experience with plentyoffish.com learn from my mistakes !

judoguy · Aug 25, 2010

One thing i want to highlight is how i lost a legit HB, we will call her HB aimee. I did everything right, messaged her about some interest on her profile, got her number etc. etc.

here is the problem i made however.... We started texting each other and hit it off non-stop, flirty banter, c+f, etc.
the problem was she couldnt meet for 2 weeks due to her work schedule ( or so she says), so i continued to text her about 20x a day for about 10 days. After the 10th day i could sense her interest fading hard...and she even admitted to me that she was not feeling "right".
i sensed this to mean it was basically over and to cut ties and move on. She sent me a text a little while ago explaining that she still wants to meet me to see if there are any feelings when we meet, but at the very least we could be friends. Ahhhh the friends word....

anyway, i will probably meet with her and see what some good C+F and kino can do, but i am chalking this up to a lost cause.

What i should have done: after i got her number and sent a few texts I should have texted her something along these lines

"hey listen, I am pretty busy over the next few days, let me give you a call when everything calms down. " This way I could keep her interested and avoid the flake, but I am also not up her ass, texting and making her lose interest. I wont make this mistake again, hopefully you can learn from my mistake.

vatoloco · Aug 25, 2010

judoguy said:
One thing i want to highlight is how i lost a legit HB, we will call her HB aimee. I did everything right, messaged her about some interest on her profile, got her number etc. etc.

Have I introduced you to Annabell?

here is the problem i made however.... We started texting each other and hit it off non-stop, flirty banter, c+f, etc.
the problem was she couldnt meet for 2 weeks due to her work schedule ( or so she says), so i continued to text her about 20x a day for about 10 days. After the 10th day i could sense her interest fading hard...and she even admitted to me that she was not feeling "right".

Your problems in red.

i sensed this to mean it was basically over and to cut ties and move on.

It was never anything to begin with. So you sent some messages/texts to some random person on the internet and you "had something"?

She sent me a text a little while ago explaining that she still wants to meet me to see if there are any feelings when we meet, but at the very least we could be friends. Ahhhh the friends word....

LOL.

What i should have done: after i got her number and sent a few texts I should have texted her something along these lines

No. What you should have done after you got her number was to call her up and asked her out. Put her on the spot. If she digs, she'll go out. If she doesn't, she'll either tell you "No" or give you one of millions of excuses as to why "She'd love to but..." (like being unable to see you for two weeks due to work -- see above).

Like they say around here: "Make the ho' say 'No.'"

LOL. POF really is the scum of online dating. Nothing but whales, single mothers and uglies...

judoguy · Aug 25, 2010

I highly disagree. I do not think it is a good idea to just call her up and ask her out. If you do this... she will be afraid of you being a "creeper" and overly aggressive and flake on the date.

I think the best case is to talk on the phone about 20 - 30 minute phone converstations 3x and then find her schedule out and ask her out then.

getting her number form POF, then calling her and asking her on a date immediately is a bad idea

wasted-nick · Aug 25, 2010

Texting has its place, but it does nothing good for building a real connection. Not to be a d1ck, but texting her 20x a day? You know now... I would cut it off with her altogether - where can this possibly go if she's already pushing the friend line? Don't waste your time...

Plenty of Trash IS the Wal-Mart of dating sites.

judoguy · Aug 25, 2010

interesting... I tried eharmony and match.com but I find that the kind of chicks I am looking for... 18-20 do not sign up for match.com

eharmony kept saying there was noone that matched my personality and match.com is expensive as ****... 1 week on pof and I F closed a 39 year old mom.

and i have 18- 20 year olds responding to my messages almost daily.

Any sites you guys suggest?

BTW i use dating sites because I am very busy and only go out about one night per week

Naughty Ninja · Aug 25, 2010

You didn't mess anything up.

So? Big deal. You got carried away and texted her 20X a day for ten days. It's not the worst thing in the world. I'm sure we all are or were guilty of it at one point or another. Whether calling and or texting. Especially if the girls not only very attractive but calls or talks with us as soon as we start a new conversation.

You know what you've done wrong.

To me texting in short conversations sporadically is ok as it's widely done now. (Can't really get around it). Too much texting and you become like a girl or a gay.

Calling alot or seeing each other too much. Burns people out.

With that said, big deal. You didn't commit rape or a huge mistake. Just cool off for a few days and let HER contact you first.

Act like nothing has happened and you did nothing wrong. (Just cool off with the constant contact) Don't run away as if you've "failed" like a shreeking little schoolgirl. You didn't fail sh!t and don't need to have that mind frame if you are still planning on meeting her.

Keep emailing new women girls so you don't get too wrapped up in one hot girl. Get a few. Doesn't mean you don't like her anymore. You're only trying to distract yourself from becoming too clingy with her.

Make plans to meet. (Keep the meet short. Less is more. Too long of a meet and it will become friends zone building off the precident of the too long conversations.)

If she brings up the fact you guys talked too much? Tell her the truth and apologize. It's no big deal. "Sorry Aimee, I got carried away with the talking alot as I think you're a really cool person. No big deal." And then drop that topic and move on.

If she can't accept you made a mistake and talked too much in the beginning. She can fvck off.

Naughty Ninja · Aug 25, 2010

judoguy said:
interesting... I tried eharmony and match.com but I find that the kind of chicks I am looking for... 18-20 do not sign up for match.com

eharmony kept saying there was noone that matched my personality and match.com is expensive as ****... 1 week on pof and I F closed a 39 year old mom.

and i have 18- 20 year olds responding to my messages almost daily.

Any sites you guys suggest?

BTW i use dating sites because I am very busy and only go out about one night per week

Match is okay. Still alot of weirdos or flakes. Haven't been on that site in years and not trying to pay up front for "dates" with no guarantees anyone will be interested in the first place. Still....Match is probably the only pay site I'd recommend though IF you want to try PAY sites.

Egoharm I would never do. Unless you're looking for your "soulmate" and don't mind a 'christian based' computer picking your date with Shamu for you without being able to search for your very own fatty yourself on that site.

Kailex · Aug 25, 2010

judoguy said:
interesting... I tried eharmony and match.com but I find that the kind of chicks I am looking for... 18-20 do not sign up for match.com

eharmony kept saying there was noone that matched my personality and match.com is expensive as ****... 1 week on pof and I F closed a 39 year old mom.

and i have 18- 20 year olds responding to my messages almost daily.

Any sites you guys suggest?

BTW i use dating sites because I am very busy and only go out about one night per week

Well of course 18-20 year olds don't sign up on Match.
THEY DON'T NEED TO.

If you see someone at that age on ANY online dating site, SOMETHING IS MOST LIKELY WRONG.

Also 18 - 20 year olds are BROKE. Of course they're on the free site. They're not going to pay to be AW's when they can get it on Plenty of Fatties for free.

And then the real gem:

"I use dating sites because I am very busy and only go out about one night per week"

Really??? MAKE TIME. Unless what you really mean is that you work at night.
I used to spend so much time sitting there looking at profiles, writing elaborate emails, this and that... and in the end, real world experience is the BEST provider.

If you are TOO busy and can only go out one night a week, maybe you should focus more on what you're doing in life since you obviously don't have time to go out and talk to women.

judoguy · Aug 25, 2010

@ Kailex. well I do shift work yes and can barely get out. I have the weekends off but i also go to school so saturday or friday night is the only time i can really go out. I also have alot of hobbies, I do judo 3 nights per week and am tired the rest of the time. To be honest, "going out" is basically just bro time with the boys not, talking to women time. Ill talk to a few girls and get some numbers but most are just typical bar sluts. So , no just "making time" means giving up other hobbies that i feel like I should not need to give up. So i throw up my profile on a dating site and check it at work.....

i dont understand what is bad about this?

Robert28 · Aug 25, 2010

here's my thing with online dating. there's too much hope built in it. you find a girl you like, email her, if you're lucky she'll email you back. if you're even MORE lucky, she'll CONTINUE to email you after replying to your first one(you'd be suprised how many girls flake after emailing you once, they just stop responding for whatever reason). then youll talk on the phone, hit it off, think everythings good. wrong. you gotta pass her test of "do you look like your pic in person". alot of people don't, i do. the other thing is, this same girl will talk your ear off on the phone but when you're on the date she doesn't have much to say and is boooring. i've had girls that looked hot as hell in their pics, only to meet them and they look NOTHING like their pic. they arent fat, they just dont look like their pic. this one girl had her hair all weird and she never wore it like that in ANY of her pics online or on her facebook. yet, she got some wild hair up her @$$ to wear it like that on our first date?? she also didn't look NOTHING like her pics in the face when i saw her in person. i wouldn't have recognized her if she didn't approach me first. she also had this snorting thing she did, sounded like my english bulldog. she NEVER did this on the phone, but in person it was like she had trouble breathing and kept snorting like a pig. it was the weirdest thing. so yeah, no more online dating for this guy!

spinaroonie · Aug 25, 2010

POF is a goldmine - IF you know what you're doing. Online dating is the cheapest, fastest and most efficient way to rack up lays.

I have a template that works beautifully. I copy and paste and spam away. Provided she stays online during the entire frame and I can build up her emotional state with my script, I almost always get a number. At one point I was racking up so many numbers my biggest sticking point was managing them all.

Two things to keep in mind:

1 - Don't waste your time personalizing messages. What you write matters very little. Girls will judge you on your pics.

2 - Once you get the digits, text her a few times. Be fun and playful. Now you've developed enough rapport for her to be comfortable with taking your call without seeming pushy or creepy. Call her within 3 days of scoring the digits. This is key - you do NOT want to fall into the "textbuddy zone" like the OP did. Be a man and call her and develop an emotional connection through the phone. No more than 20 minutes. Suggest a meetup.

Bang.

I used to think POF was a lost cause - girls are inundated with attention, there's too much competition. Then I see what the typical chump writes and realize the competition is WEAK. Simply being here gives you a leg up on 90% of the chumps on POF. Seriously.

Also don't get too invested in any one girl. There's nothing more disheartening than sending texts back and forth, developing a connection over the phone and thinking you've bagged her, and then finding her back on POF the next day. You know she's still trolling for d---.

And quality is contingent upon location, location, location. Lots of dudes lament that POF is littered with Whales and single moms. But I live in a college town so it's great. If you live in the sticks in the South then ya the talent leaves a lot to be desired.

judoguy · Aug 25, 2010

so i get a text from said HB after not texting her at all today and last night,

"I am starting to miss you a lil".... next step?

keep ignoring her and call thursday?

Naughty Ninja · Aug 25, 2010

judoguy said:
so i get a text from said HB after not texting her at all today and last night,

"I am starting to miss you a lil".... next step?

keep ignoring her and call thursday?

Don't mind that she's "starting to miss you a lil". She's possibly trying to see if you are still going to run after her as a test to see how "hooked" you are.

Call her and tell her you'll be at so and so on Friday or whenever. If she says she can't make it let her counter offer and take it from there. Short and sweet. Just call so you don't have to come up with the lame "I was busy and called on Thursday". Simple.

If she does call or text before you both decide to meet. Don't answer the text or the call. Let it go to voicemail and see if either are breaking plans before the actual date. If she is breaking the plans with an excuse. Ignore it. Don't reply. Call her an hour BEFORE you are supposed to meet and leave a message or tell her something came up and you can't make it. She'll probably reply with "Didn't you get my text or message? I couldn't make it anyway". Then tell her "You're a bad girl! Now you'll have to make it up to me since you've "huwted my wittle feewings". And act like it's no big deal. Then DON'T call or text her until she initiates a new time and place etc.

Almost forgot...

Forget the lame traditional “coffee date” too. Invite her to a pastry or dessert shop where you can sit and have Tiramisu/Cannolis and B.S. for a little while. Buy a candle and matches beforehand and put it in her dessert while she’s not looking, and you’re getting the pastries. Tell everyone in the place it’s her birthday (like the Friday’s schtick.) Buy a number ‘1’ candle and let her take it home with her after the quick dessert meeting and don’t mention it. She’ll have something in her possession to remember you by.

She’ll remember that rather than just the boring small talk.

(women love that Tiramisu stuff even if they’ve never tried it before. Don’t know why. Kindof like they always like Penne ala vodka for dinner.) Though I’m not suggesting taking her to dinner.

And for the love of baby Jesus do NOT talk about wedding cakes!

judoguy · Aug 25, 2010

@ naughty ninja.....

dam dude you got this **** down

judoguy · Aug 25, 2010

So I called her and was like hey how are you

me:I am going to be available friday if you wanna come up and let me be your tour guide for my school....

her: yea i want too but idk if friday works, how about sunday?

me: I can do it sunday after 12 pm....but when will you know? i need to know soon so I can make plans

her: I will know tommorow for sure

me: ok just gimme a call or text me when you find out,

her: ok

me: talk to you then

20 mins later...

text from her " hey sunday is best for me. does that work for you?

me: yea that is fine. I'll see you then

** how did i handle that? **

wasted-nick · Aug 25, 2010

I think you did fine.

Honestly though, at this point I would have called her out on her odd behavior. Yeah I know you may seem needy or whatever, but ir a chick plays this 5hit with me this early in the game, I'd take it as a blessing. There's something called common courtesy and it is severly lacking in the modern women.

If she blows off contacts from me, the only thing I'm gonna let her kiss is my a55.

Poonani Maker · Aug 25, 2010

In Bold is what I would have said..

me:I am going to be available friday if you wanna come up and let me be your tour guide for my school....
I'm only available 10 PM Friday and 3 PM or 9 PM Sunday
her: yea i want too but idk if friday works, how about sunday?

me: I can do it sunday after 12 pm....but when will you know? i need to
know soon so I can make plans
3 PM or 9 PM?

her: I will know tommorow for sure

me: ok just gimme a call or text me when you find out,
I wouldn't have answered here, bc really I'd rather see someone else on Sunday, I was just being generous offering to spend time with her.
her: ok

me: talk to you then

20 mins later...

text from her " hey sunday is best for me. does that work for you?

me: yea that is fine. I'll see you then
3 PM or 10 PM? I'll call you before I leave to confirm...

** how did i handle that? **
You sound needy.

The Inside Man · Aug 26, 2010

Shi*t sucks.. I've tried POF and myspace a couple times during a slump, and I just cannot do the internet thing. You only see a few hot girls on there, I started talking to one, saw on her facebook that she is way bigger than her pics showed. Shocking I know. Might be a good place to start for some guys, but I have never been able to get into it. In person anywhere I think I have much better odds than on the net.

vatoloco · Aug 26, 2010

judoguy said:
so i get a text from said HB after not texting her at all today and last night,

"I am starting to miss you a lil".... next step?

keep ignoring her and call thursday?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1705169#post1705169

DJ#7436 · Aug 26, 2010

me:I am going to be available friday if you wanna come up and let me be your tour guide for my school

You shouldnt be asking. "I'm going to be available friday, i'll take you on a campus tour like you could never image." Something to that effect, as if she would be missing out if she didnt go. Her loss, not yours.

Dj

experience with plentyoffish.com learn from my mistakes !

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