broke up with gf!

I thought I was gaining control and frame of the relationship, we went on a cruise for a week, at the end of the cruise she was happy, after spending a whole week and half with me 24/7 we came back to her house and had best sex yet for her in the next three consecutive days.

bueno the next week I gave her some space
I didnt break up with her because she was not into me

its because of cultural differences. she is cuban, in her house her mother completely dominates the father, he has no saying or decision making whatsoever, she does as she please, and he just follows. its sad!

very matriarchal environment. my girl was raised in that environment... she saw it normal that the woman should dominate the man and make the decisions. her parents barely show affection to each other, he works, she doesnt, her mom spends all day at home reading romance books.

the first 5 months of the relationship, she was really into me, and I was happy that she cared a lot for me, so I was easy going and didnt mind when she wanted to do something her way. because she would respect what I wanted as well.

well, as time went on, i noticed an intense desire on her side to want to have things her way most of the times, it became a power struggle, a tug of war about making decisions about where to go eat, when to have sex, when to kiss...

I began using techniques to ignore, freeze out, challenge, make her jealous, and it was working in the short term. but the structure of her personality (that women should dominate) is so strong that I got tired of it.

basically everytime we got into an argument, im the type of guy that wants to solve things the same day, and for the third time, when I mention the fact that we need to talk, she would close off, back away and say " well talk tomorrow, we dont have to talk whenever you decide"

well it happened again, this time I asked that I wanted to see her sunday night for an hour just to talk about some things which are important for me, and she said she was going to be busy breathing, watching tv and she needed some "space. and that come tomorrow night and well talk"

now I always give her TONS of space, im not need I barely call her... we only text. so I feel i was tired of the power struggle, that she wanted me to act more like her dad and just please her so the next day i told her

"listen I think you are right, we need space, so im giving you your freedom back, and thank you for this 8 months"

she basically in the most cold manner replied with "make sure this is what you want because if you break up with me, then dont come back crying to me saying you want me back"

I didnt respond, but im shock that she didnt call, and its been 4 days now, and she hasnt responded and neither have I.
it hurts like a b1tch, but i refuse to back down now, I would lose my manhood ,respect and frame if I ask her to fix the relationship and talk.

i think she must make that action, but i think she wont... and I wont.
it might be over.... but at this point i refuse to be with someone that wants to dominate the relationship at all costs, and as soon as she does, she will lose respect, and attraction for me.

mind you, the relationship was great couple days before that, and everything was going good, though I saw this little red flags, and I told myself that am not gonna waste time, if this is gonna work, and if she is really gonna put up with me... so I tested her

im always there when she wanted to see me, im never the one to say " I really wanna see you today" but i did say it on sunday, because I was sad, my brother was leaving to another country to live... she knew it, that i needed her that night as a supportive gf, and she gave me her back, and said she needed "space" so I sent her to space.

so im not gonna do anything, if she calls me (which i believe she wont, since I deleted her and her friends from facebook, since Ive made up my mind) then i might talk to her on my terms.

but im astonished at how cold she is... im her first boyfriend, i took her virginity 4 months ago, she was happy, and two weeks ago she told me she couldnt live without me.....

I've been there myself.

Keep reminding your self: "I did the right thing"

because you did.

It's highly possible she will call you after getting drunk sometime and want some action....might not happen, but could. Be prepared for that.

For me it was 3 months after I broke up with her. I chose not to answer the phone.

Hold your ground.

Well done OP. Stick to your guns, you don't want that kind of sh!t in your life for another moment. I'm on the other side of a 12yr marriage to exactly the type of woman you are describing. It was like being in a warzone for 12 yrs. Get out now, with your self-respect intact.

who's the man? you the man! now go out and do something to take your mind off her.

nvm

well Its the third time she reacted that way when I wanted to talk about stuff that bugged me. she ignored me and said "we'll talk tomorrow'

last fight i almost broke up with her and TOLD her that I would no longer put up with her not being willing to have a talk and fix things the same day, she knew this. and I told her by text exactly why i was acting this way, because she had given me her back when i needed her support.



if she ignored me when i needed her the most, why should i even bother in going face to face? she deserved this, is this gay? i dont know.

if I made up my mind, there is no need to do face to face, I was nice enough to text her, in other occasions I would have just dissapeared without a text...

going face to face would only create more guilt trips and manipulations to make me feel bad.. too much drama

pipe007 said:

well Its the third time she reacted that way when I wanted to talk about stuff that bugged me. she ignored me and said "we'll talk tomorrow'

last fight i almost broke up with her and TOLD her that I would no longer put up with her not being willing to have a talk and fix things the same day, she knew this. and I told her by text exactly why i was acting this way, because she had given me her back when i needed her support.



if she ignored me when i needed her the most, why should i even bother in going face to face? she deserved this, is this gay? i dont know.

if I made up my mind, there is no need to do face to face, I was nice enough to text her, in other occasions I would have just dissapeared without a text...

going face to face would only create more guilt trips and manipulations to make me feel bad.. too much drama

Click to expand...

well I agree then, she sounds like a B!TCH and she deserved to get dumped. Good job. Now go find another woman.

when you are with a woman who says" we need to talk"but means I need to talk and your dumbazz needs to sit and listen....walking is your only option.

pipe007 said:

"listen I think you are right, we need space, so im giving you your freedom back, and thank you for this 8 months"

Click to expand...

Very well done. You gave her more than what she wanted, and you were polite with your breakup. No outbursts, no emotional bull5hit, just a polite goodbye.

she basically in the most cold manner replied with "make sure this is what you want because if you break up with me, then dont come back crying to me saying you want me back"

Click to expand...

She seems to think that she's a prize to behold. Women with this attitude are a general pain in the a55. Their ego is so inflated that they believe men should bow down to them. I guarantee that she'll be missing you.

I didnt respond, but im shock that she didnt call, and its been 4 days now, and she hasnt responded and neither have I.
it hurts like a b1tch, but i refuse to back down now, I would lose my manhood ,respect and frame if I ask her to fix the relationship and talk.

Click to expand...

Good job. This 5hit can hurt like hell, but it's only temporary. You know you CAN move on, and dating and NEXTing is part of the dating life.

but at this point i refuse to be with someone that wants to dominate the relationship at all costs, and as soon as she does, she will lose respect, and attraction for me.

Click to expand...

Keep this in your mind when selecting ANY woman you date.

You did the right thing by moving on. A man needs to stand his ground or he's going to have women walk all over him.

pipe007 said:

but im astonished at how cold she is... im her first boyfriend, i took her virginity 4 months ago, she was happy, and two weeks ago she told me she couldnt live without me.....

Click to expand...

Yeah, a life lesson, and we've all been there. When a girl says "i love you and cant live without you", chances are she really is telling the truth in that moment. BUT, it needs to be taken with a grain of salt for your own sanity.

At any rate, it sounds like you did the right thing. I think it was wise to recognize the dynamic between her mother and father and deduce that she will almost certainly carry that tendency into any relationship. Hold your ground. I think you'll find that once the initial sting is passed you'll be no worse for wear.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never what you thought it was.

Even if you could go back to where you were, any relationship you might have with an ex will be colored by all of the issues that led up to the breakup. In other words, you know the end result of those issues. It will always be the 800lbs. gorilla in the room in any future relationship.

Healthy relationships are founded on genuine mutual desire, not a list of negotiated terms and obligations.

Cuban women have a very strong character, i'm Cuban BTW. And that waiting to talk BS I would not put up with at all. How do you figure theres a problem with us and I have to schedule when we resolve this? That doesnt make sense at all. I'm not saying that this is your situation but sometimes you can accomodate the wrong things and that can throw other things way off track. That scheduled argument thing sounds like that. I just ended things with my little Cubanita today so i'm kinda bummed. Major evil woman syndrome but what can I say she had certain endearing qualities I really miss. Dude dip the bunk and get with some funk! Miami's full of women no reason to sweat one...

SgtSplacker said:

Miami's full of women no reason to sweat one...

Click to expand...

Cosign.

I just did a promo at Nikki Beach Club last weekend. South Beach is teeming with the hottest women on the planet. You have no excuse.

are you guys currently in miami?
if you guys are still in pick up mode, it would be really good to meet up and do a night out of trying to meet women!

yea, there is women everywhere here in miami. I just came from dolphin mall just to distract myself and walk around, pretty soon I'll start picking up new chicks, i just need some time because i cant just switch off this girl from my mind in 2 days... it takes time I guess.

Yup, i'm close I live in Hollywood. PM me if you want to hang out...

Pipe, I hope you don't take this the wrong way. Not trying to call you out or anything but my response will be also for the benefit of other readers. Downvote me if you need to. Alright, here we go:

pipe007 said:

...we went on a cruise for a week, at the end of the cruise she was happy, after spending a whole week and half with me 24/7 we came back to her house and had best sex yet for her in the next three consecutive days.

Click to expand...

Why did you take her on a cruise? At 8 months I'm barely getting to know a girl enough to take her on a road trip, much less a full blown cruise? Did you pay for the whole thing? My spider sense is tingling...

...but the structure of her personality (that women should dominate) is so strong that I got tired of it.

Click to expand...

If you incompatible with this woman, why did you stick around? Oh wait, she was probably hot, wasn't she?

basically everytime we got into an argument, im the type of guy that wants to solve things the same day, and for the third time, when I mention the fact that we need to talk, she would close off, back away and say " well talk tomorrow, we dont have to talk whenever you decide"

Click to expand...

The problem is that you tried to use logic with a woman. You never tell them, "we need to talk." That's her job! Agree & Amplify, my friend: "She wants to stay mad? Let her! In the meantime, I'm gonna start gaming new chicks for when this goes south!" Protip: Notice that I didn't say "IF this goes south"

"listen I think you are right, we need space, so im giving you your freedom back, and thank you for this 8 months"

Click to expand...

Never, EVER do this. You're not giving her her "freedom back." If you wanna drop a girl, you call her up (not text) and tell her "Sweetheart, it's not working out. Thanks for the fun times. Good bye." and that's it.

she basically in the most cold manner replied with "make sure this is what you want because if you break up with me, then dont come back crying to me saying you want me back"

Click to expand...

Just like with the vast majority of guys out there, she's expecting you to crawl back, just like countless guys have done before you throughout the ages. She does have a point, though. You cannot drop a girl unless you absolutely have no need/desire to be with her anymore (or you can at least suppress the feeling while you're improving your Game).

...and said she needed "space"

Click to expand...

Whenever a woman says she needs "space," it signals the [impending] end of the relationship.

but im astonished at how cold she is... im her first boyfriend, i took her virginity 4 months ago, she was happy, and two weeks ago she told me she couldnt live without me.....

Click to expand...

How old is this girl?

IDK... my spider sense tells me something's off...

your spider sense is a bit off but there is some truth to your story.

I didnt pay for her cruise ticket, her parents did, i paid for mine, we went to Alaska, things were amazing at the beginning so I thought why not, plus I got to know Alaska it was a great experience.

she is 20, im her first boyfriend, i took her virginity 4 months ago...

not sure if her saying she needed space meant the relationship was about to end, because one week before we had sex three times in a row and it was the best she had as she said and she said she couldnt live without me.

I think last week we spend a lot of time together since I saw her thursday, friday and saturday (however I would only see her at night for couple of hours) so maybe she meant she needed to do her own things on sunday and have some space.

w.e my point is that I'm tired of her ignoring me when I want to have a talk, and she always wants to win arguments she never listens. if I say something that bothers me, she will counter attack with another argument instead of listening to me. she will either defend herself or attack but never listen.

so there is so much I could take. she has an attitude of superiority maybe because her parents have given her everything she ever wanted always.

this is an attitude that started growing slowly after 4-5 months into the relationship, and I thought we could work it out, but she is never open to communication, and closes off and puts it off to whenever she feels like talking.

before this break up a week before the cruise, we got into an argument, she got mad, I called her the next day and she said she would call me back when she got home she was at her aunts... with an attitude of course. this was in the morning. she called me back at 1:00 am I didnt pick up, and I almost broke up with her because she showed me how much she cared about talking and fixing the argument. (meaning she didnt bother to call all evening)

now am the type of guy that if am in a relatinoship, then that's it, if i need to call another girl on the side, then im not with the right person. so I had to end it before i can start calling other girls.

but I didnt and i believe that the cruise was holding me back.... but now i have no other arrangements, and I wanted to see if she is the girl for me, i dont want to spend 3 years of my life to later find out she is not, and then it will hurt even more...

so i just tested her to see if she would be there for me when I wanted to see her that night on sunday, and she said she wanted "space" that night... i understand I saw her a bit more than usual that week, but that is no reason to ignore your bf when he needs support and talk. its not like i was going over to chill and do nothing. i told her I would go at 10 pm at night, just to talk about the fact that i was feeling that the spark was fading, and I wanted to see if something was bugging her. some guys here are against this, but if your girl cannot communicate with you, it wont last more than 1 or 2 years., but still, she rather watch tv on her own that night..

so yea I took that as a sign that she was not into the relatinoship anymore, the chemistry felt off that past week, and it felt i was the one trying harder overall... so i let her go.

whats more shocking is how cold she was when i walked away, she didnt break a sweat, not a call. she is not acting like a girl.

some of you might say, why do you see her thursday, friday and saturday? of course she is gonna want space....

well if she cant handle that at 8 months in the relationship, then for sure she will get tired of me if we ever move in together or get married in the future. No thanks, specially when she knew i was feeling down and needed her support as gf as my brother that lived with me all my life was moving to another country.

my dad is very wise he told me, the only way this is gonna work is for you to take a passive submissive role like her father, and act that way. its the only way she will be ok, but she wont respect you, and also make sure you buy a bed for the living room because you would have to sleep outside everytime she needs "space" if you decide to live with her in the future.

that was like a slap in the face, im greatful i have a wise dad

pipe007 said:

whats more shocking is how cold she was when i walked away, she didnt break a sweat, not a call. she is not acting like a girl.

Click to expand...

It's because she was already planning/expecting for the relationship to end. At least you were the one who dumped her so you're coming out slightly ahead.

This relationship is done. Start looking for new plates to spin. Also, be aware that since you dropped her, her ego has taken a hit so she may try to get you back, just so that [very] soon after, she can be "dropper," instead of the "droppee."

im not sure if she was ready to end the relatinoship, because like I said two days before she was talking about going on trips in october, and having our friends meet...

she always invited me to go with her everywhere...I think its just her way of handling stress, that everytime i wanna talk, she puts it off, ignores it and if I insist, like I did, she says I just want "space"

its the third time it happens, last two times she didnt say the word space, but she did close off and said she didnt want to talk and she wouldnt even if I showed up, that she was just gonna be watching tv..

so I dont think its lack of interest. but idk she just believes that If a guy breaks up with her then he is not the one for her...she has said that before.

and its true, we are not compatible, i wont go back there.... trust me, this relatinoship could have keep going endlessly, we could have gotten married even... im telling you everyone loves me in her family, friends. she was happy.

its just that lately, I notinced she wasnt as excited to see me, the chemistry was not like the first months, the kisses were not passionate anymore, I had to put too much effort into playing hard to get which is not even natural in order to get more passion from her.

so yea, my future was looking very much like her parents, no affection at all, and the mom completely dominates the dad. the mom doesnt work, she spends all the money and makes the decisions on where to go on vacations and how to spend the money, they go on vacations all year long.. thats all they do... they got money.

so in the past month, i was thinking, if am gonna put up with her immaturity and selfishness, then at LEAST i expect the sparks and chemistry to be there, but since she was taking away the passion of kissing, and having sex would only happen when she was on, and that had to be when I was playing hard to get, doing all these maneuvers so that she can be on.. like thats not even natural..

natural is for a guy to want sex at times and the girl to be happy enough and excited to go along with it, not resist like she was doing...

game over. i dont need that, im only 26, I have a job and fighting to get a doctorate degree which is damn hard. i dont need this stress, if im gonna give a girl that lifestyle of spending money which she is used to, and im gonna put up with her attitude, then at least i need to see affection, sexual attraction, and excitement to see me.

so another girl will give me that.

Relationships can go sour like that. You really have to pay attention to her veeerry closely to find out whats really going on with her. Sometimes the break up is a good way to get a point across in a way that both of you suffer from so that makes it more readily accepted. Who know... one thing i'll say is that my longest relationship was with a very positive girl, always happy, we went out for 7 years until she turned into a total alkie. Find a nice positive girl dude...

she was a very positive girl, always laughing, always smiling thats what i liked abotu her her smile...

she would laugh at anything.. specially at the beginning, i noticed that i wasnt making her laugh as much in the last 2 months, maybe I lost my desire to be on my best and always making her laugh... maybe that had to do with it who knows.

all i know, is that there is no way that if I take her back, that it will work , or that her family will be happy for me because they are all probably on her side...