FR: Finally landed myself a date after 2 months of straight flaking.

BeginningDJ said:

You are trying way too hard. You're shooting yourself in the foot and killing the attraction, man. These texts are blatantly trying to game her and she is seeing right past it. Injecting subtle game is good, but you are over-doing it, leading to the path of her previous male orbiters.

Click to expand...

Sarge, I am willing to be this girl has some serious psychological baggage in her basement. No offense, but I would have flat out rejected 1/3 of your texts even if they were coming from an HB in the top quartile of the distribution of looks. It just makes you sound awkward, which based on your videos, isn't your personality. Instead, it just AFCness screwing up your game. The AA competition will definitely put out there, bro. Give this girl the big Neeext!

-R

Hell, i'd keep passively trying. You've got other options so what do you have to loose if this one fawks up?

Alright, I know I'm going to get flamed to HELL by you guys for this update.

But I'm ready for it. Anyway, full disclosure.

I DO think that I am now in a good spot with this chick right now.

Quick Recap

She's 24, very shy and passive and just wouldn't open up to me, would always act uninterested even when she actually was very interested. Quiet and doesn't like bars/drinking. I find her very cute, but it's obvious she's not accustomed to male attention and shows not even a HINT of a feminine ego or princess mentality.

In January I cold approached her. We had a date the next Sunday, which went well and ended in us making out at my place. The next date was the following Sunday, in which I made some blunders by being too aggressive, very possibly making her think I'm a player/all I want her for is sex. (This was when I was down to just my boxers and she was still fully clothed). That was FIVE WEEKS ago, and I had not been able to get her on a date since.

Since Last Update

She just rejected another date like the 2nd or 3rd time, no counter-offer. Something felt off to me, though. Normally, this would ABSOLUTELY be a sign of zero interest, but something tells me something else is at play here, based on this girl's personality.

Valentine's Day

Please take it easy on me while you tear me a new @$$hole on this one. Or don't take it easy and let me have it.

So I'm a "good" guy in the sense that I really, really take pleasure in doing something nice for someone else. Example, I had not spoken to my best friend for over a week or so, but I knew there was something important in his life he was going to do on a certain date, so I got a fruit basket, traveled an hour to where he lives, and surprised him with it wishing him good luck. That's just how I am, I enjoy doing htose things.

Contrary to what you guys thought, I still believed that this girl liked me, and something else was holding her back from seeing me. I wanted to do something nice for her for Valentine's Day. Honestly, I didn't care if I did this for her and then never saw her again. I was completely prepared for that. I just had to, and if this act drove her away, then so be it. But I wanted it to be completely unexpected and go against the stupid fwcking cliche typical bullsh1t that most guys do.

On Valentine's Day I completely ignored her. I knew she was wondering about me, if I would do anything for V-Day, and when I apparently didn't, if I was spending it with someone else...I let the suspense and tension build and let her think the worst about me.

V-Day was a Thursday. Two days later, I had prepared a nice little package - a $3 bag of Ghiradelli chocolates and a cheap little flash drive containing a video of myself that I recorded. It's a pretty funny video tho, something that DEFINITELY caught her off guard. If anyone wants to see it pm me.

I put the contents in a small, plain cardboard box. No gift wrapping or other cliche bullsh1t. Then I got a single rose and taped it on top. Overall, it may have looked cheap, but it was my own damn work. ANYWAY Saturday morning I had somewhere to be at 10. I planned to drop it off at her place on my way there:

(texts)

Sat 2/16

8:00am Morrrrnin. Question: what's your address?
9:09 Hurrrry tell me I have to give you something or at least drop it off in your mailbox I don't want to bring it with me where I'm goin
10:05 Do you still want my address? Sorry I just woke up.
10:09 Ya what is it I'll come by after 3 if that's cool
10:15 That should be fine. It's [address]. Let me know when you're headed this way. I'll either meet you somewhere or I'll have to buzz you in.
11:47 Cool looks like I'll be getting done early I'll let you know
1:13 Be there in 45 min
1:15 Ok. Tell me when you're close and I'll meet you downstairs.
1:59 I'm outside ur building
2:00 Ok.

There I stood waiting for her in the air lock of her building, since the inner doors were locked. When she came down, she said I looked creepy standing there. I gave her a hug, quick kiss on the cheek, then gave her the package, saying "Look what I found on the way here." She softly thanked me. Then literally without another word, before we even had a chance to exchange a "hi", I told her I had to go and left. She gave me a quizzical look like "Are you serious?" Based on her body language, she was expecting me to come in and hang out for a bit, but I just turned and walked away.

*Believe it or not I would not do this sh1t for any girl, like the girl in my other thread, who seems to have that confident feminine ego. Girls like that do not need to get special sh1t like this from a guy like me who has only taken them on a couple dates, fwck that they already feel special on their own.*

Got a text from her later that day, first time she's EVER texted me first

4:49pm Just watched the video. Thanks for that. It was quite unexpected! Thanks for the chocolate and the rose too. That was very sweet of you.

I'm embarrassed to type my response but here it is:

9:02pm Awwwe haha you cutie you're so sincere
9:03 Just warning you I might dropp off the face of the earth for a week, I have a lot to do..but I'm gonna make some time for you when I get the chance
9:22 No problem.

Anyway by cutting contact with her for a while I hope to make it clear to her that I didn't do that to try to "buy points" with her or anything. Maybe I shouldn't have telegraphed that action though, as it kills the hamster. So I shot her one quick text on Tuesday just to let her know she was on my mind:

Tues 2/19

8:44pm Stay warm
8:50 Trying.

Back to silence for a few days, then:

Fri 2/22

12:08pm [her first name], I'm so disappointed in you.
12:09 You missed our wedding AGAIN
12:11 Damn. Well I didn't even know about this one! When was it?
12:12 I can't do this anymore. I'm breaking it off, and I'm taking the kids with me
12:15 Ok. Have fun with em.
12:15 Hahahhah. How are ya
12:17 I'm good. How are you?
12:17 Crunchy.
12:18 So not juicy?

(to me this is another subtle hint of her interest - she remembered a stupid little joke we had many, many weeks ago)

12:19 You know me all too well what are you up to tonight
12:20 I'm actually headed home for the weekend.
12:21 Awwwwe family time?
12:22 Yes. And friends.
12:23 Friends?!?!?!?! Never heard of that before
12:25 Yeah they're pretty cool. Maybe you could find some.

Now this next part I gotta admit I was really having a sh1tty couple days and was really emotional when I sent these. Going back I probably wouldn't have sent these, they'll be painful to read, but here goes...

12:29 Haha. Freckles I gotta be honest, you've been on my mind so much its quite distracting
12:33 Oh yeah?
12:34 Yeah truth here I miss you really bad
12:36 I'm sorry.

the next text I sent was just sort of retarded

12:38 But it would be bad if I saw you right now cuz I'd probably rape you
12:45 Well them I guess it's a good thing I'm a couple hundred miles away from you right now.
12:49 Guess I'll just rape my exam instead
12:49 Or my friends...
12:53 Let me know how that works out for ya.
12:58 You'll have to visit me in jail to find out
1:13pm I try not to associate myself with rapists so we'll have to see.
1:13 But I'm a cool rapist
1:15 I'll have to think about it.
1:41 Have fun this wkend [her first name] I'll talk to you soon

I go silent on her for 6 days. I'm back to a better state of mind. Based on her personality and what has happened on her dates, my hunch tells me that what's going on is she likes me but is afraid I'm a player/I'm fake and only want her for sex. Which couldn't be farther from the truth - everyone reading this obviously knows by now that I'm getting one-itis for this girl.

How to fix the problem? This is what I did...

Thursday 2/28
9:02am [I send her a picture I took the day before. It was a sign at a gas station.] The sign said happy 10th birthday [her first name]! The car was in my way though
9:06 Well they were off a few years but it was my birthday yesterday.
9:08 Awww really? I took that pic yesterday while visiting my parents! Damn wish I could have said happy birthday to you in person
9:12 Yep.
9:24 [I send her another picture that is related to a little joke we had on our second date.] I also took this picture a few days ago. Would have made a perfect gift
9:54 You know me so well.
10:09 Freckles I actually know so little about you though ):
11:51 That's true.
2:11 Did you get anything nice for your bday?
2:22 I got to see my friends and some of my family. That was pretty nice.
2:31 You selfless boob. Its been way too long since I've seen you let's grab breakfast I don't care if its only for like 30 min
2:34 I'll have the kids.

(she nannys)

So what now? Obviously I really put myself on the line there and she shut me down bluntly. I seriously considered just not responding and never contacting her again.



Instead, I kept my cool.

2:37 Perfect I love kids
2:37 When?
2:38 Saturday. Gonna have to make you get up early tho ): cuz I gotta be somewhere at 10
2:41 That'll work.
2:42 Yes!
2:42 And I won't have kids.
2:43 Its ok we'll make some

The Date

So, Saturday morning we've made plans for me to meet her at her place at 8:30. I show up 8 minutes early and she's already ready.

She smiles when she sees me and genuinely seems happy to see me, unlike the previous times we've met up.

We walk 15 min to this little country-style breakfast grill and have a nice meal there. I sit down next to her of course, instead of across from her, and most of the time I have my arm around the back of her chair, grazing her back sometimes.

My game was at its TOP verbally, which is weird cuz I only slept like 4 hours the previous night. This girl is NOT the girl who will laugh at everything you say even if it's a fwcking stupid joke - in fact, she laughs very rarely. I can tell that I'm showing her a good time though, making the conversation run smoothly, lightly teasing her here and there and using my bedroom voice but not overtly flirting at all.

What amazes me is that she actually started opening up to me. One of SimplePickup's recent Project Go videos went into how, with shy girls, you need to be easy to talk to, so I tried to do just that. I got to have a little background on her life and know some things about her - which made me realize another reason why she might have considered me a player - I hadn't qualified her enough early on before getting physical. This probably caused her to feel buyers' remorse after we made out so heavily, including me biting her.

She also started asking me questions about myself, which she didn't do much of before. She asked me a question about my hometown, even though the only time I had ever mentioned where I grew up was on our first date, ALMOST TWO MONTHS AGO.

Also, she mentioned that her 13 year old relative was staying for the weekend and wanted to tag along with me and her for breakfast, and she told her NO lol. The sign of interest here is that she was excited enough about our breakfast that she told the little girl about it.

Interesting Stuff

I also learned some important things about her past - she grew up in a REALLY small town. Her high school was smaller than my middle school, about the size of my elementary school actually, with only about 60 people in her graduating class. I made a comment about that small size making it hard to find high school love...she shrugged it off.

Everything about her leads me to believe she's a traditional, reserved girl who has had very little experience with guys for a 24 year old. First off, MOST IMPORTANTLY, is the fact that she so persistently projects disinterest - seriously, I'd imagine SO MANY guys she could have gone out with probably gave up on her thinking she didn't like them. Second off, the whole history of her lifestyle just is not conducive to meeting a lot of guys. Her hometown had a population of about 3,000. She went to a small college close to her home. Maybe she had a boyfriend or two there and some hookups but nothing too crazy. She moved to Chicago a couple years ago to nanny, and based on how her lifestyle is here I simply can't imagine her dating anyone - no social circle, no opportunities to go out since she has to stay home, and hell how many guys out there have the balls to cold approach? Very close to zero.

Anyway, we grabbed breakfast, I paid no question or any other mention about that, and I started walking her back. I really did have to be somewhere at 10, so I didn't have time to walk her all the way home. When it was time to split, I just gave her a real tight hug. Then, I pulled down her hood so I could admire her awesome hair again, she clearly was waiting for me to kiss her, and I made sure NOT to kiss her. Would have been totally pointless to kiss her. We've already made out so I'm definitely not in danger of the friend zone, and the only thing that kissing her would have done is kill the tension that I'm building up here. Instead, I gave her the biggest kiss on the cheek I could, then another tight squeeze. Left it at that and parted ways.

NEXT STEPS

So, I've obviously done TONS of beta/nice guy behavior here. Some of it was necessary to dispel her "player" concerns, some of it was NOT necessary and was just me losing my grip on myself.

Now what I need to do is NOT contact her for 5 days or so. First, I need to show that me treating her was NOT just a way for me to buy another chance at sex with her. I've already shown her that I like her and care about her, so not contacting her for 5 days can only mean that I have a busy, fulfilling life, NOT that I'm a player. Of course, she'll harbor the idea that maybe I'm spending that time with other chicks - but she has to BELIEVE that I'm not trying pump and dump her. Which obviously I'm not, I like her.

Our next date should be awesome. I know she'll be looking forward to it and having a kick@$$ time.

Sage, I'm really pulling for you man, really.
But fvck me, you are investing a lot of time, game and analysis on a broad who is displaying lukewarm interest......at best!
I commend you on your tenacity and determination but I reckon you're sinking.
She doesn't offer to reschedule when she's busy nannying, you seem to be the one pushing all the communication and - here's the clincher - you're creating excuses for her clear lack of interest.
She got physical with you early and now is pulling way back.
My theory is that she's a super nice girl who doesn't want to break the heart of a really nice guy she has absolutely no desire to sleep with.

I feel like a cvnt for typing this because I know how excited you are about her. Godspeed mate and hopefully everything works out.
You've come this far, you may as well play it out to the bitter (or sweet) end.

^I appreciate it.

Anyway, I just landed a date with her Friday night :cheer: don't feel like typing the text convo, even though it was a pretty good one. If anyone wants to see it I'll type it out.

this thread is full of great advice...
.... perhaps you get away with some of your AFCness because she's the quiet type and from a small town...

but good job sarging and getting this far

sageproduct said:

So, Saturday morning we've made plans for me to meet her at her place at 8:30. I show up 8 minutes early and she's already ready.

She smiles when she sees me and genuinely seems happy to see me, unlike the previous times we've met up.

We walk 15 min to this little country-style breakfast grill and have a nice meal there. I sit down next to her of course, instead of across from her, and most of the time I have my arm around the back of her chair, grazing her back sometimes.

My game was at its TOP verbally, which is weird cuz I only slept like 4 hours the previous night. This girl is NOT the girl who will laugh at everything you say even if it's a fwcking stupid joke - in fact, she laughs very rarely. I can tell that I'm showing her a good time though, making the conversation run smoothly, lightly teasing her here and there and using my bedroom voice but not overtly flirting at all.

What amazes me is that she actually started opening up to me. One of SimplePickup's recent Project Go videos went into how, with shy girls, you need to be easy to talk to, so I tried to do just that. I got to have a little background on her life and know some things about her - which made me realize another reason why she might have considered me a player - I hadn't qualified her enough early on before getting physical. This probably caused her to feel buyers' remorse after we made out so heavily, including me biting her.

She also started asking me questions about myself, which she didn't do much of before. She asked me a question about my hometown, even though the only time I had ever mentioned where I grew up was on our first date, ALMOST TWO MONTHS AGO.

Also, she mentioned that her 13 year old relative was staying for the weekend and wanted to tag along with me and her for breakfast, and she told her NO lol. The sign of interest here is that she was excited enough about our breakfast that she told the little girl about it.

Interesting Stuff

I also learned some important things about her past - she grew up in a REALLY small town. Her high school was smaller than my middle school, about the size of my elementary school actually, with only about 60 people in her graduating class. I made a comment about that small size making it hard to find high school love...she shrugged it off.

Everything about her leads me to believe she's a traditional, reserved girl who has had very little experience with guys for a 24 year old. First off, MOST IMPORTANTLY, is the fact that she so persistently projects disinterest - seriously, I'd imagine SO MANY guys she could have gone out with probably gave up on her thinking she didn't like them. Second off, the whole history of her lifestyle just is not conducive to meeting a lot of guys. Her hometown had a population of about 3,000. She went to a small college close to her home. Maybe she had a boyfriend or two there and some hookups but nothing too crazy. She moved to Chicago a couple years ago to nanny, and based on how her lifestyle is here I simply can't imagine her dating anyone - no social circle, no opportunities to go out since she has to stay home, and hell how many guys out there have the balls to cold approach? Very close to zero.

Anyway, we grabbed breakfast, I paid no question or any other mention about that, and I started walking her back. I really did have to be somewhere at 10, so I didn't have time to walk her all the way home. When it was time to split, I just gave her a real tight hug. Then, I pulled down her hood so I could admire her awesome hair again, she clearly was waiting for me to kiss her, and I made sure NOT to kiss her. Would have been totally pointless to kiss her. We've already made out so I'm definitely not in danger of the friend zone, and the only thing that kissing her would have done is kill the tension that I'm building up here. Instead, I gave her the biggest kiss on the cheek I could, then another tight squeeze. Left it at that and parted ways.

NEXT STEPS

So, I've obviously done TONS of beta/nice guy behavior here. Some of it was necessary to dispel her "player" concerns, some of it was NOT necessary and was just me losing my grip on myself.

Now what I need to do is NOT contact her for 5 days or so. First, I need to show that me treating her was NOT just a way for me to buy another chance at sex with her. I've already shown her that I like her and care about her, so not contacting her for 5 days can only mean that I have a busy, fulfilling life, NOT that I'm a player. Of course, she'll harbor the idea that maybe I'm spending that time with other chicks - but she has to BELIEVE that I'm not trying pump and dump her. Which obviously I'm not, I like her.

Our next date should be awesome. I know she'll be looking forward to it and having a kick@$$ time.

Click to expand...

HOLY CRAP....don't take this personally man, but trust me she NEVER thought you were a player......you give off the complete opposite vibe of a player....and never ever make a girl a gift when you have only been on a few dates with her....i have never given my on and off again GF of 3 years one gift and she gives me many....

And your texts....they are awful...just awful...and her replies are always 2 times shorter than your's and she never asks a question...you are always trying to compensate your neediness with wit and humor...i can see through it from a mile away and that means women can see through it from 10 miles away...stop trying to be so damn funny all the time....and the rape thing...wow never go there again.....

The fact that she said you looked creepy when you were waiting for her tells me what at that moment how she views you...an interested woman never says stuff like that and truth is you do come off as creepy......once again...nothing personal man. You made yourself look like an overly nice guy though with the gift and it was good that you jetted off right after you called you creepy....but overall, you don't have much power in this situation....and if it does work out, i doubt you will ever have any frame with her...but good luck.

Just in the future, DON'T text so much....and be more straight forward instead of this constant witty/gaming crap.....it just reeks of compensating for something...also never ever send gifts to someone you just met and don't know that well....in all honesty, you have no clue about what kind of person she really is and if she is deserving of anything...

Also, last but certainly not least.....don't be scared of looking like a player because women are smart and they can see through all of your beta actions...no one thinks you are a player...and it's a good thing if they do think you are a player because deep down they are challenged by that and they will want to "tame" you....but rest assured, no one thinks you are a player. Your words and actions scream otherwise. And it's never bad to be too sexual with a girl....as long as it's supplemented with sincere convo and not just witty meaningless gaming nonsense that you like to throw out so often.

Sageproduct did very good, sent a box of chocolates and a flash drive on Valentine's Day to his sweetheart

Sarge,

I finally have realized what it is about you that somewhat gets under my skin.. nothing personal you haven't done anything but something about you and the way you are going about your dating life just kinda stood out to me and reading that last post i see exactly what it is now.

you are my ex business partner. to the ****ing letter.

Because Id ont' want you to become what my old business parnter became listen to what im' about to say; stop ****ing thinking so much. This.. this right here, is your problem. You can't cut it off. this is extremely, extremely unattractive to women and frankly the only women you will end up attracting are ones that see you are broke but want to try to fix you.

Look, you can be intelligent and manly. YOu can be smart and not over analytical about everything with women. they don't go hand and hand. When I'm at work I'm analytical. When I'm dealing with my wife or any woman i was dating I don't analyze ****.

when you think as much as you do you come off as robtonic. and that's not attractive. a man's looks draws them in but a man's personality is what melts their hearts, and you are so overcritical that you have no personality.

if you went sarging with me the first thing you would notice besides my devilishly handsome face lol is that I have a very distinct personality. Give a woman's something to fall for. Stop thinking. altogether. just stop. just go on the date, stop worrying about where you're arm is, stop sending texts and trying to say the just right thing to get her to open up. Just go out and be YOU.

Lol never realized I was getting under your skin.

Was this the same business partner who hired some chick JUST cuz he wanted to bone her, a move that cost him thousands a year? I sure hope not :nervous:

MisterAFC said:

Sageproduct did very good, sent a box of chocolates and a flash drive on Valentine's Day to his sweetheart

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HEY, don't make fun of me

sageproduct said:

Lol never realized I was getting under your skin.

Was this the same business partner who hired some chick JUST cuz he wanted to bone her, a move that cost him thousands a year? I sure hope not :nervous:


HEY, don't make fun of me

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under my skin was a very bad choice of words, you are a cool cat. i just meant that something about your behavior stuck out to me and that's it.


lol yeah that guy. he also took her to France, Germany and Italy (on the same vacation), and i had to once go get him out of in front of her house beucase he was stalking her and she was scared. that guy.

i don't mean that part just the robot part. he was a cool dude when he wanted to be. but he was so "fake" beucase he tried way too hard. if he acted around girls like he acted around me he'd be fine but he gets around girls and just starts thinking way too hard. and he's a very good looking dude one of the only dudes that i wills ay damn that dude looks better than me lol. and it just killed him that i pulled tail and he couldn't.

backbreaker said:

he was a cool dude when he wanted to be. but he was so "fake" beucase he tried way too hard. if he acted around girls like he acted around me he'd be fine but he gets around girls and just starts thinking way too hard.

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Hmmm. DEFINITELY me 3 years ago when I first came across this site and started reading about negs, DHV, push-pull, and all that jazz lol. Painful memories. And in my first 2 years after discovering this site, I learned jack sh1t. I'd say it hampered my progress, actually. It wasn't until I started cold approaching in bulk this time last year that I actually started learning some game and developing my personality.

I can assure you I don't behave that way in person around girls anymore. Direct cold approaches healed me by showing the power of being honest, genuine, and a normal human being with guts.

I may indeed be guilty of it at times when I'm left by myself to stew, then my mind runs all over the place..but I do have to say that part of what is perceived by you is just a function of how I write and my attention to details. When I make a post, it almost always turns out 3x longer than I had expected it to be. I have a good memory in general, and I simply can't help but to just unload everything I remember. Often when I post here it's a good way for me to dump stuff off my mind so that I don't think about it for a while.

She just left my place

sageproduct said:

She just left my place

Click to expand...

You hit???

Took her bowling then back to my place. Still no shirt coming off. Don't really feel like typing long, detailed FR's like I used to

*as he slowly realizes that the amount of effort he's putting in is way too high for his interest level in this girl*

when i was younger, as in like, first really getting into this **** in my early 20's mjy mindset was like "is she or is she not interested"

as i got more experience it became "is the amount of work it's gonna take to get where i want worth the effort"


there are some girls i'd date I knew would like me but just were too much effort for not enough results. by results i don't even per sa mean ****ing just women who read too many damn cosmo magazines and over play their hand, "don't go 5 dates without going over his house first/showing affection/blowing him"

after date 1 i should be here

after date 2 i should be about here

after date 3 i should be about here

at date 3 if i'm not about where i think i should be i really don't care if she likes me or not.


like you go on a great, GREAT date and then the next day it's like she went online and read a magizine and read "oh girl you can't show too much effection so now play hard to get for a week" and now she's acting like she didnt' have a great time, i got better **** to do i really do.

Well...I owe you guys an update

I love this chick. Been going on dates with her on a steady pace of once a week. Last weekend (the weekend before Easter weekend), I took her to Dave & Buster's on Friday, then back to my place. Two days later, on Sunday, I had her come over to help paint my wall with me. Then we hung out, heated some food, failed miserably at longboarding, swung on the swingset of a nearby playground, watched some movies. Best day ever. At one point I turned off all the lights at my apartment, lit some candles, played some smooth jazz, and we shamelessly had our own little dance. Then for like an hour we just sat on the couch listening to the music and talking a little here and there, with her curled up sideways on my lap.

We've been on 7-8 dates total now, over the course of almost 3 months. THIS IS BY FAR THE MOST DATES AND THE LONGEST I'VE GONE OUT WITH ANY ONE GIRL. (pretty sad huh)

As horny as she gets (she always presses her crotch up at me really hard when we make out), she doesn't let me do anything. Only the most recent time did she let me even take her shirt off.

This girl is soooooooo quiet, passive, and shy, even MORE so than I first thought. Even now, after spending a reasonable amount of time together, when we're together it's still me doing 80-90% of the talking. She's one of those shy people who, when you ask them a question, they'll take 5 seconds to think of their answer, review it, and then say it quietly. She still speaks very quietly and from the side without making eye contact with me.

Quiet as she is, I can see that she's not a meek person in the slightest - she's a redhead and definitely has that very passionate, intense side. When we're in private she'll be kind of sarcastic with me sometimes.



For all the talk of feminism on the board, She's definitely traditionally minded. I was joking around with her about us getting married and making half-asian babies...then I asked her, "Who would take care of the kids?" Her answer: "I would."



We're heading to exclusive territory. I want it to happen. I did get a cold approach number yesterday though, from another girl who seems shy, who just texted me back today. Gotta give this other girl a shot and see just how bad my one-itis is.

BETWEEN DATES

The thing is I have it drilled in my head from this site to keep texting and phone communication to a BARE minimum...
But at some point when two people become close they are going to talk almost every day right?

I'm a nice guy at heart. Couldn't help but surprise her with flowers one day - in order to "cancel" it out, I cut contact with her for 3 days after that. In fact that pretty much describes how I behave with her - I'll do something nice, then vanish. Sometimes I can't help but think that that's unnatural/throwing her the wrong signals.

For example, at the end of our last date that I previously referred to as the "best day ever", I told her I'd be really busy and keeping my phone off most of the time. After that date, I went completely silent on her for 4 whole days.

I want our relationship to develop and progress emotionally, yet all my life I've driven girls away by being too needy so I'm scared.

sageproduct said:

I love this chick. Been going on dates with her on a steady pace of once a week. Last weekend (the weekend before Easter weekend), I took her to Dave & Buster's on Friday, then back to my place. Two days later, on Sunday, I had her come over to help paint my wall with me. Then we hung out, heated some food, failed miserably at longboarding, swung on the swingset of a nearby playground, watched some movies. Best day ever. At one point I turned off all the lights at my apartment, lit some candles, played some smooth jazz, and we shamelessly had our own little dance. Then for like an hour we just sat on the couch listening to the music and talking a little here and there, with her curled up sideways on my lap.

We've been on 7-8 dates total now, over the course of almost 3 months. THIS IS BY FAR THE MOST DATES AND THE LONGEST I'VE GONE OUT WITH ANY ONE GIRL. (pretty sad huh)

As horny as she gets (she always presses her crotch up at me really hard when we make out), she doesn't let me do anything. Only the most recent time did she let me even take her shirt off.

This girl is soooooooo quiet, passive, and shy, even MORE so than I first thought. Even now, after spending a reasonable amount of time together, when we're together it's still me doing 80-90% of the talking. She's one of those shy people who, when you ask them a question, they'll take 5 seconds to think of their answer, review it, and then say it quietly. She still speaks very quietly and from the side without making eye contact with me.

Quiet as she is, I can see that she's not a meek person in the slightest - she's a redhead and definitely has that very passionate, intense side. When we're in private she'll be kind of sarcastic with me sometimes.



For all the talk of feminism on the board, She's definitely traditionally minded. I was joking around with her about us getting married and making half-asian babies...then I asked her, "Who would take care of the kids?" Her answer: "I would."



We're heading to exclusive territory. I want it to happen. I did get a cold approach number yesterday though, from another girl who seems shy, who just texted me back today. Gotta give this other girl a shot and see just how bad my one-itis is.

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Well, i guess it's progress for you...but you have not established any frame in this and you are the one always making more effort...i do wish you luck...but she will definitely be the holder of power in a relationship and she definitely holds the edge on interest levels....but maybe you have found one traditional enough that it could work...and by the way...it's impossible to love someone that quickly...just remember that...don't get real love confused with infatuation and keep your head on straight....and good luck...and continue to see other girls until it's obvious that she really wants a relationship with you...