Once you are unplugged....

synergy1 · Feb 5, 2012

...there is no going back. If I had the choice, would I want to go back? The answer is 'probably not', but sometimes I wish I could be blissfully ignorant. One instance comes to mind which simply reaffirms what we all know here.

Right now, I am gazing outside to my friend who is once again helping his ex girlfriend with their car. he has worked on cars in the past so he knows what he is doing. he is well known for this so everyone in our immediate social group will go to him for help. In the case of guys, we always pay him pretty good rates. for women, they expect it for free. he is one of those people who can't say 'no' despite how much it inconveniences him and the stress it puts on him.

A bit more on my friend; he just broke up with his last g/f and has a bit of a oneitus for her. Its understandable since it sounds like she broke it off - I don't really follow those things too closely. I got to know his last gf when she visited and I thought that she might actually be different. Always respectful, never complained, didn't seem like any of the negative traits associated with undesirable women. I guess we can all be fooled right?

Last night I was out at the bar. I decided not to drink so I was just chilling with friends . When someone isn't drinking, they are generally more observant otherwise. Saw my buddies ex gf at the bar. in short, she went home with some dude. She knows my friend is trying to get back together with her. Regardless, she leverages this to get him to fix her car which I am witnessing right now. Its amazing how she can turn on the sweet talk and play him as if he has a chance just to get something for nothing. is this anything new? no. Anyone who is unplugged is well aware of women who can do this, but for some reason seeing it is just sad. I hate seeing my friend , who is a good dude, get taken advantage of time and time again by women like this.

All this does is fuel my negativity towards women. This in turn really hurts my game as I am generally more successful when I am more optimistic about things. My question to the community is how do you overcome being 'unplugged'. More experienced men might have some insight I hadn't thought of. I don't want to be a curmudgeon that 'hates' women because that is not a healthy way to live.

Thanks in advance!

Warrior74 · Feb 5, 2012

Ever have a scumbag friend? You know the type, talks shyt behinds everyones back, tries to use people, never wants to pay their own way? You know how you treat that guy? How you avoid him like the plague? Well, when the blinders come off you see how many scumbag women are out there. You can't let it blind you to the fact that there are women of character, but you can't go on thinking they all are. You just have to assume everyone is a scumbag until proven otherwise. Or in the immortal words of Slick Rick...

http://youtu.be/ndCeUOML79E

betheman · Feb 5, 2012

Glad you posted this, id like to hear some answers too as Im kind of feeling the same way.
I ont know if since becoming 'unplugged' I look for the bad sh1t more than I did before, it seems before the unplugging, you take things at face value and while I am where I am now, i am looking under the surface, the wider picture, women and mens behaviour is uncannily predictable now. you see the behaviours you described with your friend and you want to scream..."wake up!!!!!" but you cant!

like the op, Ive become negative towards women and they are picking up on it, I really dont take any sh!t anymore, fortunately Im still funny and can make people laugh, I am a 'good guy' as well and also good at my job and hardworking, so I stil have respect from others.

synergy1 · Feb 5, 2012

betheman said:
Glad you posted this, id like to hear some answers too as Im kind of feeling the same way.
I ont know if since becoming 'unplugged' I look for the bad sh1t more than I did before, it seems before the unplugging, you take things at face value and while I am where I am now, i am looking under the surface, the wider picture, women and mens behaviour is uncannily predictable now. you see the behaviours you described with your friend and you want to scream..."wake up!!!!!" but you cant!

like the op, Ive become negative towards women and they are picking up on it, I really dont take any sh!t anymore, fortunately Im still funny and can make people laugh, I am a 'good guy' as well and also good at my job and hardworking, so I stil have respect from others.

I don't think its beneficial to stand on a soap box and tell your friends how things should be, as you stated in your post here. Nothing is gained by trying to impose ones will upon someone else, no matter how good ones intentions are. As such, I do not feel it is within my right to be a white knight and help him out unless he seeks it. So far he hasn't. I try and drop hints though so I might figure it out, but he likely will not.

Warrior, you are correct. I don't want this post to preclude the fact that there are indeed quality people out there. It seems lately that the attention I give to the ****ty quality ones far outweigh the good quality ones. as you'd expect, I am exposed to far more of the former. Another facet to consider is that its not all black and white. its not as easy to pick out a scumbag as pointing and saying ' hey look, this person is a poor quality individual'. Often times you won't be able to tell, or they exhibit traits from time to time, but also show good traits.

This isn't a women bashing thread, or at least that isn't my intention. One of my earliest memories as a kid was from a Muppets movies from back in the early 80's. I forget the conversation, but one of the old chefs said " People's will be peoples". This is true. Women will be women. Do we accept it? do we take some form of responsibility?

Warrior74 · Feb 5, 2012

synergy1 said:
I don't think its beneficial to stand on a soap box and tell your friends how things should be, as you stated in your post here. Nothing is gained by trying to impose ones will upon someone else, no matter how good ones intentions are. As such, I do not feel it is within my right to be a white knight and help him out unless he seeks it. So far he hasn't. I try and drop hints though so I might figure it out, but he likely will not.

Warrior, you are correct. I don't want this post to preclude the fact that there are indeed quality people out there. It seems lately that the attention I give to the ****ty quality ones far outweigh the good quality ones. as you'd expect, I am exposed to far more of the former. Another facet to consider is that its not all black and white. its not as easy to pick out a scumbag as pointing and saying ' hey look, this person is a poor quality individual'. Often times you won't be able to tell, or they exhibit traits from time to time, but also show good traits.

This isn't a women bashing thread, or at least that isn't my intention. One of my earliest memories as a kid was from a Muppets movies from back in the early 80's. I forget the conversation, but one of the old chefs said " People's will be peoples". This is true. Women will be women. Do we accept it? do we take some form of responsibility?

I accept it. I have friends from all walks of life. I had a great friend who I watched become a heroin addict. He would still from his own mother as quickly as me. All I could do was control my behavior and what access I allowed in my life. The same with women. All I can control is my reaction to their behavior. You have to trust a dog to be a dog, a scorpion to be a scorpion and a woman to be a woman. It's when you forget that you get bitten.

I'm not responsible for people I didn't raise. So I take no responsibility for their behavior. As for my friends, when I see one slipping up and screwing up. All I can do is say something in a polite and respectful way. After that, they are on their own. I learned to keep my mouth shut. I don't play captain save a ho or bro.

Burroughs · Feb 5, 2012

Warrior74 said:
You have to trust a dog to be a dog, a scorpion to be a scorpion and a woman to be a woman. It's when you forget that you get bitten.

I'm not responsible for people I didn't raise. So I take no responsibility for their behavior.

Right but you don't want to have kids with a dog...or a scorpion...

All men expect from women is a fair partnership, a sandwich and blojob once in a while...

If we all say 'well they are women you shouldn't expect that...'

Then what can we expect out of women? And if its 'nothing' then what use are they to men?

Julius_Seizeher · Feb 5, 2012

There is no such thing as "blissful ignorance". The reward of ignorance is always suffering, and that's how many learn their lessons--once your ignorance hurts you, you discover why you were hurt and you discover that blissful awareness is much preferable.

In any issue, it is your evasion of reality that hurts you.

DonJuanabe · Feb 6, 2012

Years ago I had a friend who was dating a girl with whom he was madly in love. She was using him and broke up with him. I kid you not the following happened: she was dating some other guy and my friend was still putty in her hands. She called my friend late at night, maybe 10 or 11 p.m. and asked him to give her a ride to her boyfriend's place. My friend drove 30 miles to her place to pick her up, then to her boyfriend's. Later that night (next morning I suppose) she called him again for a ride home back to her place -- the pathetic loser got into his car and picked her up and drove her back home.

She wasn't the problem - she was simply being who she was.

My friend was his own problem because the only person he has the right to change is himself, and he should have been changing himself. He chose to be a pathetic slug rather than choosing to have self respect.

zekko · Feb 6, 2012

IMO this has nothing to do with being unplugged or not.

The guy and the girl have broken up.
She is free to go home with some guy if she wants.
She is free to ask her ex to fix her car.
He is free to decline or to help, whatever he chooses.
It's not unusual for "exes" to remain civil, acquaintences, friends, or even booty calls for a time after they break up. It's not unusual for people to do each other favors after breaking up because they may have learned to rely on each other. Usually this behavior fades over time.
Does that mean any of this is a good idea? Maybe not, but it happens. It's just life, nothing to get worked up over.

Inquisitus · Feb 6, 2012

Zekko, this guy is his friend. If it were my friend, I would try my hardest to make him see the light so to speak.

zekko · Feb 6, 2012

If Synergy wants to tell his buddy he shouldn't work on cars for people without compensation, he should give him his opinion.

Similarly, if he thinks he should tell him about his ex girl friend going home with some guy, he should. That's his decision, although this is trickier. They're broken up, she's within her rights. If anything, he should tell him to stop mooning over his ex (if that's what he's doing).

Exes are exes for a reason, that's just common sense. I still don't think it has anything to do with unplugging, it's just life.

vatoloco · Feb 6, 2012

I kinda went through a similar phase when I was recently unplugged. "Fucking bitches! They've been pulling the wool over my eyes all these years! Oh look at this disgusting whore trying to pull her shit on that guy!"

But as I grew, I came to the following realizations:

We are living in the Matrix. I am lucky I was unplugged and can now realize what's going on within this system.
Women are doing what they are allowed and programmed to do under this system. Me getting mad at them for what they do would be like getting mad at a lion for killing its prey. That's what lions do.
Me being unplugged means that I now have the freedom and wisdom to identify and eliminate the "bad ones" (or just pump & dump them) while concentrating my time, money and effort on candidates for "good ones."
Chumps will be chumps until they realize what they are and want to change. No one can help you but yourself. I became frustrated enough that I looked for a better way. And that's what intelligent men eventually do.

"El que se enoja, pierde." (He who gets mad, loses.)

Once I came to the realization that getting angry was just a big waste of time, I let go of my hate and anger and decided to concentrate my efforts on bettering myself. Why waste time and effort on something I have no control over?

Now, I will drop hints to friends in trouble here and there but I never confront. "Unplugging chumps from the Matrix is a lot like triage – save the ones you can, read last rites to the dying."

zekko · Feb 6, 2012

vatoloco said:
We are living in the Matrix. I am lucky I was unplugged and can now realize what's going on within this system.

Lol, you guys are so dramatic with your Matrix. If you're past puberty and you don't realize women might F you over, you're either painfully naive or you need an IQ test. Seriously.

Anyway, in this case I don't see where the woman is doing anything wrong.
At least nothing you can call her on. They're broke up. Why shouldn't she go out with some other dude? And if she and the guy are still civil with each other, why shouldn't she ask for a favor? It's up to the guy whether or not he wants to do it.

The real problem is the guy wants to get back with her. Presumably, they're broken up for a reason. You shouldn't have to read a pickup forum to realize he should lick his wounds and move on. But there are actually seduction sites based entirely on "getting your ex back". Yeah, it's pathetic.

On the general forum there's a thread where a girl is still living with her ex, and one of our enlightened DJs has been seeing her. All kinds of crazy stuff happens all over.

Findog · Feb 6, 2012

Danger said:
Zekko,

She is a scumbag. Just like a guy would be in a similar situation.

Using people to her advantage. Leading them on, etc,...

She knows damn well what she is doing. If a man did a similar thing to a woman, it would be a far different story.

I think basically what zekko is saying is that in some ways the frog is just as responsible as the scorpion. I have exes I am on friendly terms with because they treated me respect and courtesy even though things didn't work out between us, and I would do favors for them or help them out because they are a friend and I'm not trying to get something out of it. I have other exes that treated me like dogsh*t in breaking things off and while I'm not going to hunt them down to throw a brick through their window or key their car, I'm not going to perform any acts of kindness for them either.

The friend on some level is allowing himself to be used. If he's harboring hopes of getting back together, it's not going to happen by being at her beck and call. If a woman dumps me when I wanted to continue the relationship, then my attitude is "You get 100 percent of me or you get nothing. There is no in between." If a woman and I for whatever reason weren't able to work things out, but there was mutual respect and courtesy shown for the other person, I can be on friendly terms afterwards and do small favors for them.

vatoloco · Feb 6, 2012

zekko said:
Lol, you guys are so dramatic with your Matrix. If you're past puberty and you don't realize women might F you over, you're either painfully naive or you need an IQ test. Seriously.

Hmm, I do wear a Matrix-style, black coat and sunglasses and say "Woah!" a lot...

Haha! Just fucking with you man! "The Matrix" is such an easy way to make others understand things that it's my default go-to thing. But if you don't dig, that's cool.

zekko · Feb 6, 2012

Danger said:
She knows damn well what she is doing. If a man did a similar thing to a woman, it would be a far different story.

I don't know, if a man did it, the guys here would probably be cheering him on. Anyway, you said he works on everybody's cars. If he's still civil with his ex, why shouldn't he work on hers too? Now maybe he should stop working on cars for free, but that's another issue.

I don't doubt that she's a scumbag, but what can you do? Try to convince your buddy that she is? Go for it if you want to, but it sounds like a potentialy awkward situation.

Findog said:
I think basically what zekko is saying is that in some ways the frog is just as responsible as the scorpion. I have exes I am on friendly terms with because they treated me respect and courtesy even though things didn't work out between us, and I would do favors for them or help them out because they are a friend and I'm not trying to get something out of it. I have other exes that treated me like dogsh*t in breaking things off and while I'm not going to hunt them down to throw a brick through their window or key their car, I'm not going to perform any acts of kindness for them either.

That's pretty much it.

My personal policy is if we break up, I'm not going back. If it didn't work before, it's not going to work now. Move forward, not backward. But I'm sure I must have taken a girl or two back when I was younger, that's probably how I learned.

vatoloco said:
Haha! Just ****ing with you man! "The Matrix" is such an easy way to make others understand things that it's my default go-to thing. But if you don't dig, that's cool.

You have a very good attitude, young man.

Burroughs · Feb 6, 2012

If a man took advantaged of a mentally handicapped person would the man be at fault?

Yes correct

In relationships most women are dealing with men who are mentally handicapped AND WOMEN KNOW THIS.

Women take full advantage of this situation KNOWING the poor sap is lusting after a stank puzzy he ain't never getting.

But yes...a man still must bear some burden...(even though that 17X testosterone makes it so damn hard to be rational)....i rule 25% blame on man 75% women....verdict...woman give the man a blojob, lick his balls, call it a day...man after that never see woman again...fair right

zekko · Feb 7, 2012

A BJ for working on her car? Considering the prices they were quoting for prostitutes on here a while back, it's probably a fair exchange.

MatureDJ · Feb 7, 2012

DonJuanabe said:
Years ago I had a friend who was dating a girl with whom he was madly in love. She was using him and broke up with him. I kid you not the following happened: she was dating some other guy and my friend was still putty in her hands. She called my friend late at night, maybe 10 or 11 p.m. and asked him to give her a ride to her boyfriend's place. My friend drove 30 miles to her place to pick her up, then to her boyfriend's. Later that night (next morning I suppose) she called him again for a ride home back to her place -- the pathetic loser got into his car and picked her up and drove her back home.

She wasn't the problem - she was simply being who she was.

My friend was his own problem because the only person he has the right to change is himself, and he should have been changing himself. He chose to be a pathetic slug rather than choosing to have self respect.

My goodness, there is aren't enough letters in the Greek alphabet to describe this behavior! Omega is too high! :kick:

vatoloco · Feb 7, 2012

zekko said:
vatoloco said:

Haha! Just ****ing with you man! "The Matrix" is such an easy way to make others understand things that it's my default go-to thing. But if you don't dig, that's cool.

Click to expand...

You have a very good attitude, young man.

Once you are unplugged....

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