listen to those who tell you that 5'4 130 lbs is "perfect". Only in America - the land of McDonalds and KFC - would that be considered a good weight to height ratio. Second, if she gained 15 lbs in the last 8 months, she will gain another 15 lbs in the next 8 months...and another 15 in the 8 months after that. This is how people get obese - they just let themselves go.

Lol..I'll never understand some men's obsession with tiny chicks. You have a point though, 15 extra pounds can easily turn into 115 after awhile.

El Payaso · Feb 24, 2014

Bokanovsky said:
First of all, don't listen to those who tell you that 5'4 130 lbs is "perfect". Only in America - the land of McDonalds and KFC - would that be considered a good weight to height ratio. Second, if she gained 15 lbs in the last 8 months, she will gain another 15 lbs in the next 8 months...and another 15 in the 8 months after that. This is how people get obese - they just let themselves go.

Now you just proved how ignorant you are.

Healthy weight for women 5'4" according to medical research is 108 to 132 lbs. Here is a link: http://www.rush.edu/rumc/page-1108048103230.html

OP's girlfriend falls perfectly in that range and has a very healthy weight.

If you look at NHS weight to height ratio, OP's girlfriend still falls perfectly in the healthy range so your "only in America" argument falls flat on its face.

Never understood the fascination with bone stick chicks.

Jaylan · Feb 24, 2014

PairPlusRoyalFlush said:
How are condoms pregnancy risk free? I'd rather they be on the pill than deal with the paranoia of "what if it broke"

*sigh* smh

I really dont get how some of you miss the point of simple posts so often. I clearly told the OP that no man should leave it up to solely the woman when it comes to birth control. In what way did my post compare the efficacy of condoms vs the pill? What I said was all about a man being responsible for himself. Unless a man is very sure he would be ok with the woman hes sleeping with having his child, then he should be providing his own form of birth control.

Also, I mentioned that if he really wanted to help his girlfriend lose weight, he'd educate himself on how those hormone filled pills screw with a females body.

El Payaso said:
Now you just proved how ignorant you are.

Healthy weight for women 5'4" according to medical research is 108 to 132 lbs. Here is a link: http://www.rush.edu/rumc/page-1108048103230.html

OP's girlfriend falls perfectly in that range and has a very healthy weight.

If you look at NHS weight to height ratio, OP's girlfriend still falls perfectly in the healthy range so your "only in America" argument falls flat on its face.

Never understood the fascination with bone stick chicks.

Word.

http://www.mybodygallery.com/search...eight=59&pantSize=any&shirtSize=any&bodytype=

A good sight for seeing how different bodies can look at 5'4 130 lbs. Everyone carries weight differently.

Im 5'9 178 lbs and look like a slighty muscular but lean soccer player build. My buddy is 5'8 175 lbs and is built like Hugh Jackman was in the Xmen and Wolverine movies.

Girlfriend gaining weight - What to do?

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