Over negging

I believe I'm over-negging girls to the point they become turned off.

For example, I ran into a girl I used to work with at lunch today, and we talked for a few minutes, this is part of our convo.

ME: I logged onto Pandora this morning and my ears were bombarded with Tswift, I should have never let you use my username, thanks!

HB: (Giggles) Sorry!

ME: That sorry isn't gonna make up for the 14 seconds I spent listening to "You Belong With Me" this morning.

HB: (Giggles) It isn't that bad.

ME: Yea, you're right, it could have been "Love Song."

HB: True. (in an annoyed tone)

She seemed annoyed the rest of the convo, another 2 minutes, and I ended the conversation shortly after, told her I'd see her around.

This isn't a one time thing, it has happened a lot recently. Am I going overboard on the teasing? If so, is there a way to recover?

I assume this girl has some interest, she texted me last week to tell me that "work isn't as fun without me around anymore," and that I should visit her.

If a girl has interest you cannot overneg in quantity. But you can overneg in frequency.

I personally don't see that particular conversation as being overly negative. The problems lies, though, in whether the girl's IL and your congruency make this playful banter effective.

element0 said:

This isn't a one time thing, it has happened a lot recently. Am I going overboard on the teasing? If so, is there a way to recover?

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Like I said, I didn't get the vibe that you were going overboard. But still, it's a good idea NOT to overdo the C+F thing.

I assume this girl has some interest, she texted me last week to tell me that "work isn't as fun without me around anymore," and that I should visit her.

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And this is where you closed her, right? Right!?

FairShake said:

If a girl has interest you cannot overneg in quantity. But you can overneg in frequency.

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I'm not sure what you mean.

vatoloco said:

And this is where you closed her, right? Right!?

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Unfortunately not, it was on a Friday and I was already out of town for the weekend.

element0 said:

I'm not sure what you mean.

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The way I see what FairShake is saying, and what I was going to say, is:

The problem is not negging too much...the problem is that negging is ALL you were doing! Variety is the spice of life. Too much of anything is bad. Etc.

You started off ok teasing her about the T. Swift...but then you kept at it. And kept at it. It's not that it was the negging that made her lose interest, it was the REPETITIVENESS of your conversation. Not only did you keep negging her, but you kept using the SAME neg. BORING!!!

After your "You Belong With Me" line, you should have moved the conversation elsewhere! Most likely, towards you two getting together, so you can escalate further.

PS: Is it just me, or is every Taylor Swift song about the same thing?

Although, I could see myself as being incongruent (in other situations), since I am a fairly quiet person, but have a tendency to become very sarcastic very fast. Although in this particular case it shouldn't be a problem.

Any advice on where I should go from here in this particular instance would be helpful. I don't want to let this one get away because of something so trivial, but I need another opportunity to reverse the feel I left her with.

ARrocket said:

The way I see what FairShake is saying, and what I was going to say, is:

The problem is not negging too much...the problem is that negging is ALL you were doing! Variety is the spice of life. Too much of anything is bad. Etc.

You started off ok teasing her about the T. Swift...but then you kept at it. And kept at it. It's not that it was the negging that made her lose interest, it was the REPETITIVENESS of your conversation. Not only did you keep negging her, but you kept using the SAME neg. BORING!!!

After your "You Belong With Me" line, you should have moved the conversation elsewhere! Most likely, towards you two getting together, so you can escalate further.

PS: Is it just me, or is every Taylor Swift song about the same thing?

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Good point about the repetitiveness, I needed to change it up more.

Yea, they all sound the same. If I want to successfully kill all the attraction, I'd text her that now.

element0 said:

Although, I could see myself as being incongruent (in other situations), since I am a fairly quiet person, but have a tendency to become very sarcastic very fast. Although in this particular case it shouldn't be a problem.

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Not necessarily. C+F needs to be done in a playful way in order for it to be effective with a girl with high IL. If you take a serious, caustic, or in this case, a sarcastic approach, you will kill attraction.

The problem with most guys is that they're not congruent and they go overboard with their negging, to the point where it's no longer playful banter but rather outright mean, negative and disrespectful behavior.

Any advice on where I should go from here in this particular instance would be helpful. I don't want to let this one get away because of something so trivial, but I need another opportunity to reverse the feel I left her with.

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Pedestaling is a path to the Darkside, my young Padawan. So, who cares if this one drops you? There's always a new girl just around the corner. Always spin plates.

vatoloco said:

Not necessarily. C+F needs to be done in a playful way in order for it to be effective with a girl with high IL. If you take a serious, caustic, or in this case, a sarcastic approach, you will kill attraction.

The problem with most guys is that they're not congruent and they go overboard with their negging, to the point where it's no longer playful banter but rather outright mean, negative and disrespectful behavior.



Pedestaling is a path to the Darkside, my young Padawan. So, who cares if this one drops you? There's always a new girl just around the corner. Always spin plates.

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Fair enough, I will work on the delivery part of the C+F.

I'm well aware of the pedestal, but there has to be somewhere go from here. I'm not going to just forget about her because of one unfortunate conversation, which really wasn't that big of a deal in all our interactions together.

Anyway, I was planning on letting the weekend go by, and just asking her to meet up sometime in the middle of next week after work.