Advice Needed from Experienced DJ's ONLY

Do you really think so? Im younger than you and wanting to gain experience, Im 21 and i only really started making the effort with girls when i was 18, now that im finding it easier to get girls and stuff i still think this will be a confidence boosting experience where i improve my abilities in bed and get practice of being in a relationship and so on for when i meet someone i care about.

I dont want to meet someone good for me untill ive got that experience really.

sebastionay said:

Do you really think so? Im younger than you and wanting to gain experience, Im 21 and i only really started making the effort with girls when i was 18, now that im finding it easier to get girls and stuff i still think this will be a confidence boosting experience where i improve my abilities in bed and get practice of being in a relationship and so on for when i meet someone i care about.

I dont want to meet someone good for me untill ive got that experience really.

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Ok I can understand where your coming from about wanting to get experience. However you've mentioned sex within a relationship a couple of times and I think its good that you want to get good at sex.

With all that being said. The only thing your getting experience with right now is ALLOWING women to walk over you and disrespect you for the sake of getting pvssy.

Your allowing your goal to create a multitude of other bad habbits when dealing with people. The thing about being a Don Juan is about being a complete person. Your selling yourself short by staying with this women.

You know what, I've got a ***NEWSFLASH*** for you. You can get this experience with OTHER women that actually respect you and treat you like a human being. This chick tells you that she'd rather be with her ex than you, and then uses a copout about being drunk.

Don't let women treat you this way. You can get experience from other women. Its not a race, you are in your prime, you should be spending your time with good women that you life and that like you, not in unhealthy relationships.

I've been avoiding responding because I seen you as someone who was helpless because you seemed to be holding on to this women and didn't look like you could be helped. However I'm seeing glimpse that your using her to get experience for sex.

But don't you think there is a reason why ALL the guys in this thread are telling you to basically drop this sore excuse for a women from your life?

There are guys on this forum that realize that we are telling you this for a reason and make the hard decision to step back from a women. You can be one of these guys. She isn't the only women on the planet, there are many like her.

Can you explain to me what is so special about this women that you think you can't get from other women? Do you honestly think that you can't get another women to replace her to practice your sex with? Don't worry about screwing up with a good women because your 21 and the laws of nature pretty much guarantee that your going to screw up with ANY and EVERY women you date for the next 4 years at minimum.

My point is, just enjoy it. I'm not saying don't experience life, go ahead have relationships, but just enjoy them. Live, love, have fun and gain some experience.

edit1: going back to being disappointed and holding breathe after reading seb's replies.

MacAvoy said:

Ok I can understand where your coming from about wanting to get experience. However you've mentioned sex within a relationship a couple of times and I think its good that you want to get good at sex.

With all that being said. The only thing your getting experience with right now is ALLOWING women to walk over you and disrespect you for the sake of getting pvssy.

Your allowing your goal to create a multitude of other bad habbits when dealing with people. The thing about being a Don Juan is about being a complete person. Your selling yourself short by staying with this women.

You know what, I've got a ***NEWSFLASH*** for you. You can get this experience with OTHER women that actually respect you and treat you like a human being. This chick tells you that she'd rather be with her ex than you, and then uses a copout about being drunk.

Don't let women treat you this way. You can get experience from other women. Its not a race, you are in your prime, you should be spending your time with good women that you life and that like you, not in unhealthy relationships.

I've been avoiding responding because I seen you as someone who was helpless because you seemed to be holding on to this women and didn't look like you could be helped. However I'm seeing glimpse that your using her to get experience for sex.

But don't you think there is a reason why ALL the guys in this thread are telling you to basically drop this sore excuse for a women from your life?

There are guys on this forum that realize that we are telling you this for a reason and make the hard decision to step back from a women. You can be one of these guys. She isn't the only women on the planet, there are many like her.

Can you explain to me what is so special about this women that you think you can't get from other women? Do you honestly think that you can't get another women to replace her to practice your sex with? Don't worry about screwing up with a good women because your 21 and the laws of nature pretty much guarantee that your going to screw up with ANY and EVERY women you date for the next 4 years at minimum.

My point is, just enjoy it. I'm not saying don't experience life, go ahead have relationships, but just enjoy them. Live, love, have fun and gain some experience.

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No i do totally see what your saying, Im just finding it the easiest and most enjoyable option right now, as i said about the social proof and stuff, friday night is a friends birthday, guys only.

Im gonna meet her at the end though if i dont pull. its as simple as that, and if i meet her out and the social proof gives me an opportunity, ill get a number when she's in the toilet or whatever.

I do really listen to what you guys say and know that theres alot of truth and experience in your words, I also most likely think she is the wrong girl for me, but ill give her the chance to prove me wrong while im looking elsewhere, she is young afterall so i dont think its as set in stone as if a 24yr old did this to me.

Although ive had plenty of sex in the past i havent had so much intimate sex inside relationships and itl make me much more confident when ive gained experience in it so i think this is the best choice for me right now.

Thanks McAvoy i do know what you mean, Ill have fun with her withought letting myself get attached, I only found out from a friend last night that was brought up here that she's from one of the worst area's in an already very deprived city :/ lol!

So sebastionay. Why do you think your girl sent you that text message? Do you believe she truly meant what she said in that message? And why do you think she suddenly changed and reversed everything she said in said message?

I'd like to hear your perspective on this.

I think she followed emotion while pissed and not thinking clearly instead of logic, she told me since she started seeing me that she was seeing her x for a while before me but stoped because he only wanted sex and didnt give her any intimacy/care.

I think she's very lucky to be with me to be honest, i do believe she was drunk when she wrote the message, from how it was spelt and so on, she got ****y and thought she could mess around, but i let her stew for a while and now she'l never be taken seriously again by me really, it would take alot of work on her part which im guessing will just never happen.

And yeah i have had the 'you deserve much better than me' before but i dont believe she did anything with him.

I think what she needs are some negs tbh, Im getting the feeling that she wants to get into pole dancing for the glamour and end up with another bouncer or some young professional that drives a beamer, Thats very opposite to how she made herself out to me at first and i really dont like those girls.

I basicly think that her x dented her self esteem which already wouldnt have been that high, she was fat when she was younger. And that she had a deep down instinct to get back with him to recover her self esteem, but we all know it doesnt work out.


Ive been with a girl 'kinda' simular to her before, one that used to be fat when she was younger then got herself looking good and i can see the traits in her charecter wanting attention and stuff, I think one things that run through her head is that she could be the dominant one because im not a massivly dominant guy, and that then she could get me complimenting her lots, it wont happen though i learned not to a couple of years ago now.


I think she changed and reversed everything she said in the message because with a sober mind it became alot more obvious im the best guy intrested in her. I dont know if she's got a fvcked up logic when it comes to these things or what though and will end up seeing a bouncer/young professional like i said and chaseing after him instead.

If she does then ill have had plenty of sexual experience and wont be all that bothered because im starting to think that she's no good deep down.

Once again guys thanks for the comments, you made the situation much clearer for me, I dont think i would have been sucked in, but perhaps a little bit upset if it ended in a months time or whatever, I wont be at all now.

I think there's way too much animosity towards this girl on your part to ever entertain the idea of taking her back.

You may be right that this is a low self esteem girl, given her past. Just walk away. It sounds like you are planning to start negging her and telling her how lucky she is to be with you, and that stuff is disastrous for low self esteem girls. Leave them better than you found them.

Give me some foresight on that please, Ive been too nice in these situations in the past and its spelt the end for me, so im not certain what the effects will be, I do think she's just got a bit bigheaded though and needs taking down.


Tell me why your against negs please, what situations would you restrict yourself to using them to if at all (sounds like your against them altogether)


I dont like her chin so next she makes a comment about hoping for me to say no it nice or whatever ill pull a face lol!

She's never like hurt herself or anything in that past if thats what your getting at, and im sure she wouldnt.

also do you think seeing her 2 to three times a week is too much?

It sounds to me like you are just settling and clinging to COMFORT. You know she is there now (for how long? Not long, I guarantee she leaves before you do...) You have no other options, so you are keeping her around even though she totally disrespected you and basically told you she is still in love with her ex. Her ex obviously fvcked her over again and she came crying back to you. And you're keeping her around??? Give your head a shake. She's settling for you. You are settling for her because you have nothing else. Get out there.

You THINK you can keep having sex with her without getting "attached" while "you look for a replacement.." Good luck with that. As long as you let her back in and get comfortable again..you won't even be looking for a replacement until it looks for you. Which could take awhile.

You are settling into comfort. You must have low self-esteem if you are allowing her to walk back in that easily.

Negs are meant to be gentle teasing, but somehow they lost their purpose and became insults.

-Gentle teasing: "Haha, your accent is so cute...say [whatever word] again!"
-INSULT: "You'd be hot if you lost 10 pounds"

The chin thing is an INSULT. It's a body part she doesn't like and can not change. For you to make a face would be to validate her insecurity. She later will associate these BAD feelings with you.

The problem with the idea of taking value away from girls to make them feel lower than is you is that when you make a person feel unsexy, they don't want to have sex with you. NEVER critique a girl's physical appearance, even in response to an insult. She will NEVER forget the mean things you said to her and will later (perhaps rightfully so) use it as an excuse to get rid of you when her interest level wanes. Also, you had better believe that she will tell everyone within earshot what a d!ck you are.

Again, gentle teasing about personality quirks, etc. is GREAT. Confident men don't need to neg. Show your value through action--only THAT will show her how high value you are without a doubt.

ok ill leave her chin out of it then :/

Is seeing her 2-3 times a week too much?


SunnyD - It is true that i want a loving relationship where i would get comfort and whatever, I dont want it from her right now though, most likely never.

Alright guys thought id update things ive got a question, Is it good or bad if your gf denies you sex? She does this rarely but says its so that i appreciate it more/look forward to it more next time :S

Also im going away for about a month and a half soon and said to her, 'do you still want to be together when im away?' (as if im not bothered) and she looked upset and then cried im taking this as a sign she really likes me.

All in all were enjoying eachothers company and having a good time with eachother in general though. Look forward to hearing your replies!

bump!

sebastionay said:

Is it good or bad if your gf denies you sex?

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What does it matter?

No matter what we tell you you won't listen :crackup:

Anywho, as for your question, yes it's a bad sign could be a red flag that she is ****ing someone else

yo sebastian, am happy for you that you got the girl! dont listen to these haters in here who are just jealous because they can't get a girl. you did the right thing by going with how you felt. you felt like you still care for her and wanted her back and you got her... mission accomplished!!! in the end, only you know what's best for you and if it makes you happy and you're will to live with the consequences of your actions, then go for it, and you did just that!

So what if you guys break up in a month or two, and you may not, but you won't know unless you try, so you wont wonder what could of been... because you have givin all you got, and in the end if it doesnt work out, atleast you tried... and then if it still doesnt work out, then you can move on, it may take some time, but trust my you will find someone new and better!!!

Max that crap got old weeks ago I wouldnt write here if i didnt read the advice given, and ive replied to all your posts so if your only posting here to argue dont, you will end up ignored. I needed experience of being in a relationship so doing it with a girl i dont rate as 10/10 is letting me go through the whole experience with alot more clarity of thought and is alot less likely to hurt me or hurt me less than a girl i really care about, I want to have all the kinks ironed out by the time i meet the next right girl, and ive learned an awful lot with this one so far.

Anyways if anyone wants to answer my question id really appreciate it.

Ok at this point she is only good for a shag or too maybe three but you need to treat her as bad as you can but tell her you want her also. That is the only way to keep shagging her... a relationship is not on the cards..

Sex is not a bargaining chip. It is a necessary part of a healthy relationship.
Next time she withholds sex, you need to disappear for a few days to let her know that, far from wanting it more, you are actually losing interest in her.


Is this the same girl as before??

DonGorgon said:

Ok at this point she is only good for a shag or too maybe three but you need to treat her as bad as you can but tell her you want her also. That is the only way to keep shagging her... a relationship is not on the cards..

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We enjoy eachothers company just as much as sex, and she's fully aware that she is my GF if you read the thread properly u would know that.

Jeffst1980 said:

Sex is nota bargaining chip. It is a necessary part of a healthy relationship.
Next time she withholds sex, you need to disappear for a few days to let her know that, far from wanting it more, you are actually losing interest in her.


Is this the same girl as before??

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Thanks for the clear advice, because of my inexperience i really wasnt sure.

She rang me earlier because she was at an Anne Summers party and spent a fortune for stuff were gonna use of Friday so i suppose it was a big deal to her.

I will turn down seeing her for a while and state to her that sex isnt a bargaining chip if she does that ever again.

And i will make it clear that it causes me to loose intrest.

And yeah it is the same girl from before, I think she has strong feelings for me.

She was due a period so thats what the excuse was for.