Too many plates

guru1000 said:

A plate is not one date. A plate is defined as a girl usually starting betwen 2-4dates that has some sort of emotional investment in you.

Try spinning 4 plates with a full time business and then you will understand the time factor.

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This is exactly the situation I'd want to avoid. I just don't see any fun in it. The juggling becomes another job.

See how well things work out...I just got a call from potential plate #2, who was in out of town for the last week. We're getting together for lunch on Sunday afternoon. Then Sunday evening, I will be free to attend a massive Superbowl party -without- either plate, able to expend any and all efforts to further extend my possibilities. Sweet!

thirdtimescharm said:

Other than timing, what do you mean?

My thinking is if I meet her and we have any chemistry at all, then I've got 3 women that I have to juggle. Too many, to expensive, not enough days in the week.

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THe trick is to assess all three and select the top 2 (which means dropping one ) But you need to audition the match.com chicka - She may be great.
Do not try to stall for time with her or put her on the backburner. You need to build connection with her fast because internet connections are flimsy to start and need work .IF you do not "hook" her in well enough her IL will drop with the next interesting guy who comes along..

thirdtimescharm said:

This is exactly the situation I'd want to avoid. I just don't see any fun in it. The juggling becomes another job.

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Remember juggling and spinning are different.

The word juggling requires work. Effort is necessary.

Spinning plates IDEALLY SHOULD be effortless. I too am guilty of this crime.

When you SPIN correctly, you are in the driver's seat. Without the scarcity mentality, you ideally do whatever you want. This includes not be obligated to return a phone call, not owing explanations for lateness or MIA, and not engaging in any other sort of seemingly normal obligations that many be time consuming. It certainly SHOULD be no work without obligations. This is the correct way to SPIN.

thirdtimescharm said:

The one who I had the 2nd date with shows the most potential. How much potential? Enough that she texted me the following day and said "had so much fun last night, looking forward to seeing you again."

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What she said really doesn't mean sh1t.

guru1000 said:

Remember juggling and spinning are different.

The word juggling requires work. Effort is necessary.

Spinning plates IDEALLY SHOULD be effortless. I too am guilty of this crime.

When you SPIN correctly, you are in the driver's seat. Without the scarcity mentality, you ideally do whatever you want. This includes not be obligated to return a phone call, not owing explanations for lateness or MIA, and not engaging in any other sort of seemingly normal obligations that many be time consuming. It certainly SHOULD be no work without obligations. This is the correct way to SPIN.

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That's a great distinction Guru. Just like any skill though, the ability to spin effortlessly requires practice. And until you're able to operate without that scarcity mentality, you're just an AFC anyway.

mrRuckus said:

What she said really doesn't mean sh1t.

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Quite possibly correct, Ruckus. I am more concerned with her actions than her words. However, I don't think there is anything wrong with taking these words as an indication of continuing interest at the very least. It shows that I am still on her mind, and that she was willing to do something to communicate that fact.

thirdtimescharm said:

Quite possibly correct, Ruckus. I am more concerned with her actions than her words. However, I don't think there is anything wrong with taking these words as an indication of continuing interest at the very least. It shows that I am still on her mind, and that she was willing to do something to communicate that fact.

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haha, considering i'm coming off a situation where she said basically the same things, told me she was going on birth control since she's having sex with me, asked me on the way home from her place if i missed her yet after making out with me to say bye, thanked me for coming over, wished me sweet dreams a few hours later, and then starting the NEXT DAY barely talking to me at all when before she was ringing my phone off the hook and chasing me around, i would not believe any words to be an example of "continuing interest."

I'll believe it when she's calling ME asking ME to go out.

mrRuckus said:

haha, considering i'm coming off a situation where she said basically the same things, told me she was going on birth control since she's having sex with me, asked me on the way home from her place if i missed her yet after making out with me to say bye, thanked me for coming over, wished me sweet dreams a few hours later, and then starting the NEXT DAY barely talking to me at all when before she was ringing my phone off the hook and chasing me around, i would not believe any words to be an example of "continuing interest."

I'll believe it when she's calling ME asking ME to go out.

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I hear you. We all know women flake for seemingly no reason at all, at times when we think things are going great. Typically, I would expect a flake at exactly the moment you think it least likely to happen. So in your situation, you have absolutely no clue what changed? Because obviously something did...something leading up to that morning, something that she "slept on" (because it doesn't sound like you spent the night with her), and when she woke up, she flaked.

Yo Thirdtimescharm,

JOPHIL has an excellent observational summary on how some women only remain attracted to a man based on how strong and consistent a "chemical" high she can get from being with him. And once those kinds of women no longer FEEL that same high, they IMMEDIATELY exit: STAGE LEFT, even. I'm sure he can explain it better than I just did, so maybe he'll chime in again.

But here's a repost of ONE of my many explanations on why a woman might flake on a guy:

I too, have experienced just HOW FAST a woman can REVEAL she's secretly gone from liking you to loathing you.

Yes, my experience is that once most women divest themselves emotionally from you, the level of inconsideration that she shows you can be SHOCKING (and even DEVASTATING for the unlearned (AFC) ).

Yes, as Seinfeld would probably say:

SOME Women are RUTHLESS...they are WITHOUT "ruth"....lol

MOST women are lifelong actresses. They have been perfecting their "craft" since birth. They are skilled at saying one thing and meaning another. They are skilled at acting one way while FEELING another way entirely. Many do this as some eschewed means of self-preservation or conflict avoidance. But there are also those who do this to RUN A POWER MOVE on you.

This is why you must always only be cautiously optimistic about whatever good signals a woman gives you early on in your romantic interactions with them. Many here believe that most women are so erratic only due to their inability to control their emotions. And while this may be true, I disagree that this is the ONLY reason. In fact, I believe that at least an EQUAL number of the more "maliciously manipulative" women really have quite a firm grasp on their emotions.

And those that fit THIS particular category are the ones who ACT, they put on a PERFORMANCE to attract you, to bait you in-------THEN that's when they "decide" whether or not to let you get within range to affect their emotions.

And if they find you "wanting" for any reason whatsoever, THAT'S when they drop your ass for what you may think is "no reason" whatsoever. In fact, it is because they have been ACTING all along that many women like this are even ABLE to do this.

You see, a man can only have a significant emotional impact on SOME women only when she opens the door to allow him to. And that's the objective of the whole ACTING scenario in a nutshell. If a woman deems you worthy enough for her to DROP HER ACT, then that announces the beginning of her willingness to expose herself emotionally to you.

And ironically, this also explains why the reverse is also true. Many guys in long term relationships WONDER how it is a woman that they have been with for years can (seemingly) drop them coldly, callously, and quickly at the END of the relationship.

Well NOW you know the reason, don't you, soldier?

It's because at some point she "decided" to AGAIN close herself off emotionally towards them, and then, out of either self-preservation OR malicious manipulativeness, WENT BACK TO ACTING-----just like she was doing at the START of the relationship.

This is why you should NEVER put too much stock in how a woman "ACTS" around you UNTIL you have experienced at least 2 to 3 months of her demonstrating CONSISTENTLY good behavior towards you. This way, you at least have enough HISTORY with her to reference as you evaluate the legitimacy of her feelings towards you.

So use this Intel to better serve you in your battle to differentiate between women who are worthy of YOUR emotional investment from those who are NOT. :rockon:

VU, thanks for that repost of info. I recently had a plate try a LSD and flake bomb on me. So true that the initial stages of attraction and IL are usually not inline with what a woman is really feeling. I'm nexting that plate and searching for a replacement. Someone said it before but I think it holds to this conversation," The end is usually visible in the beginning if you truly open your eyes and look for it."

KC

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Qe0tUSPdx0

skip to the 30 second mark
even a cat spins lots of plates
lol!!

Victory Unlimited said:

Yo Thirdtimescharm,

And those that fit THIS particular category are the ones who ACT, they put on a PERFORMANCE to attract you, to bait you in-------THEN that's when they "decide" whether or not to let you get within range to affect their emotions.

And if they find you "wanting" for any reason whatsoever, THAT'S when they drop your ass for what you may think is "no reason" whatsoever. In fact, it is because they have been ACTING all along that many women like this are even ABLE to do this.

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If the PRIZE frame is not established correctly and she feels VALIDATED, then she will DROP you for no apparent reason. ATTRACTION is merely her being drawn to your frame. If that frame is not in place and she feels VALIDATED, there is no reason for her to stick around.

She will never drop you with the proper FRAME. You could validate her all day long but you remain the PRIZE. Take as an example a guy that has a natural DHV, such as DECAPRIO. Women don't flake on him simply because the frame is in place from the start.

I wouldn't blame a women for flaking, I'd take responsibility for it.

Originally posted by guru1000
I wouldn't blame a women for flaking, I'd take responsibility for it.

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Yo Guru,

I believe I see where you're coming from, but I think a man would run the risk of over-generalizing if it he took this particular mindset to the extreme. I do indeed see how the oft-repeated mantra of some that says "Don't wish things were easier, wish that YOU were better", has it's benefits-----especially for men who have a tendency for blaming others for their OWN shortcomings. But to rush to take responsibility for a woman's flaking can be the height of hubris-----for that would assume that every woman that a man engages has a legitimate and/or high enough level of interest in him from the start.

Women accept the date, and/or pursue a man for a variety of reasons. Some are bored. Some just want to fukk you for one night because they're mad at there BOREfriends. And others actually want to build on their attraction for you by displaying continued interest in you (i.e. by NOT FLAKING, but instead choosing to continue interacting with you).

However, as a man continues to better himself, the essence of his PRIZEABILITY "changes". A mature man is always on a path to evolve into someone GREATER----while the only things that usually remain constant in his life are his core values, his idiosyncrasies, and his personal likes and dislikes in women.

And to a large extent, women are the same way. That's why, with all things being equal, I believe that true CORE COMPATIBILITY is the deciding factor as to whether a woman hangs around for a short period of time (culiminating into the eventual FLAKE scenario), or if she stays with you for the longer haul.

When two people meet, each has the tendency to project upon the other their hopes, dreams, and wishes of WHO they hope that person IS. But as the scenario plays out, one person usually finds that the other person is either NOT what they represented themselves to be (AFC or DJ Poser), OR--------that other person is not what THEY really want (still The PRIZE, just not the one for them).

And as such, I put forth that it is not enough for men to just BE THE PRIZE and he will ultimately be successful with ALL women, because no two women are the same. The same PRIZE does not hold the same VALUE to every woman.

To a young, airheaded, platinum blond, attention whhore, gold digger trying to further her modeling "career"------HUGH HEFNER is The PRIZE.

But to a socially-minded, politically aware, family oriented woman trying to make somewhat of a difference in the world--------BARACK OBAMA (or maybe someone "single" like him) would be The PRIZE.

So although there definitely are certain PRIZE-like qualities that all women gravitate toward in a man, that woman's OWN likes and dislikes, her OWN personal values, and her OVERALL core compatibilty with the man in question REMAIN an important determining factor in whether she eventually "flakes out" on him or not.


March on.

Or...

To futher put forth yet another of my more nuianced reasonings behind why a woman "plate" would flake on a man, here's another re-post that may apply:

The POSITIVE side of FLAKING

What the fukk? IS there a positive side to flaking, you may be asking? Well, there CAN be…but ONLY if you look at it from a broader perspective. Here's something that has occurred to me recently, and it may serve as a reminder to ease the minds of many of you here who have the tendency of being TOO hard on yourselves about the injuries you’ve sustained from being hit with flake bombs:

Since I have improved MYSELF so much in such a short period of time, my OVERALL attractiveness has skyrocketed. Troops, I suggest to you that another reason why a lot of women flake on you is because you have BECOME more "initially" appealing to a much wider range of women.

The more of a good CATCH you are perceived to be by a larger population of women, then the wider your NET becomes for reeling them in. So it would stand to reason that once your initial “superficial” attractiveness "wears off" in the eyes of women, then they'll start to see you for who you really are INSIDE.

And my experience has taught me that the closer you get to a person, not only do you begin to see THEM more clearly, but they also see YOU more clearly as well.

And once this happens, the WRONG people for YOU will start to self-sabotage the potential relationship because they KNOW deep down that they are either unworthy of you, or incompatible with you. So once this occurs in the mind of a babe, her interest levels can start to plummet without warning. And as I have said many times to you before, this is when her transformation from "Interested Chick" to "Biscuit Chick" has begun.

So you see, that saying really is true. Water really DOES seek it’s own level. Many women ultimately end up running from a man whose presence requires them to raise their standards. So instead, they rush back into the arms of the familiar----the men who are on the same level as they already are (which is usually LOWER than yours…).

So when you detect a woman is losing interest in you based on lack of true CORE-LEVEL compatibility, then it’s usually best to just pull the plug and watch them swirl down the drain.

So what’s the solution? Well, it’s very involved, I’m afraid. For it takes forethought, discipline, and attention to detail to pull it off, but I know you can do it:

To survive exploding Flake Bombs, continue to have strict standards for what behavior you expect, and are willing to accept from a woman. Be “Spartan-Like” in your battle to protect YOUR OWN best interest. Never go against your gut. When you feel instinctively that the choice in any given situation is between keeping the woman or sacrificing your self-respect (Manhood)------choose your self-respect EVERY TIME. Nothing helps you face yourself every morning as you arise like KNOWING you have been true to who YOU really ARE inside.

And the trick to eliminating flaking altogether is to strike the right balance between attraction and value----and the thing that links these two projective qualities together perfectly is TIME spent in the presence of the woman. “If” you want MORE than just a short-term fling, your mission should always be to lead with ATTRACTION and immediately follow up with VALUE.

Any failure to do this will eventually become a failure to keep the majority of women interested long enough to enter the territory of long term relationships. Yes, failure to do this is why so many Cold Approaches (my FAVORITE type) turn into “frosted flakes”."

Victory Unlimited said:

And as such, I put forth that it is not enough for men to just BE THE PRIZE and he will ultimately be successful with ALL women, because no two women are the same. The same PRIZE does not hold the same VALUE to every woman.

To a young, airheaded, platinum blond, attention *****, gold digger trying to further her modeling "career"------HUGH HEFNER is The PRIZE.

But to a socially-minded, politically aware, family oriented woman trying to make somewhat of a difference in the world--------BARACK OBAMA (or maybe someone "single" like him) would be The PRIZE.

So although there definitely are certain PRIZE-like qualities that all women gravitate toward in a man, that woman's OWN likes and dislikes, her OWN personal values, and her OVERALL core compatibilty with the man in question REMAIN an important determining factor in whether she eventually "flakes out" on him or not.

.

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It's important to understand because of our differences in core qualities and perceptions , it is impossible to achieve a 100% successful ratio with any kind of endeavor.

However even in the instances beyond our control I take on the responsibility to GROW.

Of course black and white thinking is unhealthy, however rejection keeps us MOTIVATED to become sharper witted next time around. After all, if all we had to do is snap our fingers and a plate would say YES, we would lose our core drive and tenacity. For this reason only, I accept responsibility to IMPROVE.

At the end of the day, your thoughts are derived from your core values and manifest themselves into tangible results. We do what WORKS for us.

Great Perceptions VU. :Thumbs Up:

VU, you really do write some very insightful stuff. Thank you.