My self-improvement program

Thanks a lot man! It really makes me happy to know that someone reads my little journal.

A little update for today:
I read somewhere on here that it's a bad idea to jerk off almost every day because it ruines your drive. So, i stopped doing just that. Another bad habit to lose. Shouldn't be so hard. After a few days i noticed i was a bit more relaxed and indeed had more drive to apporoach women. I also noticed i feel more comfortable with myself. I walk with a lot more confidence and relaxation and i notice people looking at me. It's like i radiate more charisma. Great!


I went to the supermarket today. Behind the counter was a pretty hot chick. I'd give her an 8. While i paid for my groceries there was lot of eye contact and smiling. There somehow was a sexual tension that i haven't really experienced before, or only very rarely. I made up a smooth line in my head when she handed me my reciept something like "while you're at it, write your number on there too", but i froze up right there. I could punch myself afterwards but still, i couldn't believe how comfotable i was there. Especially because i looked like sh*t. I hadn't shaved, wore some ugly gray sweater and had a light hangover and lack of sleep. It was the first time i was cool in a natural, unforced way. I was completely relaxed, also inside my head.

It's getting better, and it's great!

Another little update.

I went to a club with my cousin. The DJ sucked so i got drunk as always. I actually enjoyed dancing this time. There where girls all around me. I heard one girl saying "haha look at that guy" and then her friend said "don't laugh he's cool". I should had done something with that but it just didn't occurred to me. My IOI radar isn't fully calibrated yet. One girl asked me if i was on drugs because i danced so enhousiastic. I put my hand on her shoulder and told her that i have a huge amount of energy of myself and don't need xtc to go loose. She smiled and i smiled back. I don't know why i didn't turn it into a conversation. Although i kino-ed her sort of automaticly, there isn't a natural flow in me yet that does the logical next step. But i'm getting there, slowly. There was this really pretty girl and 5 guys where standing around her with their hands in their pockets nodding their heads..., just like i used to do before i started this thread. I broke into the group and started dancing in front of her. I grabbed her hips and moved together on the music a bit. She thought it was fine i guess. Great! I used to get rejected in the dancing department ALL THE TIME before. It wasn't grinding; i learned that it isn't a good idea to try that right away. I didn't keep it up for long though, after a few minutes i just chickened out a bit. But i felt so good for just breaking into that group, and dance with this hot girl. It was another first for me.

I'm making progress, i feel it.

nice keep it up

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I am wasted while i'm writing this. So ignore spelling errors.

I realized something today. I read loads of **** on the topic on how to approach and deal with *****es. I read many topics on here, in books, the whole 9 yards. You name it. I even watched those video's they reccomend here i forgot the name of. Superconference series or something i don't know.

But today it became clear to me. In fact, 15 minutes ago when i downed my 5th whiskey without ice after 4 beers. In my ****ed-up drunken mind all pieces fell together. It's all about having fun. It suddenly just popped up like a morning boner. Tonight my roommate had her friends over, one of them is insanely hot. She has the perfect jugs, the perfect ass and a flat stomach. Hell, her abs are harder then mine. She is the hottest piece of ass you'll ever encounter. Perfectly toned, but also good meat on her. When i see her all i can imagine is to rip her clothes off and **** the **** out of her.

I fixed a big part of my shyness around hot girls, but she still always gets to me. It's funny because she is the girlfriend of one of my best friends. Even with that fact in mind, i'd always give off weird vibes around her ya know. Just not chill, not relaxed, not myself. I think i even wrote about her earlier in this topic. I was chasing her like a desperate fool, she hooked up with him, and the evening ended with me drinking myself to sleep.

Today she was over together with around 5 other chicks. The last time i saw her was at a club where she was drunk and made a fool out of herself (we could make a good couple). I teased her all the time about it and basicly acted like an ass hole in general. I mean, I had nothing to lose; i didin't give a ****ing ****. I did it in a playful way though and she playfully responded. And man, she knows how to tease guys. Always showing that amazing cleavage of hers and havign that stare in her eye. Just radiating sex. The way she looked at me... man. I wouldn't be happy about her looking at other guys like that if she was my girl. My friend (her boyfriend) came over and hung out for a while. They talked a bit and i overheard she said we three should go to the sauna one time (me and my friend go to the same gym). It was cool because she dropped my name out of nowhere. In fact it came up as one of the first things they talked about. Sure, i buffed up quite a bit the last few months, but i'm sure it had more to do with my behaviour.

It feels like i sort of found myself. I know exactly how i am. I'm a bit sarcastic, a bit of an ass hole and cool at the same time. I just need to learn to maintain that all the time. Not giving a **** is probably the most important thing about it all. When i was crazy about this chick i was desperate like an AFC as you guys call it. It didn't work at all. I now realize my friend hooked up with her because he just didn't give a ****. When i get drunk, i stop giving a ****. That's why i'm drunk all the time. I just realized how it feels to be like that all the time. Of course, i'm writing this while i'm ****ing hammered. But i'll get back to you soon enough to write about how much of this still works while i'm sober.

On new year's eve, i got sinfully drunk. I got into a fight, vomited all over the place.... and after that I felt like **** for 3 days. Couldn't eat or drink anything. Now almost half a week later, i start to feel relatively normal again. I decided to stop drinking for at least a month. Lets see how this affects me in general.

Went to the supermarket today. Driving my car, i was listening to the Stones "Gimme Shelter" at high volume on the radio. That's one of my favorite tunes and i felt happy and energetic because of it. When i walked around the mall, I had this new feeling of huge self confidence. I couldn't believe how f@#cking cool i was. I just felt it radiating from me. The girl behind the counter was pretty hot. I made loads of eye contact and smiled. She smiled back and i noticed her pupils also dillated a bit. She looked at me like those chicks in titty magazines do. Without really having a conversation (there were people behind me), i actually managed to create some sexual tension it seems.

Man, I gotta keep this up. It's getting better and better. Next step is learning how to open chicks in any situation and out of the blue without fear. At bus stops and stuff i'm already doing it sometimes. But still a little uncomfortable. Fixing that and holding a good conversation with a stranger and i'm not far away from done. Number closing is still a bit hard for me, as well as just hooking up at some party or club. Gotta fix that too. I'm working hard on it fella's!

p.s. still haven't drunk any alcohol since last post. I can do it... lol.

Man! I gotta say, your doing ****ing amazing, you keep it up, and if anyone puts any negative **** on here, just realise they are jealous, jealous of you changing your life, and finally stopped reading, and started doing. Good on you. Keep it up

Silver, out.

The evening is yin time, so you need to eat a Yin-nuturing meal. This means eating light foods that are easy to digest, rather then fatty foods or even the lunch meal, with its protein that requires yang to digest.

If you eat a heavy meal like that in the evening, you body uses the energy that is required for a deep, nurturing sleep to digest the food instead. This can contribute to the development to sleeping disorders.

If you want to cook an evening meal, it need to be no more than steamed rice and vegetable, otherwise wholesome bread and salad would be good

Wholemeal is good 2 hours before you sleep as it is natural cure for insomnia

nuts, wholemeal bread, dates and potatoes are rich in an amino acid tryptophan (chemical messenger in the body), which on reaching to the brain approximately an hour later it releases serotonin (hormone) that helps you relax.

Large meals should be avoided at least four hours prior to going to bed and avoid caffeine and nicotine. Drinking alcohol before bed may also lead to problems since once the alcohol is metabolises it disrupts the restorative levels of sleep.

Calcium, magnesium and zinc as well as vitamins B6, B3 and C supplements can help calm the nervous system and so help treat insomnia.

The actual set-up of your room may also effect your sleeping habits. Avoid bright colors and different patterns in the room and radios and alarm clocks should be kept at least three feet away. Soft calming pastel colours are the best and there should not be a drastic difference in the patterns of your bedspread, curtains and carpets. Place your bed near a wall and it is best if you can see your bedroom door (directly or through a mirror). Your room should also be tidy before going to sleep. Use dim lighting (or candles), have adequate ventilation and the room should be at a comfortable temperature. The most important aspect of your room, regarding a good nights sleep is your bed. A good-quality mattress and pillow are essential. It is recommended to replace your bed every ten years.

Establishing a routine before bedtime is a good way to program your mind ‘that it is time to sleep’. Several ways to’ let go’ and relax before bed is not going to sleep right after work or watching TV in bed. Getting a massage with calming essential oils will increase the effect, taking a warm bath, having sex, drinking a warm cup of herbal tea or taking a herbal supplement. Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day and try reading or listen to soft music before going to bed. Finally, try burning camomile or frankincense in an oil burner for about an hour before bed.

Thanks for the kind words everyone.

brett012 said:

How much weed do you smoke now?

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I actually completely stopped. Last time i did was 3 months ago or so...

The evening is yin time, so you need to eat a Yin-nuturing meal. This means eating light foods that are easy to digest, rather then fatty foods or even the lunch meal, with its protein that requires yang to digest.

If you eat a heavy meal like that in the evening, you body uses the energy that is required for a deep, nurturing sleep to digest the food instead. This can contribute to the development to sleeping disorders.

If you want to cook an evening meal, it need to be no more than steamed rice and vegetable, otherwise wholesome bread and salad would be good

Wholemeal is good 2 hours before you sleep as it is natural cure for insomnia

nuts, wholemeal bread, dates and potatoes are rich in an amino acid tryptophan (chemical messenger in the body), which on reaching to the brain approximately an hour later it releases serotonin (hormone) that helps you relax.

Large meals should be avoided at least four hours prior to going to bed and avoid caffeine and nicotine. Drinking alcohol before bed may also lead to problems since once the alcohol is metabolises it disrupts the restorative levels of sleep.

Calcium, magnesium and zinc as well as vitamins B6, B3 and C supplements can help calm the nervous system and so help treat insomnia.

The actual set-up of your room may also effect your sleeping habits. Avoid bright colors and different patterns in the room and radios and alarm clocks should be kept at least three feet away. Soft calming pastel colours are the best and there should not be a drastic difference in the patterns of your bedspread, curtains and carpets. Place your bed near a wall and it is best if you can see your bedroom door (directly or through a mirror). Your room should also be tidy before going to sleep. Use dim lighting (or candles), have adequate ventilation and the room should be at a comfortable temperature. The most important aspect of your room, regarding a good nights sleep is your bed. A good-quality mattress and pillow are essential. It is recommended to replace your bed every ten years.

Establishing a routine before bedtime is a good way to program your mind ‘that it is time to sleep’. Several ways to’ let go’ and relax before bed is not going to sleep right after work or watching TV in bed. Getting a massage with calming essential oils will increase the effect, taking a warm bath, having sex, drinking a warm cup of herbal tea or taking a herbal supplement. Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day and try reading or listen to soft music before going to bed. Finally, try burning camomile or frankincense in an oil burner for about an hour before bed.

Click to expand...

Thanks a lot for that. I usually make a bunch of sandwitches for myself right before going to sleep. I'm going to push that back a few hours. Interesting stuff man. I'll post back here if that works. I'm gonna try it all.

On a side note: i still haven't drunk anything.

good **** myan, u funny as a mofuc on some parts but i know u can do it cuz i can do it and i use 2 be like 110% afc nam sayiN? but nways yo keep it updated and ill keep on readin this shiat!

Thanks man. Appreciate that. You also got a topic?

A little update. I went to the gym today. One chick that gives instructions there is really cute. The has a pretty face and seems genuinely a sweet girl. Beautiful blue eyes, long blonde hair and a really nice, positive vibe around her. I once saw her in bikini at the gym's swimming pool and she just has a heavenly body. Like really it can't get any better. If you'd look long enough at her, you'd pop a boner in no time. She's the complete package. I always wanted to talk with her but was always too scared. I hadn't seen her in a long time so today i went for it. When i walked up i had this feeling inside my stomach i haven't had in a long time. I used to have that when i talked to any girl. The fact that it was an 'old' feeling, and it wasn't really familliar anymore, confirms to me that i've improved a lot over time.

I walked up from behind and bumped my hand against her arm to get her attention and open the conversation. Still a little new for me, but it works. We just talked about how we spent new years eve and christmas. I wished her best wishes for 2008 and shook her hand; i was just too chicken to give her a hug i guess. I'm not comfortable doing that yet to girls i find really attractive (when i'm not drunk). It was just a regular conversation. I held good eye contact and i noticed this funny thing. The longer we talked, the more she also smiled back to me. I also noticed her pupils dillated a little bit. We said bye after the conversation and i went to the dressing room. I fogot my water bottle so i walked back into the gym. She was walking around and i happily waved from a distance and she did the same. I always wave when i see her and put up my biggest smile in my catalogue. She always smiles back and ****... Next week i'm going to ask her number.

Today's update: Went to the gym again today and the smokin' instructress was there too. There are these group activities like ab training. Normally she gives them on monday and wednesday, but today her male collegue.

Later i walked up to her. She was giving some instructions to a new member. I hesitated for a sec, and then just went for it. I kinda interrupted her.

Me: hey how you doing?
her: great. you?
Me: i'm also good. Hey i missed you at the ab training
her: yea, i was busy all day with new members
Me: alright, but you gotta stay in shape ya know [jokingly and putting my hand on her arm for a sec]
her: yea, i know. Tomorrow i'm giving steps lessons though (i guess she didn't really get the joke). You did went?
Me: Yea. I also can't say no to [name of male instructor], haha.
her: alright, that's good. He likes to give people a hard time.

It was cool cause the conversation flowed for a bit. She didn't pay too much attention to her clients during it. And as i pay attention for signs (or IOI as you guys call it) now, i noticed her pupils dillated after a while. It's good to see that you're on the right track. I'm sure mine dillated a bit too because i kinda popped a 20% boner once i noticed it. There was a silence after this conversation for a sec, but i broke through it pretty fast. Yay for me.

me: so how was you're weekend?
her: good, i went to Tarzan the musical
me: is that the Disney one?
her: yea, it was great
me: So you're more the artsy type? Prefer musicals over going to the movies?
her: yea, i guess. I like musicals.

At this point i noticed she wanted to get back to her clients so i took control exited the conversation.

me: well, i gotta finish my schedule or it's getting too late. See you around.
her: alright, bye

She smiled all the time, and so did i. I held constant eye contact. This wasn't that hard for me anymore. I wasn't intimidated by her hotness as i talked to her. The fact that she didn't really noticed i was jokingly teasing her a little puzzled me for a bit. Maybe i don't even have to do such things with her. Like i said before; she is really a genuinely super sweet girl. I haven't seen even a tiny bit of ***** shield on her.

I thought of asking her number this week, but i think i'll wait a little longer. I think i haven't built up enough rapport to do that. I'll look a bit too needy if i'm going to ask too fast. If things keep going in this direction, i'm definitely going for it sooner or later though.


After this conversation i felt 100% cool and comfortable. Then i noticed this funny thing. It was getting late, and by this time there are usually only dudes still around. I noticed people seemed to want to have random conversations with me. None of these guys were gay or anything, but i seemed to radiate some sort of openness. I was like, a cool dude everyone wanted to hang out with. In the sauna I talked about video games, cars and the CES '08 with some guys that were sitting there. It was interesting from a psychological angle.

Well today another funny thing. I had a fight with one of my friends and i went to the gym. I was pissed all the time and just not my happy self. I just wanted to punch everyone in the ****ing face there. The chick that works at the desk is pretty damn hot. I needed a coin for the sauna and she told me they didn't have them anymore and she would bring me one later on. After an 1,5 hour or so she came up to me there and gave them to me. I was about to go look for her myself. When she gave them to me, i said "Ah there you are. I was wondering when you would show up". I said it in an ass hole kinda way. I didn't give a ****. Because I was still pissed. When i left later and passed her i said her friendly goodbye. The moment we made eye contact she got shy and looked down. That's ****ing awesome. That never happened to me before that a totally hot chick gets shy around me.

what kind of openers do you use?

what kind of openers do you use?

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I don't really use standard openers or the same ones every time. I look at the situation. For example, when i'm at the bus stop and the weather is sh1tty, i use that as an opener (man... this weather sure sucks. I hate rain. How about you, do you see any charm in seasons changing?). If all goes well i can turn the conversation to the subject of favorite holiday spots, that topic can be changed into going out and partying.

When i'm in a supermarket, i use my or her groceries as an opener (yea! I'm gonna cook me a big boal of shoarma tonight. Having a bunch of friends over, it's going to be great. What's on your menu tonight?). If they think i'm being weird i just turn it into a funny joke (hey, i gotta wait in line ya know. It's boring, so i'm attempting to have a little chat with you. Don't you think it'll be a less boring world if everyone did?). Or how about commenting on what's in her chart (Steak. Excellent choice.)? Supermarkets are perfect for training. You can talk with people in line and people behind the counter. I once commented on a girl's watch who was sitting behind the counter (that's a nice watch. really bling <-i said it in a snoop dogg way, as a joke) and BAM, i had a conversation. Keep it light and fun.

It's all about the delivery. I discovered that the topic REALLY doesn't matter. When i talk, i'm always really cheery and happy with a big smile on my face. People love that. You'll be suprised how fast people copy your mood. It's all about practice, man. It's hard and scary to start, but everyone can learn this. Once you're getting comfortable doing this (and i'm getting closer and closer), it'll go almost automaticly. But it'll take time and commitment. Also always keep in mind that all of this is fun.

A little update:

I was the driver tonight. So i was as good as sober the entire evening. Sometimes you just have to take one for the team.

I was hanging out with my buddies at my favorite blues bar. This place has an open stage where anyone with musical skills can jam. I happen to be an awesome electric guitar player (still no band, but working on that too). When i was done i got of the stage and drank a few beers. Then i noticed this smoking hot babe. That tight red shirt sure showed off her nice knockers. Great blue eyes too. Sex bomb. I had to go to the bathroom and i had to walk past her. I was still feeling great from jamming (only if you ever played with fellow muscicians in a great jam where everyone feels each other, you'll know what a special and great feeling this is. Axl Rose isn't jumping around like an idiot for nothing during his live shows [watch it till the end].) and as i walked by i made full-on eye contact while smiling while thinking "i wanna f@#$ the S@#$ out of you". She smiled back and winked. Sweet. Another first. When i came back i opened the conversation. I put my hand on her shoulder to get her attention.

Me: Hey
Her: Hey
Me: I was wondering when you'd go up there and sing a song
Her: Well, no one knows the songs i can do (she's actually a singer. sweet!)
Me: Ah come on, don't give me those excuses. They have a book with lyrics there on stage
Her: Oh i didn't knew. Lemme check on that.
Me: Alright. I'm going back to my friends, but i'll be waiting for you to go up there and sing me a song (i said this in a joking way and she found it cool apperantly because she put on a huge smile)

A while later i went back to her.

Me: found anything yet?
Her: no, i'm still looking, why don't you pick a song?

I went flipping some pages and found something i liked. I kinda put my arm around her while i told her this but only i put my finger on her other shoulder. I guess i wasn't ballsy enough yet to do that yet. Stupid me. Ok, next time. She told me she was gonna sing that song.

Me: Do you also have a name, so i can cheer for you?
Her: Yea, i'm [name]

she reached out to give me a hand and we shook hands.


She actually went on stage and sung. Great voice, great moves too. Me and my friends were dancing all the time on the music and this time too. She didn't make eye contact with me really during her performance, but actually most people on stage don't really do that.

A while later i went up to her again and told her she was great.

Me: you happen to be in a band?
Her: yea! with these guys (she pointed to some guys she was hanging out with)
Me: Alright, cool. Hey i'm going home now.
Her: Well i'll see you next month then here
Me: Well you should come earlier then, so that we can jam
Her: You play an instrument too?
Me: Yea, electric guitar. You missed me? (i kinda punched her playfully in the arm while saying this)
Her: Haha, yea. I'm just here for 15 minutes or so.
Me: Alright, next time. That's a promise. Hey i'm really leaving now. You also have a phone number?

And then this weird thing happened. She handed me a flyer of her band with the bands website adress on it and told me i could get all the info there. It kinda dumbfolded me.

Me: Alright.... That's cool, but i kinda meant your number
Her: Well you should add me on hyves (some sort of face book kinda thing) and she gave me her address. We said goodbye and i left.

I added her the moment i got home which was 5AM. Maybe not such a good idea, maybe a bit desperate. I was all excited i guess. I left the following message:

"Yay, i managed to find you on here. See you next month at [bar name]. Maybe sooner? "

Oh well. I'll keep you fella's updated.

I have some new **** to tell you guys, but i don't have time at the moment. I will post as soon as i can.

I like the progress brother. It sounds like you're gaining alot of confidence as time goes on. We have very similar styles. I'll be tuned in