Enough to make me Finally Post

I honestly dont even remember how i found this website. I signed up and started getting the newsletters. Then found the forums. I wish i would of found it alot sooner. It would of helped me with alot of mistakes and situations ive been in.

I guess i just need somewhere to write, I'm a bit lost, mad frustrated and depressed. But more angry than anything, i've gotten advice and thoughts from people but y'all are Don Juans!

I made a big mistake and got involved with a coworker. We dated for a little about a year ago but it never went far. Never slept with her. We became close friends though. We would hang out, Go to movie, Get dinner go for drinks and just hang out. We always talked even late with text and everything. I liked her alot and she seemed comfortable with me.

I guess i felt i always had a chance with her because when we hung out she always flirted with me and having sex with each other seemed to be the topic we most talked about. She even mentioned shooting a porno with me. I don't know if it was just mind games or if she was serious. Right now i don't know what i was thinking, i should of let actions speak louder than words. But i really felt for her so i grasped on anything that made me feel like she was interested in me. This went on for about 8 months.

We had up and downs. I'm not completely stupid, there were times where i was trying to leave her alone and let each other move on but then she would get this increased interest in me and id fall back in line. I would leave her alone when she would have her little flings but eventually she would gravitate towards me again.

This week was a crazy week though. We went out had she took something i said completely the wrong way. We decided to give each other space (which i did) but then she was all over again when i gave her no attention. She started telling everyone i was her best-friend and then when we went out for drinks with co-workers she started calling me her Man. I didn't play into and give that too much attention because i felt it wasn't real. Two days later she is completely ready to end it with me. Said she was blocking my number from her phone and to not expect to hear from her again. she said it was "time for her to spend energy talking to a guy she actually likes more than just friends and that shes not attracted to me and cant force herself to be, good-bye". Ill admit. That really hurt. So abrupt and harsh. And remember i work with her.. What am i to do and how do i act. Is it a power game or is this is.

Hi and welcome to the forum glad you signed up. I know it took a lot of courage for you to submit yoruself like that to ask for advice or what not.

I'm not going to talk to you about the co worker part beucase you already said you know it's a mistake. lesson learned


first, the woman is of very low moral character. really, i would not even go so far as to say it's something you did wrong as much as it is her being fvcked up int he head. i Mean who texts a guy who she flirts with for months on end to tell him that she is not attracted to him and she needs to stop wasting her time? that's childish stuck up ***** behavior.

you need to learn that women think differently and act and react differently than men do. to her the "sex" was the emotional rollercoster dealing wtih you. that got her off just like a good hummer would you. the playing with your mind the talking about se the bakc and forth, the push and pull, she lives for that. she lives for drama to the point where she creates it herself. she is very bad news.

stick around on the forum, learn how to screen women better and start hitting on women outside of work and you will be fine. you need to learn how to stop ****s like this from a mile away.

women who want to **** you will, **** you. they don't talk about ****ing you they just **** you. she talks about ****ing you becuase she knows that will keep your interest in her which is what she wants, not to actually **** you.

but you and the actions with you filled a void that she had.

you have to almost be militant with women to the point wher eyou see a certain red flag or a woman starts to act a certain way= go ghost / NEXY. you deserve better.

anyway keep your head up and don't let the actions of this low self esteem broad get you down bro.

as far as how to act.. just od not talk to her. about anyting whatsoever. ever. again. under no circumstances. if you HAVE to becuase of work keep it short and professional. do not do this because this will peek her interest in you (and it wil seem that way she will make one last ditch effort to lay it on thick, it's almost funny how predictable women are). do it because you don't' associate with silly women like she is. you have ot drill it in your mind you are better than this. she is seriously disrespecting you and your time and what you have to offer. if she wants to do that, that is cool but you need to shut it down 100% with her.,

a week of this maybe 2, she will send you an email/ text, or she will you will have to talk to her about something work related and she will try to causally joke about something personal or say something like "you don't have to act so professional with me" or "i missed when we used to act like we used to act". what she is really saying is "please keep giving me the attention that i crave to have without me giving you jack **** in return". just keep that in mind.

Because you work with her, nothing should happen. You let this go as a very close call because you almost hooked up w/ a crazy girl at work who would have got your ass fired! Then you start working very very hard on your self confidence & being ok with being a sexual being. It is very clear from your post that you are severely lacking in this area. Read up on sexuality in this forum.

Here is a break down of what actually happened here:
The girl was really, reaaaally into you. You didn't believe she could be. She was blatantly throwing f*ck me signals to you left and right. You didn't realise this and she thought you weren't interested which made her chase you even harder. You unknowingly spurned her over and over and eventually she felt so rejected that she rejected you instead (your not taking action and f*cking her brains out made her feel rejected and ugly, so she called you ugly as a defense mechanism).

The important thing is that you learn to take action and that you don't ever screw with girls at work!!! Everrrrrrrr.

I guess it's a catch 22. I should have been more sexual but then I shouldn't have put myself in that situation anyways. When I went after her I got turned away. Not like I didn't try, guess I didn't try hard enough. But what's the line between being aggressive and overly aggressive to someone who turns you away after hey initiate interest.

Thanks y'all been very insightful. I know and I feel it will be difficult because I do have feelings for her but I'm seriously going to copy this thread to my note pad and reading it everytime I feel like I'm going to slip up or give in

OP, I can almost guarantee she will try to reinitiate contact but the ultimate power move on your part is to ignore her.
A real man doesn't put up with that sh1t, do show her you're a real man (don't tell her, use your actions).
She burned you, she loses you, no exceptions, no reward for ****ty behaviour and no coming back.
No need to be militant or outwardly hurt. No need to tell her she's a cvnt, just go ghost. This will drive her more insane than anything you can say to her.
Be strong, be a man, find women more worthy of your time.
If you get caught in a social situation through work, just say hi and move on. Go talk to other people. Don't let her draw you into her web again.

She made you her girlfriend and you readily accepted the position for a year. Good thing now is that you have woken up and started to see things differently.

The way it usually work is when she has attention from other men, she will push you aside. When things don't work out with the others, she pull you back. Don't be her safety blanket anymore, no matter how she pulls you back.

Stay professional at work, and don't date anyone from work. Protect your reputation.

Your problems in red:

30Daren said:

I made a big mistake and got involved with a coworker.

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Don't ever do this again. When things go south, things get awkward at work. Plus a potential "sexual harassment" claim can't be good.

We dated for a little about a year ago but it never went far. Never slept with her. We became close friends though. We would hang out, Go to movie, Get dinner go for drinks and just hang out. We always talked even late with text and everything. I liked her alot and she seemed comfortable with me.

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So you basically became a male "girl friend", someone who she's not physically attracted to but gets attention from. Don't ever do this with women you want to fuck... unless you want to friendzone yourself.

I guess i felt i always had a chance with her because when we hung out she always flirted with me and having sex with each other seemed to be the topic we most talked about.

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But it was just that: talk. Actions, my friend. ACTIONS.

She even mentioned shooting a porno with me. I don't know if it was just mind games or if she was serious. Right now i don't know what i was thinking, i should of let actions speak louder than words. But i really felt for her so i grasped on anything that made me feel like she was interested in me. This went on for about 8 months.

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She loved being a cocktease and getting attention from a "safe male", one who can provide her companionship without getting physically or emotionally attached to. Plus 8 months, man! Think of all the other girls you could've been sizing up in that time!

We had up and downs. I'm not completely stupid, there were times where i was trying to leave her alone and let each other move on but then she would get this increased interest in me and id fall back in line. I would leave her alone when she would have her little flings but eventually she would gravitate towards me again.

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Of course she did! Women are Masters at this. They will give you enough to keep you interested, without actually diggin' you back. Hey, she couldn't forgo all that free, safe attention she was getting from you!

This week was a crazy week though. We went out had she took something i said completely the wrong way. We decided to give each other space (which i did) but then she was all over again when i gave her no attention. She started telling everyone i was her best-friend and then when we went out for drinks with co-workers she started calling me her Man.

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Bullshit.

I can tell people Elle Macpherson is my Woman. But unless we're doing the Horizontal Mambo, it's just talk.

Again, pure bullshit.

And you guys didn't mutually decide to "give each other space". She told you "I need space". Whenever a woman says this, it's over. No exceptions (not that it was anything to begin with!)

I didn't play into and give that too much attention because i felt it wasn't real. Two days later she is completely ready to end it with me. Said she was blocking my number from her phone and to not expect to hear from her again. she said it was "time for her to spend energy talking to a guy she actually likes more than just friends and that shes not attracted to me and cant force herself to be, good-bye". Ill admit. That really hurt. So abrupt and harsh. And remember i work with her.. What am i to do and how do i act. Is it a power game or is this is.

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She finally comes clean.

She wan't physically attracted to you from the beginning. At least not enough for her to fuck you. She will now spend her energy "talking to a guy she actually likes more than friends." She is not attracted to you. She can't force herself to be with you.

All of this straight from the horse's mouth.

What are you to do!? Drop this girl (well, she already dropped you), hope she doesn't make your life miserable at work (make sure you're polite at work), and spin [a] new plate.

Stick a fork in this one because it is done.

Interesting having people point out mistakes. It helps though because deep down inside when wrong things happen we feel it but some weird mechinism makes you feel like your doing the right thing ( nice guy). At least thats what happens in my case. It's bad cause I had the don't **** where you eat rule imbedded in my head until I met this girl

Congratulations 30Darren you made the blog today:
http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/04/11/the-surrogate-boyfriend/

Hmmm not sure how I feel about that

I lol!

But seriously, learn from it and better luck next time.

I was in a similar situation to this a couple of years ago. One weekend, I met a friend of a friend and we started off much like you did. She was all about me, and flirted like mad. I obliged, and eventually we hooked up ( everything except sex). After that, I played the role of surrogate much like you did. Unlike you, I realized this and stopped talking to her all together. However, I decided to see just 'how far it could go' and performed something similar to a social experiment. At this point, I was not actually pursuing her , but was pretending to be a niceguy/ bestfriend. I started feeling bad for real 'nice guys'. All this girl did was complain about the guys she couldn't get, how good her sex was, and about how her vacations were too short.

Here are the take away points:

1- you can get your **** sucked off and still end up in the friends zone if you act like a chump. I acted like a chump and got thrown in there.

2- Women will be persistent at trying to make you a friend even though there is no chance at anything.

3- These women want any **** except yours.

While we might be quick to blame women, we as men must also assume the responsibility of enabling. Its our choice to talk to them as much as it is theirs to attention *****. Go after women you have a chance with, and ignore the ones who waste your time.