Barley Holding on, need some advice.

Ardent · Aug 4, 2010

Okay need some help on this one

My girl and I just split after 10 years of marriage, no kids. Nine and a half great years. about 6 months ago she joined the Army. She went to training and came back wanting a lot more indpendance. I was shocked, before she always wanted me close and we were. We spend nearly all of our time together.

About three months ago she was moved to her duty station. We spend about a month or so apart, I stayed in our old town and worked until I got a job and moved there, leaving behind everything else.

I've been here now about two months and we split up a few days ago. Her reason? She needs space, she isn't sure she wants me around any more. I am now living in an extended stay place, no friends, family, and new job sucks. Every day I stuggle just to make it though the day. I have been working on not contacting her at all, I am doing pretty well so far, but it is HARD. There are times when I get weak and want to run over there and demand to know WTF is going on.

How long do I wait? My old company back home would love to have me back on staff, but moving back would be a one-way trip I'm sure. I'm trying to hold out at least two weeks, but right now the days seem like years. Need some help.

Mr.Positive · Aug 4, 2010

Ardent said:
How long do I wait? My old company back home would love to have me back on staff, but moving back would be a one-way trip I'm sure. I'm trying to hold out at least two weeks, but right now the days seem like years. Need some help.

What exactly are you waiting for? Her decision on whether to stay together. As hard as this may sound, she probably already made up her mind.

When women pull the "need space" card, it's a way of softening the blow.

By you waiting for her like a puppy, isn't going to change anything.

I say go back to your old job, be with friends and family, start your healing process now. If she wants to get back together, she's got to earn it back. That means making changes on her end, to earn you.

vatoloco · Aug 4, 2010

Ardent said:
about 6 months ago she joined the Army.

I'm curious to know why she joined the Army after 9.5 years of marriage.

Kailex · Aug 4, 2010

It's done. It's over.
You hate your new job.

Move back to where you once were. Tell your company to break out the "Welcome Back" cake.

Be thankful that you two had NO kids and that you get a second chance at life as a DJ.

More often than not, relationships that are on and off, will almost always end up OFF.

Ardent · Aug 4, 2010

vatoloco said:
I'm curious to know why she joined the Army after 9.5 years of marriage.

She spent the first part of the time going to school and getting a Phd. I worked and went school. I supported her though all of this, she got the doctorate about a year and a half ago, she spent the first year after school working for the government in a boring job she hated. She had friends in the Army in her field of expertise. She also felt that it would make for an exciting career.

vatoloco · Aug 4, 2010

Hmm, just as I suspected. Long-term relationships usually don't go sour in the last few months. There's usually some kind of issue going on in the background with either the man, woman or both parties failing at the relationship.

It sounds to me like she might have just used you to support her through school and once her degree was attained, she just dropped you for what she really wanted to do with her life. Not saying this is what really happened but it is a possibility.

The "friends in the Army" thingy caught my eye. I wonder if she fell in love with someone at work and followed him into service...

In any case, like Kailex said, this thing is over. I know it's going to be hard but you'll have to move on.

Kailex · Aug 4, 2010

Ardent said:
She spent the first part of the time going to school and getting a Phd. I worked and went school. I supported her though all of this, she got the doctorate about a year and a half ago, she spent the first year after school working for the government in a boring job she hated. She had friends in the Army in her field of expertise. She also felt that it would make for an exciting career.

When you say you supported her, I assume you mean that you are saying:

I supported her FINANCIALLY through all of this.

And if this is true, then you are seeing her true colors. Again, this is assuming it means you supported her financially. If you did, then she used you and once she saw that she wasn't going to do anything with her PhD, she decided to ditch the lifestyle she was "supposed" to live and engaged in one that she "wanted" to live.

Basically, you paid for her way and now you don't get to see the benefits of it. And if you truly did pay for her studies, congratulations, you paid for her to most likely have a higher salary in the Armed Forces. You get to see none of what you reaped.

Again, be glad that in this case all you lost was minor financial support. Had a baby been made out of this relationship, this would be a LOT worse.

If I were you, I'd be EXCITED. Time for new women, time for change, NO STRINGS ATTACHED.

You're looking at this situation the WRONG way. Be happy, you get a second chance that most men don't get after 9 years.

synergy1 · Aug 4, 2010

move on otherwise your mental sanity will only get worse. Change local and careers if need be because it sounds like she isn't coming back. you supported her through school and as soon as she can go out on her own , she does. that sounds like a whole lot of disrespect to me, so the sooner you cut this off the better.

best of luck

Ardent · Aug 4, 2010

Yes, I supported her FINANCIALLY and EMOTIONALLY. She went through bouts of depression during the years, she gained weight and lost weight, with me helping her all the way.

About her friends in the Army, they were and still are a married couple. Now, since she went to training, she has a lot more Army buddies that probably seem a lot more fun than her old husband.

Bible_Belt · Aug 4, 2010

She needs space because she cheated, and now being around you makes her feel guilty. She also wishes that you would go out and meet someone new yourself, because that would lessen her guilt.

vatoloco · Aug 4, 2010

Fvck! 10-post limit hit. I'll just go ahead and edit this one.

Now, since she went to training, she has a lot more Army buddies that probably seem a lot more fun than her old husband.

I know this is going to hurt but it will be good in helping you move on. She has more than likely already fvcked one or 5 of her fellow soldiers.

It's interesting that you mention the "Army buddies that probably seem a lot more fun than her old husband." That tells me that you know deep down that you're a boring man and that your wife probably got bored of you and sought that excitement that all women crave.

You know how you fix that? By being an extroverted, interesting, exciting man who women want to be with! Do you have any hobbies? How old are you? What's your background like?

As a side note, go to your profile's settings page and change it to "Display Age". This is a good thread and I'd hate for it to be deleted because of the rules....

zekko · Aug 4, 2010

It sounds to me like she might have just used you to support her through school and once her degree was attained, she just dropped you for what she really wanted to do with her life.

I hate to say this, but this is very common. When I was in college, I talked to a lot of girls who were going there. And I have to say I was absolutely shocked at the number of them who were just waiting to graduate and get a good paying job so that they could divorce their husbands. Those were their goals:
1. Graduate
2. Get good job
3. Divorce husband

I'm serious, there were a LOT of these girls.

Ardent, the others are right. You are lucky in that your old job wants you back, that you don't have any kids, and that you can have a future of freedom to have fun with women. I know it probably hurts now and feels confusing, but look on the bright side of things. If she doesn't want you around then she isn't worth your time. You deserve better. And you may as well stick around this forum for awhile and work on your new life.

Warrior74 · Aug 4, 2010

Zarky - great another woman bashing thread.

Oh wait what? LOL This is why we say what we say. The reality bares it out.

Yah man. Go home. Start a new life. Your marriage is dead. Stop calling her, stop contacting her. "Need some space" is chic speak for "we are breaking up and I'm seeing someone else". I've heard it before and that's exactly how it turned out. Sorry for your loss, but in the future you may count this as a blessing. Good luck.

Ardent · Aug 4, 2010

vatoloco said:
It's interesting that you mention the "Army buddies that probably seem a lot more fun than her old husband." That tells me that you know deep down that you're a boring man and that your wife probably got bored of you and sought that excitement that all women crave.

You know how you fix that? By being an extroverted, interesting, exciting man who women want to be with! Do you have any hobbies? How old are you? What's your background like?

As a side note, go to your profile's settings page and change it to "Display Age". This is a good thread and I'd hate for it to be deleted because of the rules....

Alright, I displayed my age. For fun right now, I run and I brew. I haven't brewed in months because of the move, etc. and all my brewing **** along with everything else is at her condo. So lately, it's just been running.

I am 33 now and got married to her when I was 23. I think that I'd feel better if I were around my buddies back home. I have plans to skip work and the "new job" on Friday and head for the beach.

Here's the kicker, I am really close with her family. Her Mom, step-dad, and brother are like family to me. I think that they are on my side - for now. I want to continue to have a relationship with them, but I don't know if that would last or if its even a good idea. The bummer is that my real family, mom and dad, aren't around and her parents have been like surrogate family.

cavedweller · Aug 4, 2010

Pal, it is over...

You need to move back home and file for a divorce..

Have you ever heard of?

'Be all you can be."

"An Army of one."

She has been getting a tast of some of those green Army d1cks and she is moving on..

Ardent · Aug 4, 2010

Alright, I displayed my age. For fun right now, I run and I brew. I haven't brewed in months because of the move, etc. and all my brewing **** along with everything else is at her condo. So lately, it's just been running.

I am 33 now and got married to her when I was 23. I think that I'd feel better if I were around my buddies back home. I have plans to skip work and the "new job" on Friday and head for the beach.

Here's the kicker, I am really close with her family. Her Mom, step-dad, and brother are like family to me. I think that they are on my side - for now. I want to continue to have a relationship with them, but I don't know if that would last or if its even a good idea. The bummer is that my real family, mom and dad, aren't around and her parents have been like surrogate family.

SoldMySoul · Aug 4, 2010

This is pretty sad!!! Warrior, man you are funny and spot on. Op, like others have pointed out it is over and done with. Women are sneaky about moving on too. They will do so long before you know what hits you. Work on you!!! Get your mind back and do what it takes to erase this one off your map. I would love to go on a diatribe about how she did you, but I know you are feeling enough pain and realize you certainly were done $hitty!!!

Welcome here as a regular now and use this forum as support. If you need anything send me a pm and I will discuss it in private if you need it as I have had my share of this sort of dealings.

This is not a woman bashing forum, but when they do things like this it easy to see why they lend themselves to bashing. If this were a split tail forum and you did what she did, it would be worse!

Take care!

jophil28 · Aug 4, 2010

Ardent said:
My girl and I just split after 10 years of marriage, no kids. Nine and a half great years. about 6 months ago she joined the Army. She went to training and came back wanting a lot more indpendance. I was shocked, before she always wanted me close and we were. We spend nearly all of our time together.

About three months ago she was moved to her duty station. We spend about a month or so apart, I stayed in our old town and worked until I got a job and moved there, leaving behind everything else.

What is her rank? Did her PhD allow her credits in officer school ?

I have seen this same situation play out in my old unit several times.
She is marinating in a testoserone soup on the base.

The best thing that you can do is prepare yourself for the worst.

Ardent · Aug 4, 2010

Captain

SexyMofo · Aug 4, 2010

I'm sorry about that bro... You got f*cked over bad.

If you supported her education, you can sue for alimony. Get back what's yours.

Also you need to f*ck as many women as possible. Replace your addiction to her with an addiction to good sex.

Barley Holding on, need some advice.

New Member

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

New Member

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

New Member

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

New Member

Don Juan

New Member

Master Don Juan

Master Don Juan

New Member

Banned