Another update on the "need advice" topic from below!

PTC · Sep 9, 2007

I am beginning to wonder if there are different stages or degrees of BPD? I know she carries alot of these symptoms but not to the full degree. I actually think she's not going to freak out tomorrow night when I tell her,..but who knows.

I know I'm doing the right thing but its like two guys on each shoulder telling me to do different things! But my mind is set and I want this to be over and get on with my life!!!!

decades · Sep 9, 2007

Actually I think doing this in person is risky for YOU because you really aren't very strong in her presence. In fact you are putty in her hands. I believe that you are going to be on her "home turf" and she knows that each time you've tried you've failed to end it. She knows you've been weak and has no reason to believe you can follow through this time.

The mistake guys like you make in these situations is paying too much attention to Her feelings instead of worrying about your own safety and health. Just so you know you already ended it with her and you don't owe her this.

She is not hurt by this decision. Her tears are fake, crocodile tears. Oh, she is put out and annoyed by it, simply because a very reliable source of "Supply" (you) is proving himself to be unreliable and that annoys her. It means she needs to secure a replacement source if she hasn't already. Also note where Rollo pointed out Sociopathic tendencies. Also ask him if Sociopaths "hurt".

If you think she "hurts" because of this breakup, reread her email again that you posted. Here you are a Wreck and a shell of your former self, posting on message boards looking for answers, your life turned upside down...over Her. And her pain? She is Joking in her emails about what a B!tch she is. You can't read that email and think she is in any pain over this. She isn't; and it's foolish to believe otherwise.

These women absolutely hate to be criticized and "neged". It actually pushes them away. It's a surefire way, along with straight out ignoring, to get her to leave. But it's totally out of character for "nice guys" to do this to them. Instead they put them up on pedestals, consoling them, worshipping them, and making them believe they are irreplaceable and the Only one you could ever love.

Open your eyes. You don't owe her anything and the "nicer" you are ending it so as not to hurt her, plays right into her hands and gives her the power to further manipulate you and hurt you, Mr. Nice Guy. They "consume" nice guys like you for breakfast.

joekerr31 · Sep 9, 2007

one of the dangers when you tell a guy that his woman has BPD or whatever is that he starts to think he can fix them. they think 'oh thank god, she's just broken. so its not me. as long as its not me then maybe we can work things out."

not saying you are going down that road, but one of the important lessons in life is that you don't want to be the guy through which a chic works out all her baggage. because 99% of the time, once they work it all out, they will dump you and start fresh with some new guy.

so many guys spend years with a woman, helping her find her way, then they get dumped and some other dude reaps the benefits of all their hard work.

being captain save a ho is the worst thing you can ever be - even though its what feels most natural and good at the time.

find a woman who has her sh*t together - don't waste time on women whose sh*t is all over the walls and ceiling. it will take forever to clean up and half the time they will just throw sh*t all over the place once you've finished cleaning it all up.

KontrollerX · Sep 9, 2007

PTC said:
I am beginning to wonder if there are different stages or degrees of BPD? I know she carries alot of these symptoms but not to the full degree. I actually think she's not going to freak out tomorrow night when I tell her,..but who knows.

I know I'm doing the right thing but its like two guys on each shoulder telling me to do different things! But my mind is set and I want this to be over and get on with my life!!!!

A BPD doesn't have to have the full symptom list to be a BPD. About 5 is enough for the psych doc to diagnose it. What they look for to diagnose anyone is a cluster of symptoms.

Also the early stages of the BPD relationship is filled with sugar and spice and everything nice with a few signs of the darkside here and there.

The only way to know how dark it can get is to remain involved with them. Then you find out just how badly effected with the disorder they are.

Also what happens when they hoover you back each time is the honeymoon period gets shorter and shorter.

At first they are on their best behaviour for a few months but then as you two breakup again and she hoovers you back and sees she can keep hoovering you back the bad behaviour will start up earlier once you are back and you will be left wondering where your wonderful girlfriend ever went off to.

Well she didn't exist in the first place.

She only mirrored your best qualities which you fell in love with not her and the reason she is acting so horribly to you now with no signs of your old love is because her pathology has taken her to the last cycle with you and there is no more light to be found.

Once that has happened she abandons you for the next man (because she literally needs to, to re-invent herself) leaving you with a small piece of her abandonment issues which has been called in victim circles picking up a flea.

PTC · Sep 9, 2007

persistent exaction said:
Actually I think doing this in person is risky for YOU because you really aren't very strong in her presence. In fact you are putty in her hands. I believe that you are going to be on her "home turf" and she knows that each time you've tried you've failed to end it. She knows you've been weak and has no reason to believe you can follow through this time.

The mistake guys like you make in these situations is paying too much attention to Her feelings instead of worrying about your own safety and health. Just so you know you already ended it with her and you don't owe her this.

She is not hurt by this decision. Her tears are fake, crocodile tears. Oh, she is put out and annoyed by it, simply because a very reliable source of "Supply" (you) is proving himself to be unreliable and that annoys her. It means she needs to secure a replacement source if she hasn't already. Also note where Rollo pointed out Sociopathic tendencies. Also ask him if Sociopaths "hurt".

If you think she "hurts" because of this breakup, reread her email again that you posted. Here you are a Wreck and a shell of your former self, posting on message boards looking for answers, your life turned upside down...over Her. And her pain? She is Joking in her emails about what a B!tch she is. You can't read that email and think she is in any pain over this. She isn't; and it's foolish to believe otherwise.

These women absolutely hate to be criticized and "neged". It actually pushes them away. It's a surefire way, along with straight out ignoring, to get her to leave. But it's totally out of character for "nice guys" to do this to them. Instead they put them up on pedestals, consoling them, worshipping them, and making them believe they are irreplaceable and the Only one you could ever love.

Open your eyes. You don't owe her anything and the "nicer" you are ending it so as not to hurt her, plays right into her hands and gives her the power to further manipulate you and hurt you, Mr. Nice Guy. They "consume" nice guys like you for breakfast.

you are right

I am supposed to pick her up at the airport monday night and I was going to tell her then. You dont think I should tell her in person?

Rollo Tomassi · Sep 9, 2007

I got to thinking about PTC's situation this morning. I keyed my response last night before I crashed because I felt like I had to after checking his PMs to me. Now I've got even more to work with so here goes.

Why are you playing Nice Guy with this woman driving her to the airport? Why are you even bothering with ANY explanation as to why you don't want to see her anymore? Most likely it's due to her making you feel like you owe her an explanation. You don't. My suggestion is to not even pick her up and let her find her own way home like any other adult in her situation.

You went so far as to change your cell number to eliminate her contact with you, yet you initiate email correspondence. Why? Because she's drawn you in, just like her other suitors and husbands. And yes, just like the one who wanted to kick your ass for disturbing him and her that night you were looking in on them spooning on the couch.

How do I know this? Because I'm a Mod and I have access to your mirror account here on SS. This was your original problem with this b!tch:

Need Advice!!!

ROBLB, PTC, whatever you want to go by, you have bigger problems than just this woman. You're in a death spiral with her to the point that you're seeking answers you already know and trying to be annonymous about it. You KNOW what we'll all tell you here about her, we've been pretty clear on it - what you need to DO is take action now. It's time to Man the ƒuck up! It's time to be straight with the good members of this forum, they deserve it and so do you. I know you're agonizing over this woman because she was your fiancé (assuming she's not still), this is why you're still sniffing around her. You're 41, GROW THE FUKK UP AFC! Stop playing us because you're only playing yourself. You've been tiptoeing around in this crap at least since June. What's it going to take ROB?

decades · Sep 9, 2007

PTC said:
you are right

I am supposed to pick her up at the airport monday night and I was going to tell her then. You dont think I should tell her in person?

you don't owe her anything. You are NO match for her. She toys with you. Send her an email saying its over and you don't want anymore contact. That's it. Now start fixing yourself instead of HER!

cordoncordon · Sep 9, 2007

PTC-ROB. What are you still doing with this girl? Are you that desperate? After seeing that you are really Rob, and I remember your post from a couple of months ago, I am just amazed you are even talking to this beotch.

Not only did she lie to you about seeing the husband (and probably slept with him) but you are worried about this other guy from your PTC thread as well. And this woman has KIDS! How is this remotely worth it?

Get the hell out of it. NOW.

jophil28 · Sep 9, 2007

PTC , these women (personality disordered) are just flat out bad news. They are used to getting what they want from men by playing their evil games right at the core of your emotional attachment with her. I have had this soul destroying experience and ,make no mistake, YOU are involved with a very sick woman.
Yeh, I know, she was all sweet and lovey and 'girly' and soooo sexy in the first few weeks and then slowly the bizarre behavior started to emerge and you overlooked it and "forgave " her because you wanted her so badly... Right ??

Ok - based on her recent behavior, she is a liar, a manipulator and a cheater . Right ?
So why are you willing to act like a chaffeur to someone who has behaved like that? In driving her home from the airport ,you are acting like all the other obedient chumps before you. And you are re-inforcing her belief that she gets whatever she wants from men.
If you have any physical connection with her you run the risk of her cranking up one of her favorite games. YOu will be accused of abusing her, (she will tell others that you will not let go and are crazy jealous) You run the risk of legal involvement. The only way is NO CONTACT..

I know that you THINK that it is not as bad as the guys here have portrayed BUT it can get worse , man.
These women are evil. YOu have to aceppt this...She wiill hoover you if you let her.She will email you and come banging on your door -don't open it.
And eventually,if you stay strong, she will quit because these women HATE to lose. She will just transfer her mindfvcking toward someone else - another innocent and decent man
By now, she will have manipulated her Ex back into her life and she will have him positioned 'on standby' - that is how they operate. Threy ALWAYS have at least one "airbag" ready to deploy in an emergency.

Ignore us and our advice and you are headed for misery like you cannot imagine.

jophil28 · Sep 9, 2007

PTC said:
I am beginning to wonder if there are different stages or degrees of BPD? I know she carries alot of these symptoms but not to the full degree.

Personality Disorders, like most other pathology, exist along a continuum,from mild thru moderate, right up to severe at the far end. One of the difficulties with diagnosing PD's is that they rarely exist in a "pure" form..It is common for a PD person to have a "blend" of several PD's ,each existing to varying degrees.
For example it is common for women to have some BPD signs and symptoms, mixed in with some HPD, and with a chunk of NPD thrown in..
Add in some other obscure crazy shyte and you are dealing with a toxic ****tail of trouble and heartache.

Metro3pilot · Sep 9, 2007

I'm starting to wonder if this chick is as bad as he claims or if it's him creating the problems

jophil28 · Sep 9, 2007

Metro3pilot said:
I'm starting to wonder if this chick is as bad as he claims or if it's him creating the problems

PTC is contributing to the problem by being the latest star in the latest re-make of her life movie.

squirrels · Sep 10, 2007

Any thread that is an update to another thread means that you're in a situation you shouldn't be in, stressing more than you should be. I'm not gonna read either thread...I'm just going to say MOVE ON.

PTC · Sep 10, 2007

I know what the right thing to do is but I guess I'm not like some of these guys on here. Most guys on here can turn and walk away and it not even phase them. I know she sh!t on me but we did share alot of good times together and thats going to be the toughest part of this whole deal. But I am going to end this tonight.

She did send me an email this morning that said:

"Good mornin! Hope you slept well. I do love you".

I know you guys probably dont have a lot of respect for me but i did love this girl and this is going to be hard for me to get over. But I've been through it before and I just keep telling myself I will be better off.

Sorry if you think I was trying to "play" anybody on this board as Rollo stated but I was just to embarrased to restart this discussion again. But I am going to "Man the fvck up" and end this tonight. I got zero sleep last night and I feel like sh!t today but I just want this all to be over.

I will tell you how it went.

Thanks again for all your help and I promise I will be straight with you guys from now on.

Roblb, PTC

decades · Sep 10, 2007

She loves you? While she was banging her ex husband she was telling you how much she "loved you". Even after you caught her red handed with him "spooning her". Then she has this other guy in her orbit that you don't trust her with. You have to see her for who she is: A train wreck. Is this how you want to be loved?

Victory Unlimited · Sep 10, 2007

Yo PTC,

REMEMBER how you're feeling right now...

REMEMBER all the emotional upheaval you are experiencing right now...

REMEMBER how you have just compromised your beliefs, your self-respect, and your integrity right now...

And after you have internalized all of this negativity, THEN link as much of these distasteful, off-putting, and hurtful experiences to THIS WOMAN.

Because when you associated ENOUGH bad experiences to her, that's the first major step you need to take in order for you to MAN UP and go through the cold-turkey, withdrawal symptoms that you need to in order to change the way you view this woman FOREVER.

Because as human beings, we tend to do FAR MORE to avoid pain than we do to seek pleasure.

And after you accomplish THIS, your second step is to link as much emotional positivity to EVERY thing that boosts your ego, your self-esteem, and your spirituality. And FEEL the emotions while you're re-programming yourself this way too. This part is VERY important.

Reprogram yourself by linking so much enjoyment to being RID of her that you are positively "giddy" when you think about the bullet you dodged by GETTING ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

And the MORE you CONSCIOUSLY emotionally deprogram and reprogram yourself in this way, eventually you won't even have to do it "on purpose" anymore.

Being a happier, more autonomous MAN will become a natural state for you.

And when THAT happens, your distance and objectivity will be so pronounced that you won't even experience the pain that you're feeling right now anymore. Instead, it will FEEL like it happened to ANOTHER person. And in a sense, that will be true.

For it will be THEN that you will KNOW that you have become a different, and BETTER person than you feel like you are right now.

The clock is ticking, soldier, so GET STARTED.

We've got your back...

Francisco d'Anconia · Sep 10, 2007

Is she the last woman on Earth or something?

PTC · Sep 10, 2007

Francisco d'Anconia said:
Is she the last woman on Earth or something?

good point!!

joekerr31 · Sep 10, 2007

PTC said:
I

I know you guys probably dont have a lot of respect for me but i did love this girl

well you need to take a deep hard look at why you fell in love wiht a low quality woman such as this one.

and even if you did love her, being a mature man is about making decisions with your rational mind, not your emotions.

you might love your foot, but if you got flesh eating bacteria on it that was going to kill you within hours you'd tell the doc 'chop it off'.

you should never allow one element of your life to negative impact the other elements. and yet this is exactly what people do. they figure since everything else is going well they can handle dealing with a messed up relationship.

the only problem is that one element spread into other elements. a woman who is causing you stress causes you to perform poorly at work, to be less of a positive person in your family's lives, to skip work outs and not get enough sleep etc.

which is why when you notice that a woman is DECREASING your happiness in life it is time to 'chop it off'

Rollo Tomassi · Sep 10, 2007

PTC said:
I know what the right thing to do is but I guess I'm not like some of these guys on here. Most guys on here can turn and walk away and it not even phase them.

Wrong sir. We are all EXACTLY like you, which is why we so are so disgusted and adamant about this. Sh!t like this goes up our spines because we've all done the same thing, with the same results, and it's like watching a slow train wreck for us because we've all seen how it ends ourselves. I don't spout off platitudes here on a daily basis because I did everything right, but rather because I did everything wrong.

PTC said:
I know she sh!t on me but we did share alot of good times together and thats going to be the toughest part of this whole deal. But I am going to end this tonight.

I have $10 here that says he bottles out within a week if he even pulls the plug, any takers?

Another update on the "need advice" topic from below!

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