Here's some background on where I'm coming from. I'm agnostic, I believe in evolution, I believe in science, and I don't believe in anthropomorphizing reality. In other words, applying human characteristics to the world around us. There is no god, no angels, no one watching after you except for some of the good natured people that know you and some helpful strangers. I believe it's okay to believe whatever helps you be successful in life so it doesn't matter if you believe differently than I do unless you believe **** that doesn't help you or the people around you.
Here's something I've thought up through meditation and some basic knowledge of neuro-linguistic programming.
Every thought, feeling, belief, and behavior you have/do has a positive intention for you. That is reality, that is not an opinion. Unless you're seriously mental ill (and I'm talking about CRAZY crazy, NOT bi-polar, ADD, Obsessive compulsive or whatever), everything you think and do is a result of you doing the best you can to get what you feel is best for you. If you’re doing something that you hate doing, stop hating it and find out how its benefiting you and solve that.
Now, here is where fear comes in. Fear is a result of evolution. If it didn't serve a purpose, it wouldn't be here. Fear has a positive intention for you. The positive intention it has is to protect you when you can't handle a situation.
What does “can’t handle a situation” mean? If you’re about to fight a 600 pound bear, logic isn’t going to help you unless you have some amazing martial arts skills or a weapon you’re confident with. You can’t logically handle the situation so you resort to your pre-installed backup system: FEAR
Fear gets your adrenaline running and it gets you thinking about whats important in these types of situations… Fight or Flight… Either you’re gonna slap that bear with those meat sticks you call arms or you’re gonna run to the nearest tree and realize what a great climber you are.
The point to recognize is that fear is a tool. You have absolute control over it. Everytime you’ve been afraid, it’s because you chose to be afraid. The only exception is when you develop a trigger.
A trigger is when you associate feelings with something. It could be a person, a thing, or a situation. Triggers can be broken but I’ll let you read an NLP book cause they’ll explain the process of breaking it better than I can..
Here’s the important question: Why are you choosing to be afraid in any given situation involving women?
Well lets remember why fear exists. Fear helps us when we feel we can’t handle a situation.
So is it that we can’t handle seducing women?
No. If you can have a conversation with your dog, you can have a conversation with a woman. There’s nothing physically different except your perception.
So now you can ask “but then why do I fear the situation if I can handle it?”
Ah, this is where you realize your beautifully brilliant and wonderfully stupid. You have an imagination…. The ability to perceive things that aren’t real. You imagine all kinds of things to convince yourself that you can’t handle approaching women in order to scare yourself out of doing it.
WHAT>?!?!?!? NO WAY!?!?!
YES FRIENDS… but why? WHY WHY WHY WHY
It doesn’t make sense, we want *****, we want affection, we want what women have to offer. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be on this forum…. So why is part of our minds working so hard to convince us not to approach?
The fact is that part of you doesn’t want to PURSUE women. Pursuing women involves rejection.
You might be thinking OH GREAT ANOTHER THREAD ON REJECTION, WHO FCKING CARES…. Well give me a sec, ADD boy.
Rejection is important for this simple reason. You as a human being have a goal to reproduce. It’s ingrained in you. It’s why you have a sex drive, which is one of the most powerful drives you have. The concept of rejection can cause problems in 2 ways that I know of…
1. You perceive rejection as a failure to reproduce and you don’t want to fail at reproducing so you don’t approach. This is a biproduct of a mentality that is motivated by moving-away-from-pain.
You’re gonna answer the question: “where do you want to eat?” with: “well I don’t want this or that and I don’t want blah blah blah.”
It’s okay, you’re not fcked up but you might want to experiment with thinking about what you actually want. And I’ll just say this… disappointment isn’t all that bad if you learn to deal with it in the right way.
2. Rejection hurts your feelings. Rejection makes you feel like you’re unworthy as a human being…. Like no girl likes you… like people are laughing at you… like there’s some special reason why she rejected you and it has something to do with how “bad” you are.
I’ve struggled with this one for a long time. This is a result of low self-esteem. Building up your self-esteem is like working out and building up your muscles… it takes time and effort and you can lose it if you let yourself go.
Having strong self-esteem involves a few things.
1. Make a commitment to stop beating yourself up. It’s just a behavior you devloped and you can replace it with something else if you find the positive intent behind it. Mine was that beating myself up helped guide me to be “cool” around people instead of jumping around and acting like a kid. The solution was for me to care about connecting with people instead of not caring and letting this behavior smooth the edges out.
2. Try to be aware of your feelings. This isn’t easy for most guys and they put it down maybe for that reason but its important. People who don’t understand their feelings end up lost. There’s 7 major positive emotions and 7 negative ones.
Faith
Love
Sex
Romance
Enthusiasm
Hope
Desire
Hate
Anger
Greed
Superstition
Fear
Revenge
Jealousy
Try to reframe yourself when you’re experiencing a negative emotion. Transiting into anger and then to sex seems easiest for me.
3. This one is gonna be weird for some of you. Regardless of whether or not you acknowledge it, part of your brain remembers being a little kid. You experience things sometimes as that little kid. A lot of guys hate that part of themselves. That’s wrong. That’s going to cause self-esteem issues. It’s better to see yourself as a parent and to imagine showing your “inner-child” how to handle situations and to …. How do I put this… you gotta love your inner-child… as if your own son… it sounds rediculous, but if it helps you get what you want, what do you care? Try it, give it a chance, you won’t be dissapointed.
The whole premise of this post is to understand that FEAR is a tool and if you’re using this tool against yourself, then you want to think about the positive intention behind that fear and what you can do to retain the positive intention while changing the behavior.
EDIT:
I almost forgot... ultimately, its believing that you can handle the situation you're in that you will overcome your fear.
Here's something I've thought up through meditation and some basic knowledge of neuro-linguistic programming.
Every thought, feeling, belief, and behavior you have/do has a positive intention for you. That is reality, that is not an opinion. Unless you're seriously mental ill (and I'm talking about CRAZY crazy, NOT bi-polar, ADD, Obsessive compulsive or whatever), everything you think and do is a result of you doing the best you can to get what you feel is best for you. If you’re doing something that you hate doing, stop hating it and find out how its benefiting you and solve that.
Now, here is where fear comes in. Fear is a result of evolution. If it didn't serve a purpose, it wouldn't be here. Fear has a positive intention for you. The positive intention it has is to protect you when you can't handle a situation.
What does “can’t handle a situation” mean? If you’re about to fight a 600 pound bear, logic isn’t going to help you unless you have some amazing martial arts skills or a weapon you’re confident with. You can’t logically handle the situation so you resort to your pre-installed backup system: FEAR
Fear gets your adrenaline running and it gets you thinking about whats important in these types of situations… Fight or Flight… Either you’re gonna slap that bear with those meat sticks you call arms or you’re gonna run to the nearest tree and realize what a great climber you are.
The point to recognize is that fear is a tool. You have absolute control over it. Everytime you’ve been afraid, it’s because you chose to be afraid. The only exception is when you develop a trigger.
A trigger is when you associate feelings with something. It could be a person, a thing, or a situation. Triggers can be broken but I’ll let you read an NLP book cause they’ll explain the process of breaking it better than I can..
Here’s the important question: Why are you choosing to be afraid in any given situation involving women?
Well lets remember why fear exists. Fear helps us when we feel we can’t handle a situation.
So is it that we can’t handle seducing women?
No. If you can have a conversation with your dog, you can have a conversation with a woman. There’s nothing physically different except your perception.
So now you can ask “but then why do I fear the situation if I can handle it?”
Ah, this is where you realize your beautifully brilliant and wonderfully stupid. You have an imagination…. The ability to perceive things that aren’t real. You imagine all kinds of things to convince yourself that you can’t handle approaching women in order to scare yourself out of doing it.
WHAT>?!?!?!? NO WAY!?!?!
YES FRIENDS… but why? WHY WHY WHY WHY
It doesn’t make sense, we want *****, we want affection, we want what women have to offer. If you didn’t you wouldn’t be on this forum…. So why is part of our minds working so hard to convince us not to approach?
The fact is that part of you doesn’t want to PURSUE women. Pursuing women involves rejection.
You might be thinking OH GREAT ANOTHER THREAD ON REJECTION, WHO FCKING CARES…. Well give me a sec, ADD boy.
Rejection is important for this simple reason. You as a human being have a goal to reproduce. It’s ingrained in you. It’s why you have a sex drive, which is one of the most powerful drives you have. The concept of rejection can cause problems in 2 ways that I know of…
1. You perceive rejection as a failure to reproduce and you don’t want to fail at reproducing so you don’t approach. This is a biproduct of a mentality that is motivated by moving-away-from-pain.
You’re gonna answer the question: “where do you want to eat?” with: “well I don’t want this or that and I don’t want blah blah blah.”
It’s okay, you’re not fcked up but you might want to experiment with thinking about what you actually want. And I’ll just say this… disappointment isn’t all that bad if you learn to deal with it in the right way.
2. Rejection hurts your feelings. Rejection makes you feel like you’re unworthy as a human being…. Like no girl likes you… like people are laughing at you… like there’s some special reason why she rejected you and it has something to do with how “bad” you are.
I’ve struggled with this one for a long time. This is a result of low self-esteem. Building up your self-esteem is like working out and building up your muscles… it takes time and effort and you can lose it if you let yourself go.
Having strong self-esteem involves a few things.
1. Make a commitment to stop beating yourself up. It’s just a behavior you devloped and you can replace it with something else if you find the positive intent behind it. Mine was that beating myself up helped guide me to be “cool” around people instead of jumping around and acting like a kid. The solution was for me to care about connecting with people instead of not caring and letting this behavior smooth the edges out.
2. Try to be aware of your feelings. This isn’t easy for most guys and they put it down maybe for that reason but its important. People who don’t understand their feelings end up lost. There’s 7 major positive emotions and 7 negative ones.
Faith
Love
Sex
Romance
Enthusiasm
Hope
Desire
Hate
Anger
Greed
Superstition
Fear
Revenge
Jealousy
Try to reframe yourself when you’re experiencing a negative emotion. Transiting into anger and then to sex seems easiest for me.
3. This one is gonna be weird for some of you. Regardless of whether or not you acknowledge it, part of your brain remembers being a little kid. You experience things sometimes as that little kid. A lot of guys hate that part of themselves. That’s wrong. That’s going to cause self-esteem issues. It’s better to see yourself as a parent and to imagine showing your “inner-child” how to handle situations and to …. How do I put this… you gotta love your inner-child… as if your own son… it sounds rediculous, but if it helps you get what you want, what do you care? Try it, give it a chance, you won’t be dissapointed.
The whole premise of this post is to understand that FEAR is a tool and if you’re using this tool against yourself, then you want to think about the positive intention behind that fear and what you can do to retain the positive intention while changing the behavior.
EDIT:
I almost forgot... ultimately, its believing that you can handle the situation you're in that you will overcome your fear.
