My self-improvement program

Still in the process of finding myself, and still getting better at that. My mind is slowly accepting my new world view and way of life. It just takes time. I keep noticing it that I'm more relaxed and confident in general. It's really awesome.

The revelations I encountered the past year or so were huge to me. I don't think anyone of you can even realize this, but every time I found out about stuff about myself, it completely rocked my world, my reality. It was sort of the same insane, overwhelming feeling that I had when I saw the Twin Towers collapsing on TV. I can't attach an emotion or meaning to it, because it's just too much to handle at once. I had that feeling every two weeks for a year. It completely occupied me and changed me. It changed me for the better though. I hate to use such a terrible event in an analogy, but I can't think of another way to get my point across better.



I'm getting at the point what you can call "indifference" I guess. I just don't really give a f*ck anymore about what I say to a girl. Don't care about the outcome and stuff. When I called one girl, I wasn't nervous anymore. It was just cool and causal. Nothing forced. I just laugh when I get blown off. I really don't care. Just don't give a sh*t. And guess what, this sh*t works!


Example (on the phone):

Me: bla bla bla... I'm seriously trashed right now, I had to work today (we met the night before, and I was pretty wasted)
Her: Hahaha poor you. What kinda work do you do
Me: I have the sexiest f*cking job in the world, like you wouldn't believe.
Her: Hahahaha really? Tell me.
Me: I sell computers (this is actually not a joke)
Her: Hahahaha
etc.

Conversation went well. Didn't ask her out. Will do that the 2nd time I call her. It's all good, no rush. But I showed intent all the time. Got two nice prospects actually. One is a real hottie I talked on the phone with, the other chick is just a cute and sexy little thing. I have a little date set up with next monday, see how that goes. I will call the other one in a day or two to try to set up a date with her. She's a fierce, super sexy little thing. Like dynamite.

Girl 1:
Went on a little date with this chick. She was pretty hot, had a nice talk in a bar we had arranged a little date. Somehow the click wasn't there. I tried to pump up the energy, but she didn't really caught on. It was fun, but this one won't go anywhere.

Girl 2:
I was at this party in a bar. Talking to these girls, pretty much the only girls in there. It went pretty cool and eventually one of them left. The one I had my mind set on stayed. We talked, I did a lot of kino, eye contact etc. Went in for the kiss, she pulled back. Talked some more, went in again, she pulled back again. She said she wanted to keep "this sorta thing special". Oh well, at least I went for it. One of her friends told me that she's really prude even when it comes to kissing guys.

I had the intent, and it felt like I was on a roll. She actually apologized to me several times. Again, f*ck it. A while ago I didn't even ever go in for the kiss. Definitely a step in the right direction.

Girl 3:
Real super hottie I'm texting with every now and then. Sexual energy all around us every time we see each other. She has a boyfriend, but heavily flirts back. Real fun, wonder where this one is going.


This Friday I'll be in some crazy college frat house party. I have pretty high hopes for that, and I'm pretty sure I'll be able to pull something off. Every time I go out I approach more girls and it gets more natural. Going in for the kiss with girl number 2 went automatically. I got blown out, but I'm still proud of myself that I at least tried to.

I notice that girls react more positively in general to me, they are way less *****y and more open then they used to be. I guess I'm radiating a different energy and they pick up on that. It's good.




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Keep it up man, and it's awesome that you went for a kiss with a girl like that in public. If you take a look at my journal I started kiss closing myself but I'm still only okay with it if I'm isolated with her, I don't think I'd have the nuts to go for it in the middle of a bar or something like that. Props!

And don't get your hopes up too high for the party. Not saying that you won't kill it while you're there, I'm just saying that I feel like everytime I've had my hopes up the highest I've experienced the most rejection, where as when I'm out just to have fun with no expectations I get the best results.

Keep it up!

Yea, thanks for the compliments and advice. I know what you mean. I'll just go in there and approach every girl I'm interested in. Lets see how that goes. I don't really care if I'm going to make out or get laid; it'll be a learning experience in any case, and that's enough for me to see a night as a success.

I'm positive that it will all work out fine in the end.

Alright, I went out yesterday, and I kept in mind that it's okay to be physically aggressive. Someone told me I wasn't aggressive enough on the kino. I did the 'safe' stuff, like putting my arm around her, high fives etc. My main goal was to get more physically aggressive and be comfortable with that. We went to a club. I grabbed a lot of girls, pulled them against my d*ck, put my hand on her lower back and pull her against me etc. I was a little awkward doing this at first but after a while it just happened automatically. I didn't knew I could get away with so much. I grabbed some asses as well and they just laughed about it. I also danced to the music while feeling comfortable, which is also new for me. I didn't grind with chicks yet, I wasn't comfortable enough for that yet. Me dancing alone was a huge step for me already, lol.

I approached a lot of girls and chatted them up. One girl (she was hot) I was about to kiss close but I got c*ckblocked by my friend. He's a good guy, but a bit of a chode. Every time when I was on a roll, he just mingled in the conversation and ruined the moment. I told him this afterwards and he didn't even realize that he was doing it.

I also broke into a group for the first time. There was this gorgeous blonde surrounded by four of these preppie motherf*ckers. Popped collars, hair combed back, I can't stand em. I just walked past them and started talking to the girl. We were standing next to a speaker so I couldn't really hear her. I told her to walk away from it a little bit so we could talk more easily. One of the guys looked pissed. I asked her if that was her boyfriend. She said no and as a response I just grabbed her and dragged her away. It was awesome, haha. We talked a bit more, I also did the aggressive touching and she liked it. This sh*t works, folks! It went great, until the one of her girlfriends came and just dragged her away. I had to leave for my bus anyway, I was kinda trying to end the conversation. I would had been cool if it ended in a kiss or a telephone number, but oh well. I learned a lot last night.

I'm slowly starting to see the light, and I'm slowly starting to realize it actually isn't that hard. All you really need is balls.



25,389

Safe touching= putting your arm around her, high-fiving, hug etc
Agressive touching= Pulling her body against yours, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her against you, ass-grabbing, pulling her against your d*ck

Very long time no update! The reason for this is that I'm really busy with all kinds of stuff. The other reason is that I find stuff stuff that I used to report like random conversations/flirting, isn't that interesting to report anymore, because I do it all the time. Last night I had a great night. Finally with some actual results.

I went to a city I hadn't visited before with a friend. We went to a few bars.

Bar #1:
Girls #1 and #2
We drank some beers, and a few feet away from us was this blonde girl. She looked hot. She was talking to some guy, but I could tell from a distance that he didn't play it right. He was talking to her with his arms crossed, and standing like a mile away from her. We made eye contact a couple of times and I made a funny face and she laughed. Ten minutes later, I walked in, interrupted the conversation she was having, and started a chat. She told me she was from England. We talked a bit, it was nice. I told her we were doing some bar-hopping, and said we'll be back in an hour or so, because this bar was cool, but it was pretty much empty. She said she still would be here in an hour. As we left, we exchanged names, as I shook her hand I held it just a little longer than needed and tickled her hand with my finger just before I let go. A pretty cool move I thought. She also had this fat friend, possible c*ckblocker. I chatted her up pretty good too, I felt like I was balancing it nicely and she seemed to be OK with it.

Bar 2:
Girls #3, #4, and #5
Crowded place, a beer cafe. It was cool. Not many girls in there, but there was one group of hot ones. I approached them and started talking. There were 3 of them, which made it hard to focus on the hot blonde one. She was a pretty, innocent looking girl, but she also had this freakyness about her that I found really hot. I noticed she had a tongue ring. We talked a bit and I don't know how it happened but we ended up talking about mushroom trips. Great subject to talk about if you both have done it some times. Lots of kino back and forth. The place was really getting too crowded and I was also still thinking about the prospect in bar 1. Just as we were about to leave I asked her her number and just at that moment her phone rang and she aswered it immediately (her phone really rang, it was not some BS story). This created a little weird moment, and I proceeded to talk to her friends. Again, throughout the conversation I jumped back and forth between them good enough for them to not get in my way or pull her away. When she was done talking I told her to give me her number, but she said she had a boyfriend. I wasn't into it enough yet at this point to be a bit more persistent, but it was still cool. I was approaching every set I wanted.

Bar #1 revisited:
Girls #1 and #2
We went back and yes, there they still were. I picked up the conversation right where we parted ways. At one point I was pretty much standing against her and talking to her while constantly looking her aggressively in the eyes like I was saying "I wanna f*ck the sh*t out of you". I could sense she bought into it too from the look in her eyes, that porno-look. Big pupils, constantly licking her lips and playing with her hair. Then, at one point, she sort of snapped out of it. She said "she had to get back to her drink". I didn't understand at first and asked her if she was "telling me to f*ck off'". She said no, not really, but she had a boyfriend and she was living with him. I guess I believed her, because her fatty friend told me earlier in the conversation she was living together. I was still happy, I seemed to turn her on.

Bar #3
Girls #6-probably#20
On the way to bar #3 I took a p*ss on the street right at the moment some cops walked by. They gave me a big fine and I started to talk sh*t and insults to them. I stopped this when they threatened with a night in the drunk tank. Still, it made me furious.

Standing in line of this club-type bar I was still pumped up and mad. I felt like breaking something or punching someone. I noticed people actually getting out of my way just by the vibe I was giving off. Once I realized this, this was funny to me, and it made it clear to me how much effect body language has. Just by the look on my face and the way I walked, people were now avoiding me. Thinking about this, it again made it clear to me that you can really almost 'take control' of others. I got over my anger and drank a beer.

I had promised myself that I wouldn't get wasted tonight, because I wanted to seriously work on approaching girls. And man, approaching I did. I pulled girls left and right off the dancefloor and got really sexual with them in the interactions. I experimented with pulling girls away from their friends, and leading the conversation. I lost count at how many approaches I did, but I just kept doing it over and over and over. I never did this before like this.

At one point there was this girl who I got really close with. I pulled her away from a group of 4, which was quite an achievement for me. I went in for the kiss twice but she told me she had a boyfriend (I was getting tired of that sh*t). "Are you planning on marrying this guy?", was my question. When she said "I'm in love, he's my everything, rainbows & sh*t etc, so at this point yes", I told her I didn't believe her. This went back and forth for a long time. I told her that I knew she wanted to kiss me just as bad as I wanted to kiss her. She kept telling me she had a boyfriend and every time I went in for the kiss she turned away. I told her "If you don't like what I'm doing, you should had walked away ten minutes ago", on which she answered that she liked me and she didn't want to go away. I kept being aggressive. I had my arms around her waist, puling her against me (or lets say, her crotch against my d*ck) but she just stayed strong. At one point I got tired of it and accepted the fact that not every girl will kiss other guys while she has a boyfriend. This was a great learning moment for me though.

At one point I opened another group. We talked a bit, and I extracted one girl from the group. She had an OK face, but a killer body. Especially a very nice ass. We talked and I was really all over her with the touching as well. She responded to this, which was nice. She told me she was nineteen and had never kissed someone. I told her that's okay, and I got my first kiss at 19 as well (this is true). She was kinda scared of it, and kept saying that she wanted to exchange numbers instead. We were standing at the entrance where it was pretty light, and I realized my mistake. There were lots of people that would see us here. I had the previous girl here too, and I took her here "because the music's too loud in the dance hall". So at one point I just said: "Come on, come here". I took her hand and just pulled her into the club area. I took her into a corner and kissed her. I didn't knew what was happening. This chick tried to eat my face! It took a few tries and she was embarrassed, but I made her comfortable. She told me I was sweet. At one point she got the trick and we had some good kissing going on. I ran my hands through her hair, up and down her back, grabbing that great ass, pulling her body (breasts) against mine etc. She put her hand on my chest and grinded a little. It was very hot. We were making out for fifteen minutes straight. At some point some clown-ass black dude came standing next to us and imitating the kissing. I pulled my mouth off of hers and just said to her "**** that guy" and turned 45 degrees and went on for another ten minutes till the houselights came on. The joint was closing.

We walked out, she wanted to hold my arm the whole time. My buddy and her friends were walking behind us as we all were walking towards the train station. We walked like thirty feet in front of them and every now and then I pulled her into some storefront or alley and made out for a few seconds. She found this funny and it was nice.

We parted ways at the station. We exchanged numbers but I'm not sure if I want to hang out again. Maybe, who knows. I didn't really got to know her, but this was pretty hot.


Bottom line
Seems like all the hard work is finally paying off! This is the first time in my life I actually made out with a girl I met at a bar/club. I'm on to something here. Approaching went so easy, so naturally. I could build a lot of sexual tension too. This is the start of something great, I can feel it!

I'll keep you guys updated, hopefully a little more often than this.





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Next Thursday I'll be going out with a friend. His whole class is going out and he told me I could tag along. 90% of his class are chicks. I can't wait. Will result in a story for sure.

Great

Man I just joined this site and I like your journal, it's awesome man. Glad to hear about the making out!

Some Tips

First off snowdog, I want to say that you are a huge inspiration for me. This journal made me want to start my own "Self Improvement Journal". You've done what 85% of people on this site dream of doing.

Now on to other things. I noticed I'm about the same place you are in your journey right now, except your aggressive kino has put you a few steps ahead of me. I like it that way though. I get to see what steps I need to take next in order to learn. Now I know what I need to do next, but I need to add experience to it.



I have noticed somethings and have some tips that will hopefully aid your game. I noticed that you pretty much have your inner game down to a 'T'. So now you need to work on your outer game. That's where routines come in.

Before I go any further, I want to acknowledge that you are a good conversationalist which is great. I admire that about you. But like you said in a lot of your other posts, you have trouble escalting. That's where some routines come in handy...

First go back and remember the stages of game; Open, Transition, Attract, Qualify, Comfort, Seduce.

OPEN: Self explanitory
TRANSITION: Move from an opening topic to a regular conversation.
ATTRACTION: Get the girl to a point to where she "wants" to continue talking to you. This is also the time where you get her to like you (obviously).
QUALIFY: This is where you let her know you like her.
COMFORT: Talk as normal friends would. Learn about eachother and get a little deeper with eachother.
SEDUCE: Getting you and the girl into a sexual state often ending in a number close/kiss close/f-close.


You don't have to go and constantly think about this, but just keep it in mind when your gaming. You seem to be good in all areas except for seduction. And that takes practice. Learning to kino sexually along with speaking softly and smoothly without making it obvious or awkward is hard. You have a great eye for body language, sexual tension, and stuff like that. Just gotta build off of those moments.

Take conversations to a sexual level by using sexual dialogue. Make the girl think about sex without directly talking about sex. Challenge the girl into sexual situations. Don't be afraid to have serious conversations about sexual topics (teach them something new about kissing and stuff. It's an attractive to women when guys teach them stuff, especially if your in a sexual state while talking about sexual topics). I say all this stuff assuming you've already gotten to a sexual point in your conversation.

Hope this helps. I'd be happy to give more detailed information if your interested. I was gonna write more, but I'm too tired. 

Good luck on Wednesday!!!

Oops, meant good luck Thursday!!

Diaforetikos said:

First off snowdog, I want to say that you are a huge inspiration for me. This journal made me want to start my own "Self Improvement Journal". You've done what 85% of people on this site dream of doing.

Now on to other things. I noticed I'm about the same place you are in your journey right now, except your aggressive kino has put you a few steps ahead of me. I like it that way though. I get to see what steps I need to take next in order to learn. Now I know what I need to do next, but I need to add experience to it.

Click to expand...

Thanks, man. The only way to get it right is to do it a lot. You gotta calibrate it. Once you throw good kino in the mix, stuff goes way easier. Touching >>>>>>>>>> talking.

I have noticed somethings and have some tips that will hopefully aid your game. I noticed that you pretty much have your inner game down to a 'T'. So now you need to work on your outer game. That's where routines come in.

Click to expand...

Down to a "T"? I don't understand what you mean by that, heh. I assume that's positive, though.

Before I go any further, I want to acknowledge that you are a good conversationalist which is great. I admire that about you. But like you said in a lot of your other posts, you have trouble escalting. That's where some routines come in handy...

First go back and remember the stages of game; Open, Transition, Attract, Qualify, Comfort, Seduce.

OPEN: Self explanitory
TRANSITION: Move from an opening topic to a regular conversation.
ATTRACTION: Get the girl to a point to where she "wants" to continue talking to you. This is also the time where you get her to like you (obviously).
QUALIFY: This is where you let her know you like her.
COMFORT: Talk as normal friends would. Learn about eachother and get a little deeper with eachother.
SEDUCE: Getting you and the girl into a sexual state often ending in a number close/kiss close/f-close.

You don't have to go and constantly think about this, but just keep it in mind when your gaming. You seem to be good in all areas except for seduction. And that takes practice. Learning to kino sexually along with speaking softly and smoothly without making it obvious or awkward is hard. You have a great eye for body language, sexual tension, and stuff like that. Just gotta build off of those moments.

Take conversations to a sexual level by using sexual dialogue. Make the girl think about sex without directly talking about sex. Challenge the girl into sexual situations. Don't be afraid to have serious conversations about sexual topics (teach them something new about kissing and stuff. It's an attractive to women when guys teach them stuff, especially if your in a sexual state while talking about sexual topics). I say all this stuff assuming you've already gotten to a sexual point in your conversation.

Hope this helps. I'd be happy to give more detailed information if your interested. I was gonna write more, but I'm too tired. 

Good luck on Wednesday!!!

Click to expand...

I see what you're trying to say. And to be honest, the less I think about all that stuff, the better it goes. From the moment I start touching her, and just act from my own desires, stuff goes automatically. It flows. Like I'm driving a car; I don't even have to think about it. It's really cool, fun and easy to do it once you get into that groove. I found out that if I'm open and honest about who I am and what I stand for, I'm doing good; and if I don't do good, then the girl just isn't worth it. I'm basically saying:

"Here I am. This is me. I'm a bit crazy, I like rock music, I don't take life too seriously, but I am myself. There's nothing in the world that will be able to take that away from me. I'm never awkward because I just don't give a f*ck. Do with it what you want, and if you don't like it, well that's your loss. I don't really care whether you like me or not, no matter how hot you are.

When I'm getting touchy, the way I do it and the way I look her in the eyes almost literally say: "I put my arm around you because I want something sexual from you. I like you, I want you."

This really resonated with me last week, and it worked amazingly for me. I never created this much attraction in so many different girls in one night before. It was like I found a light switch.

You say there that I should talk about sexual topics. I find this a bit hard, because I haven't had sex yet, so I don't know what I'm talking about. I can not pretend that I do, I just can't do it. I've already done that too much in my life. And no, just because I watched enough porn over the years, doesn't mean that I know what I'm talking about. So when it comes up, I have a hard time and kinda give mysterious answers about it, which also work.

I'm pretty quick with semi-naughty replies lately though. It works awesome, girls love it. A little example:


Example 1:
I was drinking this strong brand of beer. I said something like:

Me: This beer isn't for hard drinking. After three of these...
Girl: You lay on the floor.
Me: No, that's after probably six. After three, I start doing things like slapping your ass.


Example 2:
Waiting for the bus. Two girls walk by hand in hand. Obviously just friends having fun.

Me: You two are a charming couple
Girls: We're lesbo's
Me: Ouch! (high pitched, as in "ouch, that's hot")
Girls: hahaha hihihihihi


Those are just random little conversations I have with random girls that I don't even know. I do this ALL THE TIME, EVERY DAY. And it has improved me so much over time. I could post a thousand of these examples here. Saying stuff like this removes the fear of rejection and sounding stupid. You get used to putting yourself out there and having just fun with girls. Plus, this also taught me that you can get away with pretty much everything.

I'd describe what I'm doing here as suble, clever and a little dangerous. With "dangerous" I mean just enough of a sexual hint to ignite a little spark in her. I find that if you explicitly talk about sex, it scares girls away. Oh it's definitely sexual messages that I'm communicating, but this is under the radar.

I'm pretty damn confident that I'm actually getting good at this sh*t. I almost can't believe it!

keep it up snowdog niiiiiiice

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LMAO! Spam in my thread. That must mean it gets noticed by search robots by now. Damn!

I went out last night with one guy I met on another forum, Siar and his friend who I'll call Jack. We talked a bit beforehand while eating a burger before hitting the city. They were both cool guys. First we went to a small bar. There were almost only guys there and very few girls. At the door was a table with two Asian women sitting there. Siar didn't hesitate and sat down at the table and me and Jack joined. I'm not into Asians at all, but they were nice. We found out later that it was mother [50] & daughter [27]. The funny thing was, that the mother actually looked better. We hung otu a little and I was still getting into the zone. Siar and Jack were talking to them while I dank a beer and just chilled out. The daughter seemed interested in me later, but I didn't want anything of it. At one point they suddenly wanted to leave, which I was happy about. We left the bar also and went to some disco.

Plenty of girls here. After a while we got in the right mood and we were dancing and acting crazy. We sort of seperated at one point because I was approaching every group I saw. I've said this before, I don't have much club game because I hate the music and thus have a hard time getting into the vibe. I still went out approaching everything I saw. I started out pretty bad. I got a whole bunch of ugly rejections. I laughed it off every time and just went on to the next one. But, after an hour of this, it finally seemed to get to me. Don't get me wrong, it didn't hit me on a personal level; I didn't gave a **** about it in the sense that it made me feel bad or something. But I just felt tired (I had a loooong day that day also, and the couple of beers I had didn't help either) and I looked tired too when I saw myself in the mirror. I wandered around a bit and I knew what I was doing. I was wasting my time. I said to myself "Stop wasting time and get on with it. The only moment is now. You want to stay lame forever?".

I got into the zone and now it went better. I danced with this cute Swedish blonde but she wouldn't let me in too close. Later on as she walked past me I tried to number close but she told me she had a boyfriend. I danced with some other chicks and I managed to actually enjoy the sh*tty house music. I liked being in this zone.

I approached two girls who were standing at the bar, a hot tall blonde and a nice brunette. They were really standing close to each other and stroking each other a little. I just looked at them with a face that said "I like where this is going". They started laughing and the blonde said:

"We like each other"
-"That's hot"

They just giggled and sh*t. I don't remember what we talked about exactly but it was a very sexual conversation involding hot lesbian stuff. I was pretty aggressive with the kino on the blonde and I pulled her pretty close. At one point she said all giggly half drunk and horny as hell: "What do you want from me?"

Now, my dear readers, I wish I could write down that I just kissed her without saying anything, because this was the perfect moment for it, but I didn't. I felt it every fiber of my body that this was the moment, but I p**sied out and the moment was gone. F***ed it up. Back to the dancefloor.

At this point they played crazy brum & bass music and everyone went wild. There was this very hot brunette. She was dancing wild and crazy and she had something very sexual about her. She was dancing with some guy off and on and at the first opportunity I grabbed her towards me and grinded her. She laughed and liked it and basically was riding my leg. I pulled her against me and we danced for a while like this, it was very nice. Then that ****ing guy came back and pulled her away. The first moment I had the chance I pulled her back again. I asked "What's wrong with him?", she said: "Oh he's just jealous". The guy was getting pissed and pulled her back again. She was now dancing with him but facing me. I looked at her and made a gesture like "What are you doing? F*ck that guy, I'm better". She looked at me like "I'm sorry, I want to but I can't". I was like "f*ck it" and danced alone towards some other girls. One danced a little with me also, but not in the same porno style as the brunette did. Shortly after that, the house lights came on and I walked towards the brunette with the guy and I said:

"Are you guys a couple of something?"
"Guy: Yea, two and a half years now"
"Girl: Yea, yesterday two and a half years"

I laughed and said I was sorry cause I didn't realize it. "I'm sorry man, I'm not here to steal girlfriends. I thought you were just some dude that was trying to pick her up also. You have a hot girlfriend". He was now totally cool with it and smiling and shaking my hand etc. I thought this was pretty funny and now I understood the girl's behaviour a bit better. Everything she did and the way she reacted to me told me I was on the right track.


So, no makeouts today, but tons of approaches and a bit of dance game even! I learned a lot last night. It becomes easier and easier for me to approach, and the way it all goes down also goes better. I feel like I'm taking the final important steps to get good at this. Especially NOT GIVING UP AFTER GETTING TURNED DOWN is a big one.

Later on Siar and Jack told me they were impressed by the way I approached. They gave me some very useful tips for my appearance and body language. I'm still a bit insecure because I'm still relatively new to this, and this still shows a little. Useful stuff that I will take with me for sure.

Thanks for the great night, guys. It was fun and valueble!


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this is simply amazing!

im only at page 7 but i really love it all!
it really motivates me to see that you progressed so quickly!

hehe and your dutch to!
but keep it up!
it just had to react to this hehe!

SD, well done dude...
where do you go out?

[edit]double post...

I reached a new point in my life last week. This isn't girl related at all, but it's going to be an effect on it for sure, because it has given me a huge confidence boost.

If you read back in this thread, I ramble about my f***ked up youth and sh*t like that. Because of me being a depressed mess as a kid (for all its good reasons), I dropped out of high school, and did home studies from that point on. I got into university by getting all kinds of certificates.

And now, after many failures I finally got something in my hands that tells me that I can actually succeed at following an education. I finished my first year, got 60 out of 60 points. This means that they can't kick my ass out anymore, and I can spend 10 years finishing my study (if I want to). It's the first time I actually finished something of an education in a regular way.

Many people told me I couldn't do it, many people didn't believe in me (including myself a lot of times), but I just proved them, and myself, wrong. I am not a dumbass and I am not a failure. I just lost a hundred pounds off my shoulders by officially finishing this.

This is a major turning point for me, because I conquered something that has bothering me for over ten years.

I handled that sh*t. Now it's time to handle some other sh*t. It's summer time, the weather is getting nice, lots of parties and going out is coming soon. I feel like a million bucks.

God damn it, I feel good. F*CK YEA!!!


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