My self-improvement program

Alright!

Last week i had a job interview. I recently quit my study because i didn't like it, and i will start a different one after the summer holiday. Till then i'm going to work full-time.

I e-mailed them with a good letter (i'm good at writing, i always was). I got invited for an interview with a phone number i had to call. It was a woman on the other end of the phone and the conversation went great. I made jokes but still kept it polite enough to stay professional. Then i made an appointment for the actual interview. It was a blonde girl, nice figure and a pretty hot face. She really had a vibe of confidence. I mean, if you'd see her in a photo, you'd probably not find her attractive. But her vibe, her naughty-ish way of smiling, screamed "i'm a beast in bed and i know it". The interview went fucking great. I was totally confident, held eye contact and was ****y as hell compared to my usual style.

some examples:

(her telling about the company, it's a huge computer store that's aimed at customizing your own computer)
Her: the average age of people working here is around 25
Me: alright, so i'll be bringing down that average a bit, haha (i'm 21)
Her: yea, i guess (i could tell she liked the funny little comment)
Me: And of course,.. you too [big shark smile]
Her: ha ha [breaking eye contact, looking down] i guess

BOOM GOAL i yelled inside my head. Another example:

Her: We have a really informal atmosphere here
Me: So i shouldn't say 'you' to you (in Dutch, there are two ways of saying the word you to someone. One normal way, and one formal/respective way. The last one is used in buisness meetings, people who are your boss, the elderly, the police etc... If you'd use the informal way in those situations, it's considered inappropriate or even offensive/disrespectful)
Her: noooo, i'd feel old hahaha
Me: Ah get outta here. I already made clear i don't think you look old (i guess her around 25)

She loved it. It was awesome.

Another one:
Her: We also dress casually, so you don't have to worry about that
Me: Well i guess i'm a bit overdressed here (i had my suit on)
Her: No. That's good, you did great.

Sweet, a compliment.

She also told me she thought it was cool i played the electric guitar (i also had a section of 'hobbies' in my profile i sent them)

To test my basic PC-knowledge, there was a mainboard with some cards in it and i had to tell what was what. When we both left the room i spasticly looked left and right and pretended to put one of the cards that was on the mainboard in my blazer to steal it. She laughed her ass off and thought it was the funniest thing.

The very next day i got a call that i got the job.


Afterwards i couldn't believe how confident, relaxed and cool i was during that conversation. A year ago i wouldn't be able to pull this off. I'm not hooking up with chicks yet or getting laid, but this is definitely a very nice and big step in the right direction. I'm now being calm, confident and in control of situations and conversations with chicks that are HOT. This is normal for a lot of guys, but this is new for me. The confidence and coolness i radiate outw_ards (is that a swear word? Just turn that stupid nonsense filter off for ****s sake) is times 1000 compared to a year ago. I worked two days there now [just got home] and all my collegues love me (even though i'm a ****ing newbie idiot who asks stupid questions every 5 minutes). I'm getting out of, what you guys call, the AFC zone. **** YEA. I feel ****ING GREAT.

Another update soon...

I also send messages over this myspace-kind of website with the girl from my previous post. She isn't very responsive, but hey, she does respond. You can virtually 'do' things to other people on that website, like kicking, flirting with or tickeling someone. I send one of those things, namely 'tickeling' (it shows [name] has tickeled you). She replied with "i can handle tickeling". I responded with "i pinch you". She hasn't replied yet. No worries, it's not like it's an IM system or something. Plus i saw she hadn't logged on yet after i sent that thingy, so she definitely replied to my stuff. Sweet!

Some updates compared to my first post:

Sleeping
When i get home from work i'm so ****ing tired i sleep like a baby.
Improvement:75%

Dating
Still no dates...
Improvement:0%

Weed
Stopped completely. Don't care about it anymore.
Improvement:100%

Alcohol
What can i say, i still love to party. I get wasted still every now and then, but not as often as before. Last weeks are pretty peaceful, but I probably almost killed myself on new years eve. I can't believe how drunk i was. It was really bordering on dangerous.
Improvement:10%

Working out
Go 3 times a week now, getting a body that girls would consider 'hot'. 6 pack and all.
Improvement:****in 100%

College
Currently stopped, full time job at the moment.
Improvement:none really, just a temporarily change%

General Confidence
Really improved the last two months. Compared to the first post:
Improvement:75%

brett012 said:

**** man, you stopped going to college? That has got to be the best place to meet women. Oh well, I guess the tougher it is to meet women, the greater the accomplishment.

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Yes, i know. However, in the job i have at the moment, i deal with people ALL DAY. So this is great for my general conversation skills. Not many women though [what do you expect? i sell computers for f*cks sake].

snowdog said:

Her: You play an instrument too?
Me: Yea, electric guitar. You missed me?

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Great example! It shows that her initial attraction towards you did have NOTHING to do with your insane guitar skills, but rather with your insane amount of confidence (gained from those skills).

Now we could just conjure that king-of-the-world confidence whenever we wanted... without having to jam for an hour beforehand. Damn that would be something.

Thanks.

Another update:
Last night i went clubbing with a bunch of my friends. The initial plan was not to go, but they still managed to talk me into it. Plus i already got drunk enough at my friends' place, so all the money i had to pay was entrance. I was in the party mood. All the time i walked around there i felt 100% confident and awesome. I never had that feeling so strong in an enviroment like this. I noticed girls checking me out. Probably also because of my physique because i have been working out a lot. I approached and talked with more girls on that evening then i ever did before. I also used a whole lot of kino for the first time. And the graet thing is is that i wasn't scared of it anymore and that it came kinda natually. The noteworthy exchanges:

#1:
I started talking with a woman that looked a little bit older then me. She was hot and usually i get intimidated by women that are hot AND older then me. (call me weird but i think women in their late twenties to their half thirties are HOT. It's just a turn on for me) Not this time. During the conversation she laughed a lot and SHE kino-ed ME also a lot. One point in the conversation:

Her: but you're kinda young aren't you? haha
Me: Well you can guess my age (i kino her)
Her: 20
Me: You're close, but wrong
Her: 19 ahahah
Me: no, wrong
Her: 18?
Me: I'm 21
Her: ah i see hahaha (she was laughing out loud the whole time even when i wasn't making jokes). Well how old do you think i am? (she kino's me by putting her hand on my chest)
Me: Hmmm..... lets see. I think probably 26, 27
Her: Yea! I'm 27
Me: Ha, you see. I guessed it right

I had a little victory there, but i didn't exploit it enough. I could had done more with it. I could had said something like "i may be a little young but honey i ain't naive" (respect to you if you know where that line comes from).

She was eating out of my hand, she loved all my jokes and thought i was an awesome funny guy. But i ran out of material to talk about after a while. I still don't really know how to turn a conversation sexual. It starts to frustrate me a little bit. She gave me plenty IOI's, if i had played my cards right, i probably could had at least kissed her. The conversation went great though. I was relaxed, 110% cool and Alpha. Yea, that's the right word, i was f*cking alpha that entire night. Later i saw her on the dancefloor but i was too much of a p*ssy to go dance with her. Still, i never got so close and got a woman that was very high value (older and hot) to get attracted to me.


#2
I notice two girls standing near the wall dancing a bit. I ask them both why they are standing next to the wall and don't dance in the middle so they have more space to party. One was an 8, the other one an 8.5. The conversation went again great and after a wile i walked away to dance some more and get something to drink. Half an hour later or so, i saw them sitting on a couch and i sat next to them. I started talking to the hottest one and she seemed into me. I sat close and she gave me lots of IOI's again. She seemed a little shy. Her friend didn't ****block at all, which was nice and something new to me. Again, the convesation went great, but i couldn't turn it sexual. I was on top of the situation, in control, i was cool, funny and charming and they loved me. But i couldn't create sexual tension. Sometimes it just happens out of nowhere and sometimes i just can't. I simply dont' know what to talk about to create it. If i did everything right, i probably could had ended up making out with her on that couch. Although i kino-ed a lot, I didn't have the balls to put my arm around her. It didn't seem appropriate either, because the atmosphere wasn't 'hot' enough. After a while they leave and go dancing again and i go with them. This is where i made a mistake. I was too needy to go immediately with them and then i tried too hard to dance with her. Every time i put my hands on her hips she pushed me away. I went too fast. My dancefloor game is still crippling, although i'm not afraid anymore to dance agressively and have fun. If i ended the conversation with a number close, it might had worked, who knows. I was hoping for a kiss close, but i messed it up. Too bad. I learned a lot though.


Summed up:
Good sh*t:
-Confidence! I suddenly gained so much of it! Compared to two weeks ago i went up with 500% or so. Like BOOM. All the time i walked around there i felt like i was the f*cking boss of that place and everyone in it.
-Being dominant/alpha.
-Not scared anymore to approach/open hot girls and hold a semi-proper conversation with them.
-Make girls want to listen to me. They really wanted to hear what i had to say.
-Kino. Doing it a lot more and a lot more natural.

Things to work on:
-Dancefloor game. I'd say that has developed 25% so far. I'm still improving, but slowly. I'm not confident enough to know how to be in control and chill enough to not become needy. I either wait too long to go dance with a girl, or i scare her away because i get frisky too soon/too much. My slow progress compared to the rest probably has also to do with that i don't like techno.
-Create sexual tension in a conversation.
-Kino. Although i've improved a lot, still needs work.
-Knowing when to go for a number, or a kiss.

Progress
Confidence: 100%
Opening without fear and hesistation: 90%
Conversation skills: 80%
Dancefloor game: 25%

I'll keep you guys updated!

I would love to have some feedback.

A little update:

Man, i could post this every day. I feel great! I'm confident about everything, feeling good in my own skin. I'm starting to automaticly naturally flirt with women. The funny thing is, any women. It's like this instinct buried inside me towards the opposite sex is awakening.

When i walked into the gym i walked into my buddies' ex. I never really felt anything for her but we started a chat because i didn't see her for half a year. I gave her 3 kisses on the cheeks. She was really interested in me, which was nice. After a while in the conversation she started asking about how long i was going to the gym and stuff and that i looked good. She seemed into me. It's funny that girls i don't really care about are attracted to me.


Another little encounter with the hot gym girl i talked about earlier. Man, i think i'm having a little crush on that girl. She is really pretty, really hot, and really sweet. I want her. It doesn't stop me from flirting with, and hitting on other girls though, but she is #1 in my list. Conversation went pretty OK. I didn't have much eye contact because she didn't really looked my in the eye that much. I also had the feeling she kinda avoided me that evening. What could it be, i'm wondering... Am I making her shy? That would be something... I needed an evaluation of my program.

During the conversation i made a funny comment and she really laughed about it. She was about to plan me in with some new instructor and i said something like: 'you aren't gonna book me with some noobie are ya?' She thought it was funny. There was another male instructor also, and this didn't help me. I can't really flirt full-on with girls when other dudes are around me, especially if they're friends/co-workers of the girl. I know, i know... i shouldn't give a sh*t and normally I don't, but around this girl i can only be comfortable when i have all the space i need and don't get bothered by anything. She's a... special case for me, lol. I know i should had made a comment, lightly joking, to make a 'date' with her to evaluate my program or something among the lines of that. But i was too bothered by the other guy. The short moments of eye contact were kinda weird, because she was a little uncomfortable it seemed, which made me a little uncomfortable. Because of that, i wasn't confident enough to kino and i think i was smiling a bit too much. I didn't felt insecure, i just didn't knew what to say a couple of times.


I still gotta work on a lot of sh*t, but that's why i started this program in the first place. Every time i encounter some difficulty like this one, i just compare where i am now with where i was when i started. That gives me new motivation.

brett012 said:

ask her out for valentine's day

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... and destroy in a few words everything you have worked on... :crackup:

brett012 said:

ask her out for valentine's day

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I don't think that's such a good idea.
That's exactly what i would had done a few years ago.


I'd like to hear some of you guys' opinions on what it could be that this girl is behaving this way. She never really acted like this, and i never really dealt with her in a way that could put me in the 'friend zone', so that's not it.

You asked for feedback and I would give you that, but just recently I've gotten a beter view on things, and IMO self-Improvement is self destruction. I don't need to be like some model, I don' need a name of some retard on my clothes, I don't need to hear doctor phil's crap to feel right about my life. I thought I did but I don't. I don't need to be a bodybuilder or whatever, The way to succes my friend is not how much money, it is your view on life. It is the pursuit of happyness, if you feel happy then you are TRUELY succesfull. I trully doubt that self-Improvement (as in building yourself up to something you probebly see in the media...) is the way.
Anyway, if the things you are doing are making you happy then please do proceed and best of luck, but don't loose yourself while your doing so, because you'll start feeling like sh*t and your self-improvement will become self-destruction like I said before.

Self-destruction can lead to good things... look at all those awesome rock bands.

snowdog said:

Self-destruction can lead to good things... look at all those awesome rock bands.

Click to expand...

Touché

Alrighty. A pretty big update.


The weekend
On the weekend one of my neighbors threw a party because one of them got 40. They had a beer tap there so i was there too. I got drunk. I talked with pretty much every 40+ woman there. One asked me where i worked. I told her "I work at [company name]. I sell computers. Sexy isn't it?". She thought it was awesome. I also had a chat with two lesbians there about their relationship, and the sexual side of that relationship. When i was gonna leave, the wife of the guy that was 40 litterately pulled me back and told me i had to stay. She also told me i had to invite her to tap beer if i ever throw a party.

Flirting with (older) women i'm not nessecairily attracted to + alcohol = me being awesome. I really need that same attitude with every girl. I KNOW I HAVE IT IN ME. I prove that to myself every time at events like this. They kino ME all the time.


Girl 1
Today there was an indoor-karting event for the company i just started to work for. Great, i love **** like that. The sexy girl i had the job interview with also participated. A lot of collegues and my superiors were around, so i did have a little trouble flirting to the max. We joked around a bit, i made her laugh a couple of times. I even kino-ed her a little, but not a lot (touching her arm to get her attention is as far as i got). At the start grid of the track, i made that gesture where i point first at my eyes and then at her. Like, 'i'm, watching, you'. She found it funny and started gesturing back like 'bring it on'. I ended 4th, and she acutally kicked my ass getting placed 3rd (out of 50, so i still rule. I did also beat both my bosses). Afterwards we didn't talk a lot, but the short moments involved eye contact and constant smiling. I joked that she won because she was 'lighter then me, and thus faster'. 2nd round she beat me again, but only with 1/10 of second. That b7tch can drive i tell ya. I prepared a smooth way of saying 'we're a good challenge for each other', but i didn't got the chance, or i didn't CREATE it probably. I wasn't 100% comfortable with all my collegues (and superiors) watching. Oh well, i still created a bit of rapport. I could have done better i guess, but i'm honest to myself; i'm not a Don Juan, that's why i'm working on improvement. I want to tell her i want revenge, and i want to 'discuss the rules while having a nice beer in a bar'. I have a feeling she likes me. She flirts back all the time, and a lot of the guys that work there are huge AFC's, just like me 2, 3 years ago.


Funny random encounter
At that karting place, we also had dinner. After the first round, i hung around in the bar area a bit and was watching the other people race. The waitress (probably half in her thirties, a 7) asked me "you're coming upstairs?" (as in, 'coming with the group). I almost automaticly replied with a half joking/sexual voice: "Hmmm... well...." [while looking her in the eye with a naughty face]. She laughed about it and kinda pushed me away playfully and everyone around us found it funny. Great!


Girl 2
Girl behind the bar. Most of you would rate her 7, but she was just the type i'm a sucker for. She had an awesome ass too. A great behind on a girl is almost as important as the face to me. I initiated a conversation using the 3second rule i've starting to use (and that helps a lot). I asked for the prices for karting and asked if i knew her from something. We didn't. It was kinda an akward conversation, i didn't have anything interesting to talk about, plus my collegues watching "the new guy" (me) flirting with any girl within reach were making me a little bit nervous. I talked in a flirty matter, and she really seemed to like me i could tell from her body language and facial expression. I shoulda used that same line i made up on the spot in the weekend "I sell computers, sexy isn't it?". But i was too much of a p#ssy. There was a bit of a sexual tension, and it came from her, not from me. This is good, of course, but I didn't really know what to say, which made me feel stupid. I really gotta work on that a bit more. I asked her name and she told me, i didn't ask for her number because i didn't feel like we had enough good conversation.I was also scared of being rejected in front of my collegues, which is of course the most stupid ****ing bull **** in the world. I gotta get negative **** like that out of my system. I succeded with that for a pretty big part, but not yet 100%.


Girl 3
The girl i met at the blues bar i've been chatting on the internet a bit with on this myspace-kinda like site. I couldn't make it last time, and i asked her how it was. She replied that it wasn't as fun as last time, and invited me for a live show she's going to do with her band soon. Sweet. I haven't replied yet. But i'm gonna today or tomorrow.



Conclusion
Sooo, a little bit more experience gained, but still no closing. I know what i need to work on, and i'm going to do just that. Keep watching this thread!

I keep posting in this thread as much as possible because it helps me. Writing down all my rights and wrongs helps me keeping track of my progress and i find it fun sharing my experiences with others. I may help others too even.

I find it hard to describe where i am at this moment. At the go-karting event i noticed one clear change, i wasn't one of the AFC's anymore. I was at the table with some guy who tried to impress everyone by telling how much drunk on holiday (OMG i drunk like 15 tequila shots) and trying to be cool (yea, and after going out you just f*ck some random b7tch you don't care about etc...). It was so obvious that he was just talking bs to impress people. I told him i didn't believe he drank 15 shots on one evening (the guy was a skinny little sh*t) and he tried to impress everyone even more. Later when i was talking with any girl he was just standing there with his arms crossed and this closed, insecure posture. ...along with a whole bunch of others. Even one of my bosses, who is a bit nerdy but does have a girlfriend, was standing with his arms crossed and being obviously a little nervous. This was with the chick who beat me at go-karts... like i said, she isn't exactly pretty, but she's hot and has a lot of sex-appeal and she's just cool. I mean, she ended up #3 in the entire list of 50 people with 99% guys.


Where am I now? I'm in-between the AFC and the DJ zone i think. Sometimes i get a little bit in the DJ zone, and sometimes i fall back into the AFC zone. It really depends on my mood and energy level.

I don't get nervous anymore around girls and i am able to talk to them normally. I can get them to laugh and when i'm on a roll, i can get them interested in me. Although I don't get nervous anymore, I do get silent sometimes. Like in the last post. It's really frustrating some times. Funny thing is, i can strike up any random conversation with any guy, because i just don't give a s#it.

Gimme some feedback.

First of all, i discovered something myself that changed another big thing in my style. So much, i decided to create a whole thread for it. Check it here.

I had to change my contract at my job today because of my school starting again soon. So... i had to have a talk with the hot chick that kicked my ass with karting and hired me. Every time i talk with her she instantly smiles/sexy eye contact. It is really what i almost would call full-on flirting. And the cool thing is, i'm totally chill and cool around her. No nervousness/weirdness.

I stopped her in the hallway and asked for an appointment to change the contract. She told me she'll have it fixed 'this afternoon'. I said: "This noon? Wow, you're not only fast on the track" (referring to the karting session). She laughed out loud because of it. It was a genuine laugh, not out of politeness. I'm getting sharper at little witty comments like that. During the conversation she really leaned forward towards me (showing some sweet cleavage) at one point. I'm having the feeling she's starting to like me more and more. Very slowly and little by little there becomes a sexual tension around us when we talk.

In the lunch room, i had a talk with a collegue who is really shy around girls. He complained he couldn't get a girlfriend, and i told him "that it'll work itself out". The hot girl walked in halfway our conversation and she told us (for no apperant reason) that she was single. Is that an IOI? I think it very well could be. Conversation went on:

He: i can get a girlfriend, that sh*t sucks
Me: don't worry man, it'll work itself out
He: well on the other hand, i don't think i can handle being around a woman all day
Me: well what the F@#$ are you complaining about?!?
Her: hahahaha yea

I didn't say it in a mean way. I said it as a joke, and i didn't mean it in a way that is negative of any kind. Hell, i'm pretty much in the same position as he is. Only a bit better... and still improving.

He laughed about it, she laughed about it even though she wasn't even 'in' the conversation (thus was listening to us talk).


I'll keep you updated on this. I'm a little careful because she is still my superior. If i f*ck up or do something stupid, my new job that i love is also on the line.


Next weekend i'm going to one of the hippest clubs in the area because one of my buddies is celebrating his birthday and after some proper drinking we'll go to that club. I'll probably hate everyone there (seriously, f*ck those semi-f@ggot poser ass-holes you find in those places) but there are lots of hot b*tches there too.

I think i just found out why i'm having trouble with the very last bit.

I'm inexperienced.


When i'm at a party, i'm having fun with the girl etc... but the kiss close is always scary to me. I think this is because i haven't got much experience at that. I only kissed one girl, ever. How to solve this? Hmmm, i think i'm just gonna have to go for it and hope for the best. This is gonna be hard for me actually. This is one of the very last things i'm still insecure at.

Nah it can't be a big deal. There is a first for everything. It's all in our heads. And it's hard to overcome it. But we'll get there. Always be positive (this is also a good thing that will attract girls and people in general. Big smile on your face)

I called a girl today i known for a while. We're always having fun when we're hanging around together. She's even crazier then i am. I wanted to ask her out but she was in an entirely different country. I joked around that i didn't care about the call charges because she pays most of it anyway, she found it hilarious. It was funny because i totally ruled this unexpected situation.. When she's back i'm gonna call again for sure.